Can I has Triple Doublez? Man watching Kevin Love is fun. I think he should enter the NFL draft. Deep outlets like these, plus he’s almost 7 feet and would never get a pass deflected at the line! I can just picture Kevin Costner and Denis Leary debating over it with the Browns first round pick. “I’m not taking some bearded seven foot douchebag when I’ve got Johnny Football and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Green!” Eh, was going for a Leary-ism there, it’s hard to type it… Huge night for Love, going 24/16/10/1/1 with two treys and continually adding millions to his next contract. All after a report a few days ago that he was “exhausted” after a couple of non-Love-ish games. Unloved games? Something like that. He’ll be one of the biggest stories to follow in the offseason, but he’s pretty much a shoe-in top-5 pick. In Basketball Monster, he’s #3 in overall value and #4 per game. He’s stayed durable and has been beastly. Godly. I kinda wanna get a Love bobblehead and put it in my locker and serve him rum. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hmmmm, ok, who did you pick in you office “who scores 40 points tonight” pool? I bet the Vegas odds were… a million to one on Nick Young. “So you’re saying there’s a chance!” Too bad Nick Young sucks in fantasy. You actually have to go back 15 games to find him putting up a 5 in any counting stat other than treys. The ThrAGNOF fairy strikes again! Dude went a preposterous 15-26 (6-13 3PTM 4-5 FT) 40/4/1/2/0 and only had one turnover last night. The Blazers should be ashamed. I’m pretty sure this game never actually happened, and it was some sort of elaborate April Fool’s joke. Swaggy P shockingly led the Lakers in minutes off the bench, and with his shoot first, ask questions later attitude, Mike D’Anotni’s rape stache kept curling upwards in facial hair glee. By the end of the game (and yes, another Lakers loss), D’Anotni’s mustache looked like Rollie Fingers. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Finals are here (well for RCL and most standard H2H leagues)! And if you’re like me, and you didn’t have Kevin Durant or LeBron James on any of your teams and got knocked out, it’s baseball time! Shameless plug! Starting next Monday, you can check out my Pitcher Profiles if you’re about to hopscotch to baseball as well. To those of you still in your fantasy basketball playoffs, I HATE YOU! Haha just kidding. It was a whirlwind of sports going on over the weekend: rounding out my baseball drafts/opening night, whittling down to the Final Four in March Madness, Hank Dobson’s Mini-Mart and Country performing on the uneven parallel bars in the Independent Nations Games. A wild time. But what sparked my eye, or ruffled my gander, or something like that the hardest was D.J. Augustin going career-high on us with 33 Pts. Ended his night with a 33/1/3/1/0 line shooting 10-14 (3-4 3PTM 10-10 FT) in a %s dominatrix. My safe word is “gimme more assists!” A huge Sunday sendoff and a big bounce back from that Turd Ferguson earlier in the week against the Pacers. He’s a guy I bet a lot of scuffling teams dropped while streamboating in the playoffs and should be owned in your title run. Not to be confused with your “tittie run”, which might be the most enjoyable 5K anyone could come up with it. Here’s what else I saw over the busy weekend in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Lakers. The Bucks. Two terrible teams enter. Only one team wins (well, actually neither of these teams are winners, unless you count if they get the first pick in next year’s draft, I guess winning the lottery is something…). Two horrible teams with fast-paced awfulness where we see flashes of fantasy goodness. And we got another taste of the sweet nectar that is Jordan Hill when given playing time! 31 minutes for 28/16/0/1/0 shooting a ridiculous 13-17. With 9 of those boards offensive, Hill was abusing the paint and his shot chart around the rim looked like a rash in Kim Kardashian’s nethers. Everyone that has watched the Lakers lately (a number that has decreased significantly, and would even more without fantasy!) knows Hill should be starting the 4 every night, and it’s taken way too long for D’Antoni to finally go back to him. Even Hill is confused about his playing time based on his profile pic… No Pau Gasol at least for tonight, and Chris Kaman barely arriving on time to last night’s game due to personal reasons might have put a craw in Doh-toni’s gears. There was a report they hadn’t talked in weeks before Tuesday’s game. Before that, Kobe Bryant said he hadn’t talked to D’Antoni in a while during his rant. The Lakers coach is running this team like it’s freshman year of high school. “OMG, like, Mike hasn’t put me in the game, so like, I stopped talking to him and, like just started posting memes on the internet!” I knew it was Kaman! You’re playing with fire, but for guys widely available, if you have a roster spot open Hill is as good as any to give you a really high upside double double tonight. Against the Wolves should be a pretty free flowing game, so let’s all hope Jordan stays over the Hill before we bury Mike D’Anotni underneath it. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s been a year long punching bag. Larry Drew sucks, he has no idea how to grow a young team, and because he plays guys different minutes every night the Bucks are atrocious and have no cohesion. But that’s nothing new, as he was awarded the first Razzball Worst NBA Coach Razzie. It’d be a wonder if he could do anything right! Yesterday, I said Ramon Sessions might be the best player on that team (and he got a ridiculous 20 minutes to show for it Sunday), and Larry Screw actually paid attention to my advice! Sessions started last night against the Clips, played 44 minutes, making the most of it. Shot a ridiculous 13-21 (2-3 3PTM) for 28/6/7. While this game was nice, and I maintain he’s probably the best fantasy asset on the Bucks right now, he’s not necessarily the best pickup. The Bucks have only two more games this week, Thursday against the Lakers (which you obviously love) then Sunday against the Heat (not so much). Plus it’s the Bucks and we all know how Larry Screwballs can jack things up. I picked him up in one league just to lock down that Thursday game since it’s a light slate with only four games. If you can afford to do that, Sessions is your man. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If Samuel Dalembert was drafted in your league this year, I’m guessing it was late. He was taken 12th in one of my leagues, and in the Razzball Dynasty League he was taken with the 176th pick for $6.
If Gorgui Dieng was drafted in your league this year, I’m guessing it was by a Louisville alum or a native of Senegal. He wasn’t taken in any of my leagues, including the Razzball Dynasty League.
Yet if you had Sammy D. or Dieng on your roster this week, you did very well in your playoff matchup. And if you had both, I’d be willing to wager you won.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yet another start for the Gorgui Apparatus, with Gorgui Dieng going all out with a Goromotaro! I have to say, definitely the most unexpected Goromotaro since the term was coined. 22/21/4/1/0 and double-doubles in his last three games. Except this was a double double-double. There’s so many Ds in that sentence you’d think I was daydreaming about Tyra Banks! And while Gorgui is out proving that he’s America’s Next Top C, what are doing right now in crunch time of fantasy? He’s a tough guy to leave on the wire, but the Wolves only have Sunday left this week, and Nikola Pekovic is traveling with the team. Pek is questionable, but Dieng has given the team every excuse to keep the youngun out there with pretty much no realistic expectations to make the playoffs. So unless you’ve got a bye with a real scrub and you can stash Gorgui and hope for another big upside game, or your line-up is virtually full Friday and Saturday, you’re probably letting him ride in 10 or 12ers H2H. Roto he’s worth a spin and if you’re crushing it in week 1 of the playoffs, maybe worth a stache as well. Oh no, Grey has me daydreaming about baseball! Mmmmm, Tyra Banks and baseball. Get out of my head Grey! What will be really interesting next year is what the Wolves do up front with Kevin Love having an uncertain future and Pek a FA. Dieng would probably be a really flashy flyer if he projects to start. Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Twas the first night of the playoffs, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even Eddie House. Wait, I can’t rhyme house and House. At least I would think not, I tried to tell my buddies who listen to rap that Rick Ross’ “Everyday I’m Hustlin” is lazy because he rhymes Atlantic with Atlantic. “But they are different uses of Atlantic!” Pssssh. Wow, way off track. The playoff brackets were hung on the league sites with care, all in hopes St. Terrence Jones would be there. And be there he was! “Stop it with all the Christmas shizz, it’s March already!” Don’t start a war on Christmas with me, intolerable commenter! Dwight Howard was a late scratch with an ankle, and while we all know TJones starts anyway, it opened a bigger void for the TJ. TJ Entered the Void. Lots of minutes for the TJ. 38 in fact, for 30/5/1/1/4 hitting three treys and not having a single TO. Now, before you go crazy sauce on me, remember this was against a defending force of Marvin Williams and Enes Kanter. Jones got whatever he wanted. The Jazz were singing to him like Selena Gomez. Oh man, wow, sad that I know that… Anyway, Dwight will be back for the Rox next game on Thursday and I’m not ready to snatch up TJ really any differently that I was before. We all know his upside and the situation was ripe – this was against a terrible team and an influx of minutes from a last second scratch. I think TJ could easily disappoint his next few given his sparse usage when Dwight returns. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The postseason is upon us in standard playoff leagues, and this is the last update of the fantasy regular season. My swan song if you will! My swan… Carroll? Puns! Puns! “My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got puns, hun!” What isn’t punny is DeMarre Carroll‘s production of late, pouncing on the hapless Bucks for 15/6/1/0/2 hitting four treys. Carroll has been all about sir-mix-a-lotting multi-cats, with three straight pretty big fantasy games hitting three+ treys in all of em. Shooting a great percentage, hitting treys, can get all the cats, what’s not to like?! And yet, still only 47% owned in Yahoo. Crazy sauce! Looking ahead to the playoff schedule – and if you haven’t yet, be sure to read up on Slim’s schedule breakdown for the three upcoming weeks (which is what I’m going to use here on out, Slim you are a saint!) – the Hawks are non-migratory and play within a temperate zone of 4 games in all three playoff weeks. So sink your talons into some DeMarre and soar into the fantasy championship to place a title trophy on your roost. Puns! Puns! Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ohhhhh, fringe-fantasy worthy Duke players… I’m not a fan! Belle Knox isn’t a fan! Is she fringe-fantasy worth? Plausibly. Whilst you search her in Incognito mode, Kyle Singer went all multi-cat in a near-rainbow explosion for 11/7/3/5/1. He even stole DeMarcus Cousins‘ parking spot! Fight, fight! While I’m not necessarily the biggest Singler fan (which I’m sure you can ascertain by the title and if you’ve read all year), he does have something going for him that all Lakers and Bucks would give their left nut for. Consistent minutes. After the All-Star break, Singler is averaging 34 minutes a game. And hey, he needs every single[r] one of them to stay fantasy relevant. Burn! But relevant indeed, as his slash in that time is 11.7/3.1/1.6/1.1/0.6. Not setting the world on fire, but for your fringe-guys – especially in weekly leagues – giving you a little of something is better than a lot of nothing. Award winning advice right there! Along with the multi-cat, is at 1.5 treys and 82% FT shooting since the break. Dibbling in this, dabbling in that, and next thing you know he’s someone you trust more than, I dunno, maybe even Brandon Jennings who couldn’t find the hole last night. “Tie in a joke from the beginning, tie in a joke from the beginning!” Shut up 13-year-old inner monologue! Here’s what else I saw in NBA action from last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?