Ugh. I’ve said numerous times I hate when injuries prove any calls right or wrong, but my BJ tooting horn, ya know – the one that says sell high – isn’t looking bad anymore.
If you missed it over the weekend, Brandon Jennings tore his Achilles and is out for the season. And this isn’t one of those LaMarcus Aldridge thingies where he can just decide not to have surgery and keep playing. Let’s hope Aldridge didn’t inject some sort of juice in that thumb! ADHD alert, JB! More on L.A. later… So with BJ done, the Pistons only have to change one letter and put in the D.J.! D.J. Augustin is an obvious must-own in all leagues, and while I’ve been one of the hardest “Wahhhhhhhh! I’m Jarrett Jack!” pushers, Augustin vaulted him right away, even before last night. Tore up the Craptors for 18 points in the first half in a redonkulous 35/4/8 line with 5 treys. D.J.s no longer welcome in Canada! Wedding costs are going to be out of hand… No more Jazzy Jeff! “Who got maple syrup all over the turntable, eh?!” If you’re reading this and there’s still a D.J. on your wire, as The Crystal Method would say, “NOW IS THE TIME!” Here’s what else went down over the crazy weekend of fantasy basketball:
Klay Thompson – Scored more in the 3rd quarter Friday night than Greg Anthony at a brothel! Hey-O! I maybe should’ve led with Klay, I thought about “The First Face Of The ThrAGNOF Mt. Rushmore” as a title, but nah. Although titles that irk people should bring more clicks! 37 points in the 3rd in a game the Warriors were actually losing, ending up with a 52/2/5/4/2 line with 11 treys. I kinda need to change my pants now. 11 treys AND a rainbow line AND 50 points?! Then 31/2/1/0/0 with three treys Sunday… ThrAGNOF! Kidding. Flourishing before our eyes, to be above a steal and a block a game on top of a career-best 48% from the field with an extra dime and 4 more points a game… it’s one of the bigger leaps this year. Of course, everyone in the world liked Klay Thompson more than me heading into the season, it’s not my fault he decided to play D this year! The Warriors may never lose a game again…
Hassan Whiteside – Could’ve been the lead number 3! Hmmm, which title here… “Whiteside Hassaunts The Bulls Dreams!” Ehhh, weak. “GET THAT SHIZZ OUTTA HERE!” yells Hassan after reading that title… Slim texted me in the 2nd quarter that Whiteside was gonna go tripdub when he was 4/3/4. I was like “ehhhh…” And we all pray to the overlord Slim! 14/13/0/0/12 in only 25 minutes and the first game back after missing a few with a kankle. If you got Whiteside and Augustin as adds, you suddenly have fantastic PG and C depth!
Tony Wroten – Seems like forever ago, but it was finally released Friday that Wroten tore his ACL and is out for the year. I’ve mentioned before I think Larry Drew II is terrible, and he had 2/2 and 9/4 games over the weekend in nothing impressive. I think the biggest impact is I have more faith in K.J. McDaniels, despite not huge lines over the weekend (14/5/5/0/1 & 6/5/1/2/1). Chipped in a trey in both though, with a little help in swats.
DeMar DeRozan – Back on track! We knew it would happen, and he finally debunked his funk for 25/6/4/2/0 last night with no TO. Damn my untaken buy-low offers!
Jonas Valanciunas – Was luminescent last night! LL for 20/11 and 3 swats, now 3 blocks in back-to-back games and swats in 5 straight. Dubdubs in 3 of the past 4 too! Maybe it’s coming together…
Steven Adams – Sat yesterday with a migraine. Not too many outsiders seem to like Cleveland…
Reggie Jackson – Rock bottom! Under 10 minutes of bleehehhhhewubiuwrgeuf. I just vomited R-Jax to my waiver wire.
Paul Millsap – Better late than never! Well, he’s actually been fine but picked it up over the weekend for a 22/10/3/2/2 rainbow Friday night and 20/5/6/4/0 last night, with 2 treys in both.
