As we continue to navigate through the NBA Playoffs, it’s been a fun challenge to rank for the 2013-2014 season.  There’s still free agency.  There’s still a draft.  Hey, at least we know there will be a season unlike 2011!

If you missed it, my top 10 then top 20 came out last week.  Hey, it’s early, you might say “way too early” (see what I did there, it’s in the title!) so these rankings are subject to change.  And I want no accusations of flip-flopping!  It’s not my fault if all the sudden Dwight Howard goes to the Bobcats and becomes a first-rounder!  OK, so that is as likely as Rony Seikaly… returning.  You gotta stop on the word that rhymes Jean-Ralphio!  Man I’m liking that show.  Also, random side note, Googling Rony Seikaly to spell his name correctly broke Google.  I searched it and it would freeze, despite everything else working.  Weird.

As I battle my ADHD to get into the rankings, let’s just dive into it:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So these guys aren’t in the top ten.  They automatically hate me and I automatically hate them… Well not really of course, but I want to tease out the drama!

After the first 6 picks, ending with Chris Paul for me, it’s becomes a mess of upside players and seasoned vets all tossed around like Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton in Twister.  Then that tornado finished the job last year, ripping off Hunt’s clothes for The Sessions.

Without further ado, here are the guys I’d be ripping my clothes off for to round out my top 20:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Razzball Community, like a single barrel scotch, is bold and strong. And like a single barrel scotch in the bloodstream of a Las Vegas stripper, we like to spread our butt cheeks and then drive while intoxicated. Wait, what? Anyway, the Razz-comm (<- term that won’t catch on) enjoy nothing more than to match wits and skills with each other in the fantasy arena (there may be things we enjoy more, but we’ll leave that to the philosophers). The season has come to a close, those of you who weren’t sure if J.R. Smith was for real can finally put that question to rest, and our RCL winners have emerged, basking in the glow of victory. “I remember when I was alive, I lived for the taste of success! So says I, the ghost of Dolph Schayes!” Damn you, Dolph, you aren’t dead yet! “Mayhaps, but your career is!” Moving on…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As I mentioned earlier this week, there is still a ton of things to cover, let’s just dive right in:

It’s obviously a good ways down the road, but a lot of people are optimistic for a return for the opener next year for Rajon Rondo.  As we saw from Derrick Rose this past year, that has me horrified.  Rondo tore his ACL on January 25th and Rose on April 28th and we didn’t see the latter now for a full year.  Even if Rondo can beat the timetable Rose has had by a two months (returning in only 10 months), that will still have him returning in late November, missing a month of the season.  Rose and Rondo both rely on slashing and agility for their games, and while the clear caveat that their injuries and bodies are different, I’m probably avoiding a 3rd or 4th round pick on Rondo.

Sticking with the Celtics, Jeff Green had some mammoth games while Kevin Garnett missed some time with injuries.  While he won himself a starting gig, we saw some inconsistency when Green was in there with both Paul Pierce and Garnett.  If Garnett returns, I won’t buy into Green’s price tag (even though there will be a built in amount of time with no Garnett with definite injuries), but if Garnett retires or for some reason isn’t in Boston green, I’ll probably be a big Jeff Green buyer.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The playoffs are coming, do you have a point guard emergency? Mo Williams consistency driving you insane? Kyrie Irving just not cutting it since his return? Steve Nash can’t stay on the floor? Tony Parker goes down! Well according to Lt. Dangle there might be a new sheriff in Orlando, all he needs is a killer ‘stache. Beno Udrih was Udraining shots from all over the floor Friday night and scored 27 points (10-17 FG) with 5 rebounds, 7 assists, 2 steals and hit 3 shots from beyond the arc. Beno may have that mustache in him after all. Jameer Nelson missed his fourth straight game and Beno got the nod again. In four games starting with Nelson out, Udrih is averaging 19.5 points, 7.3 assists, 4 rebounds, 1.75 steals and 2.5 threes a game. BENOthatswhatImtalkingabout Udrih! He  played 36 minutes Friday night and should continue to find plenty of time on the floor even when (if) Jameer Nelson (ever) returns. If I have a playoff point guard emergency I’m picking up Udrih,  Beno-911 should provide enough points and assists to make him an asset in your fantasy playoffs.

