Please click THIS. Now listen and let the beat percolate. Do what you do when you get down. Now read this:
It was a twelve-game slate, in the NBA
TJ Warren in DC, had himself a game
He hoisted 22 shots, and made 16
Just droppin’ a 40 burger, like it was no thing
But Bradley Beal of the Washington Wizards
Was not going to let number 12 steal his thunder
So he launched 25 shots with no regard for life
And you know what happened next? The 40 burger was matched
Ok, I won’t ruin the song anymore than I need to. Warren also grabbed 10 boards, dished out one dime, pilfered one, and blocked two. This is what I wrote two days ago: The range of outcomes is so huge with Warren. He can play 39 minutes, score 20 points, and stuff the stat sheet OR get 24 minutes of run and shoot 1-for-6 from the field. Enjoy the ride. Man, it’s kind of cool quoting myself. Anyways, Beal grabbed six boards and dished out two dimes as a side dish for his burger. The Stocktonator liked him last night. Speaking of the Stocktonator….
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Here’s what else I saw last night:
Khris Middleton thought the 40 burgers from Warren and Beal were cute, as he went for 43! 15-of-28 from the field, 5-of-11 from downtown, and 8-of-10 from the charity stripe. Middleton also grabbed five boards and dished out seven dimes. K. Middleton ain’t no princess. He was the king of the courts for one night.
DeMarcus Cousins went….I’m at a loss for words. Just think back to when you saw your first naked body. That trip to the morgue doesn’t count. That’s what looking at Cousins’ stat line felt like. 35 points, nine boards, six dimes, six steals, and three blocks. The heads of many numerologists exploded last night when seeing that Cuz shot 10-of-21 from the field, 5-of-10 from downtown, and 10-of-10 from the charity stripe. He did have eight turnov…..
By the way, Cuz was the Stocktonator’s number two player last night.
LeBron James scored 33 points, grabbed six boards, dished out 11 dimes, pilfered two, and blocked one. He also had eight turno….please click on the above video. The Cavs lost 124-107 and now have a 3-5 record. Tyronne Lue said that LeBron will play more minutes. Duh. Let’s cut to LeBron fantasy owners….
Nikola Jokic messed around and almost got a triple-double. That’s not how it works, huh? Eight points, 16 boards, 10 dimes, one steal, and two blocks. It’s nice to see him contribute across the board, especially with the defensive stats. With that said, DFS players on Draftkings must’ve been so tilted just missing out on the triple-dub bonus. What a Joker!
Jusuf Nurkic had been struggling a bit, but turned in a very impressive performance against Rudy Gobert. 19 points, 11 boards, two dimes, three blocks, and one steal. I’m a believer in Nurkic, so I’d buy low if that opportunity still exists. Speaking of Gobert, he was aiight. 16 points, 10 boards, one dime, and three blocks. He gets one Rudy! tonight.
Ricky Rubio scored 30 points, grabbed five boards, dished out one dime, and pilfered two. Yo, Ricky. People drafted you for dimes, not points. Get with the program. 8-of-17 from the field and 3-of-6 from downtown are very encouraging, but don’t get gassed by the high point total, as he went 11-of-11 from the charity stripe.
Donovan Mitchell scored 28 points, grabbed six boards, and dished out three dimes in 35 minutes of run. Hot diggidy! Rodney Hood played 20 minutes and shot 0-of-11 from the field. That’s not very good. I’ve watched enough Columbo to know how this story ends.
Damian Lillard scored 33 points, grabbed 10 boards, dished out eight dimes, pilfered two, and blocked one. He didn’t mess around enough. I love Dame, both on and off the court. Any excuse to let me post one of the many…..
Caleb Swanigan DNP-Coach’s decision. It’s Unbelievable!!!
Jonas Valanciunas returned from injury and scored eight points and grabbed five boards in 14 minutes of action. Serge Ibaka also returned from injury and scored 11 points, grabbed three boards, and dished out one dime in 18 minutes of run. Kyle Lowry scored nine points in 25 minutes, while DeMar DeRozan scored 10 in 26 minutes. The Raptors were down 15 after the first quarter and 32 after three. Welcome to Denver!
Paul Millsap scored 20 points, grabbed three boards, dished out four dimes, and pilfered two in 26 minutes. It’s only a matter of time.
Taj Gibson scored 11 points, grabbed 12 boards, dished out one dime, and pilfered two. I’d expect performances like this more often than not, as Thibs is going to give him over 30 minutes a game.
Karl-Anthony Towns scored two points, grabbed five boards, pilfered one, and blocked two in 23 minutes, as he was in foul trouble most of the game. Remember what I said in the DeMarcus Cousins blurb? Well, upgrade naked body to first time sticking it in. The Cuz did it all. Even taking over the blurb for KAT and turning him into a kat.
