When Glen Davis went to the pre-season Magic weigh-in, the trainer was like, “355 Big Baby, really?”  “These hips don’t lie!”  And in a very full slate of games last night, we had two pretty premiere big men have their hips not lie and go out on them.    “Help I’ve fallen and can’t get up!”  The NBA to start issuing players life alerts to wear around their necks.  DeMarcus Cousins was the first to succumb to the AARP ailment.  Suffered a left hip flexor, but coach Mike Malone said it probably wasn’t serious.  Destiny is like, “wait a ‘left’ hip?  I thought, like, for people we had only one hip!”  No child left behind fails us yet again.  Good thing it’s the All-Star break for Boogie!  An All-Star Boogie!  Dude, that should totally be an event.  Breakdance Horse!  Hah.  Then Derrick Favors went out and re-aggravated his right hip that had caused him to miss games here and there over the past month.  This one is a lot less bueno.  But hey, DeMarcus and Derrick have a pair of healthy hips!  If only they were siamese twins – they’d get, like, 35 rebounds a game.  Favors will likely get an MRI and be brought along very slowly since this is a re-aggravation.  Enes Kanter to the rescue!  Might get some solid run and deserves love in a lot of leagues.  And don’t sleep on Rudy Gobert in deep leagues if you need some blockage.  Speaking of blockage, look at some of the traffic photos of NC from yesterday.  No one learned from Atlanta!  And the best basketball game on the slate, UNC-Duke, cancelled.  Travesty.  Let’s get this global warming going again!  Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Gotta hand it to that Daryl Morey character.

Somehow, someway, the Houston Rockets’ GM has made it possible to like Dwight Howard again, simply by bringing him to the Houston Rockets.

Dwight was insufferable with the Magic, always whining about calls with blabber coming out of that head that was always too small for his hulking frame. And then, of course, he was even worse with the Lakers, thinking he could just come in and take the throne from Kobe Bryant.

In Houston, there wasn’t gonna be any of that disrespectin’ going on. The Rockets had Dwight working with The Dream. Kevin Freaking McHale was the coach. And Kobe might be Kobe, but James Harden’s beard is a whole other can of worms. Would you mess with that beard?

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Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.  A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Imam walk into a brothel.  The Priest says to the Rabbi…   Wait, why are you laughing?  You’ve heard it before.  That’s probably a good thing anyway because I might have been banned from the internet if I repeated it here.  Witty punchlines and non sequiturs aside the point remains unchanged.  No matter what our age, sex, or religion happens to be, we can’t just hope things are going to get better.  We need to prepare for the future.  For myself that means maintaining my perfectly quaffed facial hair with treatments of only the finest oils and herbs from the orient.  For JB, and he might get mad at me for telling you this, but he has this pink rubber bowl looking thing.  It has a wooden handle at the top and after about 5-10 minutes with that in the bathroom I swear he comes out looking taller.  Definitely more confident.  Still though – even the giants will shrink to the size of us mere mortals one day.  In fantasy basketball – as in real life – we can’t sit back and hope we are the next giants to be.  In a dynasty league, when our season is lost, that means selling off our older, declining players, and buying stock in the future.  Since we here at Razzball endorse insider trading, here is my take on a few future blue chippers:

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I might be making this up, but doesn’t Denver play the Flavor Flav “Yeah Boy!” when Randy Foye hits a three?  Well I hope they do!  After a brutal Super Bowl for the Broncos (and America), the Denver populous got some slight redemption with Foye hitting this buzzer-beater last night.  Sportscenter!  But even with that game-winner, Foye had a rainbow flirt of 14/7/4/1/2.  That’s not ThrAGNOF!  Even with Ty Lawson back, Foye is rackin’ up multi-cat!?  I haven’t been a big Foye fan for shallower leagues this year – I thought he was constantly overvalued – but getting 16 dimes in his previous game then a nice all-around line last night with Ty-Ty back; I think I’m a little more a believer.  Sure it’s only one game against a fast-paced Clippers team, but 40+ minutes yet again last night and now in three straight games and Foye is looking pretty locked in for good value right now.  Owned in 57% of Yahoo leagues seems a little thin.  Show ya Foye a little Flavor of Love.  Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Whoa, domino.

We’ve seen it time and again in this year of NBA action, which has looked more like an episode of “E.R.” wrapped inside a scene from “Grey’s Anatomy” inside Nurse Jackie’s scrubs than it has the FAN-tastic exhibition of athletic excellence constructed by now-ex-commish David Stern.

