Yeah. It goes like this right here. It’s the return of the writings of Slim! That reminds of an Outkast song, and that song reminds me of 1998. If you don’t remember it was the year we learned there was yet another way to be disgusted by a cigar. That near, far, wherever you are you probably found yourself at some point rooting for the most unlikeliest of protagonists, Billy Zane. And of course it was the year the ‘Blue Screen of Death‘ truly became a meme, long before anyone knew what a meme was.

Gangstaaaaa… It’s the return… turn…

In the NBA draft that year there were 3 guys drafted that are still playing and should one day be in the Hall of Fame. I’ll give you a hint, the top 3 draft picks were Michael Olowokandi, Mike Bibby, and Raef LaFrentz, and if you were playing fantasy basketball back then you might have gone all-in on one of them. Give up? They are Vince Carter, Dirk Nowitzki, and Paul Pierce. Pick number 5, 9, and 10 respectively. That’s not to say great players aren’t drafted 1st, but the only thing guaranteed when you are first overall is a whole boat load of money. Something about the use of the word ‘only’ there doesn’t quite feel right.

Return… Ganstuhuhuh… It’s the re…

It seems so easy to see when you’re talking time traveling, something mind unraveling. Get Down. It’s a whole lot harder to do here and now using some funky combination of math, logic, illogical fandom, a random number generator, and of course the occasional dart throw. For some reason though, after about an hour on 350 (or about 176c) it develops a creamy caramel colored crust. Once it cools, just cut it up and consume. So here’s you’re 1st taste. Slim’s, I can’t believe I’m writing this in 3rd person, RCL playoff schedule post.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So we’re out of the top-50, it’s time to start playing it riskier!  Although, there’s still some pretty boring vets in this range, but it’s mainly because they have to go somewhere…  Kinda like those stupid sheep tiles in Catan.  Man, I hate that game…  It’s glorified dice without the money, and replace swagger with my nerd friend saying “mad sheep-game!” every time his hotel gets some sheep cards…  Worst game ever.

Anyway, it’s cliche to say “you can win your leagues with strong mid-round breakouts”, so I’ll just say “it certainly helps getting your mid-round picks right than getting busts!”  Oh man, if that’s not award winning analysis, I don’t know what is…  Here’s the Top 75 for the 2015-16 Fantasy Basketball Season:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The NBA really is Jordan Belfort.  The Wolf of Fantasy Sports!  It’s tantric and never slows down, from the Finals ending less than two weeks before the draft, free agency hitting a week later and we’re already starting summer ball.  And the NBA will soon revel in the excess that is the 16-17 salary cap boost with a TV deal that put Seinfeld reruns to shame.  I need my ludes to get me through!

Even the Spurs couldn’t avoid the world of excess and massive free agency signings, bringing in LaMarcus Aldridge for a cool $80 million.  Loosening up the purse strings!  My first thought was, “dammit, Kawhi is never gonna be the guy!”  Then again, he got over $90 mil with his extension, so there’s that!  But Kawhi Leonard sometimes struggles with the mid-range and long-distance shooting, so L.A. should help Kawhi by opening up some lanes and keeping him in his game.  This is going to be a crazy offense, with Tim Duncan moving to center and likely being his solid old self.  Which leaves us with what to expect from Aldridge…  And, me no likey for fantasy.  After being really durable early in his career, he’s had a few bumps and bruises (I know, I know, playing through a torn thumb tendon gets mad props) and the Spurs – as we all know – love to limit the minutes.  I also don’t think he quite gets to 20 shots a game like we’ve seen the past few years.  I had him 20 in my way too early rankings, but the move drops him a few spots at the least.  L.A. in S.A. is not OK!  Here’s what else has gone on through the first few days of free agency and rookie ball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge Christopher Nolan fan.  I remember in early middle school, Memento blew me away; a year or two later I made my mom take me to see Insomnia and she probably thought I was nuts…  And again I was blown away by tour-de-force acting and a great character study.

Then of course came all the Batmans which were great, even though the third one had, well, a few issues that the Honest Trailer people figured out.  And I even really liked Inception even though it also had some problems.

And then we get Interstellar.  Nolan doing sci-fi.  Check.  About space.  Check.  About the future.  Check.  And man was I mad!  It’s like no one read the script except Nolan, who is apparently going nuts!  Really the only thing about the movie that isn’t flawed is the amazing score by Hans Zimmer, who is the man.  It’s also shot really well…

So I decided to go back and watch Interstellar and find 50 plot holes (sure, some may be more “issues” than “plot holes”) and connect them using metaphors – like how the movie uses the metaphor for human love to explain everything – to fantasy basketball.  The plot holes that really grinded my gears are in italics.

FULL DISCLOSURE!  I’m not going to watch the Honest Trailer for Interstellar until I’m done!

If this isn’t your viewing companion next time you watch Interstellar, then I don’t know what is… Here we go:

(note – if I really need to say “spoiler alert” for a post like this if you haven’t seen it, then that might be your issue…)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, there’s a reason standard H2H leagues end 10 days early!  Sheesh it’s just a mine field out there…  Did you ever play that game Minesweeper in the 90s?!  Man that game got annoying…

Anyway, it was a crazy weekend across the NBA highlighted by Jrue Holiday returning from his leg issues over the weekend.  Even in this final month of rest, The Lord needed a Holiday!  It really surprised to see him return this season, but I guess with the Pels in it, he’s persevering.  Jrue was rusty in Friday night’s return (1-7 FG), but caught fire Sunday night for 7-9 FG, 17 Pts and 3 treys.  Since he had to sit last night and had to be abandoned months ago by the unfortunate souls who drafted him, he still might be out there in your league.  In a pivotal final game tomorrow hosting the Spurs, Jrue should get a good bit of run as an offensive sixth man.  He’s a risky play since we don’t know how many minutes he’ll get, but if you need some Pts and Ast as a final stream, he could deliver.  Jrue works for you!  Here’s what else has gone on since the weekend in fantasy hoops action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fresh off surviving the 2014-15 Razzies with his nomination for worst coach, Brad Stevens only kinda-sorta did something right last night…  Yo Brad, how about you have Marcus Smart take some other shots than 3s (1-5 FG with 1-4 3PTM last night)?!

