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What an incredible NBA Opener for big men!  Maybe the Sixers aren’t as crazy after all…?  But the bigs across the league went absolute ham; they were big hams!  It’s why in Supermarket Sweep the people would always go for the hams first.  Why did they never go to the wine section?!  Just nab the best ish there and start a party!

Myles and JV go for 30, Embiid has an epic debut, but it was Anthony Davis who takes home the best line of the openers thus far, going an absurd 50/16/5/7/4!  I mean, it could literally be the best line of the season…  Double rainbow, 7 steals?!, shot 17-34, and hit 16-17 FT.  After taking a little flack keeping him #1 last year, Brow started the 15-16 season going 18/6/2/0/3 shooting 4-20 (420!) and 10-15 FT.  Dude, apparently the Pelicans medical staff – in all of their immense glory and wisdom – should’ve taken a hammer to his ankle before last season!  Hard to believe a mere 1.5 weeks ago his status for the opener was in question off a kankle, but we’re seeing the ups and downs of what it’ll be like to be a Brow owner.  Especially the dread of seeing him play 41 minutes in a loss…  I nabbed him in one league, and might try some preposterous sell highs.  But the allure of lines like that are tough to ignore.  We just all know we’re one horrific Pels medical staff decision away from this happening to him walking out of the training room.  Here’s what else happened on our first major slate of NBA games of the 2016-17 Fantasy Basketball Season:

Harrison Barnes Hit a huge 3 to put the Mavs in overtime, but it was all for naught.  As was his incredibly empty ThrAGNOF line of 19/9/0/0/0 with 3 treys…

Dirk Nowitzki – Rainbow alert!  22/8/2/2/2 for Herr Grandpa.  Too bad it couldn’t germinate into a W.

Wesley Matthews 13/5/3/3/0 on an atrocious 3-16 shooting.  “Is that goal regulation size or what?!”  I watched some of this game, and he looked like the Wes Mat of the Blazers yesteryear, so if he stays cold a couple more games, I would buy low.

J.J. Barea – Always finds ways to surprise you, despite falling off the radar. “I’m a grower not a shower!”  22/2/6/0/1 in a whopping 39 minutes.  Against a pretty big team, JJ plays 39 minutes and Andrew Bogut only 20…

Myles Turner F yes!  If only this was how last year started…  We would be gushing with Myles thanks!  30/16/1/2/4 in an absolutely epic line, with a trey for good measure.  But before we go vaulting him into the 2nd round, JJ Barea was playing center apparently… 

I mean seriously, why even line up for that jump ball?!  All joking aside, the Mavs did keep it small for some reason…  Myles exploits!

Jeff Teague – 20/2/8/3/0 in his debut.  Monta Ellis had a surprising 19/7/7/3/0 as well.  As with all these Pacers lines, fast-paced + overtime = stats orgy.

Justise Winslow – Feeling pretty good about my bullishness on Justise thus far!  15/8/4/1/2 shooting 7-15 with 1-1 FT.  People were blind to Justise!

Hassan Whiteside – Ugh, this was like a vintage 14-15 Whiteside…  18/14/1/0/4 but 0-4 FT.  The Magic gave every fan a pair of clappers to really get in his head at the stripe (don’t fact check that).

Elfrid Payton – No one on the Magic really did that much to surprise you, except I loved Shelfrid’s 8-8 FT.  Only 5 dimes, but sneaks in a couple of blocks, and this was a pretty tough matchup against a slow and plodding Heat team.

Nikola Vucevic Starts out on a hot foot going 17/14/3/2/0.  Not that I don’t expect lines like that to be the norm, but don’t forget Bismack Biyombo sat. 

Serge Ibaka – 14/7/0/0/1 shooting 6-17.  Yeah, I could see a good bit of lines like this.  Less blocks than you were hoping for, not a great FG%, low REB…  A bigger role in the offense doesn’t mean a better fantasy player!

