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That was the last time I saw a Butler as mechanical as Jimmy Butler… “He’s more machine now, than man!”  Well, that was more a bartender, but ya know…  Godzilla returned from a pretty scary knee injury faster than I thought, going 24/11/6/1/0 in 34 minutes Saturday night exactly a month after “straining” his knee.  I’m sorry, when I hear nonspecificity with a knee injury, it’s scarier to me than realizing Deebo from Friday would lead our presidential candidates right now.  “WHY THE HELL IS IT EATING ALL THE SATELLITES!?”  Future came sooner than we thought on that one…  Focus, JB!  Aziz, light!  Godzilla did have some warts with the 5 TO and fouling out (actually the first time he’s fouled out in his career!), but when you’re a lizard-beast born from nuclear winter, it’s tough to have a blemish free outing!  I preached caution in trying to buy Buckets low, so hopefully you were bolder than me.  More daring.  Basically let’s hope you treated this like a giant Dorito, while I was a tasteless vegan vegetable straw.  Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy hoops action, plus The 7 Ahead for week 19 (last week of the regular season!!!!):

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So injury-prone guys certainly get a stigmata.  Wait, I mean stigma.  Well, if you got a stigmata, it certainly would make you injured!

But I’ve been as guilty as anyone of really depressing Anthony Davis‘ value due to his injury issues yet again this year.  Boy needs to put some meat on dem bones!  Brow tried to lead the Pels to a win last night, going 39/11/0/1/1 on 16-25 shooting.  But you gotta make your free throws!  7-12 at the stripe, and the awful, no good, very bad Pelicans lost to the even worse Lakers.  At home!  Oh man, I’d be binge-eating some beignets, that’s for sure!  Even with a rocky start, Brow is 4th in per-game numbers this year, and I think some of the “shut down” concern should be alleviated.  Of course if he gets a nagging injury in late-March it’ll happen, so maybe we should keep him out of the top-10 discussion ROS.  Oh no, I’m doing it again!  Guilty is me!  Brow should still probably be a top-5 option, especially with getting me a point on the 30-point challenge board!  I would link it, but I’m lazy and haven’t updated it yet…  [update – let’s do this 30-Point Board, comeback is nigh!]  And to be honest, I’m just grinding through today to get pumped for the Super Bowl weekend!  I’m wearing my NFC champ shirt today, but might wear my “Smart” jersey all weekend for luck.  Let’s do this Carolina!  And let’s do this, rest of the daily notes!

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Sorry there was no write up last week.  It was just a bad NBA slate with a bunch of questionable players and late news.  Those slates suck because it’s kinda of a waste of time from a writing standpoint.  That’s the NBA for ya.  Now we had the news we were all waiting for out of New York regarding the DFS ruling.  Unfortunately the judge ruled against the companies and players in favor of the state of New York.  Then later in the day, the court of appeals granted a stay of the injunction.  Meaning the DFS companies can operate until their day in court.  This of course looks like a good thing for the players of New York for the time being, but there is still much work to be done.  Ok enough news – let’s get on with the 8 game slate tonight:

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Matt Barnes capped off the Memphis Grizzlies comeback victory over the Pistons, by drilling a half court shot with 1.1 seconds left in the game. It’s probably the best mood that Barnes has been in all season. I don’t think Derek Fisher will have to worry about getting punched this week..

I was a bit surprised that Barnes took the shot considering there were still a few ticks on the clock when he chucked it up. Either way, it was a nice finish to a nice game from Barnes (8 points, 11 rebounds, and 3 assists in 30 minutes). The journeyman forward has always been a borderline fantasy player for his ability to do a little bit of everything.

Barnes had a nice string of games at the end of November, but now that Zach Randolph is back (21 points and 16 rebounds), Barnes has seen his minutes decrease. He should probably be dropped in 10 and 12 team leagues, but should continue to be monitored, should he see around 30 minutes a night.

