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Volcanoes are fascinating objects. They tower into the sky and blot out the horizon. Inside, there is magma that is being pushed up from the Earth’s core that is searching for ways to lather the surface. Now that I think about, they are the Earth’s pimples. Ewww. They are no laughing matter, though, because when they do erupt, the lava flows create a path of destruction and the smoke and plume can erase the sun and prohibit planes from flying. Yet, they can also be vehicles of creation, as many of the Earth’s island masses are formed as a result of the lava flows from volcanoes. Like I said, fascinating. Which brings me to Hassan Whiteside, one of the NBA’s most fascinating players. He’s 7′ 0″, 265 pounds, so he does blot out the horizon on the court for many and pummels the rim with a ferocity unmatched by many. Yet, he’s quick and nimble on his feet to hunt down rebounds and chase blocks. Inside, though, is a swirling mass of unknown, as he can disappear on the offensive end at times. But volcanoes eventually erupt, and that’s exactly what happened with Mt. Whiteside last night:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
29 20 2 0 9 1 0/1 10/18 9/11

For the season, Whiteside is the 38th player according to Basketball Monster. You’re getting elite rebound and block numbers with above average field goal percentage.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

 

Andre Drummond

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
23 19 2 3 1 2 1/1 10/16 2/2

Awesome game, no doubt, but here’s something to put a damper on Dre Day. He’s the 93rd player according to Basketball Monster because of the 3 turnovers per game, 54% shooting from the free throw line, and no threeecolas. In addition, the assists (1.3 vs 3) and steals (0.8 vs 1.5) are way down from last year. Party pooper that Son is. Beep. Boop. Bop. The Stocktonator never poops the party, as it had Dre as the #7 player last night.

Stanley Johnson

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
13 6 3 1 0 1 3/6 5/10 0

Played 22 minutes. The production from this Johnson has been up and down all season. That’s what Johnson’s do, right?

Blake Griffin

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 5 3 1 0 3 1/5 7/17 5/6

Just another day without a block. Ricky Lake is back!

Aaron Gordon

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
15 10 6 2 1 1 1/4 7/15 0

Can’t wait until the Commissioner starts handing out justice on a nightly basis.

DJ Augustin

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 4 7 0 0 0 3/6 6/10 1/1

Played 31 minutes. Not exciting, but this DJ delivers dimes and threeecolas. It also helps that Jerian Grant is his immediate backup. Most secure starting job in the league.

Evan Fournier

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
27 4 3 3 0 4 3/6 12/19 0

After a tepid start to the season, Fournier has been en fuego the past four games. It was just a matter of time before he started shooting better. He’s averaging over 15 shots per game, dishing out 4 dimes, and has a 25.5 usage rate. Over the past week, he’s been the 57th player according to Basketball Monster.

Terrence Ross

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
15 4 0 1 1 3 2/5 6/12 1/2

He’s getting the minutes (28, 30, and 31 the past three games) and jacking up the shots (12 per game). 1.9 threeecolas and 1.3 steals per game on the season ain’t bad either. A handful of rebounds and assists? 129th player according to Basketball Monster. Not bad for shopping at Ross.

LaMarcus Aldridge

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
6 16 0 0 2 1 0 2/14 2/2

LMA-O! How many of those boards were from his own shots? It’s always mentioned that a shooter knows best where the ball is going. LMAO!

Derrick White got the start at point guard and played 16 minutes.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
0 1 3 1 0 2 0 0/3 0

First game back from injury. The Spurs did go small with LMA at center and the rest of the lineup consisting of Dante Cunningham (why?), DeMar DeRozan, Bryn Forbes, and White. Eventually, I’m thinking White takes over at point when he’s ready with Forbes backing up DeRozan.

DeMar DeRozan

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
18 14 8 2 1 3 1/2 6/15 5/5

Have you ever seen a pair of double-D’s? Well, that same expression has been on my face everytime I see DD’s line.

Davis Bertans

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 4 1 1 1 0 4/7 6/10 3/3

Played 26 minutes because Pau Gasol and Rudy Gay did not play. Bertans is a big man that can stretch the floor and provide threeecolas. That’s about it.

Jakob Poeltl

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
3 4 0 0 0 0 0 1/4 1/2

Played 12 minutes. That’s how you know Pop was in need of players.

Patty Mills

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 4 0 0 0 2 4/12 8/22 0

General played 28 minutes and launched a season-high 22 shots, with 12 from downtown. Pop was not happy with his starters, so Mills got some extra run and usage. An outlier game.