Kemba Walker – Oh man, hearing surgery for Kemba makes me tremba! Charlotte wants him to hack up his meniscus and when your boss tells you to have surgery, you have surgery! I learned that from the fake boobs heroin ring in Nip/Tuck.
Al Jefferson – Looking like Big Al again! 22/11 and 3 blocks in the Saturday night embarassment in Cleveland, then 9/6 with 7 blocks against the hapless Poppycockers last night. Played 30-and-a-half off the bench so he should be ready to start henceforth.
C.J. Miles – Strained his groin and missed yesterday, and will likely miss a few more. But I’m definitely not reading anything into Damjan Rudez and the 16 points he scored in the 4th quarter last night… I might argue that Rudez scoring that many in the 4th is weirder than Thompson’s NBA record!
Langston Galloway – Jose Calderon is hurt with being-terrible-itis, so Galloway got a start to show what he could do as a pure PG and went 11/5/2/1/0 and the Poppycockers scored 71 points. Yikes! Either way, Galloway went 15/8/3/1/0 with two treys on Friday and only 2 TO the past 3 games. It’s useful!
Lance Thomas – I mentioned when OKC dumped him that Lance could be interesting on the tanking Knicks, and back-to-back 16-point games with a 16/8/3/1/1 line on Saturday night, in a whopping 41 minutes. I don’t know what’s longer, his run in that game or that run-on sentence! Worth a gamble in deepers.
Cole Aldrich – 13 boards in only 18 minutes in that same game. So many labradoodles in a 71-76 loss! Jason Smith has a nice mid-range, but Fish really needs to get Cole back in the starting school.
Tim Hardaway Jr. – The only Poppycocker to do anything in that game for 25/6/5 and 5 treys. It was a Carmelo Anthony DNP-rest, but this is the sorta thing he could do a lot of nights once Melo is shutterflied.
Aaron Gordon – Picked up the start yesterday while Orlando continues to bring Tobias Harris off the bench. Time to put your stud back in, Vaughn!
Victor Oladipo – Well, as I mentioned in my “sell Dipo!” rants, steals are back down (5 in last 5), assists and rebounds are meh, and 2-11 3PTM the last 3 games. Plus the awful playoff schedule! I’m feeling good on this one…
George Hill – Only played 20 minutes off the bench, but making em count! 17/6/3/1/1 with no TO. Still a little sore in the groin, but as he gets over blue balls he should be a must-own guy.
Joakim Noah – Sat the whole fourth quarter against the Heat yesterday afternoon, and I’m guessing it’s because Coach Tibs knew Whiteside would crush Noah’s self-esteem. Or Tibs knew he’d be tied of hearing “FOUL” and “AND-ONE!” from Joakim every time Whiteside stuffs him. Taj Gibson wrapped it up late, going 11/8/2/0/2. No need to lose Gibson yet.
Jimmy Butler – Had a rough game yesterday. If you ask him about it he’ll go Godzilla on yo ass!
Nikola Pekovic – Twin towers unite! Started next to Gorgui Dieng for his normal, empty 15/3/1/0/0. Another Pek-ing Duck! Dieng for only 9/7/4/0/1, but def not hopping off the Dieng Train any time soon.
Thaddeus Young – A lot of people hopped off the Thad Train, that’s for sure! Actually scooped him up in an RCL, and loving it! 26/6/7 last night, had a little bit of a dud on Friday, but otherwise has been solid lately. Although it may be just the spike the Wolves are looking for before dumping him.
Brandon Bass – While Kelly Olynyk ails with a kankle (and it’ll be at least a few weeks), Bass is your C’s starter with two more usable lines over the weekend of 17/9/5/3/1 and 8/9/0/1/1 with only 1 combined TO. Certainly worth a look while starting.
Evan Turner – Ello Poppet! 19/7/7/1/1 in a great line last night. I maintain he’s terrible at basketball, but 6+ dimes in 6 straight will work just fine. That said, no Marcus Smart last night – out for a family issue – to cut into those minutes.