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So I know what you’re thinking – where is Matty this morning?!  He’s been awesome!  Well, I’m here today to fill in while Matty takes a Canadian spa day.  What happens is you go to this facility and everything is made of poutines.  All you can eat is poutines, all the liquid you intake is gravy, the spa pillows are made of cheese curd…  Wait, why am I making fun of this, that sounds like the best day of my life!  Matty – true Canadian hero.

But back here in The Colonies, Klay Thompson has become MY true AMERICAN hero!  Going 13-21 from the field including 10-16 from deep, Thompson had a monster breakout going 39/7/6/0/1 against the Pacers, leading the Warriors to 23-0.  And speaking of “and-0s”, look at JB taking the 1-0 lead on the 30-point challenge board!  Looking like another season where I’m going to trounce Slim in the 30-pt challenge.  It’s not official yet, but I’ve heard mumblings that the IQ test will soon be phased out for the 30-pt challenge as the most accurate test for intelligence…  Anyway, it’s funny how perception and time can change a player’s analysis.  I went from slamming Thompson for being a ThrAGNOF, to finally buying in, and then defending his cold start suggesting making buy low offers.  All the sudden after last night, all he’s missing is 3.5 Pts and half a steal from having nearly identical stats from 14-15.  Of course as all of this unfolded last night, it ended with a monster cliffhanger after Klay got a kankle and looked like he was in some serious pain on the bench.  X-rays were negative, and luckily Klay says it’s not too bad and should be back in a few days.  Whew!  Let’s hope this doesn’t slow down his reacharound!  I mean turnaround!  Here’s what else happened last night in fantasy basketball action:

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Maybe he didn’t call glass on his clutch three with 1:05 left in the 4th, but when you’re Dirk Nowitzki, a future hall of famer, who cares? I know fantasy owners don’t care whether it was a swish or a banked in three. All we care about are the final stats. And, boy, did Dirk deliver.

Down one going into the second half, Dirk took over for the Mavericks, leading them to a 10-point win against the Clippers. Dirk finished the game with 31 points and 11 rebounds on 11-14 shooting, including 5-6 from downtown. It was vintage Dirk.

Midway through the 3rd quarter he caught a Zaza Pachulia pass off of an offensive rebound and without squaring up, knocked down an one foot fade away jumper without hesitation. He knocked down threes with DeAndre Jordan in his grill. It was truly a great game.

As a fan of the game, it’s amazing to watch games like this, but as a fantasy owner, you have to realize that these games aren’t as common for the 37 year-old as they used to be. It was Dirk’s first 30-point game since December 28, 2014. In his 18th year in the NBA, Dirk is still a top 50 player when he plays, but just be aware his minutes are monitored more closely and he sits on back to backs, hurting his total overall value.

Now onto the other nightly notables:

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Gentleman and Gentleman!! (Who knows, maybe we do have a couple ladies out there!)  It’s a glorious day to find some waiver bargains! We had our first full slate of the year last night, and the season is full of promise.   The beautiful thing is, all of the awesome pickups that win championships are still out there for us to find.  My mission this season, is to help you to be the first one to get them.  Unless you happen to be in a league with me…. Then the goal is for you to be the second one to know about them!

Thanks to “A Hill O’ Beans” for the title this week!  I’ll be using a few more suggestions in the coming weeks, so yours still might make it!  For this series, I’m going to primarily stick with guys that are under 50% owned on Yahoo.  If you have questions about much deeper or shallower leagues, feel free to ask them in the comments section.  Basically the range is going to be from the competitive 10 teamer, to about 14 team.  12 team is going to be the primary focus though.

Also, there’s going to be a section at the end of each weekly article to feature a couple trades that are in the comments.  I’ll be happy to give an opinion on any trades you post, and I’ll do so right away, but this is more for the amusement of everyone else!  So possibly one or two solid trades, and I might throw in a rip-off, just so everyone can hate your guts and accuse you of being in a weak league.  We’ll see! But yeah, post those below and we’ll have fun with em!

Ok! It’s time to dive in to the first inaugural edition of the RazzWired series! (Thanks to Newman for that name suggestion!)

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Time for the undraftables!

