Replace “Heat” with “Jay Cutler” and that’s what I have on in the background…

So a rough couple of days for Miami fans as both Chris Bosh and Josh McRoberts suffered seemingly minor injuries over the weekend, with some really bleak news coming out on Monday.  McBob’s knee injury that came out of nowhere in last Wednesday’s shootaround was diagnosed as a torn meniscus and needs to go under the knife.  Yikes.  Probably out for the season, and right when he was turning it on.  Then to Bosh, who has reports swirling his bum calf might cost him a few weeks.  It’s murky waters for the Brontosaurus, but for the long-term, you’re just sitting and praying to the Fantasy God of Injury.  I mean, dude was already so busy over the weekend!  Bosh is still staying involved with practice on a limited basis, but then again we all know what happens when “we talkin’ bout practice.”  In the interim, Shawne Williams probably gets the biggest uptick in minutes.  But he was pretty low-ceiling in big minutes to start the year… He had a couple nice games early on, very blah though.  Justin Hamilton is looking at a big role as well, off 10/3/1/2/0 in 33 minutes last Sunday.  A low-yield big role…  A little bit lost in the shuffle is Da Birdman!  Chris Andersen returned for Sunday, playing 18 minutes for 2/3/1/0/1.  He’s not going to get a ton of run given his age, but should offer a little blocking upside in a slight uptick of minutes.  Really none of these guys move the needle for me much, as it’s just an Abyss out there on the front line, with no aliens to save you by raising the ocean floor on some platform thingy.  I’m still in Lovington with Robert Covington and want it in the booty for Rudy.  They’re way above any of these Heat fill-in schlubs.  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops:

Robin Lopez Broke his hand and is out indefinitely, probably that 4-6 week timetable we tend to get.  I have a lot of fun with Rolo, but this is a brutal one.  Chris Kaman time!  A virtual must-own in all leagues.  It is worth noting Thomas Robinson finished down the stretch, but that could’ve just been a matchup thing.  I don’t think Rolo is the caliber of player to need to stash in 10 or 12ers through the injury.

Jabari Parker Sheesh, the past four days for injuries man…  I would smh, but I might pull a neck muscle.  Hurt his knee last night in a non-contact leg-buckling, had to be carried off, and couldn’t put any weight on it.  We’ll know more when the MRI gets done today, but it’s a pit in my stomach.  Really thought he’d keep improving and be big this year.  I almost dropped him already in a league as it’s looking bleak and it’s not like he was setting the world on fire, but going to see what the MRI tells us.

Ersan Ilyasova Don’t forget about the Six-Foot Turkey!  Broke his beak and will still be out a few more games, but could become the PF starter during Parker’s assumedly lengthy absence.

Khris Middleton The Duchess!  Random anecdote – no one called me out for continually mispelling it “Dutchess”.  “The More you Knowwwww!”  Anyway, K-Middleton hopefully called bank when throwing up this game-winner last night, or else it’s really ugly.  Strike that, it just IS really ugly.  Tough one for Suns fans, but a huge emotional lift for the Bucks after Jabari went down.  May be a short-term starter while Parker and Ilyasova are both on the shelf.

Brandon Knight – Really the only Buck you can feel good about every Knight.  Kidd closed out with Knight, Jerryd Bayless, Middleton, Jared Dudley and Zaza Pachulia.  Ummmmm…  I mean given Jabari was hurt, still…. But hey, it worked, and Milk Duds hit a huge three towards the end.  Knight was solid for 20/7/4/1/0 hitting 7-18 FG and 6-6 FT, but a horrific 7 TO including some bad ones early on.  Good to see him bounce back though, and had a great driving runner the basket before the game-winner.

Jerryd Bayless – 11/4/4/2/1 shooting 4-8 FG, 1-1 3PTM and 2-2 FT.  If only someone picked him as a deep league streamer yesterday…

Larry Sanders – 13 minutes of terribleness with 4 fouls.  After last night’s buzzer-beating win, Kidd should pop some champagne in his face to wake him the f up.

Gerald Green – Whew-ee!  Labradoodle city!  3-18 FG with 2-15 3PTM.  Been watching too much film of Lance Stephenson lately… 12/8/3/3/1 is still pretty saucy for dem counting stats though… No Goran Dragic out with a tramp stamp tattoo that went tragically awry, but it doesn’t sound like a long-term back issue.

