J-Smoove (or Joove to his friends and accountants) had 30 points, 17 rebounds and 7 assists. Which brings up a good question: was he close to a triple-double? Seven dimes is pretty outstanding, but getting three more would have been the equivalent of scoring about 10-12 more points. We wouldn’t say Josh Smith was so close to scoring 40 last night, just because he had 30, right? Going from three assists to seven was the leap, not seven to 10. Does that jive? Does it at least cha-cha? It always bugs me when a player goes above his averages and announcers or whomever try to make it bigger than it was. No need to make it bigger, because he also drained 2 threes, stole three balls and blocked four shots. He almost had a sextuplet-double if he had only played another 40 minutes! Anyway, scroll down with me for more fantasy basketballery, won’t you?
Psych your face! Tomorrow is Friday. You know what Friday means? I mean aside from the fact that you’re going to end the day naked in a bathtub and crying to Tori Amos? It’s Daily Joust‘s $100 prize night. Assuming you haven’t been taking them to school all week, saving up to buy a larger tub and more Tori Amos albums, you’re still eligible to win and start your weekend off right. You must be of-age and not a previous winner to qualify. You almost must have a computer, a brain and at least a faint pulse. Other than that, you don’t need anything but guts, some knowledge of how basketball is played and an Internet connection. That’s all you need. Plus a gambler’s heart. But that’s it, aside from a thrillseeker streak. Nothing more. Click here . Enter. Enjoy.
Now. Let’s get on with the fantasy basketball Wednesday recap!
Channing Frye – 13/11 last night. He was just resting on Tuesday. Resting LIKE A FOX! Actually, foxes are very well-rested animals. They sleep, like, nine hours a day.
Tiago Splitter – 13/5/2, with a block. He hasn’t been stellar lately, but then again neither has Tim Duncan. Matter fact, Duncan went 8/3/2 and made your bellyaching about Splitter look somewhat ridiculous. If Duncan owned Tiago Splitter in a fantasy basketball league and he heard you bitch about owning him, he’d give you that incredulous “who me” look he gives refs after every foul he’s ever had called on him.
DeMar DeRozan – 29 points on 13-for-21 shooting. You got benchslapped tonight, didn’t you? Probably because you put him in the last two games when he went a combined 7-for-25, right? Go ahead and throw your laptop out the window now, ’cause he’s going 1-for-10 in his next game and you’re going to play him. Don’t worry. It’s not you. It’s fate.
Jose Calderon – Double-doubled for the seventh time this season. The Raps are 3-4 when Joe Kettle dub-steps, or, as it’s known among Raps fans, “a winning record!”
Andre Iguodala – He’s averaging 8.7 pts/4.7 rbds/6 asts in his last three games. His six shots last night doubled the combined total of the last two games, which is very un-A.I.-like. And ay, I don’t like.
Lou Williams – After last night’s 21/4/7, with a pair of threes and a steal, Screwy Looey is averaging 18/2/4, with at least one steal and three so far this month. I was right to predict the Sixth Man coming out of Philly in 2012, but wrong to predict it would be Thad Young.
Jrue Holiday – His stats are steadily declining as the weeks tick by and I’m wondering how difficult it would be to arrange a Thunderdome situation in which Darren Collison, Jeff Teague, Raymond Felton and Holiday all enter, but only one leaves.
Ryan Anderson – Dropped seven treys last night. He has 87 on the season. It took Anderson 43 games last year to sink 87 threes. It’s taken him 29 this year. If this were a full season, Anderson would be on pace for 238 threes, the sixth-most in NBA history. But because of the Lockout, Anderson is on pace to only win the Wednesday Night three-point shooting contest he, Marco Belinelli and Caron Butler didn’t know they were having.
Omri Casspi – 10/9/3, with 3 3ptm. This is the weak version of what I projected him to do all season. The season was weak. It needed cayenne pepper or maybe it needed to reverse the J.J. Hickson trade that nobody is happy with. Anyway, Casspi’s being very un-Dude this season.
Kyrie Irving – 22/3/5, with 3 3ptm. No longer concussed, Kyrie is irie, mon.
