Pau Gasol and the Lakers have had a train wreck of a season so far. Pau is seeing nearly all his numbers being below career average (12.6/8.9/3.5/0.5/1.2 with 42% FG and 76% FT) and having “knee tendinitis” to boot. As such, I had to move him down in the tiers because you can’t be a Victoria’s Secret model with those type of numbers. I’m sticking him two tiers lower in the “Hotter than you realize” tier because this season he’s going to be that cliche chick from the late 90’s early 00’s (i.e. She’s All That) that is actually really pretty if she would just try. Pau, just try man. I know you don’t like playing away from the post, but just try. I’m a believer in you and when you start trying… will you be my prom date? Well that got a little weird.
This week I’m combining Forwards and Centers because of that ninja kidnapping last week. Think of it as a Hanukkah present except only one day. So maybe it would then be an early Christmas present. Don’t celebrate either? Is that even possible? It’s presents, man. Everybody loves presents. Now go unwrap them:
Some quick hits: Andrea Bargnani tore an elbow ligament and will be out 1-2 months so I am dropping him substantially because he hasn’t even been that good when healthy. Tim Duncan just keeps KILLIN’ it so I can’t keep him down any longer. Josh Smith and Nicolas Batum have essentially switched spots but with Batum’s injury and Smith blowing up lately I may have to switch them back again soon.
Power Forwards:
Victoria’s Secret Models: Kevin Love, LaMarcus Aldridge
Almost as sexy: Paul Millsap, Al Horford, Tim Duncan
Hotter than you realize: Pau Gasol, Ryan Anderson, Chris Bosh, Anthony Davis, Anderson Varejao, David Lee
But-her-face: Blake Griffin, Kenneth Faried, Dirk Nowitzki
Plain Jane: Kevin Garnett, Zach Randolph
Sneaky hot: David West, Patrick Patterson
Cougars: Luis Scola, Carlos Boozer
Gonna holler: Kevin Seraphin, Andray Blatche, Kris Humphries, Glen Davis, Carl Landry, Jason Thompson, JJ Hickson, Derrick Favors, Ed Davis
Macy’s catalog models: Elton Brand, Michael Beasley, Taj Gibson, Trevor Booker, Brandon Bass, Amir Johnson, Jared Sullinger, Shawn Marion, Boris Diaw, Andre Drummond
Beaten with the ugly stick: Tiago Splitter, Thomas Robinson, Antawn Jamison, Gustavo Ayon
Small Forwards:
Top 3 overall, idiot: Kevin Durant, LeBron James
I’m sexy and I know it: Carmelo Anthony, Nicolas Batum, Rudy Gay
Party rocking: Josh Smith, Paul George
Bangarang: Andre Iguodala, Paul Pierce
Call me maybe?: Gerald Wallace, Andrei Kirilenko, Thaddeus Young, Luol Deng, Kawhi Leonard, Chandler Parsons, Danilo Gallinari
Should I stay or should I go?: Metta World Peace, Evan Turner, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist
Gangnam Style!: Ersan Ilyasova, Dorell Wright, Kyle Singler, Carlos Delfino
Lithium: Mike Dunleavy, Al-Farouq Aminu, Jared Dudley, Marvin Williams, Jae Crowder, Tobias Harris, Wilson Chandler, Steve Novak
Smells like Teen…Nah, just smells: Corey Brewer, Ronnie Brewer, Trevor Ariza, Harrison Barnes, James Johnson, Jonas Jerebko, Hedo Turkoglu, Jeff Green
Centers:
Wanna know my shoe size?: Marc Gasol, Al Jefferson
You’re HUGE: Dwight Howard (move to #1 in H2H), Greg Monroe
I <3 you: Serge Ibaka, Joakim Noah
O-ver-Ra-ted (clap, clap, clapclapclap): DeMarcus Cousins
I might be insane: Brook Lopez, Tyson Chandler, Marcin Gortat, Roy Hibbert
Playing with fire: Nikola Pekovic, Nene Hilario, Chris Kaman, Andrew Bogut, Amare Stoudemire, JaVale McGee
Lob City: DeAndre Jordan, Omer Asik
OMFG Byron Mullens: Byron Mullens
Lob City (cont’d): Nikola Vucevic, Larry Sanders, Jonas Valanciunas
Ugh: Robin Lopez, Andrew Bynum, Kosta Koufos, Tristan Thompson, Spencer Hawes, Emeka Okafor
More desperate for attention than Amanda Bynes: Andrea Bargnani, Greg Stiemsma, Marcus Camby, DeJuan Blair, Ekpe Udoh, Bismack Biyombo, Samuel Dalembert
