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When I think of brown, my stomach rumbles. It’s possible that’s a byproduct of releasing more than a few sacrifices to the porcelain god earlier today. But when I get my head out of the gutter, there’s Charlie Brown, Larry Brown, Foxy Brown, Bobby Brown, Jim Brown, Dan Brown, and James Brown. I feel goooooood!!!! We are going to have to add another Brown to the list as Bruce Brown delivered so many goodies on Monday night that Jeff Bezos rushed out of the rave and had his analysts run a statistically analysis.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 6 6 5 3 0 1/1 8/12 2/2

Got the start and played 38 minutes. No Kevin Durant. No James Harden. No Kyrie Irving. Someone had to step up so, naturally, it was Brown, who averages 0.77 FP/Min and garners a usage rate of 14.2%. Doo doo Brown he was not on Monday but this was a Halley’s Comet moments. In 27 games as a reserve, Brown is a top 180 player, averaging 15.4 minutes. As a starter, he played 28 minutes and is a top 140 player.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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Andre Drummond

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
11 9 4 2 1 2 0 4/7 3/4

Got the start in his Nets debut and played 24 minutes. When he’s on the court, Drummond is a fantasy beast, averaging 1.3 FP/Min. He’s going to grab boards, contribute the D, and shoot poorly from the line. The only issue is that he likely won’t get more than 24 minutes of run a game.

Nic Claxton was a DNP-CD so do the opposite of what Wilson Phillips are advocating:

Sorry Chynna, Carnie, and Wendy. We can’t roll with you on this one.

Seth Curry

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
23 7 5 0 0 4 3/8 10/18 0

Played 32 minutes and garnered a 30.4% usage rate!!! That’s going to come down when all of Simmons, Kyrie, and KD return but the minutes should still be there and the efficiency could be…..checks stats….Damn, he’s shooting 48% from the field? Sheeeeiiiittttt. Ok, maybe that won’t increase but he’s going to get a ton of good looks. When everyone’s healthy, the Nets are rolling with a lineup of Kyrie, Seth, Simmons, KD, and Drummond right?

Domantas Sabonis

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
9 9 2 1 1 3 0/2 4/11 1/3

The Kings scored 85 points, so that’s usually a NO BLURBS FOR YOU!!! But I had to squeeze in the Sabonis one.

The Raptors scored 90 points and lost by 30 to the Pelicans.

blink-182 wtf GIF

OG Anunoby

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
3 2 2 1 1 0 1/3 1/5 0

Played 25 minutes. I remember when OG was an offensive threat. Those were good times. He’s scored single digits in the last two games. Yuck. That said he’ll be fine. You know why? Because he’s an OG. That’s why. Top 50 player on the season.

Brandon Ingram

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
10 11 8 1 2 2 0/2 4/7 2/3

Only played 29 minutes because the Raptors laid an egg. When will it hatch? Yeah, more Raptors!!! Ingram came oohhhhhh so close to messing around for the first time but it was like taking the prom date under the rafters; round first base, gain momentum touching second and heading to third, preparing to slide into home WHEN…..the chaperone comes swinging his flashlight telling us to disperse. Cock blocker.

CJ McCollum

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
23 4 5 2 0 0 5/8 9/13 0

Since joining the Pelicans, CJ has dished out 5 dimes in each game. Is there any significance to that? Of course not but I love numerology. Yes, I live a sad existence.

The Trail Blazers defeated the Bucks, 122-107 in Milwaukee. Giannis didn’t play but still….

Justise Winslow

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
13 10 4 2 1 1 1/4 6/12 0/2

Played 32 minutes and played well. What a time to be alive. Since entering the starting lineup four games ago, Justise has been served. He’s played over 32 minutes in every game, scored double-digits in all, and contributed a little something something in every category, even the D. He’s shot over 50% in two games and is posting a 45% mark on the season. He’s been a top 45 player. The efficiency was always a concern as he shot 35% and 38% over the last two seasons. He’s still only 25 years old and has shown to be a multi-cat contributor. How long before Justise gets corrupted?

