I love watching National Geographic, Animal Planet, etc. Always so fascinating. Sometimes you see why many think God exists. Other times you see where the inspiration for man-made objects came from. All the shows, all the channels….everything, though, comes down to survival. One particular video that’s always etched in my brain is the one where 30 Japanese hornets kill 30,000 honey bees. Crazy. I immediately pictured that video when I saw what Kemba Walker did in Portland.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 40 1 3 4 0 3 6/11 13/26 8/8

Kemba was an All-Star last year, and his numbers are almost identical this year, so it’s only appropriate that he is filling in for Porzingis. Kemba does it all. 2.8 downtowners, 3.4 boards, 5.8 dimes, 1.1 steals, and 22.6 points. The only thing he doesn’t contribute in is blocks. That just makes him the most thick-skinned person on Twitter.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was a big subscriber of superstitions and curses in my younger days. Sports team I root for wasn’t playing well? Had to move to another seat, like I was some antenna made out of aluminum foil. Never drafted a player in fantasy football if he graced the cover of Madden. I mean, come on. Without fail, either a player got injured or production fell off hard the following year. We have grown as a society, though. I have grown as well. We now utilize our brains to explain things that were previously unexplainable. For the Madden Curse, a logical explanation was that players are celebrated by being on the cover of the videogame because they have reached the pinnacle of their careers.

pin·na·cle
ˈpinək(ə)l/
noun
              “he had reached the pinnacle of his career”
There’s literally no place to go but down. Add in the age factor and number of games played, and the “curse” doesn’t seem so mysterious after all. How things have gone down the past couple of weeks in the NBA, I’m beginning to reevaluate my stance on the issue. In late January, LeBron James and Steph Curry particiated in the All-Star Draft.

First, DeMarcus Cousins went down with injury. Then, Kevin Love. John Wall. The latest victim? Kristaps Porzingis. Last night, he tore the ACL in his left knee after this. I will think of you everytime my 2-year-old daughter puts on My Little Pony. Michael Beasley is the obvious get, but he’s probably been rostered already. Kyle O’Quinn is also an interesting pickup, as he would be the big off the bench to give either a break. Yo, LeBron. Whatever you’re doing? STOP!!!

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Most are familiar with chapter 3, verse 16 of the Gospel of John: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son <Hey! That’s me!!!>, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Before storm clouds gather up above and lightning fries my plump physique into a mush of cooking oil, I was just joking God. Ha ha. I’m probably fine because I’m sure he/she/it was overloaded yesterday, but….out of respect and….juuuuust in case. Anyways, because we go next level here at Razzball, I want to mention chapter 3, verses 18-19 of the Gospel of John: Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. <Hey! It’s me again!!!!> This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Yesterday, the fervent followers and believers of the NBA were graced with a sermon from the Book of John Henson, chapter 3, verses 18-19.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 18 3 0 2 0 0 8/14 3/5

Granted, it was against the Brooklyn Nets, a team that is atrocious against the center position. With that said, since Jason Kidd was fired as coach of the Bucks (seven games), Henson has averaged 29.4 minutes, 12 points, 7.57 boards, 2.42 dimes, 0.8 steals, and 1.1 blocks. As long as the Bucks do not trade for a center at the deadline, have faith in the Henson. Is it any coincidence that I am Son and John is a Henson? I thinks not. See the light and come out of the darkness. If the Bucks trade for DeAndre Jordan or any other big man, then you can tear the Book of Henson out, get on your knees, and scream to the heavens: Why have you forsaken me?