Semih Erden – Semih was sportin’ a full Erden last night going 18/8. Considering he’s scored a total of 27 points in his previous 13 games, I’d see if he can go again before labeling him a stud. It’s easy to go off once. A lot of times you’re full of spunk and once it’s gone, man, it’s totally gone.
Roy Hibbert – Hibbert hasn’t been bad this season so much as inconsistent. He went 17/8, with a steal and a block Wednesday. Yeah, that’s nice, especially on the wings of Hibb’s 14/10 dove that was January. But then what can you say about February’s wangdoodle (11/9) wedged in between them? Y’see what I mean about inconsistency?
A.J. Price – Averaging 12 points and 3 3ptm over his last three. Just FYI … you know, if you’re into cheap production. Then might I also suggest the off-off Broadway production of Beauty & The Beast entitled Booty and the Beast.
Marreese Speights – The Ace of Speights had himself a career-night, going 20/18, with a pair of blocks. It was so good, he went out after the game to celebrate by adding another R and E to his first name.
Tony Allen – 21/4/3, with 5 steals, a block and a three. I’m acknowledging that this game happened and imploring you to ignore it.
Kris Humphries -10/7 and has truly been blowing lately. It’s funny how losing the one thing he was famous for completely eradicates all the attention he was getting last year. I’m speaking, of course, about rebounds. What else did you think I was talking about? Don’t be weird.
MarShon Brooks – Returned and went 12/3/3, with a pair of threes. He also turned the ball over six times and pretty much negated all that other stuff.
Ben Gordon – 22 points and 4 threes in 28 minutes. Brandon Knight started at the two, but only played 19 minutes. Here. Go deep. I’ll hit you with this information in the end zone.
Chris Wilcox – 17/9/3. I told you to grab him in the brief window that he’d be starting and I know you did that because you told me you would.
Jeremy Lin – 10/5/13, as the Knicks are riding a seven-game winning streak. Do we care that he’s turned over the ball six times last night and that his turnover numbers are as bad as his assist number are good? We don’t? Fine. Just checking. Don’t get snippy.
Amar’e Stoudemire – 11/5 in 27 minutes. I miss Amar’e's vertical. Remember that? It was great.
Corey Maggette – 18/3, with a steal. That’s officially two solid contests in a row on a team that one doesn’t usually equate the words “solid” or “contest” with. Do what you gotta.
Kevin Martin – 32 points, 4 threes after playing like poo in three of his last four. Benchslapped like a mofo.
Chase Budinger – Played nine minutes. Feel free to boot him off your team and make blonde jokes at his expense loudly so that he hears you do it.
Shawn Marion – 16/10/6 and guarded by the understudy of the understudy all night long. It looks like the only thing Corey and Kenneth faried was the Matrix from being covered by a damn defender.
Lamar Odom – 14 points on 50 percent shooting. He also had a steal and a block and shot a three and rebounded a little and didn’t really turn the ball over much. So that’s good, right? I can’t quit Lamar. I just can’t. Stop asking me to.
Corey Brewer – 9/7/4, with 5 steals. He also shot 3-for-15 from the field and played terrible D, which would seem crazier if Faried and Kosta Koufas weren’t also starters in this tragedy.
Kosta Koufos – Some gigantic guy wearing an authentic Denver jersey grifted his way onto the court and double-doubled Wednesday night. Woulda been cool if it wasn’t so scary.
Nate Robinson – Scored a season-high 21 (including a triplet of threes) mostly because Ellis and Curry were a cold 6-for-19 from the field. Don’t pick Sugar Nate up … unless it’s so you have something to slap across Curry and Ellis’ face.
Nicolas Batum – 17/4/3, with 2 steals, 2 blocks and 2 threes. The Batum we’ve seen in the last seven games is the Batum we’ve been waiting for ever since Kate Upton was just some chick Dougie-ing at Wizards games. Now Upton is some chick Dougie-ing on magazine covers and Batum is choppin’ heads. Long overdue, Batum. Long overtum.
Blake Griffin – 23/15/3, with a steal. He was underrated last year. Overrated this year. Look for him to be rated next year. Oh, yes. One can almost guarantee Blake Griffin will be rated next year.
Mo Williams – Just kinda taking up space now.