Rodney McGruder

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
4 10 4 0 0 0 0/4 2/9 0

Played 37 minutes. Not the best shooting night, but McGruder has a relatively high floor due to his ability to contribute in the periphery cats. The more important thing to take away from last night, though, was that Wayne Ellington got the start and played 37 minutes, yet McGruder still got his run. Woo hoo! Before we crown his ass, though, Goran Dragic did not play so there’s still a chance that he gets bumped. Stay tuned.

Speaking of Wayne Ellington….

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 4 1 2 0 2 6/10 7/13 0

Welcome to Wayne Manor. We apologize for being closed earlier in the season, but there were some renovations that needed to be done. Please enjoy the rest of your stay.

Josh Richardson

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
14 5 5 2 0 2 2/6 6/22 0

My RichardSON be shooting with no regard for life!

Tyler Johnson

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
9 3 2 4 1 1 1/5 4/10 0/2

Played 32 minutes. What’s up with all the Johnson’s sucking last night?

Jabari Parker

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 13 3 0 0 2 0/3 7/14 6/8

Got the start and played 36 minutes. Must’ve been inspired after watching Zion the night before.

Wendell Carter Jr.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
17 11 0 1 3 1 1/2 7/11 2/3

The Carter Administration. Four more years!!!

Justin Holiday

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
17 1 2 3 1 1 3/12 6/16 2/2

Threeecola. Threeecola. Threeecola.Threeecola. Threeecola. Threeecola. Threeecola.

Threeecola. Threeecola. Threeecola. Threeecola. Threeecola.

Zach LaVine

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
22 5 4 0 1 1 2/5 9/26 2/2

Will the real LaVine, please stand up? Please stand up? Oh, there he is. The contributions in the periphery cats are very promising, though. Maybe that Brent guy does know what he’s talking about!

Ryan Arcidiacono

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
11 3 2 1 0 2 3/4 4/6 0

Played a season-high 33 minutes. Averaging 25.4 minutes per game with 6.9 points, 5.4 assists, and 0.9 steals. The shooting percentages are very nice (50% from the field and 45% from downtown), albeit in limited volume.

Nikola Mirotic

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
9 15 1 0 1 4 1/8 4/14 0

Poor shooting night. Was Bobby Portis in the stands pounding his right fist into the palm of his left hand while winking at Mirotic?

Anthony Davis

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
32 15 7 1 4 4 2/4 13/24 4/7

Davis went to the locker room twice, once after landing on his back and the other after getting hit in the face, but he gutted it out. Not something I thought would ever be associated with Davis, but whew….crisis x2 averted.

Jrue Holiday

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
17 10 9 2 2 4 1/4 6/16 4/5

Aaaaaaalllmost messed around. I love the Holidays, as they don’t take nights off. Beep. Boop. Bop. The Stocktonator also never takes time off. Maybe that’s how it knew Holiday would have a big night.

Luke Doncic

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 6 2 0 0 5 3/4 7/14 7/7

Played 35 minutes and scored a team-high 24 points. Luka for President! Son, the POTUS has to be born in America. Change the damn rules!!!

DeAndre Jordan

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
11 12 3 1 2 4 0 2/5 7/8

Eight double-dubs on the season and has grabbed at least 10 boards in every game.

Wesley Matthews

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
13 6 4 1 0 0 0/3 4/10 5/6

Top 100 player, because of the threeecolas, free throw percentage, and low turnovers. If he starts contributing the boards and dimes…..Why is there a tent in my pants?

Joe Ingles

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
6 2 6 3 0 3 2/8 2/9 0

Three straight games failing to score in double-digits. The turnovers are higher than last year and the shooting percentages are much lower. I’m not worried, though, as I expect those to bounce back. Ingles has a relatively high floor due to his contributions in rebounds, assists, and steals.

Rudy Gobert

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
17 10 2 1 4 0 0 7/9 3/7

Able to do that before fouling out. Entered last night’s game tied for fifth in blocks with 22. Should be top 3 now, but still well behind JaVale Freaking McGee, who had 34 blocks entering last night’s game.

Ricky Rubio

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
10 5 12 3 0 3 1/5 3/13 3/4

The Ricky metronome continues to operate. I initally used the name because his performances alternated between good and bad, but after listening to the above video, it’s an apt name because it’s equivalent to Chinese water torture, which is exactly what following Rubio’s day-to-day fantasy production is like.

Alec Burks

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
18 0 0 0 1 0 4/5 6/10 2/2

Only played 18 minutes. Keep him in mind if injuries strike, as we know he can score.

