Karl-Anthony Towns is an amazing player. He’s 7′ 0,” 250 pounds, can post up down low, break ankles on the perimter, and drain threeecolas. While I question if he has enough dog in him to lead a team to the promised land, there is no denying his status as one of the elite fantasy players. Since entering the league, KAT has finished as the 12th, 6th, and 5th player in fantasy. So far, he’s the #7 player this season and puts up funky lines like this:


I want to go to Funky Towns, though.

Can we Voltron up and get Andrew Wiggins out of Minnesota? KAT is averaging 16.2 shot attempts per game, good for 31st in the league. Wiggins is at 15.5 shots per game. Imagine a place sans Wiggins where KAT attempts over 20 shots per game and sees an uptick in usage and assist rate? That’s a place I want to go. The beyond funky contract of Wiggins makes it an almost impossible task, but one can dream.

Here’s what else I saw last night:


Well, well, well. What do you know? Tom Thibodeau has been fired as team president and head coach of the Minnesota Timberwolves. Hmmm, maybe that trip to Funky Towns isn’t impossible after all. Ryan Saunders will take over interim head coaching duties. He was an assistant for the Wizards  (2009-2014) and an assistant for the Timberwolves from 2014 until now.


D’Angelo Russell


Played a team-high 33 minutes. On the season, Russell is a top 75 player. Over the past four games, though, he’s been a top 15 one, averaging 32.8 minutes, 23.5 points, 2.3 threeecolas, 3.8 boards, 7.3 dimes, 1 steal, and 0.8 blocks. 19.8 shot attempts and 31.9 usage rate over that span! I’m not the biggest fan of Russell, but the volume and across-the-board production cannot be denied.

DeMarre Carroll


Played 31 minutes off the bench. ‘Tis the season to be jolly. Over the past six games, Carroll has been a top 70 player. He’s averaged 29.7 minutes, 17.3 points, 2.8 threeecolas, 5.3 boards and 2.7 dimes. He doesn’t provide the D, so eMarre it is. Rondae Hollis-Jefferson has been out, so the minutes should tick back down when he returns.

Shabazz Napier


The past four games, Napier has played 27, 23, 24, and 33 minutes. He’s scored 18, 10, 12, and 32 points respectively. The minutes bump has come due to the Allen Crabbe injury, who is expected to be out for at least another week.

Zach LaVine


Led the Bulls in both minutes played and shot attempts. The shooting efficiency has been much better over the past few weeks, but the contributions in assists, rebounds, and D categories have plummeted. Points and threeecolas are what you can expect with reasonable confidence. Anything else is gravy.

Kris Dunn


Dunn has been a decent source of assists and steals. The 4 rebounds per game are nice from the guard position as well. The stats to keep an eye on are the shooting percentages. Since he entered the league three years ago, the threeecola, two-point, and free throw percentages have all increased each season. If he can maintain or continue improving in that area, then he will not be Dunn from the league.

Bobby Portis


Played 20 minutes off the bench, as the team is bringing him back slowly from injury. Per-minute, though, Portis is a beast. He should start getting more minutes soon, but will continue coming off the bench, which is probably ideal for him so that he can feast on second units.

Jonathan Isaac


More like Jonathan 1-saac. We must never forget the words of Flava Flav, “Don’t believe the hype.”

Nikola Vucevic


Top 10 player for fantasy. I’m going to name my next child Nikola. Nikola Son. I like it. It’s also gender neutral.

Mohamed Bamba


Only played 14 minutes. Not fantasy relevant outside the deepest of leagues, but it’s fun to track the development. He could be a blocks and boards monster with some threeecolas in the future.

Tobias Harris


Tobias Harris Clippers = THC. No wonder it’s so fun owning him in fantasy. The assists and D contributions are light, but the minutes, points, threeecolas, rebounds, and shooting percentages are all….high.

Marcin Gortat


Continues to start and played 25 minutes. Does Steve Ballmer have significant business in Poland?

Lonzo Ball


Played 23 minutes.

Like father like son?

Brandon Ingram


He’s a top 290 player for fantasy! Woo hoo!

The Lakers scored 86 points. No LeBron James or Kyle Kuzma, but c’mon man. Coach Walton started Ivica Zubac alongside JaVale McGee. The Timberwolves immediately went out to a 15-1 lead. All you need to know about yesterday’s game is that Michael Beasley played 21 minutes, Moritz Wagner played 19, and Svi Mykailiuk played 16 minutes.

Taj Gibson


Played 26 minutes, while Dario Saric played 22 minutes. I respect the loyalty and love that Thibs has for Taj. Well, the Taj Mahal was inspired by a love story so….

Andrew Wiggins


I’m not a Timberwolves fan or KAT owner, and even I’m clammoring for Wiggins to get off this team. Over the past seven games, he’s been a top 250 player. He’s played 37 minutes per game and has a 25 usage rate. Good times. At least he doesn’t turn the ball over, but that’s tough to do when he just hucks and chucks.

Jeff Teague


Has played two games since returning from injury. 29 and 28 minutes played with lines of 15 points/11 assists and 23 points/10 assists. He’s a reliable source of assists and steals, but he’s been shooting 60%. He’s a low-to-mid 40% shooter, so except the points to come down.

