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Domantas Sabonis had a tough rookie season. He averaged 5.9 points, 3.6 rebounds, 1 assist, 0.5 steals, and 0.4 blocks in 20.1 minutes per game. The NBA was a lot different than playing the Santa Claras and Pepperdines night in and night out. He needed a break, so he called up pops after the season ended. “Tetis, let’s take a trip somewhere this summer. You good for Fourth of July weekend?” Arvydas replied, “Taip, good idea. It’s been a long time since we went to Gotland. I’ll make the arrangements.” After spending five days lounging at the beach and drinking quarts of beer, Arvydas decided that he wanted to check out some of the old castles littered around the country. “Domantas, you want to join me?” “No thanks,” was the reply. “I just want to relax on the beach.” So off Arvydas went to visit Lojsta Castle, where he wandered aimlessly until he saw a tent with a woman sitting inside. “Come in, come in” she said. Intrigued, Arvydas sat down and marveled at how the tent was able to accomodate his massive frame. “What would you give to be able to play in the NBA again?” she asked. As a man that never got flustered, Arvydas looked her straight in the eyes and replied, “My soul.” On July 6, 2017, Domantas Sabonis and Victor Oladipo were traded to Indiana for Paul George. Is it a coincidence that Bill Walton once said that “he had the skills of Larry Bird?” I think not. Last night, Arvydas…I mean Domantas scored 12 points, grabbed 16 boards, and dished out five dimes in 25 minutes. If the game wasn’t such a blowout, he would’ve put up more numbers. Sabonis has grabbed at least 10 boards in each of the past five games and scored in double-digits in four. He’s also had two games with at least five assists. Remember that stat line from his rookie year? Well, so far, granted in a super small sample size of six games, he’s averaging 13 points, 10.2 rebounds, 2.2 assists, 0.3 steals, and 0.5 blocks in 25.8 minutes. Arvydas lives! Now, Myles Turner should be returning soon so Sabonis should cede minutes. But, but, but….he’s likely sewed up the backup center spot and could play alongside Myles at times to give the Pacers an interesting frontcourt combo. What if Arvydas and Domantas really did switch bodies?

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Here’s what else I saw last night:

Russell Westbrook did not triple-dub last night. And Anthony Davis did not get hurt the night before. What the hell is going on here? Stupid climate change. Westbrook scored 12 points, grabbed 10 boards, and dished out nine dimes in 27 minutes. The Thunder handled the Bucks pretty easily, so no player received 30 minutes of run.

Carmelo Anthony scored 17 points, grabbed eight boards, dished out a dime!!! Pilfered one!!! Blocked one!!! Holy shit balls. We got people switching bodies, Russ not triple-dubbing, AD playing a whole game, and Melo stuffing the stat sheet. Praise be to Allah that I’ve been making those payments for that Doomsday bunker. You know who/what filters through all the BS? Stocktonator, as he/it was high on Melo last night.

Steven Adams scored 14 points, grabbed 11 boards, dished out two dimes, and pilfered one. He’s failed to score in double digits just once this season and his last four games in boards have been: 11, 8, 8, 11, and 13. He’s also pilfering and blocking 1.5 per game and shooting 68% from the field. To use a football analogy, Russ is the QB, Melo and PG are stud WRs on the outside. Since the defense has to put a spy on Russ and double the outside receivers, that leaves Adams as the tight end just running free in the middle of the field.

Jerami Grant scored 17 points, grabbed four boards, dished out two dimes, and pilfered two in 28 minutes. Sell Mortimer Sell! No one bought? Ok.

Khris Middleton scored nine points, grabbed seven boards, dished out two dimes, and pilfered two on 3-for-13 shooting. The Thunder can be super dangerous because Russ, PG, and Roberson can lock down wings. Middleton will be fine.

The center position continues to be a shituation in Milwaukee. With no Greg Monroe, Thon Maker played 19 minutes while John Henson played 22 minutes. Due to the score, D.J. Wilson even got 13 minutes of run.

T.J. Warren scored 20 points, grabbed 11 boards, and blocked one in 25 minutes. I don’t know what’s worse: rostering Warren or asking my wife where she wants to eat for dinner. The range of outcomes is so huge with Warren. He can play 39 minutes, score 20 points, and stuff the stat sheet OR get 24 minutes of run and shoot 1-for-6 from the field. He does usually contribute some defense stats, though, so it’s not all bad.

