Being in the middle is…..

Bad for a sports team, as perpetual mediocrity permeates. No chance at the trophy and no possibility to draft a franchise-changing player. Bad if you are a piece of lettuce or meat between two slices of bread. I guess everything in that situation sucks as they all get eaten. Bad if you’re an avid surfer that lives in Nebraska. There’s good, though. You ain’t poor. Malcolm did alright. You’ll never be first or last. In the NBA, being a part of the bourgeoisie is great. You’re not the worst of the 1% of the ballers on the planet. But, imagine if you are a part of the 1% of the 1%? Kyrie Irving doesn’t have to imagine because he’s living the dream. Yesterday, he went:


The Celtics lost to the Magic, 103-95. That should’ve been grounds for automatic disqualification from being the lede, but….a 40-burger is a 40-burger. You drop one of those and you’re always going to be a contender. Now, it’s felt like Kyrie has been a relatively quiet member of the fantasy elite, as he hasn’t been messing around or going nuts on a nightly basis. He’s the 14th player for fantasy and his numbers are almost identical to last year. Imagine if he was on a shitty team that didn’t play any defense? Stocktonator loved him yesterday. Stocktonator knows all.

Here’s what else I saw yesterday:

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Aaron Gordon:


The Commissioner continues to employ the “best defense is a good offense” strategy. The military-industrial complex kindly thanks him. He reminds me so much of Lake Griffin. Can score, shoot 3s, and grab boards. Neither will get their block on, which is crazy because they are both insane athletes. The only difference between Lake and Aaron is that the B was already missing from Gordon’s name.

Evan Fournier:


Since returning from injury, Fournier has scored double figures in 12 straight games. Evian is so pure and refreshing. Plays mid-30s minutes and will hoist up 15 shots per game.

Bizmack Biyombo:


Started at center but only played 21 minutes. Bizmack Biyombo Bench.

Elfrid Payton:


Back-to-back good games for Elf. Shot 9-of-17 in the prior game. Elf has the potential to mess around any game. Unfortunately, he’s inconsistent and could put up five shots in any game as well.

Marreese Speights:


I just wanted to give a shout out to Speights. It’s so hilarious watching him play, as he is truly the Black Hole. Once he gets the ball, he’s jacking it up. No. Matter. What.

Khem Birch:


Played 17 minutes and has entrenched himself into the rotation. Something to keep in mind, which I probably should’ve written in the Gordon blurb, is that Vogel went small for an extended period of time with Gordon at center.

Shelvin Mack played 25 minutes, while DJ Augustin played 14 minutes. Both scored 10 points. Something to keep in…..You’re right. Useless information.

Al Horford:


Has scored 20 or more points in eight games this season. He’s played in 42 games. Yet, he’s still a top 35 player for fantasy. Love and marriage….love and marriage….

Jayson Tatum:


Tatum’s been struggling a bit as of late. With that said, I’m not too worried. Channing on the other hand? Jayson is contributing across the board, playing 30 minutes a game, and still hoisting up 11 shots per contest.

Jaylen Brown:


I may have been wrong about my “next Kawhi” talk. JB is waaaaaay too flashy and talks too much.

DeMarre Carroll:


Since returning from injury, Carroll has played in five games, received 31.1 minutes of run, scored 17 points, grabbed 7.6 boards, dished out 2.2 dimes, and stolen 1.8. ‘Tis the season.

Rondae Hollis-Jefferson:


You don’t even know how excited I get when Rondae has a good game. Y’alll ready? Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Sunday. Rondae!!!!!

Spencer Dinwiddie:


Played 31 minutes. He’s still going to man the point. D’Angelo Russell will play the 2. Stocktonator knew that Dinwiddie is the man, as it loved him yesterday.

Speaking of D’Angelo Russell:


Came off the bench and only played 14 minutes. No need for the Nets to rush him back. I guess you could say that he is still DLoading.

The Nets should join a league where front court players are not allowed. Atkinson would be in heaven, that place where a guy always has Viagra in his system while at the Playboy mansion. Hmmm, if he couldn’t get action, then I guess that could be hell. Oh wells, many fantasy players probably wish that upon him. Allen Crabbe played 28 minutes and scored six points. Caris LeVert played 22 minutes and scored nine points, while Joe Harris played 23 minutes and scored 12 points.

Jahlil Okafor:


Played seven minutes. Nets management: Oh…Trust the process?

Tobias Harris:


Top 50 player for fantasy. Won’t contribute much in D stats, but will score, grab some boards, and drain 3s. He’s been held to single digits in three games all year. Three. Uno. Dos. Tres. Harris has played in 44 games. Stocktonator loved Tobias yesterday.