Jusuf Nurkic

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
23 16 4 1 0 3 2/2 7/16 7/8

In 30 minutes. For some reason, Nurkic wasn’t getting a full complement of minutes this season. Over the last four games, though, he’s played 30, 33, 33, and 34 minutes. The usage rate has been 24% and he’s averaged 17 points, 14.8 boards, and 4.3 dimes. That’s juicy. That said, he’s barely a top 100 player because of the lack of defensive stats and no tres. It still makes me sad that he and Jokic couldn’t figure out how to play together.

Josh Hart

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
27 7 5 1 2 3 5/9 10/16 2/2

The Hart Foundation continues to deliver. Make your donations now! He’s been a top 15 player over the last three games! Ha. Alright, he’s not going to score over 20 points a game. Right? Buehler? Hart’s main contributions are in boards, steals, and field goal percentage.

Anfernee Simons

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
31 2 6 1 0 2 7/16 12/24 0

Over the last three games, Simons has scored 29, 30, and 31 points. If the SATs taught me anything, it’s that Simons is going for 32 next game. Where the player props at? The usage rate has been 31.6%, 31.1%, and 29.4%. Lillard who? Sayonnara CJ. The defensive contributions are lacking but Simons provides plenty of points, tres, some dimes, and excellent free-throw percentage. He could be a top 50 player.

Khris Middleton

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 11 9 1 0 4 1/8 3/15 9/10

Almost messed around.

Looks at the shooting numbers…..

Serge Ibaka

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
6 7 0 1 1 0 0/1 3/6 0

Got the start and played 31 minutes as Giannis was out and Bobby Portis slid down to power forward. He’s an interesting piece for the Bucks. He can defend the rim and stretch the floor. I’m not sure how much left he has in the tank as he looked pretty washed in Los Angeles but….What it do, baby? What it do?

The Rockets lost 101-135 so no starter played over 30 minutes. Nothing of interest from a fantasy perspective. NO BLURBS FOR YOU!!!

Rudy Gobert

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
14 7 2 0 1 1 0 7/8 0

Returned from a nine-game absence and played well. Unfortunately, he only played 22 minutes due to getting two technicals and an ejection. Rudy! Rudy!

Mike Conley

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
2 3 10 4 1 0 0/6 1/8 0

2 points. Hey, look over there! 10 dimes! 0-for-6 from downtown. Hey, look over there! 4 steals. 1-for-8 from the field. Well, he got a block.

Donovan Mitchell

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
30 6 7 0 0 2 5/9 9/15 7/8

I’ve been sliding into these DMs for the last four years. All I got was top 50 production. Now, when I stopped sliding in, he takes off his clothes and starts putting up top 15 numbers. Was it me?

Hassan Whiteside

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
11 14 0 0 3 1 0 5/9 1/2

In 18 minutes off the bench. Oh, Mt. Whiteside. We know you’re going to explode. We just never know when. If you’d let us know, we’d greatly appreciate that information. He got extra run last night due to the Gobert suspension. He will go back to the low teens now that Gobert is back.

Franz Wagner

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
26 8 4 2 0 2 3/7 8/16 7/8

Wagner has had some inconsistent stretches but it’s his rookie year so those were to be expected. That said, he’s been super solid and is posting top 90 numbers. The percentages are good and, while the defensive stats are light, he is contributing a little something something in every cat. Ironically, it’s the real-life defense that most impresses me with Wagner’s game. He’s fundamentally sound and strong at the point of attack. I remember him matched up against Durant a while ago and he stripped him a few times and made life difficult for him.

Wendell Carter Jr.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
25 12 4 2 1 2 1/5 12/22 0

In 34 minutes. This Carter Administration has been rife with trials and tribulations. Impeachment was never an option but there have been doubts at how successful he could navigate the landscape. Well, more and more, we are beginning to see the end game, and it’s glorious. He has the potential to be a 1/1/1 player while being a dub-dub machine. The blemishes to his game right now are the free-throw shooting (70%), being light in the defensive cats, and inconsistency. Four more years!

Mo Bamba

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
2 3 0 0 0 1 0/2 1/4 0

Got the start but only played 11 minutes. Man, it was just yesterday when we were screaming….

Life comes at us fast.

Chuma Okeke

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
9 5 4 4 1 0 3/8 3/10 0

In 32 minutes off the bench. The shooting efficiency sucks. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. 38% on the season. That said, he contributes across the board. Not a ton but it’s more like a bento box of fantasy goodies. Enough to satisfy the appetite with diversity.

Gary Harris

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
15 3 6 4 0 3 2/6 6/12 1/1

In 37 minutes off the bench. Harris has had some very useful stretches this season, scoring, providing tres and getting his 211 on. That said, the minutes have fluctuated but the floor looks solid in the 25-minutes range. He can go for 20 points or give you 2, so the range of outcomes is wide.

Nikola Jokic

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
26 15 7 1 0 5 3/9 10/26 3/3

Scrub.

Bones Hyland

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
14 5 2 2 0 3 3/6 4/7 3/4

Got the start and played 29 minutes because Monte Morris was out. In three starts this season, Bones is a top 275 player.

Dejounte Murray

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 6 11 2 0 2 0/1 7/16 5/7

I’ve been sliding into this DM often this season. And there’s been plenty of messing around. Murray has messed around 11 times this season and he’s entered the echelon of “What?! He didn’t triple-double last night?” It’s not quite the Jokic tier but it’s getting close. Top 10 player for fantasy.

Lonnie Walker

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
21 5 2 1 0 0 2/4 9/17 1/4

In 26 minutes off the bench. Man, Walker confounds me. Athletically, he’s in the 1% of the 1%. He can score but the efficiency is very poor. He can drop 20 points on any given night yet it doesn’t surprise when he produces a bagel. He’s just so inconsistent. At 23 years old, he can still develop but he’s falling further and further down the depth chart and could be in a different uniform next season. Can he develop and get to the next level? The ceiling is enticing due to the skills and physical gifts. That said, he may be what he is.

DeMar DeRozan

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
40 3 7 0 0 3 0 16/24 8/8

DeMar DeRozan Delivers a Deadly Deluge of Debauchery Despite Devoted Defenses. Top 20 player on the season and has had stretches of top 5 production. Man, 51% shooting from the field and 86% from the line. He just doesn’t provide tres and the D. Do we need to give DeRozan the Lake Griffin treament? I can’t disrespect him like that. Once the O falls off, then I’m on the case like the Paw Patrol.

Nikola Vucevic

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
25 16 5 0 1 5 1/7 12/24 0

Vuc is fifth in dub-dubs with 34. He’s 11 behind Jokic. Top 25 player on the season. Vuc has had an impressive run as he finished 12th, 19th, and 12th on a per-game basis the prior three seasons. He’s 0.1 steals light of being a 1/1/1 player. The percentages aren’t great, though, at 47% from the field and 74% from the line.

Coby White

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 5 6 0 0 1 5/6 6/11 7/8

Got the start for Zach LaVine and played 34 minutes. The usage rate was only 19.3%. He’s started three of the last four games and played 38, 37, and 34 minutes. He’s attempted 14, 13, and 11 shots. White is mainly a points and tres player who will dish out some dimes on occassion.

Ayo Dosunmu

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
12 3 4 1 1 0 1/4 5/9 1/2

I think Ayo is for real. He can defend, score, and dish out dimes. He’s calm under pressure, doesn’t get rattled, and looks to have a high hoops IQ. What happens when Lonzo and Caruso return? That is the question. I think Ayo has proven to be a more than capable player. Will he get marginalized when the Bulls get healthy? For fantasy, the only thing he doesn’t do is block shots. Other than that, he contributes everywhere else. The free-throw shooting isn’t great but the field goal percentage is over 50%. I think the Bulls find a way to give him minutes when everyone is healthy but we shall see how it shakes out.

Stephen Curry

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
33 2 2 0 0 4 8/13 11/18 3/3

Curry is averaging 12.37 tres per game. Only 73 players attempt more field goals per game. Crazy.

Jonathan Kuminga

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
10 2 1 1 1 3 0/2 4/8 2/2

Made his third straight start and played 28 minutes. Otto Porter Jr. is back and played 16 minutes so it looks like Coach Kerr thinks Kuminga is ready and is prepping him for the playoff run. He doesn’t share but can provide some points, tres, defensive stats, and excellent field goal percentage.