Brook Lopez Wowwwwww.  Benched to start the second half, as Kenny Atkinson apparently wanted to play different matchups.  Only 21 minutes of “Nooooooo!!!!   Clownfoooooooooot!!!” to start the season.  Definitely would buy low though…

Justin Hamilton – Reaped the rewards, going 19/10/2/0/0 with 3 treys off the bench.  He’s showed some utility when getting run before – albeit in just a few brief stretches – but there’s no way we should expect production like this most nights.

Joe Harris – Wins the, “wait, who?!” surprise rainbow award of the night.  16/4/3/2/2 with 4 treys.  God the Nets look like a disaster, but full credit to the second unit keeping them close to the Shamrocks in this one.

Rondae Hollis-Jefferson – Seeing him go in the 50-60 range in some of my RCLs was absolutely absurd.  Someone had a beat on something that I never heard…  5/2/0/1/0 to start his season, as Jeremy Lin lead the starters with only 27 minutes.  24 for RHJ.  It’ll get better though.

Jae Crowder Was going too late in drafts plain and simple.  Look at me in the green!  Fitting for a Celtic too!  21/5/2/2/1 in only 29 minutes, hitting 3 treys and shooing 9-15.

Al Horford Not huge, but 11/5/6/0/4 in his C’s debut.  Like dem swats!  Only 27 minutes, but yeah, when the other team benches their only true center, it’s going to be annoying…

Marcus Morris – Sure it’s only one game and not like it was that amazing, but 17/9/3/1/0 in his debut and I couldn’t understand why he was going undrafted even in 12ers.  Adds a couple treys as well.  PI’m pretty happy here for a fixture backend player on my RCLs.

Andre Drummond Took an elbow to the face early, limiting his run to only 24 minutes of 16/6/0/1/0.  If you know an owner who panics early, this one could be sneaky buy low for a FT punt squad!

Kentavious Caldwell-Pope Uggghhhhhh!  Hey, sometimes addictions can be bad, OK?!  4/0/3/2/0 with no treys, shooting 2-9.  He’s kinda a streaky player, so not reading too much into it.  Plus the Craptors play good D.

Ish Smith – Mad boring 6/1/7/1/0 in his debut.  Not doing enough ish!  I’d hold in 12ers, although I did swap him out for Sergio Rodriguez in a league.   More later on the bearded Spaniard.

The Luminescent Lithuanian – So luminescent!  Although 32/11/1/0/0 only really shines a light on the scoring.  10-15 FG and 12-14 FT with only 1 TO with that line is also a big part of what he does.  Feasted with a limited Drum out there.

Kyle Lowry 10 points and 8 dimes in a lackluster line.  Sound the buy low bell!

DeMar DeRozan Drops a 40 burger.  But not much else in the stat line besides awesome %s (17-27 FG 6-6 FT) …and 6 TO.

Pascal Siakam Indeed gets the start at PF, and unsurprisingly cedes more minutes to Patrick Patterson4/9/0/1/0 for Siakam, and Pit Pat wasn’t much better….  Avoiding this position in 10/12ers.

Tim Frazier – Mad solid debut from your Jrue Holiday fill-in, that was coming at a nice discount in drafts.  15/5/11/2/0.  Love a discount dimebag!

Jamba Jus – The Nurk atturk!  23/9/3/0/1 in 26 minutes, with mad solid %s of 9-13 FG, 5-6 FT and only 1 TO.

Nikola Jock Itch – Wait, did these two switch bodies?!  Now before Slim goes carpet bombing my comments with “I told you so’s”, it’s only one game, and not like I didn’t like Nurk or was huge on Jock Itch!  I still ended up #1 on Nurk, and right in the middle on Jokic.  I didn’t even come close to being able to get Jokic in the 40s anyway.  5/7/2/0/0 in a horrific 21 minute debut, with an absurd 4 TO.  It’s literally Freaky Friday between these two.  But even though she’s nuts, Lindsay Lohan is still hot, and Jaime Lee Curtis isn’t too bad either for a Milf!

