Commissioner Gordon Outduels the Hulk

In the Batman movies, Commissioner Gordon is portrayed as a subservient, damsel in distress character. “Oh no! There’s trouble in Gotham. Let me run up to the rooftop to signal the Batman so that he can take care of everything.” I kid. Commissioner Gordon was old and needed the youth, strength, and resources that Batman could provide. But, before he became a useless POS, Jim Gordon served in the US Marine Corps and was a Special Forces veteran who could kick some serious ass. That’s where we are at with Aaron Gordon of the Orlando Magic. He’s only 22 years old and 6′ 9″ 220 pounds. He can dribble, shoot, rebound, block, pass, jump like a flea, and run like a gazelle. He’s basically the new and improved version of Blake Griffin. Sad to see the Matrix slowly phasing out Blake for Aaron. Anyways, last night the NBA’s Commissioner Gordon put up the first 40-burger of his career:

He led his team to a 121-108 victory over the Oklahoma City Thunder, a team led by Russell Westbrook, aka Beastbrook but I prefer to call him the Hulk. Off the court, Westbrook seems like a funny, charismatic guy. On the court, SMASH….SMASH….SMASH! Dude plays with reckless abandon, which results in an abundance of turnovers, but he will dunk on your grill at every opportunity. And keep coming. And coming. And coming. He truly leaves everything on the court, which is why I’d always want the Hulk on my side, because I know he’d always have my back. As for last night:

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Here’s what else I saw last night:

Terrance Ferguson –

Why am I mentioning a guy that literally did noting? Well, he played 20 minutes and received 21 minutes the game before. It’s probably nothing, but he is an athletic freak that has the potential to be an offensive weapon. He’s super raw and young, so it’s interesting that he’s been getting some run the past couple of games. I’d keep an eye on him, the sort of eye when you see some crumbs of that doughnut you ate on the floor. No need to get off the couch, but if you see that scout ant roaming around, then it’s time to get your butt up.

Elfrid Payton –

Payton has upside, but he’s so inconsistent. I read a comment that said it’s impressive that someone wearing a graduation cap can ball out so well. Ha! I’m beginning to think that his deal with the Devil was: NBA player in exchange for 1/2 your soul and hairstyle of my choosing. I’m sure it was a snap call by Elfrid, but let this be a lesson to all of you. Always ask the pertinent questions first.

Jonathon Simmons –

Received the start again and played 33 minutes. The Magic won, so that’s a good thing if you’re a fan of the team, but probably bad from a fantasy perspective, as Simmons is probably best suited to be the man on the second unit.

Dillon Brooks –

He played 33 minutes, so that’s not the problem. Having mediocrity be the ceiling is, though.

Ben McLemore –

Just what the Grizzlies need. Another wing to take minutes, but sure, it’s the coach’s fault so let’s fire him.

With both Mike Conley and Mario Chalmers out due to injury, Andrew Harrison got the start.

His name ends in son so…..

Tyreke Evans –

Man, where would the Grizzlies be without Reke? It was said that he was injured last year in Sacramento. I’m beginning to have my doubts about that. I wouldn’t blame him, as it’s a true shituation in Sac Town.

LaMarcus Aldridge –

Another 40-burger tonight? That was LMA’s fourth 40-burger of his career. What’s going to happen when Kawhi Leonard returns? In-N-Out?

Kyle Anderson –

Mr. Anderson has been very productive filling in for Kawhi. Did you know that he’s a top 75 player right now?

Dejounte Murray –

Since Tony Parker returned, he’s played five minutes in each game. Sayonara Dejounte.

DeMarre Carroll –

Led the Nets in minutes played (34), points scored, and shot attempts. ‘Tis the season.

No Rondae-Hollis Jefferson and Allen Crabbe for the Nets last night. Trevor Booker and Joe Harris got the starts at shooting guard and power forward. Booker went:

Harris went:

As always, shoutout to the NY Local Unions.

Caris LeVert –

He played 28 minutes, so he was the main guy off the bench. Isaiah Whitehead and Sean Kilpatrick played 12 and 17 minutes respectively.

Maximillian Kleber –

Rick Carlisle’s daughter must really be infatuated with Kleber.

Dwight Powell –

Powell looks to be the big man of choice off the bench. Noel was a DNP, Meijri got seven minutes, and Withey must’ve played a few seconds. If you need D stats, go with Powell. Other than that, you have to go with Kleber, right? He can shoot and the coach is forced to play him or his daughter would throw a hissy fit.

JJ Barea played 22 minutes. Yogi Ferrell played 22 minutes. Devin Harris played 23 minutes. JJ must’ve been like, “Coach, you know I love playing basketball, but have you seen my wife?” “Say no more, JJ. I got you.” Ferrell is Happy. Harris….thought he was deceased.

Tyus Jones –

Got the start again with Jeff Teague out and played a team-high 42 minutes. Plug and play.

Gorgui Dieng –

Dieng! KAT was in foul trouble, so I wouldn’t count on this being a new trend. Gosh Dieng it!

Anthony Davis –

Ejected in the second quarter. Awaetasgsdg’lsga’sghas’gha’srgh!!!! Guess who I had in DFS? Does the @IsAnthonyDavisHurt Twitter account tweet out “Yes” in this instance? He did have hurt feelings.

Jrue Holiday –

You believe me now about the North/South Korean thing with his bro Justin? Facts don’t lie!

Rajon Rondo played 27 minutes. All you need to know about his performance is that Jameer Nelson played 27 minutes.

Darius Miller –

Miller played 25 minutes last night and has received at least 20 minutes of run in each of the past eight games. He’s gone 28 minutes three times and scored in double-digits six times. Related to Reggie and Cheryl by any chance?