Terance Mann

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
25 7 6 1 1 2 1/5 11/17 32/5

Got the start with Norman Powell out and played 39 minutes. Luke Kennard was out as well. He’s played 31, 35, and 39 minutes over the last three games and scored at least 20 points in two of them. The usage rate has been 23.7% and 25.4% in the last two starts. He’s racked up a steal in five straight with three games of 2 steals. He averages 0.75 FP/Min but he should get plenty of minutes and usage with all the injuries.

Reggie Jackson

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 8 9 0 0 3 3/7 8/17 0

He destroys the percentages and doesn’t provide the D but he scores, provides tres, grabs some boards, and dishes out dimes.

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Darius Bazley

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
23 8 3 1 0 0 2/6 8/17 5/7

In 40 minutes. He’s started the last seven games and thrived. He’s been a top 75 player and been top 50 over the last four games. The efficiency will always be a problem but he’s been a 1/1/1 player with plenty of points and boards.

Tre Mann

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
30 2 1 2 0 1 4/7 9/16 8/8

In 32 minutes. Like most of the Thunder players, efficiency is a concern as he’s shooting 37% from the field. For fantasy, Mann is a terrible player because he literally does nothing else but score. From a real-life perspective, he has some exciting moments because he’s got moves and a handle package that allows him to separate and get his shot off. Do we have to add a day to the week? Mannday? I’ll go perform seppuku now.

Josh Giddey

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
28 11 12 1 0 7 3/4 11/22 3/6

Third time messing around this season. There’s going to be plenty of those in the future. That makes me so Giddey.

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Julius Randle

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
30 13 10 0 0 7 1/5 11/26 7/7

13th time that Julius has messed around. Granted, it took him 45 minutes in an overtime game but a trip-dub is a trip-dub. Yo, Thibs. Take a chill pill, homie. After getting stabbed in the back repeatedly by NYC, Randle has been a top 45 player over the last seven games. As we interviewed New Yorkers from every borough, they all echoed the sentiment of, “See? The stabbings worked!”

Mitchell Robinson

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
14 17 0 4 4 2 0 6/9 2/4

In 41 minutes. Wow. The appreciation in Mr. Robinson’s neighborhood has been fantastic. And it hasn’t been Fed-induced!

Evan Fournier

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
29 4 5 2 1 0 6/13 10/18 3/3

In 45 minutes. L. O. L. Over the last seven games, Fournier has been a top 45 player, averaging 19.6 points, 4.4 tres, 4 boards, and 1.6 steals. What happened to his shooting efficiency? He’s at 42% this season after finishing 45% and 46% over the last two seasons. I blame Thibs. Always blame Thibs. NASDAQ down? God damnit, Thibs!

Quentin Grimes

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 7 0 1 2 1 5/14 7/18 0

Has started the last three games because RJ Barrett has been out. This carriage will turn back into a pumpkin when Barrett returns.

Saddiq Bey

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 5 5 0 0 0 4/10 7/17 6/7

Bey has been a top 60 player over the last 30 games. Sure, there have been ups and downs over that span but he’s been producing the counting stats. The bugaboos are the field goal percentage (38% on the season) and low defensive stats. At least the turnovers are low. At Bey Bakery, that’s an issue but it’s excellent for NBey.

Kyle Kuzma

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
23 7 2 0 1 4 1/4 10/18 2/3

Kuzma is a top 100 player on the season. He’s averaging a robust 33 minutes per game and hoisting up 13.4 shots. The 8.7 boards per game is eye-opening though. The main bugaboos are the low steals and poor free throw shooting, which is at 69% and puzzling because he has a good stroke and can make it rain from downtown.

Deni Avdija

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
12 15 3 1 0 2 1/3 4/9 3/4

In 31 minutes off the bench. He got some run because Rui Hachimura only played 10 minutes due an ankle sprain. In 109 career games, Avdija had grabbed double-digit boards four times. Make it five now and he did it in style as the 15 boards were a career-high.