Isaiah Thomas – Welcome back IT2!  Or IT3…?  I’m about to just start calling him IT#.  Whatever he’s feeling, he can fill in the blank…  This was his third game back from the kankle, but finally went off for 20 and 4 treys.

Alex Len Man, I’m wearing a “I want my back patted” pair of pants today!  Moved into the starting line-up over Miles Plumlee, and even though he fouled out in 19 minutes, made Larry Sanders get into worse foul trouble.  6/6/0/1/3 against the Bucks, and I’d rather Len over any of those Heat guys.  If only a fantasy expert (not some weird computer thingy) saw this coming!

Michael Kidd-Gilchirst – Man, can you feel the effect of MKG in the starting line-up!  Charlotte started by being down 21-0 to the Heat last night.  The Hornets fought their way back and it certainly wasn’t MKG’s fault, but yikes.  MKG did play some good D on LeBron James, limiting him to being a passer and LeBron racked up a ton of early assists on Cavs hitting jumpers.  0/4/0/0/0 isn’t going to get it done, and MKG just has no involvement in the offensive flow.  I still like the defensive stat upside, but inconsistency will be the name of the game.

Lance Stephenson – It’s getting a little preposterous that he hasn’t stopped shooting treys.  0-3 again last night, now 8-51 from deep.  I mean, that’s a bad average for a pitcher to hit!

Kemba Walker The % drain has been rough, but shot 11-20 last night and 11-21 two games ago at Memphis.  Nice high-volume shooting against tough opponents.  He’s always had a rough FG%, but there’s some progression lately and I know a lot of you loyal commenters have been frustrated with him.  Stay strong!

Cody Zeller Got a nasal contusion.  He’s got a pretty big shnazz so it’s probably a pretty big bruise.  Might miss a game, but unlikely.

Kevin Love It’s kinda unreal how I can slam a guy, then he shows up vs. me in REL.  “Bulletin board material, that JB from Razzball!”  7-14 FG 22/18/5/4/0 with four treys.  Season-high rebounds, tied season-high assists, tied season-high steals, and only has 4 or more treys in four games this year.  Don’t worry, there’s some “advice” in there…  It’s not “all” about me…  Just wanted to bring all that up as this is a perfect sell-high game if you’re thinking about the fantasy playoffs.  I love this link, Slim!

Guess the Kobe Stat Line – The Lakers were down 60-27 at half!  To the Pacers!!  And no surprise given that horrific first half, Kobe was awful shooting 8-26 FG for 21/4/3.  Only two guesses yesterday (well 3 including mine, which was way off), so even though Johnny was closer with the points, the winner is JeF With 1 F!  31/3/3 was pretty close with the tie-breaking 27 shots right on.  Another win for JeF on an awful Kobe game…  How many Fs for the Lakers this time?!

Ed Davis – 0/4/0/2/1.  Seriously, a demotion back to the bench is a good thing.

Jeremy Lin – Man, it just doesn’t get any worse.  2/0/1/0/0 shooting 0-6, somehow in 17 minutes.  I feel like something should’ve accidentally happened in that much time.

Jordan Hill – He’s been fading a little bit with only 6/4/0/2/1 last night, but still has at least a block in six straight and is a good FT shooter at that vastly improved 80% rate.  Don’t let that sexy combo get lost on ya during some of these ups and downs.

Rodney Stuckey – Still have my back-pat pants!  20/10/7, only 1 TO, and back-to-back dubdubs.  Of course the rebounds are flukey and this was against a Lakers team that didn’t show up at all, but I had to fight for Stuckey pretty hard through his early-season injury woes.  Hopefully I helped get him on your squads!

Donald Sloan – Welcome back to relevance!  17/6/2/1/0, but got a ton of junk time run against a horrifc team.  Plus George Hill is amping it up and looking to return in another week or two, which will put Sloan back into DNP-hell.  Fantasy-relevance for one game!

Kelly Olynyk Kinda a weird night in the NBA, as Olynyk of Nazareth dropped 30 against the Sixers.  Junk time minutes!  30/9/1/3/2 hitting three treys on 12-17 shooting, and there couldn’t be a bigger sell-high game.  That said, Tyler Zeller certainly can’t do anything close to that, and played 16 minutes to Olynyk’s 31.  It’s just going to be mad inconsistent, Olynyk is easily the guy to own, but if you could get any top-75 type talent, I would just for consistency’s sake.