Thaddeus Young –

Played 31 minutes and led the Pacers in scoring. The uptempo game is conducive for Young’s game, so keep that in mind for future pace-up contests.

Myles Turner –

The Odometer keeps churning away. It’s only a matter of time.

James Harden –

Almost messed around. If I owned him in fantasy, I’d be Harden excited.

Chris Paul –

Paul played 30 minutes, which makes three games in a row. If an alien abducts me tonight and asks me how CP3 and Harden are coexisting, I will just show it this video:

Clint Capela –

C & C Music Factory. Making all his owners dance now. Top 30 player.

With Kemba Walker out, Michael Carter-Williams got the start.

MCW is a terrible shooter, but he does contribute in other categories. He’s always a threat to mess around, but make sure you put a bib on him.

Dwight Howard –

Yes, Dwight! Forget the “I want to smile and please everyone” Dwight. Angry Dwight is who we want to see.

Jeremy Lamb –

Played 29 minutes. When Batum initially came back, Lamb’s minutes were slashed to the low-20s. Now, he’s more in the mid-20s and has the upside if Batum misses any time. With that said, Batum is the guy but Lamb still has value.

Frank Kaminsky –

Frank the Tank. About as useful as owning one in real life.

Serge Ibaka –

Dished out a dime.

I’m sad that Blake is out for a while, as I thought it would be a pretty tight battle. With that said, I probably have no reason to ever write about Ibaka again.

Kyle Lowry –

Remember when the sky was falling for Lowry owners? That’s why it’s usually prudent to side with history. Unlike the stock market, past performance is usually indicative of the future.

DeMar DeRozan –

DD is so good, but I feel like there’s another level. Am I tripping?

Fred VanVleet –

Played 19 minutes and has carved out a nice little role for himself. Keep in mind that the injury to Delon Wright was a huge factor. It will be interesting to see how things play out when he returns.

Josh Richardson –

That’s my son! He’s going to contribute across the board. The issues are the shot attempts and scoring. He led the Heat in shot attempts, but getting blown out by 29 to the Knicks may have had something to do with that. Keep an eye on this, like an “owl perched on a branch and sees a mouse scurrying away” eye.

Hassan Whiteside did not play, but what’s worse is that he said the pain has worsened. You’re not keeping an eye on this one. You’re hiring private detectives and sending a fleet of drones into the sky for 24/7 coverage. In his place, Bam Adebayo got the start.

I love the potential of Bam. He’s young, though, so there will be ups and downs, but if Whiteside were to miss any time, he’s the guy. He provides that athletic, defensive presence.

Kelly Olynyk –

Would also benefit if Whiteside were to miss time. He’s the offensive big man, not as in bad, but in the ability to shoot and score.

Kristaps Porzingis left the game after three minutes due to a nasty sprained ankle. X-rays were negative and he was cleared to return, but the Knicks were up by such a wide margin that there was no point. That bodes well for the future, though.

Enes Kanter –

Kanter has seven double-dubs on the season. Take that Erdogan!

Frank Ntilikina did not play due to a sprained ankle. Jarrett Jack played 24 minutes and Ramon Sessions played 24 minutes. And the Knicks won by 29. What a time to be alive!

Courtney Lee –

Lee is a top 60 player right now. He ain’t sexy, but he contributes across the board and gets a ton of run on a nightly basis.

Bradley Beal –

Left the game early after getting elbowed in the face. He did return, though. With John Wall out, the offense flows through Beal.

Tim Frazier got the start again for Wall, but he only played 19 minutes. Once again, it was Tomas Satoransky who played well in 29 minutes.

While Wall is out, I’d go with Satoransky over Frazier.

Jodie Meeks –

Got 26 minutes of run, due to the ineptitude of the starters. Meeks is definitely not shy about hoisting up shots, but he doesn’t get enough run on a consistent basis to be fantasy viable.

Dario Saric –

Played 32 minutes and had his best game of the year. The Homie!

Ben Simmons –

The Wizards were getting smoked, but mounted a comeback via the Hack-a-Simmons strategy. How can a professional ball player not be able to make free throws at a high clip? Makes no sense to me.

Tyson Chandler DNP, which made sense since the Suns were playing on a back-to-back. As a result, Greg Monroe got the start and played 25 minutes, while Alex Len played 17 minutes. Is there a wheel that Triano spins in the locker room to determine lineups?

Josh Jackson –

Best game, by far, for the rookie. So, that means he will be a DNP next game.

Jared Dudley played 22 minutes. He went to Jared.

The Pistons spanked the Suns 131-107. Tobias Harris scored 20, Reggie Jackson scored 23, and Avery Bradley scored 20. Andre Drummond was on his way to a triple-dub (13/7/7). All you need to know is that Luke Kennard played 26 minutes.

The Warriors beat the Lakers 127-123 in OT.

Draymond Green –

Almost messed around. It’s nice having KD and Steph back.

Kevin Durant –

Steph Curry –

So, I was watching video of a six-year old Steph splashing NBA threes. My son just started playing basketball and can barely hit the bottom of an eight-foot rim from a foot out. I give props to God and Dell Curry. Maybe Curry is God or God is Curry?

Brandon Ingram –

Played 44 minutes. A star in the making. Chugga-chugga choo choooooo.

Julius Randle –

Love Randle. The best lineups in terms of net rating for the Lakers all include Randle. He’s such a better fit than Brook Lopez for this team. Lopez played 17 minutes and put up:

I’d keep an eye on this situation, like “radar operator searching for stealth aircraft” eye.