Jusuf Nurkic – Ugh. Has a sore back, got into foul trouble yesterday, it’s a Jamba Jus that is going badddddd. The boards are still there, but the blocks have dried up like a Jamba Jus left out in Death Valley. Erstwhile, J.J. Hickson had a 15/14/3/2/0 line Friday night but only 10/3/1/1/0 and 4-8 FT Sunday. Please don’t tell me this is turning into a Celtics-ish C shituation.
Joe Ingles – So I streamed Ingles for a speculative steal or two Saturday night, and got a ridiculously lucky career-high scoring game… A 16/1/5/1/0 line with 4 treys and no TO. Mr. Fundamental! But you have to say it in an Australian accent. Maybe it should be “Mr. Fundamental, Oi! Oi! Oi!”
Dante Exum – Starting starting starting! Oi! Oi! Oi! Second start was solid for 13/4/4/0/0 and 3 treys, giving him 8 treys in his first two NBA starts. And this was an utter blowout of the Nets! Interesante…
Mirza Teletovic – Out for the year with blood clots in his lungs… Wishing him the best and speedy recovery!
LaMarcus Aldridge – Postponed the thumb surgery and went 26/9/3/2/0 on 9-22 FG and 8-8 FT. Maybe we can get Dwight Howard or Rondo to tear their thumbs to learn some FT shooting!
Nicolas Batum – Speaking of tears, Batum has a messed up wrist ligament he finally fessed up to. He’s playing through it, but I ain’t want any part a dat.
Khris Middleton – I’ll take a part a dis though! (fun anecdote, I literally searched “Kate Middleton” my first try getting his stats) The Duchess for 16/7/4/1/0 on Friday then 21/5/2/3/0 last night in a huge weekend. It’s tough to trust, but 28+ minutes the past six games and certainly in the 12er mix.
Monta Ellis – Hates Pelicans like a BP oil spill! 36/5/2 last night on 16-27 shooting. Not good enough!
Rajon Rondo – Broke out of his rut for a tripdub flirt 17/8/9. Good thing the Pelicans don’t have a PG! I’m still pretty worried, I would use this last one as a sell moment.
Tyson Chandler – Got carted off after a knee-to-knee hit, but ended up coming back in the game. I guess with gas prices where they are, they’ll cart anyone!
Kris Humphries – Out of nowhere 21/14 in 33 OT-aided minutes. Not much to do with it now, but flashing he still has a little dangle to his wangle if Nene gets hurt agian.
Kawhi Leonard – This is getting a little out of control! 14+ boards in 3 of the past 4, with a 19/14/2/3/1 line last night, with a trey, 10-12 FT, and nary a TO. He’s the post presence they needed! Did tweak his ankle, but came back just fine.
Ty Lawson – 31/3/12/3/0 in a monster game. I almost want to say something like, “he should get DUIs more often” but that’s horrifically irresponsible… What a moron. Then again, you don’t learn much as a UNC athlete…
Jordan Clarkson – After his first career start of 11/3/4, I watched some of the Lakers last night (I know, I know, it was a dumb life decision) and he looked atrocious. 8/0/2/1/0 with 5 TO, with a few just really really bad ones. You’ve been PBevved! Byron Scott praised Kelly Clarkson on Friday, but he’s still only worth a gamble in the deepers.
Streamers/Cheap Daily League Picks:
Joe Ingles (2% owned) – Hey, it worked for me on Saturday so why not again?! Solid matchup against the Celtics and if you’re streaming in a yearly league, he’s going to chip in a couple treys and dimes without many TO.
Dorell Wright (3% owned) – Well, Batum admitted his wrist is jacked and against a weak-looking Nets, I would be surprised if they rolled him out there. Time for the Wright Stuff! 10/6/3 with 3 treys last night in a close game, and might get a little extra run tonight in what should be an easy one even for the beat-up Blazers.
I hope everyone had an awesome weekend, and we’ll catch ya tomorrow!