Donovan Mitchell

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
23 5 7 2 0 1 3/8 9/17 2/2

Damn…

Nikola Jokic

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
4 7 4 3 0 6 0/1 0/1 4/4

Played 26 minutes and shot one time. One! The Grizzlies grit-and-grinded their way to an 89-87 victory. What a freaking Jokic!

Trey Lyles

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 9 1 1 1 0 2/5 6/9 2/3

Played 28 minutes. More of this please! Won’t happen, though, as he’s been averaging around 20 minutes per game. Would monitor any increases.

Jaren Jackson Jr.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 7 0 3 3 3 2/5 7/15 4/6

Played 33 minutes. 3’s were wild!!! Of course they would be for JJJ.

Marc Gasol

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 12 4 2 3 3 1/2 6/13 7/7

Sneakily is putting up a top 20 fantasy campaign!

Mike Conley

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
4 3 8 1 0 2 0/2 2/9 0

Not so sneakily is crapping the fantasy bed.

Shelvin Mack

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
6 0 4 0 0 2 2/3 2/4 0

Only played 19 minutes but provided what he offers: cheap dimes and threeecolas.

Dario Saric

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
18 7 2 0 0 1 4/6 6/13 2/2

Mario with the D finally powered up with the magic mushroom!

Joel Embiid

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 10 2 1 3 5 1/5 7/16 5/6

Yawn. Call me when he does something spectacular.

Robert Covington

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
13 4 1 2 2 1 2/6 5/9 1/1

The Lord delivered on a Wednesday. Praise be the Lord.

Ben Simmons

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 10 8 0 2 1 0 7/12 2/4

Simmons is The One. He just hasn’t eaten the red pill yet.

Landry Shamet

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
12 1 1 1 1 1 3/6 4/8 1/1

Played 23 minutes. Averaging 23.7 minutes in the four games this month. He’s also scored in double-digits in each of the four. Shamet is a threeecola specialist who won’t contribute in much else.

Myles Turner

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
7 4 0 1 2 0 0 2/8 3/4

On mile two. 498 Myles left to go. It’s never easy.

Darren Collison

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
0 1 1 1 0 1 0 0/3 0

Played 18 minutes. Thanks for playing.

Victor Oladipo

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
36 6 7 2 3 1 4/14 14/30 4/6

Oladipo Ho! Oladipo Ho! Oladipo Ho! Ah man, it’s been so long. I feel relieved.

Domantas Sabonis

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 11 3 0 1 1 0/1 7/14 2/2

Mic drop.

Cory Joseph

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
9 4 4 2 0 1 1/3 4/6 0

Played 31 minutes. Still behind Collison, who kind of sucks. I’d keep a close eye on this situation.

Serge Ibaka

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
14 14 0 0 3 3 2/3 6/10 0

Iblocka!!! Played 28 minutes and is providing a Serge of excitement for his owners.

Pascal Siakam

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
21 3 1 2 0 1 0/2 8/11 5/5

P.S., he’s good.

Kawhi Leonard

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
25 11 2 0 0 5 2/5 7/17 9/9

Has missed three games so far this season, and he will likely miss more down the road. With that said, when he’s played, he’s been amazing….like 3rd player overall amazing.

Jonas Valanciunas

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
11 10 1 0 1 2 0 4/6 3/4

Played 20 minutes. I feel like JV double-dubs every night, yet when I check the game logs, he only has two on the season. Hmmmm. Anyways, JV only gets around 20 minutes of run a game, yet he’s super productive in his brief time. How productive you ask? He’s a top 50 player for fantasy.

Nemanja Bjelica

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
0 1 3 4 1 1 0/2 0/5 0

Only played 19 minutes. Sometimes you get a bad batch of Nemanja. It happens. The contributions in the periphery cats are nice to see, though.

Willie Cauley-Stein

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 8 4 1 1 1 0 10/15 4/5

Played 33 minutes. Cauley-Stein is trying to win that money. For fantasy, he’s just outside the top 100 due to his poor free throw shooting and lack of threeecolas. Also, for a big man, the 0.5 blocks per game is pathetic.

De’Aaron Fox

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 1 4 0 0 5 2/4 8/15 2/4

The shooting efficiency has really picked up recently, especially from downtown: 8-for-13 from beyond the arc. He’s getting over 32 minutes of run a game and is averaging 17.5 points, 6.9 dimes, 3.9 boards, and 1.5 steals. Will likely be a top 100 player soon.

