When my wife was pregnant, the experience was…..interesting. At least for me. I can’t even begin to try and understand what my wife was feeling. All I know is that women are the GOAT. Anyways, after the initial gamut of emotions, things became very business-like. Doctor’s office. One month. Two months. Three months. Everything was mapped out and the “ride” was slow and steady. Then, the due date approached and….well, I was Robert DeNiro in Heat. The bags were packed and the routes were mapped out with contingencies for all possibilities. At the same time, though, I was like my five-year-old son in the back of the car on a long trip: “Are we there yet? When will we be there? Why is it taking so long?” Damian Lillard and his girlfriend had been expecting the birth of their child for the past few days. Lillard had been struggling a bit with his shooting efficiency, but the raw production was still there. It could have been the matchups or anxiousness with the pregnancy. Regardless, it was Lillard Time for the whole family last night.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 41 9 6 4 0 0 3/9 18/33 2/2

A 40-burger!!! On Damian Jr.’s birthday. Y’all know what time it is.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Average. Middle. Meh? I guess it all depends on perception. Someone born into poverty would be praised if he/she achieved average economic status. On the flip side, if you are a one-percenter, I assume that average would prompt seppuku. Average is often associated with boring. He/she was average in the sack. The higher above the line probably correlates well with intenstity of orgasm. For flip side? Supplant higher with lower. Why does average get such a bad rap? It ain’t great, but it puts food on the table. It often gives 1.5 children and a white picket fence, if you are so inclined to have either. With that said, we are a “what have you done for me lately” society. We are all about celebrating the highs, while conveniently eschewing the trials and tribulations. Well, yesterday Joe Harris was not your Average Joe.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 30 7 2 1 0 1 6/7 11/14 2/2

The CLE defense is atrocious, but let’s not forget about the……REVENGE!!!! Harris was drafted by the Cavaliers back in 2014. He played two seasons there, never averaging more than 10 points or scoring 3 points a game. During the 2016 season, though, Joe underwent surgery on his foot and was traded to ORL a week later. Then he was immediately waived. BKN picked him up and the rest, as they say, is history. Two years with the Nets has produced…..wait for it (an homage to HIMYM)…..average results. This season, in particular, Joe is averaging 10.3 points, 3.3 boards, 1.5 dimes, and 1.8 downtowners in 25.1 minutes a game. He’s scored double figures in 41 of 71 games played, but has not eclipsed the 20 point threshold once. Anyways, I clowned him earlier in the season, but Harris is no Average Joe, and the Nets don’t think so either. Even with all the wing players that they have, Joe has been getting consistent playing time for most of the season. He can shoot and is able to drive strong to the rack and finish. An Average Joe on most nights, but yesterday, he was anything but.

Here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Nants ingonyama bagithi baba…..Sithi uhhmm ingonyama. Anyone recognize? How about now?

Now, let me make a few alterations and….Voila! Nants inKemba bagithi baba….Sithi uhhmm inKemba. Translation? There comes a Kemba…..Oh yes, it’s a Kemba. At least I think that’s how it translates. Anyways, Kemba Walker was the King last night. King of the court. King of the Grizzlies. And King of the hearts of fantasy owners everywhere…..at least the ones that had him on their squads.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
46 3 4 1 0 2 10/14 13/18 10/10

He did all of that in 28 minutes, outscoring the Grizzlies 17-14 in the first quarter. He almost outscored them for the half, but fell 7 points short of the feat (42-35). The Kembas defeated the Grizzlies by 61 points! 140-79. Insert Ron Burgundy impressed meme. For all the other contestants in the 2018 Tankathon, take notes and watch the tape. That’s how you tank. As for Kemba, he had been struggling a bit, failing to eclipse the 25 point threshold in eight straight games. With that said, he does have three 40-burgers on the season, so the potential is always there. I’m just not sure he’s going to get crazy run down the stretch, as the Hornets are out of the playoff picture and will want to get the young kids more playing time.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We all know what B.C. is. Before Christ. So, A.D. means After Dagagsfgbaerta[rhfasivgpvhfamrgfviargiusefav. How the F did we end up with A.D., Anno Domini, which means “in the year of the Lord?” Seriously? A.B.C., After Birth of Christ, didn’t work? Easy as 1-2-3. Instead, the powers that be decided to go full Latin on everyone. And not any Latin, but Medieval Latin no less. I guess in that context it kind of makes sense. Anyways, there are people that believe in Jesus Christ and there are people that do not. This post is not about that. What it is, though…..and I need to tread mighty carefully here…..is a post about A.D., Anthony Davis. In the year of the Lord? That’s right. A.D. is our fantasy Lord and the Savior to one lucky owner in your league. Did he sacrifice more virgins than you? Abstain from jerking off for a year? Whatever the case may be, A.D. is currently the #1 player in fantasy. Yeah, I know, lot of games left and he will likely get hurt, but you know what? For all the crap we give him about missing time due to injury, take a look at where his final ranking was at the end of each year: 45th (rookie season), 5th, 2nd, 17th, and 2nd. For those that are not aware, last night A.D. did this:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 53 18 3 1 5 1 0/1 16/29 21/26

As StatMuse tweeted out last night, the number of 50-point, 15-rebound games in the last 17 years has been six. AD has three of them. He also fouled out three Suns. For us mere mortals, all we can do is this. For those of you that have been blessed with good fortune, I’d expect plenty of this the rest of the year.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A holiday, as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is a day marked by a general suspension of work in commemoration of an event. Outside of those that are affected by a business shut down, most love holidays. No work. All play? Probably not, but at least no work. There are 11 federal holidays. As a society, we have created a number far greater than that, though. After all, we do live in a capitalist society. Valentine’s Day. St. Patrick’s Day. Halloween. Cyber Monday. Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. There really is a “holiday” for every occassion. Law Day. Loyalty Day. National Librarian’s Day. Native American’s Day. Ha! That one makes me chuckle. Anyways, all of the above mentioned are listed as holidays, but I don’t remember ever getting a day off for them. Ok, we just making shit up now? Cool. Let’s make everyday a holiday then. This would kind of fit into our advertisement/marketing-dominated society. The concept of work will just be rebranded. Play for pay? Or has that already been trademarked by the NCAA? Anyways, Madonna put it best when she sang this. Yesterday, Jrue Holiday had himself a day.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 36 9 6 1 1 2 2/5 16/31 2/2

34.4 usage rate!!! He’s been en fuego the past four games: 28.2 points, 5.75 boards, 9.5 assists, 0.5 blocks, 2 steals, and 1.25 3s on 21.5 shot attempts per game. See, this everyday Holiday thing may not be such a bad idea after all. But….there’s always a but….Holiday is prone to the occasional 3-of-13 shooting night and sub-20 usage rate game. The inconsistency makes him a mid-20s player, rather than a fringe top 10 one. One thing that must be mentioned is that, since Boogie went down, the Pelicans are playing at the fastest pace in the league (105.70). Holiday. Celebrate.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I love craps. Not the sitting on the toilet kind, but the rolling of them two dice. It’s the one game that feels like I have some modicum of control. I shoot the dice, can decide when and where to bet, move chips around, and finally take money off the table if I so choose. It’s all an illusion, though. Yes, money management can always help, but the numbers are not in my favor over the long run. The probability of rolling a 7 is 16.67%. 13.89% to roll a 6 or 8, 11.11% to roll a 5 or 9, and 8.33% to roll a 4 or 10. The hardway bets? 2%. Even though I know the numbers, the game is too freaking fun. And I have those stories when I was down to my last chip and proceeded to go on a crazy heater, hitting multiple points, and making everyone jump around. It’s those times that keep me going back to the tables to replicate that feeling. That is what it must be like to own Tim Hardaway Jr.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 37 5 1 2 0 3 6/9 14/24 3/3