It’s an absolute barren wasteland trying to sift through the 151-200 ranks, akin to that 60-year-old retiree scanning a remote beach with his metal detector.  Bleep!  Bleep!  Eureka I found a dime!  But none of these guys are good enough to get dimebags!

We’re finally wrapping up the top 200 (Rank 1-10 | Rank 11-20 | Rank 21-50 | Rank 51-75 | Rank 76-100 | Rank 101-150), with most of these guys untouchable in 12ers.  However, there is some upside to be had with your last-pick fliers and hopefully help out with the deeper leagues.  The deep ballers.  “I’m balls deep in sleepers!”  If only that were the case – a lot of these guys are likely duds or rooks that won’t see enough PT.  “I’m balls deep in DNPs!”  So remember upside is a big factor when you get this late, as no one wants to be balls deep in O.J. Mayo‘s 20 minutes off the bench…

If you disagree with these ranks, be sure to put your fantasy acumen to the test in the Razzball Commenter Leagues!  We need more commissioners and leagues, so sign up a league today, it takes literally a minute – I stop-watched myself – and face off against the best fantasy basketball community around!  Prizes and me shaming myself on YouTube abound!

Back to it, here’s the Top 200 for the 2015-16 Fantasy Basketball Season:

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Man, there could not have been a more epic high or more epic low last night comparing our elite facial hair aficionados!  Well of course, #1 is Grey, he looks like the worst player at the Saturday afternoon Y pickup game, then goes for 40/15/15 every time!

The tanking Nugs got absolutely bludgeoned by The Beard last night, with James Harden going 50/10/4/1/0 on 12-27 FG (4-12 3PTM 22-25 FT).  Lay off the fouls, Denver!  Maybe they were like hippie Rastafarians just enamored with his majestic beard, “Oh I must rub your luscious hair, mon!”  Most surprising amongst the odd stats (like scoring 50 whilst shooting under 50%, on only 12 makes, etc.) is that Harden had never scored 50 before!  And Corey Brewer had!  Hah!

Then to the ugly.  Skipping the bad.  Anthony Davis tweaked his ankle in drills yesterday morning and wasn’t able to play.  That might cause some playoff losses this week!  All I can say is that I couldn’t get Brow in any leagues after my contrarian #1 overall rank, so he hath not scorned me!  Maybe burning all his owners late with this one will help him be a discount for me in 15-16.  So what is it, Brow or Beard first in next year’s drafts?!  With the ridiculous emergence of Rudy Gobert and Hassan Whiteside, kinda leaning getting one of those bigs later if given the choice and it’s tipping towards Harden.  7 dimes a game!  Plus scoring 50 every night!  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball action:

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Wow, big upset last night as the Pistons beat the Gizz 105-95.  I had “Grizz” typoed but laughed too hard to fix it…

And leading the way in running the Gizz out of Detroit was Reggie Jackson‘s Goromotaro!  Well, not really, 20/20 in Pts/Dimes doesn’t have an official Razzball name…  20 dimes is a double dimebag though!  Wait, no one gets those, it goes up to a quarter…  Can’t really complain that R-Jax didn’t get to 25 assists, but yeah, focus JB!  I wonder what could’ve flared up my ADD!

With my boyfriend Kentavious Caldwell-Pope hitting so many shots (not doing much else though in a 24/0/1/0/0 line), making 10-16 FG and scoring 16 Pts in the 3rd quarter, R-Jax piled up a ton of dimes on jumpers.  In the 3rd alone he had 6 dimes on 20+ foot FGM – 4 to KCP.  Helps when your fellow shooters are hot!  Just ask Stephen Curry how his season is going…  R-Jax has certainly had his ups and downs, and didn’t even have a single assist against the Jazz on Saturday!  I wanna say it was all due to Rudy Gobert, but if he was D-ing up R-Jax then Dante Exum would be on Andre Drummond!  I’m not depending on high-volume dimes here on out, but when R-Jax is in his lows, remember he was a pickup for a lot of his owners. So just thank your lucky stars for last night and enjoy the wave without putting the R-Jax on the pedestal, the underlining message from The 40-Year-Old Virgin.  Or else you let the Gizz win!  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball action:

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