Juan is twenty THREE years old. This is year THREE in the NBA for Juan. Entering last night’s game, Juan had made an average of two point THREE shots and one point THREE THREE-pointers. Juan had attempted THREE minus zero point one THREE-pointers. Last night was start number THREE for Juan. Well, Juan is the lede so he must have done something good.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
25 9 1 1 0 1 2/5 9/12 5/7

THREE more points and Juan would have set a new career-high! Before I get internet tomatoes thrown at my internet head, I focus on THREE because the boy can shoot from beyond the arc. He’s a career 38% shooter from downtown, but that mark should be higher because it’s tainted by a 28% mark in a 25 game sample last season. Juan is starting, getting minutes, and should continue providing THREEs and rebounds. When Will Barton returns, Juan will likely return to the bench, but that won’t be for at least a couple more weeks. Ready? Juan, two, THREEE!!!

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Muhammad Ali was one of the greatest athletes of the 20th century. At 6′ 3″, 236 pounds, Ali was a physical giant in his era. The average height/weight of a male in 1960 was 5′ 8″, 166 pounds. In the ring, Ali could physically pummel foes into submission like a rhino, yet he was nimble enough to flutter around the opposition and peck them humming bird style. Wait? Why am I making this difficult? He could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. It was the lyrical flow that unlocked the Pantheon, though. He would talk trash, spit rhymes, and back it all up in the process. Depending on your persepective, it was entertainment or a fly buzzing around your head. Joel Embiid could be the modern day Ali. At 7′ 0″, 260 pounds, he is a giant in his era. The average height/weight of a male in 2018 is 5′ 9″, 195 pounds. Thanks McDonald’s. On the court, Embiid can bully down low in the post or Euro step left and spin cycle right on the perimeter, leaving defenders in a tizzy. Like Ali, Embiid has the lyrical flow, both on and off the court. Man, imagine Ali on Twitter! Like Ali, Embiid walks the walk, backs up all the talk, and is the living embodiment of The Process. For all the messing around he does, though, last night was the first time he messed around…..

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 13 10 0 2 2 4/7 6/20 3/4

….and got a triple-double. Beep. Boop. Bop. I was wondering why I saw the Stocktonator watching old clips of Ali with Ice Cube blaring from the speakers yesterday morning. It liked Embiid a lot.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

LeBron James was born in Akron, Ohio, played high school ball for St. Vincent-St. Mary High School, which is located in Akron, Ohio, and was drafted by the Cleveland Cavaliers, whose stadium is a 50 minute drive from Akron, Ohio. He is the SON that morphed into the King, but no reign endures forever and every SON eventually leaves the nest (two times now for LBJ). When LeBron left back in 2010, the Cavaliers went from winning 61 games and losing in the Eastern Conference Semis to losing 63 games. He did leave behind a couple of SONs, though: Daniel GibSON, J.J. HickSON, and Antawn JamiSON. Barf. Last year, the Cavaliers wont 50 games and lost in the NBA Finals. With LeBron moving to Hollywood, the Cavaliers were 1-11 entering last night’s game. Vomit. This time, though, LeBron left behind a different group of SONs (Tristan ThompSON, Jordan ClarkSON, and Andrew HarriSON), who produced a performance befitting a king last night for a 113-89 victory over the Charlotte Hornets.

Tristan ThompSON

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
11 21 5 0 0 4 0 5/6 1/2

TT has been en fuego lately, as he’s produced a double-dub in four straight games, has averaged 32 minutes over that span, has hoisted up 11 shots per game, and has been a top 100 player for fantasy! What world are we living in? If you need blocks and boards, this is one reality show you want to subscribe to. Beep. Boop. Bop. The Stocktonator must love reality tv because it liked Thompson last night.

Jordan ClarkSON

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 5 2 0 1 4 1/4 9/15 5/5

Clarkson is a professional hucker and chucker, as he’s jacked up 13.5 shots in 23.8 minutes on the season. Due to all the recent injuries, Clarkson has been receiving over 28 minutes per game (three games) and has been contributing in boards and assists. Seriously, we are living in a world where Tristan Thompson is a top 100 player for fantasy and Jordan Clarkson is contributing in other categories besides points.