The injury domino effect has wreaked havoc everywhere in real life, wrecking players’ seasons, sending some teams into tank mode while helping other teams tank.

In the fantasy world, the impact of these boo-boos has been equally killer for some owners and the big ones don’t even need to be listed. You all know ‘em.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yeah, I think about the Thompson Twins. They sang one of the 1980s most epic cheese ballads. And yeah, I think about the Minnesota Twins, specifically the 1987 Minnesota Twins, who were one of the raddest teams ever, especially on RBI Baseball. And what was the deal with the Wonder Twins? Who decided to come up with superheroes where one could turn into animals and the other forms of water? How is that helpful at all to anyone?

But I never gave the Morris twins’ story much thought beyond, “Hey, that’s pretty cool that twin brothers play for the Phoenix Suns.”

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yeah, I don’t think that title made any sense… But alas weather hath wreaked it’s icy cold fist of skulduggery and given me very little time for the update this morning.  Concerns over some sort of phenomenon known as “black ice” perils a return journey.  I have never heard of such things in NC!  Blame those who believe in Global Warming!  It ain’t warm at all!  Sure, sure they’re related, but related in a Woody Allen is married to his daughter sorta thing… The cold is ruining my jokes, I swear, it’s the cold!  I’ll try to get to as many things from last night as a I can, but as you probably realized by now, these are a stream-of-consciousness updates.  There’s no telling where they’ll go!  So let’s go way off the reservation and start with Rudy Gobert.  Cue the Stephen Colbert puns!  After starting with the big boys, Gobert got some D-League seasoning (we all know the French are good at cooking!) and in 8 games averaged 13.9/11.4 with an even 3 blocks a contest in only 27 minutes per.  So the Jazz called him up, and after only 16 total minutes his first two games, got some big run last night with Derrick Favors out for an 8/6/1/1/3/broke Alexey Shved‘s nose line last night.  That’s some solid aggressive play!  “Shot” 4-5 (I think all 4 were dunks) and looked really solid for a terrible Utah team.  If he can get 20 minutes per the rest of the year with an emphasis on late-season development time, he could be a sneaky source of blocks in deep leagues.  The Americone Dream!  Wait, he’s French though… Damn this cold!  Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m sure we’ve all experienced a day in our lives that through some kind of grueling experience we somehow came out victorious.  On the inside all we cared about was the instant satisfaction of winning but on the outside we appeared broken and defeated.  Not so long ago I had such a night.  It’s not the shame that makes it so difficult to talk about, but the shame that there’s a sense of glory and accomplishment that goes with it.  JB and I decided a few drinks were in order one night and we decided, while watching some NBA action, to have ourselves a little drinking game.  Sure I thought, I’ve had a few already how bad can this be?  The deal was that we would pick a player and for each assist that player had the other person would have a drink.  JB wanted it to be field goals made but I managed to talk him into assists, or so I thought.  “Chris Paul“, I said without hesitation.  Looking back I probably had a really stupid smirk on my face.  JB calmly ordered himself another, then he ordered me an appetizer – which looking back may have saved my life.  With a perfectly calm demeanor I got to hear words that will still cause me to cringe, “Kendell Marshall“.

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What if Roy Halladay changed his mind about retiring and switched to pitching left-handed as a means to extend his career? He’d look like someone trying to do the stereotypical “girl throw” and the ball would end up killing a bat boy.

What if Robert Griffin III started throwing left-handed because Kyle Shanahan’s offense stinks and because RGIII just does things differently? Mike Shanahan would turn redder than well, you know, and become permanently frozen with the Anthony Perkins face.

This is why people were sort of baffled when Tristan Thompson decided to switch shooting hands from left to right during the 2013 offseason in an effort to avoid getting his shot blocked.

Is it working? Not really. His FG percentage is down six points from last year.

Do we care? In a word, no.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For some reason, the hype coming into this year was all about Andre Drummond and how he was gonna punk Greg Monroe and take all his boards and blocks and the such. These same people drafted Drummond in the same round as Monroe and in some cases even higher. They were Monroe haters, just like Mr. Rush on “Too Close For Comfort” and the Federalists.

But now those same peeps who slept on the big guy are flipping out in classic Ted Knight style.

Monroe has been a stud for Mo Cheeks, racking up almost 12 boards and 2 blocks per contest. He’s also scoring 16.3 ppg and hitting 54 percent of his shots. In his most recent game, against Oklahoma City on Friday, he compiled 15 boards and 3 blocks to go along with 20 points – a vintage big man stat line.

Please, blog, may I have some more?