There are many reasons why players ball the F out. Straight cash homie is a popular option. To pay respects for a fallen compadre is a sentimental one. For the love of the game? Often attempted but rarely executed. The number one reason? Survey says?! To get laid, of course. Now, being a Lakers fan, I immediately have to address AC Green, the legend that ended his NBA career as a virgin. Simply put, he’s not human. If Drago thought Rocky wasn’t human, then he would’ve bended the knee and kissed the feet of AC. You think a man that played 1,192 consecutive games and did not have sexual relations during that time is human? The definition of outlier does not require words. Only this. Now, Kristaps Porzingis is a giant of a man at 7′ 3″ 240 pounds. His skill on the basketball court is at such a level that many call him a Unicorn. But. But. The dude just wants to get laid. It’s been well documented that Porzingis and Jen Selter have started following each other on Instagram and liking each other’s post. If you are not following @World_Wide_Wob on Twitter, your life has no meaning. Leading up to the matchup against the Lakers, in MSG, and on the ESPN national stage, things were getting steamy between the two. At least as steamy as things can get over the internet. But that can only go so far. At some point, real life kicks in and it’s either YAY or NAY. Well…..


Enjoy your night Mr. Kristaps “I am warm-blooded human” Porzingis. I think YAY is in the cards or maybe YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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Frank Ntilikina


Played 29 minutes and was on the court in crunch time. We know he can defend, but he was dropping some no-look dimes off pick-and-roll action. More impressively, he was stopping and popping mid-range Js like a vet. As has been said many times before, it’s only a matter of time for the Frenchise to assume his proper place on the throne. Yes, throne because Porzingis will be lying in a bed with a certain lady that has the initials J.S.

Doug McDermott


Keep in mind that the Knicks/Lakers game went to OT, so the minutes played are obviously boosted. With that said, McDermott has been on the court plenty lately, averaging around 28 minutes per game through six games in December.

Kentavious Caldwell-Pope


Damn, 14 attempts from downtown? Looks like someone else was trying to get laid last night too. Shooters shoot baby!

Lonzo Ball


Saw his brothers getting shipped off to Lithuania and was like, “I better start ballin’ the F out.” Lonzo is going to be a good one. Let’s not forget that he’s only 20 years old.

Kyle Kuzma


Was getting “Kuuuuuz” chants in MSG. Baller status right there. Played 30 minutes, which is 18 minutes too low. Kuz is so freaking good. Has the full repertoire on offense and perfect mentality to succeed.

Julius Randle played 27 minutes, Larry Nance Jr. played 26 minutes, and Brook Lopez played 23 minutes. “Around your partner do-si-do. Around your partner here we go. Around your partner and you’ll see….” They all have value, but talk about a glass ceiling.

Ersan Ilyasova


Got the start at power forward and played 23 minutes. I told you he’s inconsistent. Believe me now?

Tyler Cavanaugh


Got the start at center and played 29 minutes. Miles Plumlee only played 15 minutes, so Cavanaugh could be a nice little big man option while Dewayne Dedmon, Mike Muscala, and John Collins are out.

Taurean Prince


Prince came for the King, but it wasn’t enough. With that said, another excellent game for Taurean.

Kent Bazemore


First time all season that Bazemore had attempted more than six shots from downtown. He usually lives in the 00206 zip code.

Kevin Love


Ho-hum. Another double-dub. Love now has 17 on the season, which is four behind the leader.

LeBron James


Rajon Rondo opened up Pandora’s Dime Box the other night. After he dropped a season-high 18 dimes, Harden dished 17, and now LeBron with 17. Freaking copy cats. The Stocktonator knew what was coming, though, as it had the King number one last night.

Jose Calderon


Dwayne Wade didn’t play, so Calderon probably sucked up some of his minutes. With that said, he has been geting more minutes lately and has been a very useful piece in terms of defense. Not on the ball, but off the ball in regards to awareness and communication.

Jeff Green


It’s really happening, huh? Lord help us. Green is averaging 25 minutes a game and has scored in double digits four of the six December games.

Tristan Thompson returned from injury, but only played six minutes. He will probably get ramped up to the 22-24 minutes range and could be a cheap source of rebounds.

Jamal Murray


Played 32 minutes and led the Nuggets in scoring. Emmanuel Mudiay only played 15 minutes.

Will Barton


Such a strange game for Barton, as he only attempted five shots and dished out a season-high 10 dimes. Maybe he thought he was supposed to be the White Elephant or Santa Claus. Or….maybe he did something really naughty. You know people be doing extra nice things when they feel guilty about some wrong they’ve done.

Tres Lyles


Played 27 minutes, but drove the OCD community insane with the missed free throw. His minutes could decrease when Nikola Jokic returns, but he may have carved out a nice little role for himself.