Buddy Hield

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 4 3 1 0 1 3/9 9/22 3/3

Continues to ball out. Lesson learned. Don’t fade the guy that’s a self-made billionaire. Got it.

Bogdan Bogdanovic

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
7 2 1 0 0 0 1/3 3/7 0

Made his season debut and played 18 minutes. He will probably be brought along slowly, but is someone that I was high on entering the season and could see making a nice impact down the road.

Noah Vonleh

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
11 13 2 2 1 1 2/5 4/10 1/2

Played 39 minutes. No one believes in Noah (psssst, I have). It’s not like he’s claiming to have an ark that houses two of every animal on the planet to shelter from a cataclysmic flood!

Mitchell Robinson

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
5 6 0 1 2 1 0 2/2 1/2

Continues to start but only received 15 minutes. Patience grasshoppers. I’m a little baffled that the Knicks are not in full “Not Trying for Zion” mode yet.

Tim Hardaway Jr.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
34 1 3 3 1 2 2/11 8/22 16/20

We got ourselves a shooter ladies and gentlemen! Place those bets. Hardaways. Come line.

Enes Kanter

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
17 11 0 0 2 5 0 5/7 7/10

Played 30 minutes. All he does is double-dub, as that’s his eighth on the young season, which is top 5 in the league. The Knicks need to trade Kanter because he’s trying to hard, which conflicts with the “Not Trying for Zion” campaign.

Emmanuel Mudiay

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
11 5 3 0 1 1 3/3 4/8 0/2

Played 22 minutes. Fizdale is trying to make Mudiay a thing, isn’t he?

Allonzo Trier

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 4 1 1 0 2 1/2 5/9 5/7

Played 36 minutes! This after playing 42 minutes the game before. Granted, the prior game was with Hardaway Jr. out, but he was back for this one and Trier still got run.

Omari Spellman

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
18 10 4 1 3 0 3/5 6/11 3/3

The rookie got the start and played a season-high 28 minutes. Spellman is an interesting player because he’s 6′ 9″, 245 pounds, so he can bang down low but has the stroke to drain threeecolas and the athleticism to get stocks. Me likey.

Taurean Prince

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 2 3 0 1 2 2/10 6/15 2/4

Played 31 minutes. I think he’s ready to get back into the starting lineup.

Taj Gibson

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 11 3 3 0 0 3/5 6/14 1/2

The Taj, a lovely place to visit.

Andrew Wiggins

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 4 5 3 1 1 3/7 8/14 0

My eyes hath done deceived me. I ask for an audit on this stat line, please.

Karl-Anthony Towns

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
13 9 1 1 3 6 1/6 5/16 2/2

me freaking ow.

Derrick Rose

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
31 3 5 0 0 4 7/9 11/17 2/2

Played 37 minutes. We have received footage of Rose in the locker room:

Jimmy Butler

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 5 5 3 1 0 5/8 9/18 1/1

Hey, don’t look at me. DRose is the captain now.

LeBron James

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 10 9 0 2 3 3/9 10/21 1/2

Aaaaaaalllmost messed around. DRose is the captain now?

Kyle Kuzma

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
21 2 1 1 0 2 4/7 8/15 1/2

Doesn’t contribute much in the periphery cats, but Kuzma is still the 77th player according to Basketball Monster. Points, threeecolas, rebounds, good percentages, and low turnovers are what you get.

Brandon Ingram

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 5 6 1 2 3 2/3 8/14 2/2

140th player according to BM. Ingram could join the 1/1/1 club, as he’s currently at 0.9 threeecolas, 0.9 steals, and 1.3 blocks. The dimes are low, probably because he smokes his own supply. Anyways, the turnovers are high and the free throw shooting isn’t great.

JaVale McGee

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 4 0 0 0 0 0 8/10 0

Tyson Chandler

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
2 9 0 0 0 1 0 1/4 0

McGee played 25 minutes, while Chandler played 23 minutes. No way McGee sees the 28-30 minutes per game he was getting prior to Chandler’s arrival.

Rajon Rondo

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
2 6 10 0 0 3 0/1 1/7 0

Played 27 minutes.

Lonzo Ball

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
3 5 6 3 0 3 0/3 1/6 1/2

Played 21 minutes. Is this what Rondo has been teaching Zo? This could be a shituation all year long.

Josh Hart

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
21 4 0 1 0 1 5/7 5/7 6/6

Scorching hot shooting night for Hart. Unfortunately, he only played 21 minutes.