Never mind that the news of Andray Blatche being out for about a month brought me more joy than sadness (schadenfreude, snitches!). Also, forget that never has a surname expressed so completely my negative feelings toward a person. Skip all that noise, jack. We’re looking at the fix for what ails Blatche owners (besides hard liquor that drinkers can’t see through). Salvation, thy name is Trevor Booker. I really want to tell you that we’re in for 3-5 weeks of Jan Vesely kicking bootay, but he’s just too green. Last night, despite starting, J.V. (appropriately initialed!) had as many fouls as rebounds (3). Meanwhile, Trevor booked 14/9/2, with 3 stl and 2 blk on 7-for-9 (.777) shooting. He may average that many shots from night-to-night in the next few weeks, but he’ll probably make somewhere around four or five of them. That’s the bad news. The good news is the steals and blocks are legit. He’ll be a nice little pickup for anyone who picks ‘im up. Keep this party rolling with more fantasy basketball junk below.
Richard Hamilton – Re-injured his groin after bumping up against Miami on Sunday. Rip clearly did not understand his doctor’s orders when they told him to apply some heat to the injured area. Speaking of pains in the groin, Ronnie Brewer, despite going 2-for-10 last night, still demands your utmost attention.
Kyle Korver – 17/5/3, with 5 3ptm in place of the Hamilton’s injured groin. Or maybe it was Deng’s injured wrist. No, I think it was Hamilton’s groin. Either way, Brewer is your best Bulls’ vulture, then Korver. Either way2: A Bullvulture is the coolest of all creatures. #SuckItLiger
Jason Richardson – Richardson’s knee is still a little too weak to handle a back-to-back, so he sat out last night. “Hooray!” – anyone who owns Richardson’s .414./571/10 pts/3 rbd/2 ast – season disaster. J.J. Redick got the start in Richardson’s place and ended with a modest 10/5/2, which, frankly, is probably better than Richardson woulda had did.
Ryan Anderson – Why hello there, Ryan Anderson. You appear to have gone cold from the arc. There’s no excuse for that. Now, you’ll excuse me as I take a big swig of chocolate milk while you explain why I should be cool with you missing so many damn threes. / Ryan Anderson tells Adam that he grabbed a career-high 20 rebounds, Adam spits chocolate milk all over Ryan Anderson, Adam runs away from Ryan Anderson.
Hedo Turkoglu – Shot just 1-for-9 last night and 11-for-39 in his last five. Turk go ewww.
Tony Battie – 9/8 in 17 rip-roarin’ minutes. Please don’t make me get into why you should ignore this performance. (Hint: 8/15 combined in his last five.)
Stephen Jackson – Rumored to be trade bait for New Jersey to get Dwight Howard. I’m assuming this is a rumor because never have I heard a player say, “I’d be happy to play for a terrible team, if only a selfish ball vacuum with a penchant for fouling and taking himself out of games could somehow accompany me.” Anyway, Jax is an obvious bench/drop/trade depending on your league’s depth/stupidity.
Mike Dunleavy – Dropped 20 points on 8-for-10 shooting. He’s dropped at least 17 in three of his last four. Re-read the blurb above this one if you need a reminder as to why Mike D could spend a little time being a beasting boy.
Greivis Vasquez – Who do I call about creating a hybrid of Vasquez and Gustavo Ayon? The hybrid would have had 19/5/4, with 2 stl and a block last night and we would call it Greivo Vayon. And I would love him.
Chris Bosh – 12/3/0. It was a “Wade Night.” Lord help the NBA if Wade and Bosh ever figure out how to be “on” in the same game.
Michael Beasley – After double-doubling Sunday, Beasley went unconscious for 34 points last night. He sank all 12 of his free throws and missed only four of his 14 shots. If he was dropped, your next move should … ahem … B.Easy. Also, Wes Johnson ended with 4/3 and 6 tov. So that’s where that’s at.
Luis Scola – 8/1/3, in 20 minutes. The oddest thing about Scola’s weak season is that the Rocket starting power forward is being coached by one of the game’s all-time best power forwards. This goes a long way in proving something I’ve suspected for years: Kevin McHale will not have his legacy tarnished! Look at the damage he tried to inflict on Kevin Love in his first two seasons?
Gary Neal – 0/3/1. So to heck with Sunday’s breakthrough.
O.J. Mayo – Took over for a cold Rudy Gay and ended with 17/3/2 in 17 minutes. It was his fourth game of the season with 17+ points. He had five such games after his 20th contest last season. Jrue story.
Derrick Favors – Eight points on .400 shooting. Not turrible, but not adurrable either, especially on the heels of the expectation that follows a youngster getting starter’s minutes. 8/6/1, with a steal won’t be his best game while Al Jefferson is out, but it won’t be his worst, either.
Paul Millsap – 19/15, with 2 blk … Meanwhile, on the other side of the block … Expect more of this while Jefferson is out.
Wes Matthews – Shot 3-for-12 (0-for-5 from the arc) and ended with six points. This is the danger of rostering a guy who offers nothing other than his shot. Because if his shot is off, he just offers nothing.
Nicolas Batum – Played strong (15/3/2, with a steal, block and four threes) until he compacted his leg into his knee and went down like … like … well, like Greg Oden. I’m not saying. I’m just saying. If somehow Jamal Crawford or Gerald Wallace are still available … then you probably don’t need my help because you’re in a league with you sister and your 5-year-old cousin.
Delonte West – Misirlou dropped five threes on his way to 25/3/6. That might be curtains for Roddy Beaubois.
Dirk Nowitzki – I know he’s getting older, but dude went 10/4/4 last night and looks like he’s aging in dog years. Thank Christ he didn’t win a championship in his third season. He would have crumbled in his early 20’s. I refuse to believe this is how Dirk’s season will go. Buy low.
Steve Nash – Speaking of Dirk’s early years … Steve Nash sat out of this one with a contused thigh, which is better than an oozed thigh, which is extremely less palatable to talk about. Ronnie Price started, but he only played half the game and ended with 2/1/5. Sebastian Telfair played two fewer minutes and ended with 13/1/6. He’s the grab. But Nash isn’t likely to miss more than one other game.
Blake Griffin – Played sparingly last night. Might be injured. Might have been forgotten. One never knows with Vinny Del Negro.