Jimmy Butler scored 23 points, grabbed four boards, dished out two dimes, and pilfered three. Patience grasshoppers. The Timberwolves are figuring things out, so it’s going to take time for things to gel. Butler is the alpha.
Gorgui Dieng played 25 minutes. He scored 12 points, grabbed eight boards, dished out two dimes, and pilfered one. Towns was in foul trouble, so I wouldn’t expect this amount of run on a consistent basis. Dieng it!
Elfrid Payton missed another game, so DJ Augustin got the start. Five points, one board, three dimes, and one steal in 14 minutes. Yuck. It was Sheldon Mack that received 25 minutes and scored nine points, grabbed two boards, and dished out eight dimes. Elf should be back soon.
Mike Conley did not play for the Grizzlies. Mario Chalmers received the start and scored seven points, grabbed three boards, dished out five dimes, pilfered four, and blocked one in 26 minutes.
The two players that also benefitted from Conley’s absence were Tyreke Evans and Dillon Brooks. Evans must’ve received a mushroom from Mario, as he scored 32 points, grabbed three boards, dished out four dimes, and pilfered two in 34 minutes! You know who told you to scoop up Tyreke a few days ago? Mel did here. Brooks played 38 minutes and scored 12 points and grabbed four boards. He attempted 13 shots. Minutes equal money and the kid’s got some talent as well. That’s a nice combo.
Ryan Anderson scored 21 points and grabbed three boards. You play Anderson on the road. No ifs ands or buts about it. End of story.
James Harden scored 31 points, grabbed five boards, and dished out nine dimes. He shot 9-of-23 from the field and 6-of-17 from downtown. It was a cute little run when Eric Gordon was soaking up the usage, but order looks to have been restored.
Jarrett Jack played 20 minutes and scored four points, grabbed two boards, and dished out two dimes. For a few games there, Jack made us forget that he in fact sucks.
Frank Ntilikina played 26 minutes! He scored two points, grabbed one board, dished out eight dimes, and pilfered five! Now, the Knicks got blown out but Frank is the future and will get more and more time as the season progresses. Never forget that Jack and Sessions suck.
Enes Kanter played 18 minutes. Willy Hernangomez played 17 minutes. Kyle O’Quinn played 12 minutes. Here’s my new theory. Marketing has partnered with the Children’s Hospital for the Blind in Manhattan. On game day, one child gets to choose which player gets court time by pointing his finger towards pictures pinned up on a wall.
Lauri Markkanen scored 25 points, grabbed eight boards, dished out one dime, and pilfered two. The Markksman. Shout out to Brent. He’s the real deal.
Robin Lopez scored 22 points, grabbed four boards, dished out two dimes, pilfered one, and blocked one. He was second on the team with 17 field goal attempts. He’s a top 75 player right now! His pace probably won’t continue, but who else is going to produce on that squad, besides the Markksman?
David Nwaba got the start for Paul Zipser. Remember Zipcar? Exactly. Anyways, here’s what I wrote on Nwaba a few nights ago: The story of the night for the Bulls was David Nwaba. Who? He’s 6′ 4″ 209 pounds and played for the Lakers briefly, both on the D-League team and the big club. He’s a local boy from my hood, University High School, Santa Monica College, and Cal Poly. I enjoyed watching him on the Lakers. Super-high energy and insanely athletic. Just couldn’t shoot from outside consistently. Anyways, last night he scored 15 points and grabbed 11 boards in 23 minutes off the bench. Just someone to file away in case a spot opens up. Well, last night he only scored four points but grabbed 11 boards, dished out one dime, pilfered one, and blocked two in 29 minutes. He’s basically a Walmart MKG.
Kris Dunn played in his second game back from injury. He scored 11 points, grabbed seven boards, dished out five dimes, and blocked two in 29 minutes. I kind of fronted on him, as he can’t shoot, but he’s going to get minutes and will get assists and defensive stats.
Josh Richardson scored three points, grabbed two boards, dished out one dime, and pilfered one in 22 minutes. Ugh. The 22 minutes is no bueno. As is the 1-of-7 shooting. With that said, I still like him, but will definitely keep an eye on his playing time going forward.
Dion Waiters scored 13 points, grabbed seven boards, and dished out seven dimes. 33 minutes! The plane boss, the plane!
Tyler Johnson scored 19 points, grabbed three boards, dished out two dimes, and pilfered one. 32 minutes! He’s one of the more valuable bench players in the league, as he gets plenty of run as a bench player and has proven to be very effective when asked to start.
Jaylen Brown scored 22 points, grabbed six boards, and dished out one dime in 25 minutes. He shot 7-of-8 from the field and 5-of-6 from downtown. Wow. If he gets the J down….
Tyson Chandler played 33 minutes on the second game of a back-to-back. Very interesting. Correspondingly, Alex Len only got 15 minutes of run. Guess Len won’t have much value unless Tyson gets traded.
The power forward battle in Phoenix is an interesting one to watch every night. Marquese Chriss scored nine points, grabbed 10 boards, dished out four dimes, pilfered two, and blocked one in 25 minutes. Dragan Bender scored eight points, grabbed five boards, and blocked one in 24 minutes. Unless one takes a firm hold of the job, it looks like a time share, with both capping the upside of each other.
The point guard situation is playing out a little differently. Mike James scored 10 points, grabbed four boards, and dished out six dimes in 29 minutes. Tyler Ulis scored eight points, grabbed two boards, and dished out four dimes in 19 minutes. Although James shot 1-of-10, he’s a much better perimter shooter than Ulis.
Otto Porter did not play for the Wizards. Kelly Oubre got the start and scored eight points and grabbed two boards in 22 minutes. Nothing to see here. Please return to your homes.
Jason Smith got the start at power forward for the Wizards, but it was Mike Scott who played 33 minutes, scored 12 points, grabbed eight boards, and dished out one dime. Markieff Morris is set to return this weekend so the two generic names can return to the Witness Protection Program.
Mike Muscala got the start at power forward for the Hawks with Ersan Ilyasova ruled out. Muscala scored two points, grabbed four boards, and pilfered two in 22 minutes. John Collins only play 14 minutes, as he ended up fouling out. He scored seven points, grabbed seven boards, dished out two dimes, and blocked one. I’m just so giddy with the quoting myself thing that here’s another: Slowly, but surely, it’s happening guys. It’s like the tectonic plates of the Pacific Ring of Fire. They move ever so slowly, with one plate subducting under another, until the build up of energy needs to be released in explosive fashion. Basically the opposite of a 15-year-old boy experimenting with his sock for the first time.
Taurean Prince scored 17 points, grabbed 11 boards, dished out three dimes, pilfered one, and blocked two. 40 minutes!!! Give this man a throne!
Marco Belinelli only scored eight points, grabbed two boards, and dished out four dimes. He was 2-of-11 from the field and played 29 minutes. Va Bene!!!
Joel Embiid scored 21 points, grabbed 12 boards, dished out six dimes, pilfered three, and blocked three in 30 minutes. It’s all about the minutes for Embiid. There was a story many years ago regarding Dikembo Mutombo going to parties at Georgetown and yelling, “Who gonna suck Mutombo?” For some reason, I always imagine Embiid saying that when he walks into a room and the ladies just start filing into a line.
Ben Simmons scored 19 points, grabbed 13 boards, dished out nine dimes, and pilfered two. Father, please forgive me for I have sinned. I had doubts regarding Simmons in the preseason. I believe! I believe! I believe!
Thaddeus Young scored 26 points, grabbed six boards, and pilfered four in 38 minutes. He shot 12-of-18 from the field. He good but he ain’t that good.
Darren Collison bounced back and scored 25 points, grabbed five boards, dished out eight dimes, and pilfered one. He shot 9-of-10 from the field. He good but he ain’t that good.
Hey, that sounds familiar.
Victor Oladipo scored 23 points, grabbed two boards, dished out seven dimes, and pilfered one. He shot 9-of-20 from the field.
Domantas Sabonis….I mean Arvydas continues to ball. 15 points, 12 boards, six dimes, and one block.
What’s it all mean? Stream all players against the Cavs.
John Henson scored four points, grabbed 10 boards, dished out six dimes, pilfered one, and blocked one in 29 minutes. After the dud two nights ago, this is more the expected outcome for Henson. Thon Maker played 19 minutes. As long as Greg Monroe is out, Henson should be a viable option.
Michael Kidd-Gilchrist played seven minutes before heading to the locker room due to an illness. His status is unknown as of this writing.
Malik Monk scored 25 points, grabbed two boards, dished out a dime, and pilfered one in 23 minutes. He shot 10-of-17 from the field and 5-of-8 from downtown. Dude is a straight baller. Before you ask….yes.
I think I’m just going to copy and paste this for every Dallas game. Still one of the slowest paced teams in the league (28th). Dirk Nowitzki still does just enough to make you think about picking him up, Dennis Smith Jr. leads the team in shot attempts and turnovers, Nerlens Noel plays under 20 minutes, and J.J. Barea and Yogi Ferrell cannibalize each other. Oh, they lost again and failed to score 100 points.
No Clippers player played over 28 minutes, as they clobbered the Mavericks.
Blake Griffin is awesome. A true MVP candidate, but he only has two blocks on the season. How is that possible with his size and athleticism? I mean, the dude jumps over cars. You telling me he can’t block a shot or two? No wonder Chris Paul didn’t invite him to be in the State Farm commercials.