Emmanuel Mudiay – Ugh.  I took an upside flier here in a bunch of league, and all he does to impress me is hit 7-8 FT.  11/7/3 with 6 TO on 2-8 shooting.  Yuck.

Wilson Chandler – Just gets a shout for being 3rd in minutes at 30:13.  Hilarious!  Hey, the Nugs did win!

Will Barton – 22/5/2 filling in for Gary Harris, but lights it up with 7-12 FG, 6-6 FT, and 2 treys.  Another hot game or two, and he’s a great sell high.  Gary still gonna get his run.

Kenneth Faried – I took a value pick on him in one RCL as my last pick, and I got 14 boards.  This comment brought to you by “Muahahahaha Jokic drafters taking him top-30!”

Michael Kidd-Gilchrist – Main guy I went through and was sure to add in all my leagues.  He was 40% owned last night, and I got him in 2 or 3 RCLs.  23/14/0/1/1, led the Hornets in scoring, shot 10-18, hit 3-3 FT, and had 0 TO.  He just legit looked like the best Hornet out there too, with his energy and mad athleticism translating to both sides of the court.  Must-add in 12ers, and a strong consideration in 10ers.

Roy Hibbert – Ewwwww, gets 32 minutes and 5 blocks.  Cody Zeller is still coming off a knee bruise, so it wasn’t a big surprise to see him get limited run off the bench.  Epic sell high for Roy if he keeps it up a few more games.  Zeller looked good too in his 14 minutes, going 15/3/1/0/2.  Great line for 14 minutes, just ask Jokic!

Russell Westbrook We knew this would be a great one against the Sixers…  What we might not have known is the Sixers really pushed em for this W!  32/12/9 with only 2 TO on 11-21 shooting with a trey.  If the TO can stay down and he shoots this efficient, oh boy!

Steven Adams Was fine…  16/5/1/3/0 in 36 minutes, although like 3 of his dunks came on absolute travesties on defense from the Sixers.  Plus with both their C’s on minutes limits, Adams got some run against Richuan Holmes…  Even with that in mind, couldn’t muster a block?!  5 rebounds?!  And was only 7-16 FG overall.  All that said, he’s Westbrook’s first target every play/pass.  I still don’t know if he’s the 70ish overall player like you guys are seeing, but should be better than my rank…

Victor Oladipo – It also helped that Oladipo looked horrible.  10/5/1/0/1 with 3 TO on 4-16 shooting.  I obviously didn’t think it would be that bad, but hell this was against the Sixers!  It’ll get better, but my stance of having him closer to 30 than 20 or even top-20 is looking pretty defensible outta the gate!  Oladipo is not going to be a great off-the-ball scorer.

Jerami Grant Ya know, the line wasn’t great (10/4/0/0/2) in 22 minutes, but he looked pretty good out there with confidence to take his shot.  I am still bullish on this guy.  Helps that…

Dario Saric …I’m sorry, just looks like “a guy” out there.  5/7/2/0/0 on 2-12 shooting, and just doesn’t look like a great NBA player to me.  More a role player.  Would not be surprised if he cedes his starting spot to Grant sooner than later.  Sorry Saric fans.

Nik Stauskas – Showed some surprising moxie for a weak Sauce player…  5-6 from the field, but it was a pretty empty scoring line.  Meh.

Sergio Rodriguez – Alongside MKG, was the other player I rigorously added everywhere last night.  12/4/9/0/0, 5-11 shooting, 2 treys, and nary a TO.  Just flat out looked 2 or 3 tiers better than T.J. McConnell, who looks like a character from a WWII movie with his Dapper Dan combover now.  McConnell did fall into 7 dimes in 16 minutes, but didn’t take a shot, and was -14 to Sergio’s +8.  Not that +/- is ever a true indicator of anything, but at the eye level, Sergio looks like he is your clear PG starter.  Add him wherever you can.

Joel EMBIIIIID – Trust the process!  And trust EMBIIIIID!

Apr 15, 2015; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia 76ers center Joel Embiid (21) during warm ups before a game against the Miami Heat at Wells Fargo Center. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Looked flat out awesome.  Taking fadeaways, shooting 3s, and at the end, taking isos right up against Steven Adams in pivotal moments.  In his first career NBA game!  20/7/0/0/2 with a trey, but did shoot only 6-16 with 4 TO.  7-8 FT was nice though.  But the smoothness, the way he is now the face of that team…  Pretty cool.  EMBIIIIIID!

Gorgui Dieng – Choo choo!  12/14/2/2/1 on 5-10 shooting, 2-2 FT, and no TO.  Doesn’t look huge, but the metrics whore aspect of his game is gonna make you a pimp!

Kris Dunn Only 15 minutes in his debut for 8/4/1/1/0.  Tibs ended up rolling his starters big minutes, shocker!

JaMychal Green – 12/7/1/0/1 as the starter, hitting 2 treys and playing 29 minutes.  I hit a home run on ranking him this well before he was announced the starter!  Wish it stayed a little more under the radar…

Z-Bo – 19/11 with empty D stats off the bench.  Everyone can play nice with this PF/C rotation!

Marc Gasol – 18/3/2/0/4.  Where’s the rebounds?!  But as we saw in preseason, hit a trey as well.  32 minutes doesn’t seem like they’re limiting him too crazy either…

Andrew Harrison – With no Tony Allen and no Chandler Parsons, gets 38 minutes!  Led all Grizzlies.  Didn’t do much with them though.

Rudy Gay – All the drama made him way too much of a value.  I only got him in one RCL, but at like 95th!  22/3/2/0/4.  The blocks are a little fluky, but daddy like!

Matt Barnes – Sure DeMarcus Cousins only played 24 minutes because the Kings got to a big lead, but Matty B led the bench in minutes going 14/7/3/0/0 with 2 treys.  Not huge, but I think the STL and BLK will still filter their way in.

Ty Lawson – 9/6/7/2/1 on 3-9 shooting and in 36 minutes.  It’s just a band-aid while Darren Collison is suspended, but for streaming, I guess he’s usable.  Uber usable.  Well, should’ve used an Uber.

Marquese Chriss – Yeah, buzz was getting too loud here, only 7/4/2/0/1 in 22 minutes in his debut.  I guess the minutes are kinda what we expected…  4 TO on that line too though.  Bleh.

Dragan Bender – I was asleep before most of this game, but I’m guessing a lot of his 10/2 line on 4-5 shooting came in junk time.  Still annoying to see Bender have the better line after how bad Chriss outshined him in preseason…

Brandon Knight – Shoots only 1-8 in 26 uninspiring minutes.  Did get 5 dimes in his horrible line at least, and it should get much better.

Jared Dudley – Lays a Milk Dud.  Still played 26 minutes though, so I think there will be some streamability/deep league utility here still…

James Harden Is a monster (34/8/17), but the Rox lose to the Lakers!  In D’Antoni’s debut!  This is so D’Antoni…  But good for fantasy!

Clint Capela 16/9/0/0/1 in a nice start, and thankfully avoids the line all but once!  8-11 FG too.  Glad to see the slow start in preseason didn’t have any ill-effects, although only 26 minutes is a little annoying…

D’Angelo Russell 20/1/3/1/0 in a yawnstipating debut.  Well, for where you drafted him.  3 TO, but also 4 treys.  And nice to see…

Jordan Clarkson …go 25/3/1/3/0 off the bench.  Geez, 4 AST from the pair?!  Anti-D’Antoni!

Brandon Ingram Was expectedly blah.  9 points, 3 boards, a trey, and nothing else.

Julius Randle 18/7/6/0/1 for a nice start to his season, especially out-diming Russell and Clarkson combined.  9-11 from the field as well.  Maybe he’s going to end up surprising this season as a breakout, maybe the assists will indeed be a surprise, although I’d need to see extended success from Orange Julius.

 

How did your first NBA Wednesday go, Razzball Nation?!  Shoot your thoughts below, and happy NBA season!