Nerlens Noel A lot of drop Noel questions yesterday, and hopefully I kept you steering straight with Captain N!  19/8/4/3/2 in the exact type of rainbow-line I imagined in preseason, shooting 9-12 FG.  TO are still a problem (3 last night), and this was against a bad defensive C team, but a step in the right direction.

Robert Covington 13/6/2/2/1 in a near-rainbow as well, hitting two more treys.  44% owned is 56% not enough!

K.J. McDaniels – A lot of the above Sixer vs. this Sixer.  6/3/0/1/3 shooting only 2-10 in 20 minutes, and with Tony Wroten back, I just trust Covington’s role and minutes more.

Taj Gibson Take your time, Joakim Noah!  15/17/1/0/2.  Like Stuckey, another boring vet I had to fight a little for.  Reap dem rewards!

Al Horford Welllll, now to some bad calls.  21/10/6/2/0 shooting 10-19 FG.  I was leading the sell-high train and he’s had three straight gooduns.  We’ll see what happens…

Lou Williams Back to happy JB!  18/3/2/1/0, only hit one trey, but a solid 5-7 FT showing again.  That high-volume FT mixed with the treys can’t be ignored.

Jonas Valanciunas Anddddd, the Luminescence fades back out…  Four straight 12+ rebound games back down to 6/8/0/0/1 last night.  Actually his first block in the past four games.  Should be playing on JV instead of on the varsity Raptors team…

Evan Fournier Asked Tyler Hansbrough if he could pierce his lip.  Ouchie.  Dude, give The Virgin some props!  Came back into the game and went 11/3/2/1/0 in 30 embattled minutes.

Nicolas Batum “There’s rock bottom, 50-feet of crap, then me!”  7/0/6/1/0.  In the REL, there’s a team called Breaking Batum.  I think you can voice all of your Batum complaints to that team…  Their admission is in the title!

Damian Lillard The Omen struck down the Spurs vets so he could pull down a career-high 10 boards.

Kawhi Leonard Ruh roh.  Got hit on that bruised hand late last night, was in obvious discomfort, but stayed in and hit a floater with it.  Ended up leaving to the locker room when San Antonio was down 13 points with 44 seconds left.  I was watching the game and at the time of this writing I hadn’t seen any official updates or reports on it.  Cross me fingies.

Cory Joseph Yet again no Tony Parker, and Cojo looks really good out there.  12/5/1/1/0 is pretty boring with 3 TO, but just at the eye level – he’s going to be a Spurs Cojo-dojo!

Kyle Anderson Like Cojo, gotta like Slo-Mo!  Best game of his young career shooting 6-7 from the field for 15/5/1/0/1.  If he stays in San Antonio, he’s gonna be really, really good.  Shooting ya the memo, dynasty-ers!

Jodie Meeks – Ya know, it’s annoying as hell, I was all ready to write a “told ya so!” about not rushing to grab Meeks.  And through three quarters it was holding up.  Turns out he goes 20/1/4/2/0 on 5-10 FG (3-5 3PTM, 7-7 FT).  A ton of his 30 minutes came in junk time, but then again, almost every Pistons game has some junk time…  I’m still not 100% buying in, but climbing the ladder a little bit.

Greg Monroe – Well, at least he plays in those junk time minutes, but the worst 15/8 game ever.  No other stats and 5 TO.  A little splatter on your pants right there.

J.J. Redick – A ThrAGNOF game without even hitting a three!  7-9 FG for 14/0/0/1/0.  If you need a barometer for my Meeks buying-ness, I’d take him over Redick!


Streamers/Cheap DraftKings Picks:

Shabazz Muhammad (10% owned) – He can only score the ball and maybe give you a couple boards, but this should be a blowout at Washington.  Love-a me the junk-a time!  18+ Pts in 4 of the last 6, but doesn’t hit threes making him really tough to hold onto long-term.  That said, I like him tonight for another 20/5 type game.

Jason Thompson (8% owned) – A pretty boring 8/7/0/0/0 last time out, but was in foul trouble and only played 19 minutes.  It’s a tough matchup against the Thunder, but he’s got another start in store with DeMarcus Cousins still out.  Run DMC could be back by Thursday, but for now, it’s one more of the JT show.


I hope everyone is avoiding most of these injuries the past four days, and may your teams stay healthy for tonight’s slate!  See you tomorrow!