What are the roles of a butler? To answer the phone, greet guests at the door, plan events and parties, serve drinks and food, manage the wine cellar, and keep the paparazzi and solicitors at bay. Jimmy Butler does none of those things. Jimmy Butler gets buckets. Jimmy Butler takes manhoods. Jimmy Butler gets defensive. But what Jimmy Butler does best is protect his house.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 7 10 0 1 2 0/1 7/10 16/18

In 34 minutes in an overtime victory over the Wizards, 134-129. The Miami Heat are 20-1 at home, with the lone loss coming to the Lakers. Jimmy Butler is good but he ain’t that good. I kid. He protects his house. LeBron James and Anthony Davis have been known to make themselves feel comfortable anywhere. For fantasy, it seems like Butler hasn’t done much this season, but you look at the numbers and he’s the #12 player on the season. Even when the shooting volume and efficiency aren’t there, he’s still posting top 30-40 value. That’s because of his all-around game. The tres have been light this season (first time under 1 since 2012), but the points, steals, blocks, good percentages have all been there. The biggest boosts have come in the boards and dimes departments; 7 boards and 6.5 dimes on the season, both career-highs. Butlers are good helpers. Jimmy Butler is the help and the master. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what’s also the help and a master? The Stocktonator.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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Kendrick Nunn went undrafted in the 2018 NBA Draft, despite leading the NCAA Division I in three-point shooting with 4.47 per game and finishing second to Trae Young in scoring with 25.9 points per contest. He played his rookie season with the Warriors G-League affiliate, the Santa Cruz Warriors, and averaged 19.3 points in 29 minutes. In the offseason, the Miami Heat took a chance on him and were shown the Power of Nunn. In a preseason game against the Rockets, Nunn dropped a 40-burger. As a result, he entered the starting lineup, which he hasn’t relinquished in 40 straight games. Now, despite starting every game, it’s been a rollercoaster in terms of production. He got out of the gates on fire, then cooled off, then picked it up, then plateaued for a bit. Well, last night, he reminded us of what the Power of Nunn looks like.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
33 3 4 2 0 2 5/7 13/18 2/2

Nunn is averaging a little over 28 minutes per contest. The usage rate is in a healthy range of 23-25 and he’s jacking up 13 shots per game. He will provide a handful of boards and dimes with the occasional steal, but he’s primarily a points and tres player. Nunn is obviously not going to shoot 72% every game. On the season, he’s converting 45% of his shots. Not bad. The turnover rate is miniscule at 1.8, so that should endear him to the coaches, which provides a relatively high floor for fantasy. If you ain’t on the court, then you ain’t good for us. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what never leaves the court? The Stocktonator. Nunn is currently a top 120 player on the season. If he continues to start, then that’s a reasonable expectation of where he ends the season.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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The Adam’s apple is a lump in the neck, primarily seen in males. It’s size increases during puberty and is viewed as a secondary characteristic of males due to hormonal activity. It protects the vocal chords and produces a deepening of the voice. For those who travel to Thailand, figuring out who and who doesn’t have an Adam’s apple is a good skill to have. There’s no questioning the manhood of Steven Adams, though. He is 7′ 0″ and 250 pounds. He probably boxes kangaroos in this spare time and provides shade for the wild life. Last night, Steven went to the Big Apple and made sure everyone knew that he was THE man…….

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
10 18 3 2 0 2 0 3/5 4/7

….as he was instrumental in the Thunder being victorious over the Nets, 111-103 in OT. Earlier in the season, Adams was straight awful, and dropping him wouldn’t have been crazy. He eventually turned things around and, over the past two months, has been a top 55 player for fantasy. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what never turns things around because it’s always at the top? The Stocktonator. He’s a low usage player, so points won’t be voluminous, but boards, blocks, and excellent field goal percentage are the core of his value. The most surprising aspect of his season, though, has been the increase in dimes. He’s averaging 2.7 per game on the season. The last five years, he had never averaged more than 1.6. Now, he probably won’t finish as a top 50 player for fantasy, but top 80-90 wouldn’t be bad and is a reasonable expectation.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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Michael Porter Jr. was one of the top overall recruits in high school. At 6′ 10″ and 218 pounds, he was literally a giant amongst boys. Unlike most big men, though, he did most of his damage from the perimeter. He possessed both the handles and jump shot of a guard. With his height and athleticism, he would rise up over any challenger and drain shots from all over the court. Because of the stupid rule that forces players to showcase their talents in college for one year before entering the NBA, MPJ eventually decided to play for Missouri. Unfortunately, he injured his back and underwent surgery, forcing him to miss most of the season. As a result, he fell in the NBA draft before the Denver Nuggets selected him with the 14th overall pick. Back injuries are tricky, and the Nuggets selected MPJ for the long game, so the process was going to be a slow and tedious one. For the first 31 games of the season, MPJ played in 22 of them and averaged 9 minutes per game. Then, on December 29th, he received his first start and did what he do, which is score, score, and score some more. He scored 19 points, grabbed 6 boards, and dished out 1 dime in 26 minutes. The Nuggets were short-handed that game, so I dismissed it as a one-off thing, but it looks as if the genie may be out of the bottle. Last night….

