The Bulls are a lot like the Tanner children. Whatever the hell the name of the youngest the Olsen Twins played is Derrick Rose – all sorts of famous but now all sorts of a mess. The middle one is Kirk Hinrich. Because as soon as he’s not on the Bulls anymore, he’s gonna become so irrelevant that even Tom Thibodeau will forget who he was the next season. Which leaves us with D.J. who is obviously – D.J. Augustin. I mean, Bob Saget should’ve just stopped at the first kid! Well I guess there’s still upside with the youngest one. This metaphor is tanking JB! I feel as if you readers are starting profanity-laced rants thus far. Just like Bob Saget’s stand-up “act”! Hey-oh! So Hinrich got hurt yet again last night, doing something to his hammy. It’s almost as if you can predict injuries! Part of my gravitation to D.J. was not only how well he was fitting with the team, but how brittle Captain Kirk is. I would make a Star Trek parallel, but it’s TNG or nothing, son! Besides, the TV show metaphors are a strong 0/1 this morning… Augustin is in line for huge run and in 37 minutes last night went 27/4/4 with 5 threes. I expect pretty high-teen scoring and 6-8 dimes a night with a couple of treys while Hinrich is out, then maintaining the starting role when Hinrich is back with minimal dropoff. More-or-less a must own in all leagues, and I’ve been Bull[hah!]ish on him all along. Hopefully you’ve scooped him up and held on to him. Here’s what else I saw in fantasy hoops on a busy day of MLK action:
Nick Young - I guess I have to take him seriously… 31 points last night. 5 boards and 3 treys, but not much of anything else. He’s still a ThrAGNOF, but playing his way into one you want to be sure your opponent doesn’t grab this week against you if you think it’ll be close in Pts and 3s, the run-on sentence police are now after me, oh no, stay away!
Ryan Kelly - Went 13/7/2 with a trey. Although, like you would expect from a Dookie, 4-4 FT and hasn’t missed a FT in 8 games going 26-26 in that span. I’m still not a big fan, but 35 minutes last night and – for now – locked into a 30+ minute role and needs to be owned in 16ers and deeper, although Slim will probably say up to 12…
Pau Gasol - Had been diming so well lately! And yet was one assist from a rainbow for a sick 20/19/1/3/5 line. Still a sell-high due to health and possible trade concerns, but ride the ol’ Spaniard like a sailor! So wrong…
Joakim Noah - Another near Goromotaro from the name sake! 17/21/6/2/0. Killin’ it in 2014.
Tristan Thompson vs. Andray Blatche - TT for 19/10/0/0/1 (8 boards were OREB – makes them better! I wish…) vs. 19/12/0/2/1 with a trey for Blatche. Kinda funny their lines were so close. TT I think is winning overall, but Blatche is hot right now. Slim, you’re still going down on this one!
Anderson Varejao - Yet another close call from the Goro! 18/21/4. Don’t sneeze at the 4 asts and 4+ dimes now in six straight. Anderson is wondering why they ever signed Andrew Bynum in the first place… So are we…
DeAndre Jordan - Becoming a theme. 16/21 and four points off. If only he could hit 4 of his FTs! Instead went 0-6 at the stripe…
Darren Collison - Shot from the field like he was DeAndre from the line! Ohhhh, burn! 0-6 in the FG variety, but at least 4-4 FT. 4/1/6/3/1 isn’t too hot, but I’m still holding. If I had to pick between him and Augustin now though, I might have to go D.J.
Rodney Stuckey - 20+ Pts in three straight for a 11-20 (1-2 3PTM 6-7 FT) 29/4/4/0/1 eruption last night. “Can’t feel my face!” I’ve always been anti-Stuckey, but tough to dispute the returns in a three-game streak. Worth a look for some scoring. Rather him than Nick Young, that’s for sure!
Brandon Jennings - Makes a Michael Kidd-Gilchrist jump shot look like it’s fundamentally sound! Ouch to both players! 0-7, didn’t score, and shooting brutal this month. Think he’s actually a buy low though, given the nice dimes.
Michael Carter-Williams - Had struggled in the past few, but bounced back with a great 31/6/5/3/0 line. Shot 13-22 and was driving again. The past two games he had tried riding the bus and walking, so it’s good to see him back behind the wheel.
