We’ve all been guilty of it at one point or another. Maybe the great ones, you know, someone like The Dude, haven’t been guilty of trying to look into the future. For us mere mortals life isn’t so easy that all we need to do is throw on our best pair of Birkenstocks and face the day as it comes to us. At this time of year in fantasy, it’s time to forget about the prospects and focus on the here and now. There aren’t any September call-ups… wait, where are you all going? Baseball hasn’t started yet. Fine, go, be gone with you then! Ahem… For those of us still playing for a championship – ohhh *snaps fingers* out of the playoffs burn! Excuse me. For those of us still playing for championships, *smirk*, we can’t afford to worry about the what ifs, we can only concern ourselves now with the what has, so here are my weekend streamers of who wills:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Just like I was telling JB a few days ago, there just isn’t enough time left. He doesn’t have enough time to prepare for the coming zombie apocalypse just like I don’t have enough time to tell you a story loosely based on fictional people and places. My goal is to ensure everyone reading this makes the playoffs in their leagues and there isn’t enough time to talk about underground bunkers and if George A. Romero was really a psychic time traveler who had come from the future to teach us how to stop the coming apocalypse. Instead here are 12, wait, 1,2,3… yeah, 12 widely available weekend streamers that I think could swing a close match in your favor. Who you need all depends on how you’re doing against your opponent and be they a Romero zombie, a 28 days later zombie, or even Billy Connolly, then maybe an add from this list can help you survive one more week.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I can’t for the life of me remember why we went to Walmart on a Sunday. It was probably for something pretty important but me and JB can get sidetracked pretty easily. Anyway, I don’t want to be there any longer than necessary so when we go I insist we shop by the method we have fondly been calling The Heely Derby. It’s just like the 80′s style Roller Derby, daisy dukes and all, only with Heelys instead of roller skates so we are slightly less conspicuous. I remember it was early in the race, we were gaining speed still, weaving around the blockers when out of nowhere I was caught with a forearm shiver that sent me flying. When I was able to finally free myself from the shirt rack and locate my adversary I was astounded by what I saw. She couldn’t have been more than 8 years old, decked out in Hello Kitty paraphernalia and still locked in her Kung Fu like pose. Even in my shock I could tell something was wrong. Her kitty doll which no doubt was her most prized possession had been knocked to the ground. Still locked in her pose she slowly turned her head toward me and calmly demanded, “Say you’re sorry”.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The trade deadline is here! Today! And even though we had a few trades already go down, more are sure to proliferate through the league office. Hopefully the NBA has faster fax machines than the NFL. I mean, seriously on that Elvis Dumervil thing?! BREAKING NEWS! The Heat trade LeBron James to Cleveland for Anthony Bennett, but the trade was sent just over a month too late. Reports indicate it was sent on April 1st. Hah! Sent from some hooligan named David Stern… You’ve been punked Adam Silver! Back to reality, we’ve seen Marcus Thornton get traded to the grandpa Nets for Jason Terry and Reggie Evans and Steve Blake get all his fantasy value decapitated Hershel-Walking Dead style by getting shipped to the Warriors for Kent Bazemore and MarShon Brooks. The takeaways thus far is you can cut Blake in virtually all leagues, and in deeper leagues I actually think Reggie Evans could start at some point as the Kings 4. Jason Thompson is one of the many rumored on the trading block which would open up that role. I’m not saying Evans would play 30 minutes or anything, but could maybe average 8 boards a game while doing nothing else in the typical Evans fashion. So when I say deeper leagues, I mean deeeeeeper. We’ll recap the rest of the trades in tomorrow morning’s piece as well as in the comments throughout the afternoon to help with your fantasy moves. Here’s what else went down in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Glen Davis went to the pre-season Magic weigh-in, the trainer was like, “355 Big Baby, really?” ”These hips don’t lie!” And in a very full slate of games last night, we had two pretty premiere big men have their hips not lie and go out on them. ”Help I’ve fallen and can’t get up!” The NBA to start issuing players life alerts to wear around their necks. DeMarcus Cousins was the first to succumb to the AARP ailment. Suffered a left hip flexor, but coach Mike Malone said it probably wasn’t serious. Destiny is like, “wait a ‘left’ hip? I thought, like, for people we had only one hip!” No child left behind fails us yet again. Good thing it’s the All-Star break for Boogie! An All-Star Boogie! Dude, that should totally be an event. Breakdance Horse! Hah. Then Derrick Favors went out and re-aggravated his right hip that had caused him to miss games here and there over the past month. This one is a lot less bueno. But hey, DeMarcus and Derrick have a pair of healthy hips! If only they were siamese twins – they’d get, like, 35 rebounds a game. Favors will likely get an MRI and be brought along very slowly since this is a re-aggravation. Enes Kanter to the rescue! Might get some solid run and deserves love in a lot of leagues. And don’t sleep on Rudy Gobert in deep leagues if you need some blockage. Speaking of blockage, look at some of the traffic photos of NC from yesterday. No one learned from Atlanta! And the best basketball game on the slate, UNC-Duke, cancelled. Travesty. Let’s get this global warming going again! Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, the Feds are after you. Your Ponzi scheme and billions of dollars are up for seizure. Well, that, or your $20 league dues and your friends sending you obnoxious texts about how you’re not going to the playoffs. So if you’re in H2H and in this shortened week, what is a Madoff to do? How about putting in a quick grab of Chris Kaman, who has erected himself into surging fantasy relevance. Too far JB! A raging 25/14/4/1/3 line last night, taking a whopping team-high 24 shots. That’s now three straight games of at least 17 Pts, 8 Rebs, 3 Asts and 2 Blks. That’s the floor! While tonight’s slate is pretty jam-packed, Thursday is a light one. With the Lakers one of the few teams in action, Kaman could really make the difference this week for ya in Pts and Blks. While he does have a shelf life whence Pau Gasol returns, if Gasol is indeed traded I think Kaman has played well enough to stick. Of course you never know with Doh-toni, but Robert Sacre isn’t exactly a guy to be developed for a long-term future and they don’t have any other true 5s. So don’t be afraid to stash some of your free cash in the Kaman islands. While he is owned in 43% of Yahoo leagues already (a bit shocking to me it had hopped up that fast), there’s plenty of IRS-free banks left to stash him up. Here’s what else I saw last night across fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
No no no, that’s not some sort of euphemism for not flushing… Victor Oladipo had a unreal game last night, almost giving the Magic enough to beat the Bulls in tres overtime. I watched this game and was making all sorts of Oladipo highlights slashing to the rim. Ended up with a 35/4/8/3/1 line shooting 15-24 with a trey. Career-high alert! And it wasn’t due to the minutes (58), he only scored 2 in the 3 OTs I believe. Did boost his dimes by a few though… A guy I was extremely steadfast about holding onto and buying low is paying out your quarterly dividends. Well, it would be more like bi-weekly dividends, but if a stock did that I want in! The 8 TOs last night was a bugaboo, but just part of VO’s game. He’s going to continue to get these big minutes and touches for the duration. Pumped to see him finish out his rookie of the year campaign. Here’s what else I saw in a busy night of NBA hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Leandro Barbosa had a really good run in the 2000′s, captaining the Black Pearl, slashing to the basket with some great drives – just like the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise was all-around fun to watch in his prime. After a decline in Leandro’s play, he was shipped to Toronto for some turkey named Hedo Turkoglu. Barbosa averaged nearly 13 Pts a game north of the border in two seasons, but then he was constantly asea with stints with the Pacers and Celtics before tearing his ACL in February last year. And man, did that injury make him look attractive to the Wizards, who traded for him in a salary move. Never playing for the Wizards and not getting any deals in the offseason, Barbosa looked stranded on the Isla de Muerta. But some rum runners and/or braiding human hair from his back to lash together sea turtles got him back to civilization and re-signed by his former Suns a week ago. After three meh games, Barbosa broke out with a 21/3/2 game last night. Commodore Barbosa! Bootstraps’ bootstraps! He stayed on the court just over 30 minutes, and was infinitely better scoring the ball than Gerald Green, who shot 2-16. Labradoodle alert! No need to Geoffrey Rush to the wire in 10-teamers or 12-teamers, unless you’ve got a banged up squad in 12-team and only need points. He’s a little interesting in deeper leagues though. Mainly because he’ll get minutes, get shots, and will breakout on cold Green nights. Here’s what else I saw last night across the Caribbean:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m sure we’ve all experienced a day in our lives that through some kind of grueling experience we somehow came out victorious. On the inside all we cared about was the instant satisfaction of winning but on the outside we appeared broken and defeated. Not so long ago I had such a night. It’s not the shame that makes it so difficult to talk about, but the shame that there’s a sense of glory and accomplishment that goes with it. JB and I decided a few drinks were in order one night and we decided, while watching some NBA action, to have ourselves a little drinking game. Sure I thought, I’ve had a few already how bad can this be? The deal was that we would pick a player and for each assist that player had the other person would have a drink. JB wanted it to be field goals made but I managed to talk him into assists, or so I thought. “Chris Paul“, I said without hesitation. Looking back I probably had a really stupid smirk on my face. JB calmly ordered himself another, then he ordered me an appetizer – which looking back may have saved my life. With a perfectly calm demeanor I got to hear words that will still cause me to cringe, “Kendell Marshall“.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, Andrew Bynum is Mr. Glass too… But the other way! And he’s also Mr. Franchise Killer, as the Cavs had to suspend him just to get him to stay out of the stadium. ”Hey Andrew, leave the HurryCane at home today, we don’t wanna keep paying the stadium workers to put down the handicap ramps!” Just saves money across the board. Once Bynum gets waived, I think even Obama will be shaking his head at Bynum’s healthcare bills. Anyway, the obvious benefactor to that whole mess is Anderson Varejao, who after his dominating 18/25 game last night has double-digit boards in 4 of the last 5. Varejao was cleaning up the glass like he was the Unbreakable one! The leading rebounder in the NBA last year before he got hurt (at a ridiculous 14.4 a game), Varejao should be a monster in 2014. Although it does help when Nikola Vucevic is hurt and the starting center against you is Jason Maxiell. Hell, I coulda had a double double against them last night! And I don’t even have Jerry Curls! Here’s what else I saw last night across the NBA:Please, blog, may I have some more?