Malik Beasley


Played 24 minutes. Beasley has played 24, 17, 29, and 17 minutes the past four games. The second-year pro could be creating a niche for himself. If your last name is Beasley and you don’t jack up shots with no regard for life, do you need to change your name?

SVG finally had enough Johnson and inserted Reggie Bullock into the starting lineup over Stanley.



Johnson played 14 minutes.


Boban Marjanovic


The Pistons lost 103-84 and only one starter, Reggie Jackson (12 points), scored more than six points. No blurbs for you!

Bradley Beal


With John Wall out, Beal is the guy. 33 shot attempts. Even Kobe nodded in acknowledgment.

Marcin Gortat


Played only 18 minutes and just flat out sucked. Ian Mahinmi was out for the game, so not a good sign. Ace of Base anyone? I’d rather listen to that than have Gortat on a fantasy roster.

Jason Smith


Played 28 minutes and could be of value if Mahinmi continues to sit and Gortat continues to suck.

Spencer Dinwiddie


Played 32 minutes and led the team with a 25.1% usage rate. He should attack the rim more, especially when bigs switch onto him. I’m expecting a thank you text from Spencer any minute now.

Rondae Hollis-Jefferson


Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Sunday. Rondae.

Jarrett Allen


Been getting around 20 minutes of run lately, so that’s a positive development. Let’s see how things shake out when Jahlil Okafor is brought into the mix.

Kawhi Leonard


Played 16 minutes. No more reason for owners to Kawhi. He will probably be brought along slowly and participate in the normal Spurs Siestas, but it looks like he’s back.

LaMarcus Aldridge


LMA has been so good this year. LMAO at myself for doubting him. Some usage will get siphoned off by Kawhi, but I think both will be able to coexist in perfect harmony. Stocktonator agrees, as it had both Kawhi and LMA high last night.

Rudy Gay


Played 27 minutes. I think Gay will continue to get minutes, even with Kawhi back in the mix because he’s so versatile. Can play the 3, 4, or 5 if Pop wants to go super small.

Bryn Forbes


Played 21 minutes. Is averaging 27 mpg in December. Forbes is someone to keep an eye on, especially during Spurs Sietas and/or injuries. The team loves him and how can he not be anything but money.

Maximilian Kleber


Played 30 minutes. I will continue to write about Kleber until we get to the bottom of why he starts and plays so much. Reason #1. He’s a gangster. #2 Abby Carlisle #3 Carlisle thinks he’s related to Stacy Kiebler #4 Carlisle likes Keebler cookies. I’m open to suggestions.

With Dennis Smith Jr. still out, Yogi Ferrell played 35 minutes, JJ Barea 25 minutes, and Devin Harris 19 minutes. Yogi and JJ have been pretty productive.

Richaun Holmes


Got the start at power forward and played 33 minutes. Odale Holmes!

JJ Redick


Such a perfect piece for the 76ers.

Joel Embiid almost messed around.


Who gonna sex Embiid?! At some point in the future, basketball is going to be a game of 5-on-5 with every player close to seven feet tall. A bunch of Embiid clones that can all dribble, shoot, pass, rebound, dunk, etc.

Ben Simmons


The lede of this post was Porzingis getting amped to play so that he could get laid. Well, it looks like Simmons had no motivation because business was already taken care of the night before.

Trevor Booker


Has played 20, 25, and 20 minutes since arriving in Philly. Has scored in double figures every game and filled the stats sheet with boards, dimes, blocks, and steals. Unfortunately, I don’t see him getting much more playing time than that, but he’s relevant as is.

Karl-Anthony Towns


That’s what the Stocktonator was blaring when I walked into the room. Probably because it had KAT as the number two play last night.

Jimmy Butler


Stocktonator also loved Jimmy last night.

The Suns lost to the Kings. Nine players received at least 20 minutes of run. My mistake. Eight players with one getting 19 minutes. TJ Warren led the team with 18 points, Mike James chipped in 17, while Tyler Ulis scored 10. No one else hit the double digit mark. No blurbs for you!

Zach Randolph got the start at center and played 28 minutes.


Willie Cauley-Stein did return to action and played 30 minutes.


Bogdan Bogdanovic


Played 33 minutes, but didn’t start because it’s imperative that George Hill gets minutes.

I have no clue what the Kings are doing. I don’t think the Kings know what they are doing. The starting lineup last night was Fox, Hill, Temple, Labissiere, and Randolph. Fox played 21 minutes, Hill played 28, Temple played 15, Labissiere played 13, and Randolph 28. Koufos played 20 minutes, Mason 27, and Hield 25. I think Vivek had a heart to heart with Vlade in the offseason. “Vlade, let’s zig while others are zagging. The league is trending toward predictive analytics and such. Let’s flip the paradigm upside down and operate in a fashion that is complete anarchy. Think about it , Vlade. If we don’t know what we’re doing, no one else will be able to know as well” Vlade, after taking three deep puffs of a Marlboro Red, “Vivek, you are genius man.”