Every once in a while, he will go on a heater that gets you all excited. More often than not, though, he will shoot 4-of-13 and make you cry like that guy in the casino bathroom that just lost the proverbial house. Since the Knicks lost Porzingis, THJ has seen usage rates of 29.4, 21.9, and 28.3. The high usage rate and minutes should continue to be plentiful. But like my experiences at the craps table, the likely scenario will be “7 OUT!” As long as you keep expectations in check, THJ will have some value. Just beware of emotionally point-chasing the performance from last night.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Certain things in sports are sexier than others. It’s as simple as that. While Ichiro strives to make singles sexy, the saying goes, “chicks dig the longball.” In hockey, Barry Melrose’s mullet screams sexy over Ovechkin’s buzz cut.  Big hits catch the eye before a 3 yard run up the middle. Lastly, slam dunks will always be more exciting than a mid-range jumper. Larry Nance finds himself in quite the unique situation. How many times since the inception of the dunk contest, has a contestant debuted their fresh new jersey on that stage? I’ll admit, I didn’t look into this at all, but man would it make a great HQ trivia question. In comes Larry Nance, I assume junior, or maybe even the third, traded from the Lakers and now sporting a Cavs uni. The same Cavs that are his favorite team, the team in which his father, Larry Nance, probably the first, played for and won the slam dunk contest with. The same Larry Nance whose number is hanging in the rafters at the Q. If that doesn’t give you goosebumps, I don’t know what will. As Kevin Costner said, it’s hard not to get emotional about baseball. Wrong sport, yes, but the man just wanted to have a damn catch with his dad, and now he can!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bullshitting is bad. Or is it? There are four reasons why people lie. 1) To hide or protect something. Good if you were harboring a Jew in Nazi Germany. Bad if you have a mistress. 2) Fear. Of getting caught. I guess that ties into protecting oneself. 3) To elevate one’s self-perception. You went to which school? You’re how tall? You slept with how many women? 4) It is the wise thing to do. Do I look fat in these jeans? BS’ing is often annoying or straight up lame, but it is an integral part of life. There are many situations in which being brutally honest serves no purpose other than to hurt the other person, which is lame. Damn it, is everything in life lame then? Last night, we had another example of BS’ing being bad….the good bad, though….as in dope. Now that I think about it, sometimes we just BS to mess around, which is what Ben Simmons did last night against the Bulls. Ironic, huh?

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 19 17 14 0 2 6 0 6/15 7/10

Simmons has now messed around five times on the season. He had been in a slump lately, looking disinterested and lacking aggression. It’s mindblowing to think that he can dominate a game without being able to shoot from the perimeter. He’s that good. Anyways, BS is a nightly triple-dub threat and will contribute with the D stats. As we established above, there’s good and bad with BS. The bad? Literally no 3s, like he hasn’t made one the entire year. The turnovers are plentiful. As I always say, good if you are high in a pastry shop. Not so good for fantasy. The free throw shooting is abysmal, like 55% bad. DeAndre Jordan, with his 60% on the year, is like, “Yo, Ben. You really need to practice bro.” Simmons is the 75th player for fantasy on the year. For the last month? The 110th. There are just too many holes in his game to approach Top 50 territory, but for punt FT% and 3 teams, BS is lovely.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jordan Clarkson drops 33 points as Lakers “Breakaway” from the Pacers on Friday night. Clarkson, “Because of You” Lakers were able to win a game while shooting 14.3% from the free throw line; an NBA record for lowest FT% in a win.  Clarkson was the only Laker to actually make any free throws (2-for-3), while the rest of the team went 0-for-11.  Despite this weird anomaly, the Lakers were able to “Walk Away” with a a victory against a pretty good Pacers team. The Pacers were coming off a back-to-back, but the Lakers have now won five of their last seven after a really rough stretch.

Anyway, here’s what else happened on Friday in Fantasy Hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?