Captain N is aboard! Captain on the bridge! The respect he garners trumps captain Russell Crowe with long hair… Captain Patrick Stewart with no hair… Captain N has a huge ass flat top! And this captain is Nerlens Noel; double the N for twice the… nifty…? Twice the… neat hair? This captain will put non-believers 20,000 leagues under the sea! Here’s my top 75 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):Please, blog, may I have some more?
It doesn’t bother me in the slightest that life is just one big competition. Like when JB thought he would oppose me for class president back in our days at Fantasy U. I took pride in wearing the crown for FU and it was well known that I would even acknowledge the little people whilst being carried on the backs of peasants towards my concubines. But for our senior year my court jester, JB the ‘Dang that dude’s tall’, threw off his now infamous pink spandex jump suit and opposed me with a platform of categorical equality and unbiased views of all things not from the Isle of Duke. I accepted the competition from this usurper and attacked his ideology with every bit of fuzzy math I could muster. To this day I still don’t understand why he was chosen to be our ruler or whatever he calls it. Oh that’s right, he calls it ‘editor’. Whatever that is, does it come with a gold crown and scepter? I didn’t think so.
As I sit here now in my old wooden rocking chair, puffing on my meerschaum, and reminiscing with you of a time nearly forgotten I feel the desire, nay the obligation to oppose our master’s completely reasonable views. I hereby vow to you that I will NOT go into any of these posts with an open mind. I will be blindly biased and I will always know the outcome before I write a single word. For you, this I can promise.
First on the docket is DeMar DeRozan vs Gordan Hayward. For this comparison I would like to consider it in a league of 12 teams, 9-Cat, and H2H. They are both young wings and universally considered top 75 fantasy players after breakout seasons. Enough already, get to it. What? Who said that? OK Mr. disembodied voice, here it is. DeRozan vs Hayward by category and quit pushing me with your disembodied hand it’s freaking me out, but I kind of like it. OK, Don’t stop.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So we’re through my top-50 and now getting into the mid-rounds. We’re taking this through the whole top 100, but some of these are going to be gold and some fool’s gold. As in, Larry Sanders‘ gold. If I got to the end of a rainbow and Larry Sanders was there, I’d ask for a refund…
Through the Top 20 and Top 50, I think I’ve done the rankings pretty well. They tell you towards the end of high school, “the smart ones get the As, but the most successful get Bs.” I might have made that up since I never studied for virtually anything and got Bs… But a 3.00 GPA thus far sounds about right! Rankings are based on my final updated top 200, comparing them to the FantasyPros aggregate Draft Day Rankings along with Basketball Monster’s Total Value for 9-cat leagues on the season. Slim then grades me. I asked him, “will you give me As if I show you my double-Ds?” He then flunked me… Here’s a look back at the Top 75 for the 2013-14 Fantasy Basketball Season:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t know today’s title has a Boston accent, just sorta happened! Tyreke Evans absolutely tore up the Thunder last night, slashing-n-gashing his way to a 41/9/8/3/0 line with only one turnover. I don’t know what’s crazier, that line or a Pelicans win! That starting NO line-up other than Evans was scrub city. If you followed the news leading up to this game, it went from Evans being unlikely to play a mere hour-and-a-half before tip, to getting the start right before the game started. The emotional toil on fantasy owners was bigger than in Silver Linings Playbook! Since the All-Star Break, right around when the Pels finally decided to start this guy, Evans has been a monster averaging 17.1/5.4/6.1. He’s also boosted his FG% and actually made a three or two, despite a 3PT% even Josh Smith thinks is poopy. But despite a big second half, the Pelicans owner isn’t too impressed. Haha, that was hilarious – I made highlights for this game if you couldn’t tell. Been a lucky run for my games the past two, getting this one and the Corey Brewer one Friday! Almost 100 points from those two! Hopefully the Pelicans realize they need Evans as a starter in 14-15, but it’s tough to see another stretch with 6+ dimes next year with a healthy Jrue Holiday. If the price is right, I’ll be a buyer next season, however Evans seems to always have a little more hype than substance ever since his rookie year. If this second half inflates some big buzz next year, I’ll be about as deadpan as the Pelicans owner! Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh man, was last night fun! So much to hit on including a certain player going against his former team, but I want to start with two career-first triple doubles. On the same night! And on a night with only five games no less… First stop is Isaiah Thomas, who, and I mean this without sounding like I’m succumbing to a cliche about his size or anything, looked like the only dude who cared for the whole game on either the Wiz or the Kings. I loved me some IT2 with the rankings before free agency, and really pimped him hard when Greivis Vasquez got sent off – as many sources did. Regardless, everyone was right, he’s been a beast and went 24/11/10 with 10-10 FT and two treys. And to top off the abuse of John Wall, Wall was 2-6 at the stripe missing pivotal freebies late. My Wizards friend stopped texting me at the end. I’m guessing he threw his phone through a Wall. I capitalize that because he has a John Wall fathead on his wall. Anyway, Paul Millsap also hopped in the trip-dub booze cruise for a 19/13/10 line. Hopefully your fantasy teams own one or both of these guys and faced neither. Nothing would be more annoying than marginally losing Rebs to an IT2 owner! Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action (and don’t forget to fill out a bracket in our Razzball March Madness pool!):Please, blog, may I have some more?