Here’s what else happened in basketball Friday night:

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Moe Harkless struck the Thunder for a career high 25 points last night and the rookie added 9 rebounds, 4 steals, 4 blocks and hit 3 threes. I’ve been pushing Moe for a while now, so this performance was a long time coming. Maurice is averaging a mediocre 10.7 pts and 5.4 rebounds over the past two weeks, but what really raises my fantasy eyebrow is the 3 steals a game. Do you know where your wallet is? No? Probably because Harkless just took it. Just like that. He’s that good. In fact, Moe has 21 steals in the past 6 games alone! Hashtag cleptomanic! Nikola Vucevic sat this game, and Arron Afflalo left the game in the first quarter in some serious pain. This explains Moe’s 45 minutes, and he should get major burn and plenty of touches going forward. Harkless is available in over 20% of leagues, if your looking for a playoff push, Harkless has all the tools to fill up all a stat sheet. And the steals! *drools  Go steal him from waivers before someone else does!

Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:

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I love all fantasy sports.  Baseball might be my favorite, just because it’s so long and hard and there’s so many guys to choose from…

But there are moments, fleeting highlights and moments, that I think make Fantasy Basketball special.  Like yesterday, with DeAndre Jordan absolutely murdah-ing Brandon Knight on the alley.  If you’re on your computer, just go to ESPN or NBA.  I mean Daaaaahhhhuuuummmm.  Lots of twitters about it, but my favorite might have been from Knight himself: “It wasn’t in the scouting reports that the clippers threw lobs lol”.  Hah!  Glad to see he isn’t in a deep depression.  Makes it more fun that everyone can smile about it.  ESPN then had a top ten of posterized moments.  All the others looked like the posterizee was about to kill the posterizer.  I’m 6’7 and I got posterized once by a guy the same height, but I didn’t know he had hops.  I just smiled and went my way, and luckily everyone didn’t go nuts/it wasn’t in front of 15,000 people.  Or else I’d be more Patrick Ewing than Brandon Knight.

Fantasy-wise, Jordan is still the barely-ownable center he has been all year.  You should get a bonus for posterized dunks.  Had one of his best games of late going 5-5 13 Pts 7 Rebs 1 Ast and 2 Blks.  Been at least 7 and 5 with a block the last five.  If you need blocks plus want to be on the edge of your seat if you only watch highlights of players on your team, give Jordan a look if he’s available.

Here’s what else went down over the weekend:

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Why do deer like salt licks?  It’s one of the longest pondered mysteries in the world.  Ok, that’s not true at all after I asked Jeeves.  According to Wikipedia (I know Mrs. Hanson, I can’t use it as a source but this isn’t a research paper, bitch) “A mineral [salt] lick is natural mineral deposit where animals in nutrient-poor ecosystems can obtain essential mineral nutrients.”  Parallels!  Those poor Milwaukee Bucks were having such nutrient-poor fantasy lines and highlights of late and just needed some salt to lick.  Easy, “that’s what she said” guy (you know if you are).  The Bucks had three plays in the Sportscenter top 10!  Fantasy wise, Monta Ellis hadn’t scored 30 in 2013.  Brandon Jennings hadn’t scored more than 11 in his last four games.  J.J. Redick hadn’t scored more than 16 or hit more than 2 threes in a game for his new squad.  And Larry Sanders hadn’t… Well he’s been playing awesome, and was awesome again last night.  Let’s look at their lines and the rest of fantasy basketball’s noteworthy performances last night:

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It’s my first buy/sell piece, so apologies if I steamroll over any of Chris’ darlings or any of that jazz.  But none of these players are gonna be on the Jazz.  Sorry Paul Millsap.  You’re OK as is.

Let’s get right into my picks as I put the daily recap in it’s own article just to make it feel special.  I’ll probably combine these like Chris did in the following weeks as Thursday Night’s slate of games are usually thinner than Tehol’s angle hair.  I’ll let you decide what that references:

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Greetings Razzball nation! It is I, Tehol Beddict, your indebted servant, scrutinizing player performances yet again to help you win your fantasy league. Let’s just say that Chris Bosh has had a trying last few days. The guy already gets blasted mercilessly for his resemblance to prehistoric creatures, flaccid rebounding numbers and his many peculiar moments on camera, some which of are on this video.

Please, blog, may I have some more?