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A good friend will tell you not to reply to the Nigerian prince. A good friend will spend time with “that girl’s” friend. A good friend will say you look good when you actually look like shit. A good friend will tell you not to draft Carmelo Anthony.

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
2500010/61/110

In the offseason, I thought the acquisition of Melo would be a detriment for the Rockets….on the defensive side of the ball. Little did I know that he’d literally suck the life out of the offense. Melo, the most powerful Black Hole in the universe. All jokes aside, Melo does provide threeecolas and some rebounds. The turnovers are miniscule as well. It’s tough to turn the ball over when you have no intention of passing. Other than that, you’re not getting much….literally. A combined 1.6 assists, steals, and blocks per game. 40% shooting from the field and 68% from the line? Melo is the 150th player according to BM. I’m actually surprised he’s that high. Now, he can get hot, as he had a streak when he scored over 20 points in three of four games. Here’s a little story for you. I recently joined Periscope. Every day, at least three hot women follow me. I know I’m a good looking guy, but come on! It’s tempting, but you know nothing good can come from it. Friends don’t let friends Melo.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

 

George Hill is out for two weeks due to a sprained right shoulder. Collin Sexton should see an uptick in minutes.

The Rockets scored 77 points. Usually, that calls for a NO BLURBS FOR YOU!!! But it was a four-game slate.

James Harden

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19853154/127/191/3

These lines are not getting his owners Harden excited.

Chris Paul

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
10256050/44/112/2

Maybe he needs some new neighbors. Those 6 steals are nice, but I was told that there would be assists. CP3 seems to be dealing with an elbow issue, which could explain the 11-for-34 shooting over the past three games.

Clint Capela

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177311108/121/2

A decent line, but not going to make anyone dance.

PJ Tucker

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13320023/54/62/2

Pucker up.

Jerami Grant

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11620011/33/54/4

Played 34 minutes. Not a high usage player, Grant will provide a threeecola, boards, and steals with excellent percentages. Over the past week (four games), Grant is the 30th player according to BM.

Paul George

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201166023/117/213/5

I’m curious. Is George the best two-way player in the league? Is he better than Kawhi Leonard? Beep. Boop. Bop. Not sure which side the Stocktonator would choose, but he loved PG last night.

Steven Adams

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
1910420107/125/9

When the aliens do come, I want Adams front and center in the welcoming/assessing party.

Dennis Schroder

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14651060/36/122/2

Got the start, as Russell Westbrook was out due to injury, and played 34 minutes. Don’t worry Westbrook owners. Dennis will not be a menace when he’s out there.

Terrance Ferguson

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
14401124/95/100

Played a season-high 30 minutes and cracked the double-digit mark for the first time all year. The coaching staff has stuck with him in the starting lineup because they’ve liked his defense, so maybe this is a sign that he’s more comfortable and confident. I have my doubts, as he was averaging less than four shots per game and shooting a putrid 30% from the field. He was also contributing a steal here and there but not much else. With that said, he’s still only 20 years old and is super athletic. If he continues getting the minutes, there’s a chance, but I need to see it on a more consistent basis.

The Suns were up 32-13 over the Celtics after the end of the first quarter. Game went to OT with the Celtics emerging victorious, 116-109.

Jayson Tatum

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
4821010/11/72/2

Seems like only yesterday when Tatum stans were taking victory laps. Currently, the 81st players according to BM.

Kyrie Irving

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39763136/1313/287/7

Played 43 minutes and has reasserted his alpha dog status on this team. Over the last five games, Kyrie has been the 4th player for fantasy.

Jaylen Brown

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
17610021/36/134/6

Has been dealing with a foot issue, but I’m not sure that fully explains his terrible season. Even though he’s been getting over 29 minutes of run, Brown is shooting 37% from the field and 60% from the charity stripe. The only category that Brown is not a negative in is turnovers. What can Brown do for you? Nothing.

Marcus Smart

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
7422031/31/44/6

The PJ Tucker of guards. Naw, that’s disrespectful to PJ, as he’s the 52nd player according to BM. Smart is 187th. Yup, killing your teams if you have him.

Terry Rozier

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10610011/33/83/4

Played 21 minutes. Just not getting enough minutes to be fantasy viable.