Probably because he’s, well, Elton Brand, I haven’t paid much attention to him. It’s like telling me, “Hey JB, Robert Parrish is on the wire, what’da think?!” Brand is getting tons of run lately with Gustavo Ayon and Pero Antic still hurt decimating the Hawks 5s (and Paul Millsap out as well), to the tune of 40+ minutes the past two games and 30+ in 4 of 5. And grandpa Elton topped off his big run with a rainbow line last night, 7/13/3/2/2 in 42 minutes. That’s like an Andrew Bogut line! Had a comment last night asking if Brand is a flash in the pan. More like flash in the bedpan! Yeah, I don’t see any sustainability here with none of the aforementioned hurt guys really out that long. But hey, maybe a one-game stream? The Hawks are going at Boston tonight who lack any sort of consistency up front as well and Brand could get ya another multi-cat gem. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Super Bowl Sunday was a fail across the board. Joe Namath messed up the coin toss. The Red Hot Chili Peppers refuse to wear shirts. The Broncos refused to play football. And the only game we got on the NBA slate to rival the Super Fail was the Magic against the Celtics. A combined 28-68 record heading into the game, but hey, at least no one was wearing this coat! Russell Westbrook now has a wardrobe to makeover… Anywho, it was an electric 27 minutes for Rajon Rondo, who had his best game since returning. 9-11 from the field for a 19/6/10/3/0 slash can get anyone rolling. Well, except maybe the Broncos offense… Hopefully Rondo won a few people their matchups this week and their Sundays weren’t ruined by all that food and beer turning into absolute lethargy like I’m feeling right now. But alas we have fantasy’s best sport to pull us through the soul-sucking quicksand that was the Super Bowl as we grow nearer and nearer the playoffs. Here’s what else I saw this weekend in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last time I’m gonna mention it, I’m not a masochist, but last week, I suggested that Terrance Ross should be dropped. Well, I think he may read my smelly little article, because homeboy went off for 51 with 10 treys, making me look a fool. Well, to Terrance I say: “I don’t need any help looking like a fool, thank you very much!” I think I won that joust. But in all seriousness, there’s a good lesson to be learned here: never drop slam dunk winners! Wait, whut? No, Daniel-san, the real lesson is no matter how good you are, you’re gonna make mistakes in fantasy. I had Ross, and dropped him just in time to watch him put in a performance that would have won my week. But he had scored 14 points his previous 3 games, with not a lot of supporting stats, the drop was a good move, based on his numbers up to that point. I, like any good fantasy player, have to shake it off, and not beat myself up too much. So on that note, if you’re still reading, you may want to know whom to buy and whom to sell, and to that I say, thank you, read on, but obviously, buyer beware!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Man, that title seems all sorts of wrong… But what is right is Nikola Vucevic returned to action last night For a solid 16/10 dub-dub in only 20 minutes. Efficiency! Shot 6-12, 4-4 from the stripe and added a few steals. Very encouraging return for a guy people were dismissing since he had no timetable from the concussion. Concussions can really jack ya up, but hopefully you stayed true on your course to the playoffs and have a dynamic top-20ish big man. Of course the Magic now have lost value in other places, with Big Baby going 5/4/4 in 32 minutes, Arron Afflalo looking like the scrub I’ve said he was all year (still think his 20+ PPG is one of the most preposterous stats this year) and Tobias Harris temporarily moving to the bench. Although T Dawg isn’t Walking Dead (going 9/11/3/1/1 in 37 minutes), he shot like a stiff going 2-8. Afflalo is still a sell as soon as you can, Davis a drop, and hope you bought low on Vuc while there was a window open. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ross can! Rosssssss can! Ross can get me the tickets! Somebody call the Police, because Terrence Ross is on fire! Or, ummm, do we call the Mounties? I plain just don’t know… But if anyone (aherm, me) had to feel the Sting of that 51-point outburst against them – out of so left field from Ross that it was out of the Pacific Ocean – then you’re certainly sending a message in a bottle to the fantasy gods asking “Whyyyyyy?!” 51/9/1/1/0 shooting 16-29 and hitting 10 Harvey’s Trays. “What’s with the sit-com references today JB?!” Yeah, no one will get that last one… Sit-coms are always fun, light, and don’t end on Sunday nights with me throwing things. “Enough about you, JB!” Damn, commenters are angry this morning! DeMar DeRozan sprained his foot in that game, and while Ross was already hot, no DeRozan helped him get hotter. “Hansel is so hot right now.” DeRozan looks like he’ll miss at least a few games – already not traveling tonight – making Ross a must-own for this week and the immediate future. The Raptors are all the sudden with 18 less shots a game (no, that’s not me throwing out an arbitrary number, that’s really DeRozan’s FGA a game!) so this is a great opportunity for Jonas Valaciunas as well to go on a solid run. Will be an interesting game tonight at Brooklyn to see how the two younguns perform. Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?