But despite the Celtics’ horrific mismanaging of Smart, Stevens did run Isaiah Thomas a whopping one-more-minute than Smart, and IT2/3 went nuts for 34/3/6 on 10-17 FG (4-8 3PTM 10-11 FT).  In a 10-point win, you don’t run IT2/3 over 30 minutes with a +35?!  Only got to 29:47 last night, but you’ll take it when he’s at at least 23 Pts, 2 treys and 4 3PTM the past three games.  Those are the floors!  Other than the %s (he is shooting a ton more though), IT2/3 has really improved since changing into green, and I think that slow start in Phoenix might make him a value next year.  IT2/3, the Hoppin’ Leprechaun!  That might have to be his full official Razzball nickname…  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Who knows, maybe devoting his soul to the lord of the Sith is what got Hassan Whiteside to where’s he’s at!

Absolutely terrible flagrant-2 last night to the back of Kelly Olynyk, hit-sticking him into the cameramen.  L3, L3!  Friend of the Podcast Mike Gallagher from Rotoworld tweeted out a great vine showing the hit from two angles, and I think that’s maybe a judo elbow he learned from Tekken.  On top of his lingering kankle issues, now we have to assume a game or two out via suspension.  Certainly doesn’t helped he tackled Alex Len a few games ago, with Whiteside’s flagrants turning into an MMA reel.  As Slim and I mentioned on the Pod, Whiteside throws his body around willy-nilly and it’s starting to catch up with him with the physical play from oppos.  Gotta control those emotions, young padawan!  “Concentrate!”  Just has to get the last few mental things together to be an elite NBA big.  Can you do that, Hassan?!  “I’ll try.”  “No!  There is no try!  Do.  Or do not.”  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh man, not a fun night for Mark Cuban unless he’s also invested in the Dallas area sports medicine clinics.  The way the NBA has gone this year, it’d be a smart investment!

First into the Shark Tank was Tyson Chandler, who sprained his ankle a minute and half in and couldn’t return.  He had an earlier ankle sprain and it didn’t cost him any time, so even though it looked bad, ol’ Tyson is no Chicken.  Then a mere couple minutes later, Monta Ellis hurt his hip and only played 3 and a half minutes.  As Kevin tells us in The Office – “That’s Dallas!”  Man, good thing the All-Star Break is right around the corner!  Even if both guys say they’re 100%, I see no reason why the Mavs would push em for their game tomorrow night hosting the Jazz.  While they’re out, we’re a bunch of preying sharks circling the bloody waters like Mr. Wonderful and Herjavec!  And last night it was the hairless ghost (wait, ghosts usually don’t have hair right?) of Charlie Villanueva who piled up some junky stats hitting 9-13 from the field for 26/5/1 with 5 treys.  Was awful other than points and treys with 3-6 FT and 4 TO.  Big man ThrAGNOF!  But for me, the big winner for tomorrow night is Mark Cuban’s own (seriously, kinda seems like he’s his dadShawn Marion comp?) Al-Farouq Aminu.  Only 19 minutes last night, but hit all the cats for 5/6/1/1/1.  Mark Cuban Jr. is only owned in 10% of Yahoo leagues, and in a shortened week where every steal and block will count, he should be one of your first calls on the wire in what should be a spot-start.  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh boy, more injuries to studs and more teams scrambling…

Sometime before the weekend, Blake Griffin had a fairly routine (and he’s had a few) elbow draining.  Blake’s draining jumpers, the team docs are draining elbows!  But over the weekend the elbow developed a staph infection, and he’ll have surgery and won’t be evaluated until after the All-Star Break.  Blake is firing off jumpers and the team docs are about to be fired!  Reports are saying it could be a 4-6 week sort of thing, but with staph infections you never know.  Either way, he’s an obvious hold in all leagues.  While Blake goes all Leo McGarry on us, Samurai Spencer Hawes and his little hair bun went 17/1/0/0/1 on 7-16 shooting with two treys in 35 minutes.  Samurai Spence should be an add in virtually all leagues, as his mix of scoring/treys/blocks can help a lot of teams.  Sure he won’t board almost at all for a big with DeAndre Jordan swallowing em all up, but we can ignore that.  Kinda like how Denis McDonough ignored that second “n” in his first name.  What is it with “Mc” real-life and fictional Chiefs of Staph?!  I bet the Oval Office whisky is well stocked…  Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the football season over we can now fully concentrate on the NBA.  Last weekend the article did awesome.  I had my best day of the year and if you followed the write up I am sure you did well too.  We have a 7 game slate on tap for tonight.  I want you to take note that I am not going to write up any of the starting Golden St. players.  It’s not that they aren’t good plays.   Golden St. is in the middle of a tough schedule.  They are playing their 6th game in 8 days, the  third set of a series of b2b’s.  After playing a tough game in Atlanta last night, a game against the Knicks gives Steve Kerr a opportunity to limit the minutes or rest some of the starters.

Please, blog, may I have some more?