There will come a day when the aliens present themselves, big bad ships with weapons and all. I’ve watched Mars Attacks! so I know how it all goes down. Their technology will be more advanced so it will be futile to fight them on the battlefield. Our pew pew weapons would be no match against the photon weapons they would likely possess. How about we pit Ken Jennings against their best for a game of Jeopardy? Uh, they travelled through space and time, so no thanks. Our only hope is to have them agree to one five-on-five game of basketball. I’m sure they didn’t pack sneakers and shorts. Any advantage we can get. Now, who would represent Earth? This debate has been going on for a while but the only logical course of action would be to breed Embiid now so that we have a team at the ready when the day comes. Why Embiid? Because he can literally do it all on the court. Look what he did to the Heat last night in a 137-134 victory in overtime.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

By the title of this article, one might think I am going to talk about Domantas Sabonis. The son of not your Vydas or my Vydas, but rather Arvydas has been balling out this season and has received the majority of the credit for the early success of this Indiana Pacers team. But this is Junk Drawer, where I dig through to find the hidden storylines that have been cast aside like yesterday’s garbage. The real most improved Pacer this season has been young Malcolm Brogdon.

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Should I just call it the ‘Rona Roundup? Sheesh. Like half of my fantasy rosters and half of my beloved Celtics can’t hoop at present because of this scourge. My ability to marginally function during all this madness right now largely depends on access to NBA hoops and steak. You mess with that? I get cranky and mouthy. Even though some players are ineligible right now who would otherwise be available in normal times, I’m focusing on the positive: Most players are active.

And I can say negatives things about them to soothe myself.

So you know what? I’mma try something new this week with my round-up: Two players from each team, one of whom did the Best Work, and one who is the Biggest Jerk and probably killed your fantasy team (as long as they played).

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Tatum is the man in Bean-town.  The prince who assisted the former alpha in Kemba, has now taken the crown.  All hail this efficient volume scorer!  Starting to feel just like another regular game from Tatum.  21 shots in 37 minutes is the kind of usage that makes Tatum so valuable this season.  His youthful pairing with Brown is a huge reason the Boston Celtics are now 6-3 out the gate.

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Time to give you a peek into the mind of Son. Many, many years ago, I used to puff the weed, eat the shrooms, and smoke way too many cigs. When in this state of mind, I’d often contemplate the concept of fate and free will, and try to break it down. If I walked down the street and placed my right foot here, then left there, was that preordained, or was I in complete control? If I was meant to be with a woman, would said woman knock on my door if I never left? After way too many times contemplating this, I realized that if you want something in life, you have to go out and get it. With that said, sometimes when you’re out roaming the earth, the universe comes and slaps you in the face. Every night, when I write the recap, I search for who is worthy to be the lede. Last night, there was no searching as it was apparent that I Otto make Porter the lede.

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I try not to write up the same player in the top blurb two days in a row for a variety of reasons. It’s good to change it up. My wife and I are on page 360 of the Kamasutra book that we “read” every night before bed. Ha! Who am I kidding? I’ve been married for 12 years and have two kids. Page 360. Ha! It’s nice to show love to everyone, as there is so much skill in the league, and every night greatness is produced by many. But sometimes, a string of performances is so great that there is nothing to do but bow down and pay homage. In my many years at Razzball, I think I’ve only written a player in back-to-back nights maybe four or five times. Now, this is not a back-to-back, but it’s damn close. On Sunday, Julius Randle went 29/14/7 against the Bucks. After meditating and correcting his issues, Randle came back the next game and went HAM….

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The consensus no. 1 fantasy draft pick (despite the over-40 rec-league bod) may have frustrated owners early, but it was Second Christmas last night, with a stat line as beefy as Harden’s mid-section. While he had a chance at a game-winner, the Christmas Spirit must have bubbled over as he actually tried to pass (right to new Blazers F/C Robert Covington), Harden produced over 44 minutes what fantasy owners paid for in his debut.

Please, blog, may I have some more?