The Heat lost to the Hawks, 82-106. NO BLURBS FOR YOU!!! Justise Winslow led the team in minutes played with 30. He scored 13 points, grabbed 5 rebounds, and dished out 3 dimes. Derrick Jones Jr. played 29 minutes and led the Heat in scoring with 14 points. Hassan Whiteside played 21 minutes, scored 2 points, and grabbed 4 rebounds. Thanks for playing. Score one for the Atlanta nightlife.

John Collins


Death, taxes, and a Collins dub-dub. The threeecolas from the big man position are nice, but he needs to provide more D stats. Currently, a top 75-80 player.

Kevin Huerter


Led the team in both minutes played (36) and shot attempts. He’s a top 250 player for fantasy, primarily because his efficiency is terrible. Outside of that, he plays a shit ton of minutes, provides threeecolas, will provide a handful of boards and assists, and will provide the D. There’s a chance he hits a rookie wall, but there’s also a chance he continues to develop. I’m siding with the latter, especially since the front office seems committed to him.

DeAndre’ Bembry


Got the start and played 27 minutes. Bembry should continue to get run as long as Taurean Prince and Kent Bazemore are out. Bembry is an athletic wing who doesn’t excel at anything but contributes in everything.

Bradley Beal


Beal led the team in minutes played, shot attempts, and…..to victory!!! Example #128457 for why a Wall is superfluous. Top 20 player over the past five games.

Otto Porter Jr.


Played 24 minutes off the bench. Since returning from injury, OPJ has played 14, 21, and 24 minutes. Should be starting and getting over 30 minutes of run soon.

Ian Mahinmi


Played 25 minutes off the bench, while Thomas Bryant got the start and played 21 minutes. Not sure why Mahinmi got more minutes. Possibly a matchup thing with Steven Adams. Anyways, I wouldn’t read too much into it and think Bryant is still the guy in Washington. Something to keep an eye on though.

Steven Adams



Russell Westbrook


The trip-dubs are nice but….over the past seven games, Westbrook is shooting 39% from the field, 67% from the line, and has a turnover rate of 5.3. Sweet and sour. Yay and boo. Mint and vomit?

The Thunder lost to the Wizards, 98-116 at home. Why do I hear Smokey in my ear, “Damn! You’ve got to be one stupid mother ****er to get fired on your day off!”

Thaddeus Young


Points, boards, and steals. Why TY. Free throw shooting is horrendous though.

Domantas Sabonis


Got the start because Myles Turner was out (shoulder) and played 31 minutes. Dude is money when he plays. Unfortunatley, plays between 26-28 minutes per game on the reg.

Bojan Bogdanovic


Not a sexy fantasy asset, Bojan provides a little something something in everything but blocks. Plays over 32 minutes and jacks up double-digit shots per game.

Cory Joseph played 28 minutes and shot 3-for-11, while Tyreke Evans played 15 minutes. Yuck.

Pascal Siakam


Over the past four games, Siakam has been a top 30 player. He’s averaged 31 minutes, 20 points, 1.5 threeecolas, 7.5 boards, 3.8 dimes, 0.3 steals, and 0.8 blocks. He’s shot 60% from the field and 90% from the charity stripe on 5 attempts.

Serge Ibaka


Got the start but only played 23 minutes, as he was in some foul trouble. So, in 122 minutes without Kawhi Leonard or Kyle Lowry on the court, Ibaka has a 29% usage rate, which leads the team. In 314 minutes without just Leonard, he still leads the team with a 29.6% usage rate. Shrug emoji.

Kyle Lowry


Fred VanVleet


Awwww, so cute with the almost matching lines.

Norman Powell


Played 32 minutes off the bench. The prior game, Powell played 15 minutes and shot 0-for-5, so the range is wide. With that said, he had been getting around 23 minutes per game over the past four games and attempted 11 shots per game.

Greg Monroe


Played 21 minutes. He’s the only big guy off the bench. A ringing endorsement, I know.

Nicolas Batum


Batum has failed to score double-digits 22 times this season! He’s reached 20 points just two times. Batum has played a total of 38 games. I knew this Egyptian girl in college who would say, “Badoong” or something that sounded similar whenever a bad thing happened. Well, Badoong….Batum. Same shit.

Bismack Biyombo


Got the start and played 21 minutes.

Willy Hernangomez


Played 24 minutes off the bench.

Looks like Borrego is going to make this situation a difficult one for us.

Kemba Walker


Remember when Kemba was playing at a top 10 level? Yeah, me neither. Top 30-ish is more like it.

Tony Parker


Played 27 minutes. Has scored 20 points four times this season. He has also scored 2 or fewer points eight times. If you need assists, then….you may be more desperate than a housewife. That was good, no?

T. J. Warren


Led the Suns in minutes played (37) and shot attempts. Warren is a professional G-etter of buckets. Top 30 player for fantasy.

Devin Booker


Only played 12 minutes due to a back injury. As of now, he’s considered day-to-day.

Josh Jackson


Played 32 minutes off the bench. The last six games, Jackson has played 32, 18, 27, 14, 16, and 30 minutes. Have fun.