Andre Drummond:


Played 26 minutes, as he was in foul trouble. The Nets didn’t forget about Dre, who went 22/20/5/2/2 when the two teams faced off two weeks ago. Dre is a Top 25 player, as he’s shooting 63% from the free throw line and dropping 3.9 dimes. His career average is 1.0 dimes a game.

Avery Bradley:


A bad game for Avery, but he had put together seven straight good ones before yesterday. We all know about the drop in rebounds from last season, but Avery will still get his 211 on and drain some 3s. As long as you keep expectations in check, you won’t get spurned.

Stanley Johnson:


I knew SVG couldn’t stay away from playing with his Johnson. He came off the bench and played 26 minutes, but no way I could ever trust him. With that said, if you enjoy Johnson then keep an eye on the minutes he receives going forward.

Luke Kennard:


Played 22 minutes. He’s been getting around 20 minutes per game and has made three downtowners in consecutive games. 3 & D player without the D.

Enes Kanter:


Kanter is a double-dub machine….when he gets the minutes. Not always the case, though.

Tim Hardaway Jr.:


Played 29 minutes. It’s only a matter of time before he starts getting run in the mid-30s. A $71 million 3 & D player. Will get around a steal per game and is Top 10 in attempts from downtown at 7.4. For Tim, I will name his downtowners, Hardaways.

Jarrett Jack:


Is Nino Brown Jack’s agent? Played 26 minutes, while the Frenchise only got 18 minutes of run. I still have faith that the Frenchise will overtake New Jack City at some point this year. If it doesn’t happen, then I will shake my fists furiously into the sky and scream, “Why have you foresaken me?”

Kristaps Porzingis:


Play basketball? Too many Instagram models to scope out in LA.

Michael Beasley:


Played 14 minutes. Is that you, Marreese Speights?

Willie Hernangomez:


Holy shit balls! Played eight minutes. Hornacek is such a jerk. Playing him just enough so he has to take a shower and redo his hair.

Julius Randle:


Played 37 minutes. That’s what I’m talking bout!!! Willis? Is that you? Randle probably saw KP scoping out all the Instagram models and knew he was going to have a big day.

Tyler Ennis and Josh Hart both received the start in the backcourt. Ennis played 11 minutes, while Hart played 17 minutes. Both contributed a bagel.

Jordan Clarkson:


So, in back-to-back games, Clarkson has scored 29 and 33 points in 38 and 34 minutes respectively. Crazy to think that he was recently only getting 14 minutes a game. Maybe Luke Walton was a little miffed because they were scoping out the same Instagram models? You got a better theory?

Larry Nance Jr.:


Played 32 minutes. Love his potential, but the minutes aren’t secure. Keep an eye on if that changes going forward, though.

Alex Caruso:


Played 31 minutes. I love Caruso. Balled out in Summer League and in the limited time he’s been up. Plays with moxy and has skills. With that said, he’s only up because of the plethora of injuries.

Thaddeus Young:


Has scored double figures in eight straight games and received over 35 minutes of run in four straight. Young ain’t sexy, although his wife would disagree, but he contributes in all but blocks, and even there he gives a little something something. Top 75 player for fantasy.

Domantas Sabonis:


Only played 27 minutes due to foul trouble. Has scored 15, 9, 15, and 9 points the past four games. I’m mortgaging the house for a player prop that Sabonis scores 15 next game. You know I love the craps table and those hop bets. What kind of odds would that prop pay me wonders?

Thaddeus Young, Bojan Bogdanovic, Darren Collison, and Victor Oladipo all had 3 steals. Criminals!!!

Corey Joseph:


Played 31 minutes. Anyone remember Cujo? That dog had some serious bite. Well, CoJo is the exact opposite. No bite and no bark. Strictly a minutes play. Would be great in a league that counted the number of breaths.

LaMarcus Aldridge:



Kyle Anderson got the start with Kawhi out and played 34 minutes.


Is getting 30 minutes a game, but he doesn’t take enough shots or score. He will provide boards, dimes, blocks, and steals, but his ceiling is limited.

Pau Gasol:


Played 31 minutes. Will perform in the occassional Spurs Siesta, but when he plays he delivers. Top 90 for fantasy right now.

At point guard, Tony Parker played 20 minutes, Patty Mills played 22 minutes, and Dejounte Murray played 28 minutes.

At shooting guard, Danny Green played 23 minutes, while Bryn Forbes played 22 minutes.

I got the sudden urge for MC Hammer: