Well, opening night got off to a face-punching, limb-snapping start, and I’m currently watching the stats roll in from eight games at once on night two! It’s so good to have the NBA back.

Let’s get to the numbers. What if I told you that you could be Biff Tannen? Nah, crashed his convertible into a manure truck. More than once. Maybe this: What if I told you that you could have access to every sporting result alllll the way up until the year 2000??? Dang it. This analogy would’ve worked a lot better 30 years ago. Anyway, today, I’m going to hand you the 2018 Sports Almanac. The NBA section, at least. Straight out of a flying Delorean. And I’m going to try to keep it short today, because I’m including some extra credit homework for you overachievers.

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After opening the season with a two-game appetizer, the NBA provided us with an 11-course meal on Wednesday. No low-carb dieting here, as fantasy manna was raining down from the heavens. All you can eat, baby! There were some impressive performances, as Hassan Whiteside went 26 and 22, DeMarcus Cousins went 28 and 10 with seven blocks, while teammate Anthony Davis went 33 and 18. On a side note, the Pelicans still managed to lose by 12. Trade alert already? Of all the performances, there was one that rose above the rest. Giannis Antetokoumpo went 37 and 13 with three dimes and three pilfers. The number one fantasy pick in many leagues, G showed why and looks poised to carry teams to the Promised Land. As Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt, crossed the Red Sea, and climbed Mount Sinai to raise two tablets above his head, so shall G lead fantasy owners across the barren landscape and up the mountain so that they may lift the trophy and bring glory to those that had faith in him. So it was written by Missy Elliot 0:58….to Get Ur Freak On.

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Hello everybody. I am TonyRP, one of the new fantasy writers at Razzball. I love fantasy and writing about this great game. For my first post, I am going to analyze one of my RCL teams. This team was drafted in the Straight Cash Homie 4 league. This league consists of some other Razzball writers and a host of other skilled players. Going forward, I will be recapping all the RCL leagues and keep you abreast of the hot and heavy action.

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How did you read the title to this post? Was it, “Oh, What a Night!” or was it, “Oh, What a Night…” because we got both last night. The NBA was finally back after a crazy offseason and provided matchups that had us all salivating: Boston vs Cleveland and Houston vs Golden State. Hot diggidy! Unfortunately, the story of the night was the gruesome injury to Gordon Hayward. Last night was finally having great sex with the “crush.” Not having to do the walk of shame. Making it to the morning. Even going out to the local joint for breakast. Then…..the “crush” goes Exorcist and pukes all over your food, clothes, and the table….with some chunks causing collatoral damage to the innocent byeaters. Get well soon Hayward. Our thoughts are with you. Since this is a fantasy website, we have to get into the impact of injury. The Celtics started the game with Kyrie Irving at PG, Gordon Hayward at SG, Jaylen Brown at SF, Jayson Tatum at PF, and Al Horford at C. With Marcus Morris injured, I’d imagine that they continue to play small ball with Tatum at PF, Brown at SF, and Marcus Smart at SG. Terry Rozier would receive elevated minutes backing up both Kyrie and Smart.

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I swear, I performed all the searches I possibly could. I looked through thesauruses. Or is it therausrus’s? Thesaurasites? San Diegons? I looked at all the dictionaries, even the urban ones, and nothing, I mean nothing, rhymes with Kuzma. Try it. We’re talking about the rise of Kyle Kuzma. Everyone is all over the Kuz-train. Will he start? Will he be the sixth-man? Will he stop dominating? Well, he finally had an off game as the preseason concluded, but some of the moves he was pulling for the Staples Center crowd were magnificent. The problem with Kuzma is that the hype train has left the station. ESPN has moved him up in their rankings to 88th overall. That’s a major jump from being undrafted merely weeks ago. Do we trust this second round pick to be a stud for the entirety of the season? That’s the biggest question. Bigger surprises have happened. Draymond Green and Malcolm Brogdon are two recent rookies to outshine their draft day position, so it’s not crazy to think Kuzma could be in for a big rookie campaign. With that all said, Kuzma is too far “on the radar” to slip beyond the glory. So today we talk about two Lakers I have targeted all over. Two Lakers who’s hype train has stalled and taken a backseat to that of Kuzma’s. And no, neither of them have a father who will haunt your fantasy team if you don’t play his son.

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Image result for warriors logo

I’ve had fun writing these team previews, so I’m sad that this will be the final one for this season. I hope that you’ve enjoyed the journey with me. Not all is poo poo, though, because it means the season starts tomorrow night! Yaaaaaassssssss! Any of you remember Voltron, Defender of the Universe? Five robot lions, that each had specialized skills and roles, would come together and form a super robot to protect the universe from evil? That’s what the Warriors are. Five players that can do damage individually, but go to a completely different level when playing with a collective consciousness. What if the response by the aliens to one of the SETI signals beamed out to outer space is: Game on, bitches! Putting all hate aside, the Warriors would be the squad we’d send, right? They are the NBA’s Voltron.

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UPDATED: 10/9/2017

Man, you guys don’t even know. There’s been a mob outside my house every night for the past two weeks carrying tiki torches and screaming, “We want the Top 200 with stats!” Or at least I think that’s what they were saying. Anyways, big shout out to Rudy who waved his magic wand and created the beautiful looking spreadsheet below. It even sorts. Here is Rudy in his lab:

Image result for it's alive

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Marcin Gortat tops my players to avoid list for 2017/18

It’s feeling fresh outside, winter is fast coming, and so is the basketball season. Just 80 hours away from tip off, at time of writing, and boy has it become an exciting time in my sporting life (well viewing anyways) with my Astros 2-0 in the ALCS and the imminent start of the hoops season. Oh, did I mention that I have a nice 16-day autumn break holiday starting too?

I am sure you guys, Razzball Nation, are just as anxious for the start of the season and, in preperations for your final drafts, I thought I would share my list of players I won’t be buying any shares of due to their ADP. So let’s get jiggy with it and get the ball rolling with my Do-Not-Draft list.

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There are a ton of elite point guards that will be taken in the first three rounds of your draft. From Russell Westbrook to Mike Conley, there are not enough guys to go around for everybody. Okay, maybe there are, but nobody in any league I’ve ever been in was into sharing. There are even elite wings that will get you point-guard-like assists. This is mainly Giannis Antetokounmpo and LeBron James, but can even apply to guys like Kevin Durant and Jimmy Butler.

But what happens if you’re picking in round 3 and you haven’t gotten an elite assist getter yet?

Do you panic? No.

Do you reach? Not for a point guard, but maybe for your beer (unless it’s Bud Light– if it’s Bud Light you throw that shit in the trash and re-evaluate.)

This is where you can adopt the “punt assist” strategy. This punt strategy often gets overlooked by more common punting strategies such as punting free throws, but it’s very helpful if the assist dominoes don’t fall in your favour the first few rounds. Here are some guys to target if you decide to go down the punt assist route, and how your team should shape up by the end of the draft.

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