There are four types of fossil fuels currently in existence: petroleum, coal, natural gas, and orimulsion. They are all made from plants and animals that decompose. As of 2018, petroleum accounted for 34% of the world’s energy source, coal 27%, and natural gas 24%. What is orimulsion? Is it like Bitcoin and Top Shot? Nuclear energy was 4.4%, hydroelectric 6.8%, while solar, wind, geothermal, tidal, and wind combined for 4%. In the three years since those percentages were tabulated, the numbers have skewed more towards the non-fossil sources as the world has become more conscious about saving Mother Earth. Yipee! Halliburton, though, is one of the world’s largest oil field service companies and is the Dolph Lundgren to Mother Earth: If she dies, she dies. They make billions of dollars, keeping their shareholders happy but draw the ire of the children of Mother Earth. But, but, but…..a new energy source has been discovered in Sacramento and his name is Tyrese Haliburton. Is he a fossil fuel? Well, he does kill defenders and decomposes them into the stat sheet, so yes. But he is also a green source of energy because he delivers the goods so cleanly and efficiently. Win, win for everyone.


In 40 minutes off the bench. Haliburton has only started two games this season yet is a top 40 player on the season. Over the last four games, he’s been a top 20 player averaging 34.2 minutes. 17.5 points, 2.8 tres, 3.5 boards, 6.5 dimes, two steals, and 0.8 blocks while shooting 48% from the field and 75% from the line. Dayam. Since 2000, only seven rookies have finished inside the top 40 at season’s end. Both LaMelo Ball and Tyrese Haliburton could accomplish the feat this year.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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Richaun Holmes


Orale, Holmes! After missing three games, Orale, Holmes! has played 21 and 26 minutes. On the season, Orale, Holmes! is posting top 50 value and averaging 29.3 minutes, 12.7 points, 7.8 boards, 0.7 steals, and 1.6 blocks while shooting 65% from the field and 78% from the line. He has rendered Mt. Whiteside dormant and is no longer a tourist attraction.

Marvin Bagley III


Here’s the good: Bagley has played 30, 29, and 35 minutes the last three games. He was languishing in the low-20s previously. He’s averaging 17.3 points, one tres, and 9.3 boards while shooting 50% from the field. The bad: 68% free-throw shooting, with that number being 54% on the season. He doesn’t get defensive. Which is good for constructive criticism but bad for fantasy. He’s been just outside the top 100 over the last three games. For perspective, he’s the 250th player for the season.

James Harden


Yawn. Just another day with James messing around and getting me Harden excited. He’s now messed around 52 times in his career. That’s going to cause intense negotiations if he ever gets serious and wants to draft up a prenup.

Bruce Brown


Got the start and played 25 minutes. Bruce, no relation to Bobby, so far as we know, had those who rostered him dancing in the streets naked. The 29 points were a career-high! Now, he’s started 16 games this season and the production has been all over the map. He’s scored double digits in seven of those games while scoring fewer than five points in six.

Karl-Anthony Towns


In 36 minutes. KAT has messed around once in his career, way back in 2016. Oh, so close last night. For those who were able to remain competitive with KAT mending himself back from one of his lost lives, he may vault you to fantasy glory.

Malik Beasley


Beasley is sleazy off the court but that doesn’t make me uneasy. Just don’t get freaky with my wife or you’re gonna have a short shelf life. When is Death Row going to sign me? Beasley is a top 70 player on the season, as he’s averaging 20.4 points, 3.5 tres, and 4.7 boards. The turnovers are low and the percentages are good, but he doesn’t provide the D and isn’t into sharing. How does he get all the girls then?

Giannis Antetokounmpo


All his stat lines should hang in the Louvre. Unfortunately, there is not enough space to display all the works of art and because the supply is so vast, the value of his work has dissipated. Like a true artist, he won’t be fully appreciated until he’s out of the game.

Bryn Forbes


In 26 minutes off the bench. Of course Forbes was money!

The great thing about this line is that it happens so infrequently that it remains fresh every time I use it. So, these last two blurbs are Economics 101. Supply and demand.

Jayson Tatum


I was about to go with the Channing bit but, if I’m reading the room correctly, that shit is played out now. Time to conjure up something different and hopefully better. How about some Beethoven’s 5th Symphony? Ta Ta Tatum…..Ta Ta Tatum. Two geniuses of their respective crafts blessing us with beauty and harmony.

Jaylen Brown


The ugly shooting efficiency was rearing its ugly head recently, as he was shooting 41% from the field over the last four games. On the season, he’s at 50%, which is a huge reason for his top 40 production on the season. To be fair, Brown has also improved his free-throw shooting and increased the dimes. The usage rate has also gone from 24.7 last year to 30.9 this season.

Luka Doncic


Doncic’s birthday is February 28th, 1999. He’s not even 22 years old yet. L. O. L.

Jalen Brunson


Over the last five games, Brunson has played 30, 22, 34, 28, and 30 minutes. He’s scored double digits in every game and provided tres, boards, and dimes. Brunson burner?

Tobias Harris


Stat. Sheet. Stuffer. Tobias is a top 25 player on the season. He’s shooting 51% from the field and is 0.2 steals and 0.1 blocks from joining the elusive 1/1/1 club. He’s been doing this with a 22.9 usage rate on the season. Doc Rivers for president!

Furkan Korkmaz


Got the start and played 28 minutes because Seth Curry was unable to play due to an ankle injury. It must’ve been both weird and cool having the name Furkan growing up. I would never know if someone was cussing me out or if they were just calling my name. It’s the ultimate glass is half full or empty scenario. Some would punch the person saying their name while others would calmly acknowledge a polite proclamation.

Pascal Siakam


Siakam has been scorching hot, putting up top 15 numbers over the past four games. P. S. – He’s good. P. P. S. – Maybe paying a late-second price wasn’t so bad after all. P. P. P. S. – Maybe this is just a heater and I’m using it as confirmation bias for my shitty second-round selection. P. P. P. P. S. – Maybe all of the above is true. P. P. P. P. P. S. – This starting at center thing sure is working out well for Siakam.

Norman Powell


Got the start and played 35 minutes. Kyle Lowry missed another game due to an ankle injury but Deandre’ Bembry started for him. Powell has started the last 12 games and it looks like Nurse is going to keep going small with Siakam at center and Lowry, VanVleet, Powell, and Anunoby rounding out the starting lineup. If so, then it’s a boon for Powell because he’s a top 40 player when starting, as he averages 33.1 minutes compared to 21.4 off the bench.

Fred VanVleet


Do we need to name him Scary Fred and change Terry Rozier to Terry VanElite? The shooting efficiency is God awful at times for VanVleet, like 31% awful, but he does so much in every category that it’s a mole on Cindy Crawford’s face kind of thing. VanVleet is the number 16 player on a per-game basis for the season despite shooting 40% from the field.

The center situation was interesting for the Raptors against the 76ers. Y’all know my thoughts on Chris Boucher when he faces bruising, low post players like Embiid. Well, he played 23 minutes and contributed 10 points, three rebounds, one steal, and one block. Aron Baynes played 30 minutes, which makes sense to battle with Embiid down low, and contributed 11 points, four boards, two dimes, and one block. I’ve become more bullish with Boucher as a result.

Draymond Green


Take off the backpack, Dray!!! Over the last six games, he’s shooting 38% from the field and 57% from the line but is still putting up top 70 production because of the boards, dimes, and putting the D in raymond. Who does that? I like to clown Dray but I have so much respect for his game and basketball IQ.

Steph Curry


This simple (and rude) spice-chart is all you need when eating in a foreign  country | Metro News

Curry was 5 last night. Hope we get a 7 soon.

James Wiseman


Made his return from an 11-game absence and played 16 minutes. A priest, rabbi, and Wiseman walk into a bar. The priest orders Holy Water on the rocks while the rabbi prefers it at room temperature. Wiseman asks, “What do six buckets get me?”

Julius Randle


I love seeing Randle ball the F out now. The same feeling I have for Brandon Ingram. But I love, love, love having Anthony Davis on the Lakers. Anyways, the only thing missing from Randle’s game for fantasy is the defensive stats, so he’s probably topped out in the top 40 range.

RJ Barrett


In 27 minutes. In the last eight games, Barrett has eclipsed the 30 minutes threshold just twice. He’s shooting 42% from the field, garners a usage rate of 23.4, doesn’t provide the D, and doesn’t dish out many dimes. He’s outside the top 200 for fantasy. Yuck.

Taj Gibson


In 24 minutes off the bench. He’s back!

Reaction From 'Taj Gibson Day' On The Internet - SB Nation Chicago

My favorite picture of all time. With Mitchell Robinson out of commission for a while, the Taj Mahal will be open for visitors once again. Enjoy!

Moritz Wagner


Got the start and played 25 minutes. Wagner has started the last six games. Before you start mental masturbating, he’s played 25, 15, 11, 3, 24, and 22 minutes. So, basically, shrug emoji. He can score, grab boards, can space the floor, and chip in some defensive stats from time to time. The five dimes were an outlier, though.

Bradley Beal


The number 12 player for fantasy on the season. Remember a few weeks ago when people were saying he’s loafing and quitting? If they meant loafing and quitting on trying not to get buckets, then I suppose so.

Russell Westbrook


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalmost messed around. He only needs 27 to catch the Big O. Despite almost averaging a trip-dub, Westbrook is outside the top 200 for fantasy. L. O. L. 4.8 turnovers, 60% free-throw percentage, 42% field goal percentage, 0.8 steals, and 0.4 blocks will do it. Every time I write up Westbrook I wonder if there is a Russell Eastbrook in the world for some reason. Do Google search. Damn, I’m so late to the freaking party. I truly am washed.

Kawhi Leonard


Yawn. Booooring. Here’s something fun….

Paul George


Since missing seven games, PG has played 27, 33, and 29 minutes, the latter due to a blowout. He’s scored 15, 34, and 30 points. What he’s doing to defenses isn’t PG. This movie is rated R due to excessive violence due to the murdering of defenders.

Ivica Zubac


In 27 minutes off the bench. What a beautiful line. So beautiful that the Numerology Society has sent its best people to investigate. Things like that do not happen by coincidence. How can man produce such brilliance? Only the fourth time Zubac has played over 25 minutes in a game. He’s dub-dubbed in three of those and went 22/8 in the other.

Derrick Jones Jr.


The 18 points were a season-high. He’s scored double digits in only seven games this season so scoring is not his game. He’s all about boards and defensive stats. DJJ is averaging 0.8 steals and 1.1 blocks.

Enes Kanter


Boards and field goal percentage are Kanter’s main contributions. He also shoots well from the free-throw line and will chip in points. The D is lacking though.

Damian Lillard


Lillard has dished out at least 10 dimes in seven games, with five of those coming in the last six games.

It’s Dame Time!!!

Carmelo Anthony


In 32 minutes off the bench. Melo can microwave on any night but the four games prior, he went for 10, 7, 12, and 10 points while playing 22, 25, 20, and 27 minutes respectively.

Michael Porter Jr.


Played 40 minutes, which is good, and he grabbed at least 10 boards for the third time this season and first since late January. With that said, he hasn’t done much. Over the last month, he’s been a top 100 player averaging 27.1 minutes, 12.7 points, 1.9 tres, 5.7 boards, 0.9 steals, and 1.1 boards while shooting 44% from the field. Not what was expected from the sixth or seventh-round draft cost.

Nikola Jokic


He’s just showing off at this point. What a freaking Jokic! The eighth time he’s scored at least 40 points, with four of those coming this season.

Jamal Murray


MEHray! I kid. Shout out to J. Murray, the commenter. Murray has been the opposite of Mehray. He’s been enfuegray. Top 10 player over the last eight games. He’s shooting 54% from the field so will return to top 50 Mehray production sooner than later.

The Nuggets had one turnover as a team. Incredible. Since 1983, only five teams had two turnovers in a game. Nuggets with the record!

Mason Plumlee


Mason is dripping with so much fantasy swag that we need to ask for assistance. Is there a Plumlee in the house? Top 75 player over the last five games, averaging 11 points, 10.4 boards, 5.3 dimes, and one block while shooting 64% from the field and 70% from the line. What’s in the water in Detroit? He had never shot higher than 60% before in his career.

Saben Lee


In 29 minutes off the bench. Lee’s second straight good game. He’s averaged 30.7 minutes, 16.5 points, 1.5 tres, 3.5 boards, 4.5 dimes, a 2.5 steals while shooting 66% from the field. That shooting is obviously going to regress. When that happens, will the playing time turn back into pumpkin?

Dennis Smith Jr.


Got the start and bounced back from a poor game in the previous contest, but still only played 18 minutes. If Lee’s shooting doesn’t regress too hard, he will likely take over until Killian Hayes is ready to return.

Terrence Ross


You went to Ross expecting to grab some jeans and new shoes. Sorting through the racks, it’s brick after brick. Then you head over to the home furnishing department and boom, bam, thank you, ma’am.

John Collins


Only played 13 minutes due to suffering a concussion.

Trae Young


Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Sunday. Traeday.

Clint Capela


Top 30 player on the season, averaging 14.8 points, 14 boards, 0.8 steals, and 2.1 blocks while shooting 58% from the field. The 55% free-throw shooting hurts, though.

Kevin Huerter


A nice bounce back game for Huerter as he had scored 11, 5, 7, 8, 10, and 5 the prior six games and garnered a usage rate in the low teens. Baby don’t Huerter me, don’t Huerter me, no more. He plays over 30 minutes and will provide tres, with some boards, dimes, and steals. Top 100-ish player.

Danilo Gallinari


Thanks for playing. He’s only averaging low-20s minutes and is outside the top 200. Hasta la vista, baby.

Jarrett Allen


Top 20 player over the last three games. Points, boards, blocks, and excellent field goal percentage are what going to Jarrett entails. Yipee!

Collin Sexton


He’s barely a top 200 player. The points are voluminous and the dimes are dished but not much else outside of some tres.