Al Horford

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7630421/23/70/1

Just like love and marriage….and with kids. There are good days. There are bad days.

Trevor Ariza

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
11960113/73/72/2

Played 42 minutes. Why is he on this team again? Anyways, he’s the 131st player for fantasy, as he will contribute threeecolas, rebounds, assists, and some steals. The field goal percentage is putrid, though. Wouldn’t surprise me if he gets shipped off at some point.

TJ Warren

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
29711103/49/178/8

Got the start and played 42 minutes. Regulators!!! Mount up!

Deandre Ayton

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1410101206/102/4

Seven double-dubs in 10 games. Not bad rook. He’s a top 50 players for fantasy. Love seeing the 59% from the field and 74% from the free throw line.

Isaiah Canaan

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
7562011/83/140

Played 42 minutes. Monkey throwing darts at the wall. See if the shit sticks. What other cliches are there? Pick one.

Devin Booker

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
38393064/1315/304/5

Googly moogly boogly. Needs to get the turnovers under control, but it won’t surprise me if he’s a top 25 player next year.

Danilo Gallinari

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
20500025/86/133/3

When will the rooster crow to signal the end of Gallinari’s season?

Tobias Harris

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151120101/36/162/2

Was questionable to play due to an illness, but started and played 37 minutes. Beep. Beep. Beep. That’s the sound of the Brinks truck backing up.

Boban Marjanovic

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44102002/50

Got the start again but only played 12 minutes. Why is Doc messing with the Boban?

Shai Gilgeous-Alexander

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
19320112/27/123/6

Got the start and played 35 minutes. Avery who? Things I have learned or re-learned the past couple of days. Don’t fade a self-made billionaire and always trust in the Logo.

Montrezl Harrell

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
196213108/93/5

Played 25 minutes. Just play the guy Doc! On the season, Harrell is averaging 21.7 minutes per game (26.9 over the past three games). He is the 57th player according to BM.

Lou Williams

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
20370020/48/224/4

8-for-22 not sweet. 36 minutes. Sweet! First time receiving more than 27 minutes of run. Averaging 24 minutes per game, yet has scored in double-digits every game and jacking up over 12 shots per. More minutes please.

Damian Lillard

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
25441123/711/250

CJ McCollum

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
23720002/68/205/5

Crockett and Tubbs. McNulty and Bunk. Ren and Stimpy. Some of the greatest duos known to man. Add Lillard and McCollum.

Zach Collins

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10900010/13/64/4

Played 27 minutes as Jusuf Nurkic fouled out after 23 minutes.

Evan Turner

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7171100/13/71/2

Played 29 minutes and continues to contribute across the board. The 146th player for fantasy. Not sexy, as he doesn’t provide threeecolas, blocks, and the free throw percentage is low. ET does phone in rebounds, assists, and some steals, though.

Giannis Antetokounmpo

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24942220/27/1610/11

Only played 26 minutes because the Warriors couldn’t handle the Deer. I don’t know how you stop Giannis. You lay off him, daring him to shoot a J, but he just uses that space to go through or around a defender. I wouldn’t be shocked if defenses start backing off more, which will just give G more room to build up speed to jump over them.

Eric Bledsoe

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26461032/310/124/6

Example A of why being a patient grasshopper is usually a good thing.

Malcolm Brogdon

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
20312002/49/140

That’s when you know things were clicking for the Bucks.

Pat Connaughton

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15420111/37/110/1

Played 21 minutes. Not garbage time either. Connaughton can shoot, especially from downtown, and will grab boards. Not much else, though, and he doesn’t receive consistent minutes (only averaging 14.3 on the season).

Klay Thompson

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
24331212/29/154/6

The lone bright spot on a night when the Warriors got waxed by 23 at home.

Steph Curry

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
10160020/45/140

Left the game in the third quarter due to an apparent abductor injury. The severity of the injury is unknown at this time. Quinn Cook (played 19 minutes and went 15/2/5) would be the likely replacement if Curry were to miss any time.

Kevin Durant

PTSREBASTSTLBLKTOV3PTFGFT
17590161/26/154/5

Was getting smothered all night by the octopus/amoeba defense of Milwaukee. Shit happens.

Draymond Green did not play due to a foot issue.