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I grew up before cable television, when a remote control was, “Son, get your ass off the couch and change the channel.” The number of channels could be counted on two hands. So, many of my fond memories were from watching infomericals. Tom Vu was one and will always have a special place in my heart, while the other one was Billy Blanks and his Tae Bo. That was the OG. Seriously, everything now should pay homage and pay royalties to Blanks. Anyways, after more than 20 years, Tae Bo is still going strong. There are fitness centers and classes all across the county and Billy Blanks still has, not only an operational website, but one that looks legit. Which brings me to Zach Randolph, aka Z-Bo. He’s so OG that his friends…in middle school….named him Z-Bo after Deebo. This is his 18th season in the NBA, yet, like Tae Bo, is still going strong. Last night, Z-Bo went:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 26 12 2 1 0 4 3/6 11/23 1/2

He played 32 minutes. So, that thing about the Kings going young. Yeah…..Z-Bo has actually played 32, 32, and 28 minutes the past three games. But he did not see the court the two games before that. He’s only a streaming option or a DFS play in the right matchup. He must’ve been licking his lips when he saw that Dante Cunningham would be guarding him last night. He went so OG that he knocked him out of the game with injury. I’m getting all nostalgic and will try one of the Tae Bo workouts. Shit, I shouldn’t have done that. Still effective, like Z-Bo.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh yes, The Greek Freak wreaked (havoc), while the Nets D leaked (like a sieve). His future looks un-bleak and he was anything but meek on Friday night, as the Bucks powered past the Nets en route to a 116-to-91 victory. Rhymes aside, Giannis Antetokounmpo went 3-41-13-7-2-2-1 at home in Milwaukee on 14-of-20 shooting and 10-for-11 from the charity stripe.  This was a rare fantasy line that helped you in every single category, and if you own him in fantasy, you’re hoping he can build off of this, especially the free throw shooting. There was a 10-Game slate in the NBA last night so let’s dive on in:

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I love food. American. Korean. Chinese. Italian. French. Vietnamese. Brazilian. I show no discrimination towards race or culture. There’s a reason why I am now nine quarters, after being a svelt 165 pounds for most of my early adulthood. The only bias I have is towards mayonnaise. I’m dry heaving just looking at the words on the screen. Anyways, so it was with enjoyable delight that Beal Parmigiana and 40-burgers were on the menu last night. Mmm Mmmm good. Delicioso.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 41 12 7 2 0 5 6/11 15/26 5/7

Bradley Beal played 46 minutes and sliced and diced the Thunder D like a Benihana chef. Who cares that the Wizards lost 112-121? Outside of the thousands? millions? that root for the team. Oh, and the folk that layed or took the 5 points. All this talk of burgers and parmigianas is getting me hungry. Enjoy the Top 40 production from Beal while I dig into my pasta with tomato sauce. Slllllllluuuuuuurrrrp.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy 2017, Razzball Nation!

After immense pressure from the DA’s office to flip on Tommy DeVito and Paulie Cicero, [redacted] needed protection to secure his testimony in putting those good fellas away. It didn’t start on the best foot either, as the WitSec guys asked [redacted] if he had any distinguishing marks and he lied about his tattoos… But the man formerly known as [redacted] changed his name to the very inconspicuous James Johnson, and moved his family to Miami. After being a humbling under-the-radar role player, Johnson was supposed to continue as merely a minutes-filler, amongst an uninteresting mix of PF to get through the tough void of losing Chris Bosh. He’s supposed to just shy away from dunk attempts and stand around on offense…

Well, way to ruin that, Johnson! We can’t protect you no more! An absolute monster weekend from Johnson, going 22/3/6/2/2 against the Celtics on Friday night with 4 treys, then followed it up with 20/7/3/1/1 against the Pistons. After a rough stretch of FT last week, he made 6-7 in these games too. With the added onus on O (no Goran Dragic or Justise Winslow OR Hassan Whiteside last night), he is turning it over a little too much (8 total in these two games), but with all the injuries and a void in playmaking on the Heat right now, Johnson is as erect as ever. He’s playing SF, PF, and even some C right now, so while we shouldn’t expect the 34 minutes like he got against the Pistons, he should be pretty solidified in his 25ish MPG role even when everyone is healthy. He’s gotta be a must-own in all leagues while this hot, as he has brazenly blown his cover. Hopefully no one recognizes him as [redacted]! Here’s what else went down over New Year’s weekend in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As we prepare for the 2016-17 Fantasy Basketball Season, I’ll be taking a look at each NBA team with their major adds and drops to see if we can pan for any surprise rotational gold.  This open is especially witty for the Nuggets…  We’ll be counting down from worst NBA regular season to the best, mainly because I’m still figuring out how to rank the Warriors…