Andrew HarriSON

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
2 2 2 0 0 1 0/2 0/3 2/2

Played 13 minutes. That’s when you know things are going good. Andrew is the forgotten SON because he sucks, but he’s family, so we have to show him some love.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kevin Durant is a polarizing player, due to his off-the-court decisions and shenanigans. There was the decision back in 2016 to join the Golden State Warriors that put many into a tizzy. I was fine with his decision, but I understand why people had issues with it. After being Mr. Nice Guy in OKC, Durant took on a blase, laissez-faire attitude. Some appreciated the rawness, while others wanted a more calculated, LeBron-esque persona. There was the burner account incident. Lame, but I kind of get it, as it’s tough for any celebrity to truly speak their mind. KD just be messing around. What can’t be questioned, though, is his production on the court. Over the past four years, Durant has finished as the 3rd, 1st, 2nd, and 5th player for fantasy according to Basketball Monster. Currently, he’s 3rd as he’s posting 27.4 points, 7.4 rebounds, 6.8 assists, 0.9 steals, 0.8 blocks, and 1.5 threeecolas. He’s shooting 54% from the field and 91% from the line. So good. Anyways, last night he truly messed around:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
33 11 10 1 2 4 2/4 10/24 11/13

That was his 11th career triple-dub. A surprisingly low number, but he wasn’t always the most willing passer early in his career. With Steph Curry expected to miss a few more games, KD should continue messing around. Shoot, even when Curry returns, KD should continue messing around because that’s what he does.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There are certain things that cut across all cultures and have the same meaning, irrespective of language differences. When a signficant other says, “We need to talk,” you’re F’d. When a parent addresses you by your full name, you done F’d up. When you hear the opening bars of Beethoven’s 5th Symphony, something bad is about to happen. Or someone bad is about to do some very bad things. DRUM DRUM DRUMMOND. Andre Drummond of the Detroit Pistons was a bad, bad man yesterday:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
23 22 3 3 2 2 0 9/16 5/7

That was Drummond’s fifth 20/20 game of the season and 10th double-dub. He has played 12 games. He is also leading the league in rebounds with 16.6 per game. DRUM DRUM DRUMMOND. Currently, he is the 39th player according to Basketball Monster after finishing as the 22nd player last season. The main reason is the drop in assists (3 vs 1.5). If only he could hit his free throws! Regardless, 19.6 points, 16.6 rebounds, 1.5 assists, 1.2 steals, and 1.6 blocks while shooting 56% from the field makes for a bad, bad (as in good, good) player for fantasy. DRUM DRUM DRUMMOND.

Beep. Boop. Bop. I was wondering why the Stocktonator had Beethoven’s 5th Symphony on loop yesterday. It loved Drummond and had him as the #4 player.

Here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A good friend will tell you not to reply to the Nigerian prince. A good friend will spend time with “that girl’s” friend. A good friend will say you look good when you actually look like shit. A good friend will tell you not to draft Carmelo Anthony.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
2 5 0 0 0 1 0/6 1/11 0

In the offseason, I thought the acquisition of Melo would be a detriment for the Rockets….on the defensive side of the ball. Little did I know that he’d literally suck the life out of the offense. Melo, the most powerful Black Hole in the universe. All jokes aside, Melo does provide threeecolas and some rebounds. The turnovers are miniscule as well. It’s tough to turn the ball over when you have no intention of passing. Other than that, you’re not getting much….literally. A combined 1.6 assists, steals, and blocks per game. 40% shooting from the field and 68% from the line? Melo is the 150th player according to BM. I’m actually surprised he’s that high. Now, he can get hot, as he had a streak when he scored over 20 points in three of four games. Here’s a little story for you. I recently joined Periscope. Every day, at least three hot women follow me. I know I’m a good looking guy, but come on! It’s tempting, but you know nothing good can come from it. Friends don’t let friends Melo.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Volcanoes are fascinating objects. They tower into the sky and blot out the horizon. Inside, there is magma that is being pushed up from the Earth’s core that is searching for ways to lather the surface. Now that I think about, they are the Earth’s pimples. Ewww. They are no laughing matter, though, because when they do erupt, the lava flows create a path of destruction and the smoke and plume can erase the sun and prohibit planes from flying. Yet, they can also be vehicles of creation, as many of the Earth’s island masses are formed as a result of the lava flows from volcanoes. Like I said, fascinating. Which brings me to Hassan Whiteside, one of the NBA’s most fascinating players. He’s 7′ 0″, 265 pounds, so he does blot out the horizon on the court for many and pummels the rim with a ferocity unmatched by many. Yet, he’s quick and nimble on his feet to hunt down rebounds and chase blocks. Inside, though, is a swirling mass of unknown, as he can disappear on the offensive end at times. But volcanoes eventually erupt, and that’s exactly what happened with Mt. Whiteside last night:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
29 20 2 0 9 1 0/1 10/18 9/11

For the season, Whiteside is the 38th player according to Basketball Monster. You’re getting elite rebound and block numbers with above average field goal percentage.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Steve Urkel was a character on the television show, Family Matters. He was always disrespected because he looked like a nerd and spoke in a high-pitched voice. He was also clumsy and caused havoc, which often led him to saying, “Did I do that?” Well, some of the same things could be said for CJ McCollum of the Portland Trail Blazers. He’s often disrespected because he looks like a nerd compared to Damian Lillard and his game isn’t flashy, yet….

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
40 5 6 4 0 2 5/10 17/26 1/2

Is a 40-burger flashy enough? As the picture above shows the uncanny resemblance, there’s also video:

Seriously, has anyone ever seen Urkel and McCollum in the same room at the same time? Anyways, CJ had himself a night, as he played 36 minutes and set season-highs in field goal attempts and makes, threeecola attempts and makes, assists, steals, and points. CJ can be frustrating to own for fantasy because he is pretty meh most of the time, but he is silky smooth (enjoy the video clip at the end of the post) and does have the ceiling to go bonkers from time to time. He’s currently the #60 player according to Basketball Monster.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m old enough to remember when # was something located at the bottom right of the phone dial pad. Geez, I’m old. I’m also old enough to remember when Stan was a person’s name. Now? It has a definition in the dictionary: an overzealous or obsessive fan of a particular celebrity. Shoutout to Eminem. That’s what you call influence. Anyways, Khloe Kardashian must be a Tristan, right? How about you? No?

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 16 4 0 1 3 0 9/12 1/3

How about now? Damn Tristan! He played 34 minutes and produced his third double-dub of the season. We all thought Larry Nance Jr. would be the man at center for the Cavaliers, yet he only played 14 minutes last night and has failed to reach the 20 minute mark in each of the past four games. If you need boards, Tristan is your guy. Just don’t expect much else and the free throw shooting is craptastic. I figured there wouldn’t be many other instances to stan for Tristan this season, and I’m an equal opportunity writer, so enjoy being a Tristan for a day.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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I often reminisce about the 2011 Oklahoma City Thunder squad: Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, James Harden, and…..Cole Aldrich. I kid, I kid. Serge Ibaka aka I-block-a…aka Air Congo….aka Serge Protector was a freaking animal, blocking over 3.7 shots a game and grabbing 7.5 rebounds. Man, that team. One of the greatest video game teams of all time? Anyways, Ibaka was raw from an offensive stand point, but was a maven on the glass and defensive end of the floor. If he could hone his offensive game, we were looking at the next superstar. The athleticism was that profound. Well, he did ascertain an offensive game and extended his range out to beyond the arc. Unfortunately, the rebounds went down and the block numbers cratered to the 1.3 mark set last season. He lost a lot of that dog, as he preferred to just chill on the perimeter and shoot jumpers all night. Well, it looks like Bow Wow made a visit because, so far, Ibaka is grabbing more rebounds (over 7 for the first time since 2014) and the blocks have ticked back up. We will never see the 3.7 level again, but any increase is a good increase. We are not here to talk about the blocks and boards, though. We are here to talk about the scoring Serge Ibaka exhibited last night:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
34 10 2 2 0 1 1/1 15/17 3/3

A career-high!!! And he wasn’t just camped out outside. He was running in transition and making hard cuts to the basket in the half court. Ferocious dunk after ferocious dunk. Now, he may not start every game, as Jonas Valanciunas will likely go up against bruisers, but he should consistently get around 28 minutes regardless, as Coach Nurse does like play small-ball with Ibaka at the 5. I think a huge change for Ibaka this season is the fewer attempts from downtown. It’s allowed him to shoot a higher percentage from the field and gets him more involved for rebounds, as he’s not just spectating on the perimeter. Don’t ever expect any assists from him, but points, rebounds, and blocks with good percentages are on the menu. Ibaka is currently the #36 player according to Basketball Monster.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?