Mike James scored 24 points, grabbed three boards, dished out five dimes, pilfered four, and blocked one in 29 minutes. Tyler Ulis scored 11 points, grabbed two boards, and dished out two dimes. Hope you guys listened to Mel when he wrote this last week. The Stocktonator also liked James more than Ulis last night. Damn, we got shit on lock down here at Razzball!

Tyson Chandler scored two points, but grabbed 13 boards, dished out a dime, and blocked one. Alex Len scored six points and grabbed 15 boards. Chandler had a +/- of +26. Len? -18.

Marquese Chriss scored five points, grabbed five boards, dished out two dimes, pilfered one, and blocked one in 21 minutes. Chriss is the Fran Drescher of fantasy hoops.

Dragan Bender scored 10 points, grabbed three boards, dished out three dimes, and blocked one in 27 minutes. He also shot 2-for-4 from downtown. Bender is 7′ 1″ 225 pounds. I’d keep a real close eye on Bender because it wouldn’t surprise me if he takes over at power forward for the Suns.

Demarre Carroll and Rondae Hollis-Jefferson were the only two Nets to play over 30 minutes. Carroll scored 13 points, grabbed five boards, dished out one dime, pilfered four, and blocked one. RHJ scored 21 points, grabbed seven boards, dished out one dime, pilfered one, and blocked two. Both stuff the stat sheet, get minutes and opportunities, and play on the fastest paced team in the league. Me likes. And so did Stocktonator. Does that make me part machine?

Allen Crabbe scored five points on 2-for-10 shooting. He played 29 minutes and hoisted seven three-pointers. I was high on him preseason, then down on him when he wasn’t getting minutes. Now, I’m back on him. Geez, and I was talking shit about my wife having a hard time deciding where to eat. If he gets close to 30 minutes a game, he’s going to be productive. He’s too good of a shooter.

The battle of the Bogdanovic’s. Bojan vs Bogdan.

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Round 1 went to Bojan of the Pacers, as he scored 17 points, grabbed three boards, dished out four dimes, and pilfered one. Bogdan of the Kings scored seven points, grabbed two boards, dished out two dimes, and blocked one. Bogdan did play 28 minutes, while the Steph Curry of Sacramento (Buddy Hield) only got 19 minutes of run.

De’Aaron Fox played 28 minutes and scored 18 points, grabbed four boards, dished out five dimes, and pilfered one. Just start the kid already!

Darren Collison scored three points, dished out two dimes, and pilfered one in 25 minutes. This performance was akin to Sony Pictures Animation making The Emoji Movie. Shit happens.

The point guard position continues to be fairly even in Detroit. Reggie Jackson played 27 minutes while Ish Smith played 23. RJ scored 18 points, grabbed seven boards, dished out five dimes, and pilfered two. Smith scored 12 points, grabbed three boards, and dished out three dimes.

Tobias Harris scored 18 points, grabbed four boards, dished out two dimes, pilfered one, and blocked one. Harris continues to ball out and led the Pistons with 19 shot attempts.

Larry Nance Jr. scored 14 points, grabbed 12 boards, dished out two dimes, and pilfered three in 27 minutes. I don’t understand why he doesn’t get more run because he’s such a good fit for this squad.

Brandon Ingram scored 13 points, grabbed five boards, dished out six dimes, pilfered four, and blocked one in 34 minutes. Ingram is going to be a star. He just needs to stay off the weed.

Lonzo Ball scored 13 points, grabbed six boards, dished out only three dimes, blocked two, and did not turn the ball over. He shot 6-for-13 from the field and 1-for-3 from downtown. He’s got an ugly shot and a questionable haircut, but the thing that most impresses me with Ball is his emotional stability. He doesn’t get too high nor does he get too low, which is perfect for the position he plays.

Kyle Kuzma played 20 minutes while Julius Randle played 17. Kuzma scored 16 points, grabbed six boards, and dished out three dimes. Randle scored 17 points, grabbed seven boards, dished out three dimes, and pilfered one. The Lakers are too deep at the power forward position, which nukes the value that any one of them could have had.