Bradley Beal - Flirted with a triple-double. Once I tried to go way out of my league and flirt with a quadruple-double, and I got slapped in the face. That was a rough night… 22/9/8. Hadn’t topped 5 boards or 4 assists since December 16th, so this was a huge start to the week for Beal owners.
Toronto Big Men - Turning into a Larry Drew/Brad Stevens tower of terrors. Jonas Valanciunas for 19 minutes, Amir Johnson only 17:10… Yikes! Chuck Hawes was the surprise with a 12/13 game, and Patrick Patterson continues to produce under-the-radar for 8/8/1/2/1. No fun for anyone, except Pit Pat owners!
Greivis Vasquez - Beal and Vasquez were flirting with the same chick! Damn that triple-double! 15/7/9 in 24 minutes. Terrence Ross was awful last night and DeMar DeRozan I’m assuming moved to the 3 for portions of the game letting Vasquez get his 24 mins. Ross is playing like someone ate his sandwich.
Al Jefferson - What is this, like the 6th guy that was right at a Goromotaro and barely missed?! Don’t worry, a few guys were able to make it! 22/19/7. Huge line. A great call if you listened to me and bought him low… Better than say, ranking Jonas Valanciunas higher than everyone else like a moron…
Ramon Sessions - 23/2/2/1/0, shooting 6-10 with a trey. But, damn, that gorgeous 10-11 FT. Going to get a few more dimes and decent steals, while also giving you that sweet nectar of FT%.
Joe Johnson - “That Joe Johnson is so hot right now!” 25/6/5 and playing out of his mind. Deron Williams returned, but came off the bench, so there’s still concern that when Deron is back in the line-up, JJ looks like that ugly production we saw earlier in the year. Sell high.
Anthony Davis - Isn’t human. 27/10/2/4/4 in a fantastic rainbow. Or rainBrow.
Zach Randolph - Someone made it! Made the Goromotaro! 23/20.
James Johnson – Marc Gasol is back to 37 minutes and Z-Bo’s Goro took 38 minutes. Only 15 for Johnson and this was what I was afraid of. 2/3/1/0/2, still nice multi-cat, but just can’t give ya enough in those minutes in 10 or 12-man leagues.
Jeff Teague - Hmmmm. Head scratcher. Didn’t crack 20 minutes as he was benched, and had a Brandon Jennings-like 1-7 2/0/6 game. Buy low.
Kyle Korver - I think he read about my term “ThrAGNOF” and decided he didn’t want to be one. Another solid 12/7/6/2/0 line, hitting three treys. Now up to 3 treys a game on the year and averaging 4.5 boards and 4 treys in January. Wrong-a-roosky.
Pero Antic - Back-to-back double-digit scoring games for 17/6/3/0/0 last night with no TOs, shooting 7-10 and hitting 2 treys. Worth a look in deeper leagues.
Patrick Beverley – 17/2/3/1 and hit three treys in his return. Had a funky hand brace, but didn’t hurt his shot! Re-pick-up-able in 12-teamers.
Terrence Jones - Sat out with a thigh bruise. Doesn’t sound serious.
LaMarcus Aldridge - Got the other Goromotaro! 27/20. Real men don’t come close to 20/20 and not get it.
Lance Stephenson - Keep the Lance party goin’! 14/10/7 and also hit on that hot triple-double at the bar.
Klay Thompson - ThrAGNOF! 17/0/1/0/0 2 TOs shooting 6-13 and 5-10 from deep. It seemed like he scored more, but that is part of the ThrAGNOF’s illusion!
David Lee - Not seeing it reported anywhere, but held his shoulder on a hard foul late in this game. Hopefully it was just a stinger and nothing gets on an injury report, but keep an eye out.
Andrew Bogut - Had a knee-to-knee hit, briefly came out and walked to the locker room, but at the last minute starting running in. So little worry there, but worth monitoring. Came back into the game and went 10/13/2/1/2 in a great multi-cat yet again.
I hope everyone had a great start to their week on MLK holiday, and good luck in tonight’s games! It might not be until fairly last in the evening until I get to comments, busy day tomorrow, but I am gonna try my dandiest!