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
25 5 1 0 0 1 2/3 11/12 1/2

In 23 minutes off the bench. He posted up smaller defenders, broke down bigs on the perimeter, showcased the Harden-esque step-back J, and attacked the rim on closeouts with dexterity. Over the past four games, he’s been a top 60 player for fantasy, despite averaging only 19.6 minutes. Now, before we go crowning his ass, MPJ is not going to shoot 74% from the field, which is what he’s done over the past four games. When that happens, the points will obviously go down, which will be an issue because most of his fantasy value is derived from scoring. He may be a hero right now, but he’s a zero in the defensive stats and dimes. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what’s never a zero, and always a hero? The Stocktonator. In addition, his real-life defense isn’t great, which could be an issue regarding playing time because the Nuggets are legitimate contenders this season. I’ve added MPJ in every league where he was available, as the scoring upside is immense, and there’s always that small percentage chance that he could be the greatest thing since….most people go with sliced bread. I get it but not really. How about the internet? Nike Airs? Deodorant? I’m going with the Apple Pan banana cream pie. For those in LA, you know. For the unfortunate, you know what to do if you ever go to LA. Anyways, I’m not expecting much from MPJ to be honest, but willing to see where it leads.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Orale is a Mexican word that has so many different meanings.

I agree with you
Come on!
Bring it on!
Yes
Hurry up
That’s amazing!
I’m flabbergasted
There you go
Ok
Exortation
It’s your turn
Go ahead
I’m waiting for you
Watch it

It’s such a cool word, flows off the tongue, and is pleasant to listen to, even if someone is saying it to hurry me up. Anyways, it’s one of my favorite words. Granted, I don’t know too many words, but whatever. With that said, I guess it only makes sense then that Richaun Holmes is not only one of favorite players lately, but a favorite of many in the fantasy basketball world.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
22 10 0 1 3 2 0 8/13 6/6

In 31 minutes. He’s been the #12 player for fantasy over the past 16 games. Orale, Holmes! Points, boards, defensive stats, and excellent percentages (67% from the field and 89% from the line on 2.9 attempts). To date, he has to be the fantasy MVP, right? Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what’s always the MVP? The Stocktonator. There was worry that when Marvin Bagley returned that Holmes would be relegated back to the bench. As much of a bobo I think Luke Walton is, he isn’t that much of a bobo, as he played Holmes and Bagley alongside each other. Now, Bagley is hurt, so Holmes can run free like the bison did in the American plains many years ago. But unlike the bison, Holmes will not get eradicated when Bagley returns. Orale, Holmes.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Oklahoma City Thunder entered the 2019 season with rebuilding expectations, as the team traded away Paul George and Russell Westbrook in the offseason. Two full months into the season, the Thunder are one game above .500 and are currently the seventh-best team in the stacked Western Conference. A big reason why has been the play of Chris Paul who, like a good neighbor, has provided stability to the team. Last night, Paul aaaaaaalllllmmmmmooooooooosssssttttt messed around.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
25 11 8 0 0 5 3/6 9/18 4/4

On the season, Paul is a top 25 player for fantasy. Over the past 15 games, he’s been a top 15 player and averaged 33.1 minutes, 17 points, 1.5 tres, 5.5 boards, 7.5 dimes, and 1.4 steals. He’s been shooting 48% from the field and 94% from the line. The usage rate has been 21.6 and the turnovers have been a miniscule 1.7 per game. Now, Paul is 34 years old and since the 2015 season, he has missed 8, 21, 24, and 24 games. It may be time to explore getting some insurance, as there’s a good probability that Paul will miss more than a few games. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what never misses a game? The Stocktonator.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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Money, money, money, monnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnney. Moooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeey. Love it or hate it, we need money to survive; to eat, cloth, and find shelter. The more you have, the greater number of times you can put cheese on that Whopper, get bling to accessorize the outfits, and/or accumulate various forms of entertainment. What’s the color of money in the United States? Green. Lots of green is usually a good thing. Well, last night, Troy Brown Jr. was money.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
26 9 7 1 1 0 2/4 9/15 6/7

Since Brown was money and money is green, then Brown is the new green. Don’t bother Googling, I’ve done the research. The 26 points and 7 dimes were both career highs! Now, Davis Bertans did not play last night, so Brown’s offense was needed. Don’t expect this kind of performance every night, but Brown can provide some tres, boards, and steals when he plays. On the season, he’s averaging 23.2 minutes per game. Over the past six games, that number has ticked up to 27.6. With all the injuries, Brown will be the main scoring option off the bench, so Brown can be money for as long as he continues getting the opportunities. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what’s always money? The Stocktonator.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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No, not Michael. That would be weird and unbelieveable at the same time. Did he travel in time? Or did he sell his shares in the Hornets, pass through waivers, and get signed by an NBA team? He is 56 years old, so it would be quite the feat if he was able to ball in today’s NBA, and go on a scoring binge no less. Vince Carter is 42 years old and still playing, so anything is possible. Plus, if there was one guy who could pull off the feat, Michael Jordan would have to be at the top of the list. That would be one helluva 30 for 30. But alas, Michael is not the Jordan that I’m talking about. That would be Jordan Clarkson of the Cleveland Cavaliers, who went 30 in 30 last night:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
33 6 1 0 1 1 6/8 12/17 3/5

In 30 minutes! Jordan gets buckets. How could he not? In five of six NBA seasons, Jordan has scored at least 30 points in one game. Unfortunately, he’s inconsistent and has never averaged more than 17 points per game. Plus, his last name is Clarkson. Ok, 17 points ain’t bad, as De’Aaron Fox averaged 17.3 points per game last season, which was good for 44th in the NBA. Clarkson just doesn’t do much else, which crimps his overall fantasy value. On the season, he’s a top 140 player.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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Brooks are serene, calm, and picturesque. But looks can be deceiving. I was once fishing at the local brook (I don’t fish and I live in Los Angeles), when I heard some commotion behind me. There were two squirrels holding onto my bait box and trying to drag it back to the tree from which they came from. As I turned around and rose from the log I was parked on, I heard a splash behind me. A beaver had pulled the pail, which housed all the fish I caught, into the stream. A coordinated attack. After my inital anger, I was truly impressed. From that day, I always watched my six and didn’t fall for the old “bird singing then shitting on my head” distraction. Anyways, Brook Lopez is big, tall, and lumbers around the court. He should bang down low, grab boards, and operate in the paint. But looks can be deceiving. Lopez likes to hang out on the perimeter and launch salvos from downtown. When he first entered the league, he was a boarding maniac. Now? Not so much. Business decisions. The most baffling aspect of his game, though, is his penchant for getting his 211 on. Don’t believe me?

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
10 4 2 4 3 1 0/3 3/8 4/4

Last night was the fifth time in his career that Lopez has pilfered four in a game. Not something you expect from a lumbering giant such as Brook. Anyways, the one predictable and not surprising aspect of Brook’s game is in the block department. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what’s always predictable? The Stocktonator. He’s fifth in the league with 2.2 blocks per game. From a fantasy perspective, Brook is a top 70 player. The free throw shooting is excellent (90% on 2 attempts) and there’s the aforementioned blocks. He provides 1.4 tres per game, but the scoring is way down from previous years due to the 38% shooting from the field. The minutes are also down to 26 from 28.7 last season. Brook is too good of a shooter to continue converting sub-40% from the field. I’d expect that to normalize as the season progresses.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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If you go to Lawry’s and order the prime rib, there are five cuts to choose from: The California Cut (for lighter appetites), the English Cut (three thin slices), the Diamond Jim Brady Cut (an extra thick portion, bone in), the Beef Bowl Double Cut (celebratory Rose Bowl cut), and the Lawry Cut (the traditional and most popular). Because I’m a fat ass, it’s all about the Beef Bowl Double Cut, 22 ounces of heaven.

Heaven ain’t no place in the sky. It’s right down here on Earth….at Lawry’s. There are not many things better looking than that. But since we are fantasy nerds, seeing your player mess around and drop a triple-double in the stat box has got to be up there. Last night, Kyle Lowry expertly cooked the Triple-Double Cut:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 10 10 2 1 3 3/6 5/17 7/8

Mmmm, mmmm, mmm. So delicious. Since returning from injury, Lowry has AVERAGED 38.6 minutes per game! For the season, he’s second with 37.3, right behind James Harden. That is great for fantasy, as the counting stats have been abundant: 2.3 trees, 5.8 boards, 8 dimes, and 1.4 steals. The shooting has been atrocious, though, as he’s been shooting 31% from the field. For the season, he’s at 40%. As a result, he’s putting up top 45 production and will likely finish in the top 35-40 range when all is said and done. Outside of the poor shooting, the other main concern is health. He’s already missed games this season and, with the elevated run per night, can he hold up for the entire season? If he can, there should be more cooking of the Triple-Double Cut this season, as Lowry has now messed around 15 times in his career. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what never messes around? The Stocktonator.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?