Washington Wizards (41-41)

wizards

Key Acquisitions:

C Ian Mahinmi

F Andrew Nicholson

G Trey Burke

Jason Smith

Tomas Satoransky

Key Losses:

F Jared Dudley

C Nene

Ramon Sessions

G Garrett Temple

Gary Neal

Whhhhhhhhhhit MAN!

You have to say “Whhhhhitman!” like you’re almost about to whistle.  Whhhhhhhhit!  Hah, anyway, the Wiz were one of the most disappointing teams in the NBA last year, after being a tough out in the East in 14-15.  Head coach Randy Whitman got the axe, they brought in a good replacement in Scotty Brooks, but didn’t really change too much of their roster.  Kieff didn’t give them the spark they were looking for in a deadline deal, but maybe with a full offseason training with the team (and hopefully only getting detailed for a ton of weed at Philly’s airport will be his only off-the-court distraction), he can return to his peak Suns days.  Other than that, it’s really your same Wiz regulars with a re-vamped second unit.  Here’s how the Wizards roster is taking shape for the season:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As we prepare for the 2016-17 Fantasy Basketball Season, I’ll be taking a look at each NBA team with their major adds and drops to see if we can pan for any surprise rotational gold.  This open is especially witty for the Nuggets…  We’ll be counting down from worst NBA regular season to the best, mainly because I’m still figuring out how to rank the Warriors…

Utah Jazz (40-42)

Utah Jazz

Key Acquisitions:

G George Hill

G/F Joe Johnson

Boris Diaw

Key Losses:

Trey Burke

F Trevor Booker

A terrible logo!

Hell yes!  Look at the Jazz bringing sexy back, using their old school look as their official logo of 16-17.

Ya know, this team reminds me of a defensive-minded version of the Wolves.  Oodles of young talent, they barely made any changes, and I think Slim will indeed get his wish and see them as a postseason team.  Slim loves his Jazz!  I think it’s just because they’re a team in the West who didn’t burn his Heat…

Anywho, the position where they made the biggest change was a MASSIVE upgrade at PG, so A+ in the offseason moves department!  And oh man, wait until you get idea of what this second unit is gonna be…  Here’s how the 16-17 Utah Jazz are coming together for the upcoming season:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can! Winning a fantasy hoops season is like the little engine that could, with tough decisions along the way and navigating a billion injuries. But hell, if your railroad tracks get demolished, there’s not much you can do (cough, stupid REL injuries, cough…). Unless ya know, you’re Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom and have some nice Mario Kart music fueling your escape

Trust me, I’ve never run a marathon – mostly because I don’t want to have to pay for one of those dumb 26.2 bumper stickers – but I ended up cutting Myles Turner as a desperation stream in a cutthroat 5-4 playoff win last week in one of my RCLs. It feels like I sold out to sprint past 1st place during mile 24! Now I’ve lost control of my bowels, my muscles are spasming out of control, and I’m probably sputtering into not completing the race. Fortunately in the JB vs. Slim RCL I had the luxury of the bye and held strong. Strong and steady wins the race (as does 1st round byes…)! Turner went nuts for 24/16/1/0/3 on 11-17 FG last night, in a hell of a way to celebrate his 20th birthday. Dude can play pro ball like this, vote, drive, and CAN’T celebrate with a beer?! It was a strong way to break through that nebulous rookie wall, even though he’d been pretty solid lately anyway. And with a possible DNP from your main Pacer, another big game could be coming to close out your week in the semis. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?