I used to hate blowing up inflatables. Basically anything and everything that the kids bring to the pool. Breath iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin. Bllloooooooooooooooooooow. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin. Blllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. Good thing I don’t smoke anymore. Iiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Cough. Wheeze. Cough. Blloow. The worst would be blowing up the sex do…..Uh, nevermind. The pumps for inflatable beds are the best. Press a button, listen to the whirrrr, and watch the bed rise, like yeast in the oven. So. Cool. That’s what it was like watching Jusuf Nurkic last season, in the Bubble ironically. He played his first game on July 31st and inflated for 17.6 points, 10.3 boards, four dimes, 1.4 steals, and two blocks in 31.6 minutes. In the playoffs, he averaged 32.3 minutes and put up 14.2 points, 10.4 boards, 3.6 dimes, 1.4 steals. and 0.2 blocks. Then the Bubble popped, both literally and figuratively. He played 12 games to start this season then proceeded to miss the next 32 games. Upon his return, he played 10 games and averaged only 21.4 minutes. Over the last two games, though, he played 29 minutes in each. He’s slowly been inflating. Yesterday, he played 29 minutes again and….
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 16 | 19 | 5 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 6/13 | 4/5 |
Top 25 player over the last three games. He’s inflating at the right time as the Blazers are sitting at 7th in the Western Conference and could make some noise in the playoffs if everyone is healthy.
Here’s what else I saw yesterday:
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Dillon Brooks
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 18 | 8 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 2/5 | 5/16 | 6/7 |
I sauntered down by the Brooks yesterday. I felt a drip on my head. I looked up and….Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. Tres were splashing all over. The wildlife that populate the Brooks were much appreciative as the vegetation needed water.
Jonas Valanciunas
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 21 | 10 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 3/4 | 9/17 | 0 |
Tied for third in the NBA with 41 dub-dubs. That’s a lot of patches for the varsity jacket.
Ja Morant
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 28 | 8 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 3/4 | 8/15 | 9/12 |
It’s been a rough year for Morant, huh? Ja. You haven’t been feeling the top 175 production on the year, huh? Ja. He’s been top 25 over the last four games, though. Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja rules.
GraySON Allen
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 9 | 5 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0/4 | 3/12 | 3/3 |
I have a thing for players who stuff the stat sheet. It’s my fetish. Allen played 27 minutes and he’s averaged 30.7 and 10.9 shot attempts over the last eight games.
Damian Lillard
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 23 | 6 | 5 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 4/10 | 8/27 | 3/3 |
SSS – Stat Sheet Stuffer.
Why is my inbox inundated with emails from Germany with Heil Hitler in the subject line?
Rondae Hollis-Jefferson
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1/2 |
It’s a disease. A sickness really.
Deandre Ayton
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 13 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 9/12 | 2/4 |
Only the eighth 20/10 of the season. I do not like that Ayton. Prior to yesterday, he went 10/9 and 10/5. Shrug. Still, top 50 player on the season. Disappointing considering the draft equity and expectations but better than I thought to be honest.
Devin Booker
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 36 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 4/5 | 12/24 | 8/9 |
Top 70 player on the season. Only the 16th time going for at least 30 points. Do we need to get him a pimp so he starts putting out more?
Torrey Craig
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 14 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2/4 | 6/9 | 6/6 |
Played 32 minutes off the bench. Jae Crowder and Dario Saric were out which contributed to the elevated playing time. Prior to yesterday, he had received more than 20 minutes in a game just four times in 19 games.
Kyrie Irving
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 34 | 6 | 12 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 5/7 | 10/19 | 9/9 |
Top 5 player on the season. Numero dos over the last 14 games. The world looks flat to me.
Kevin Durant
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 33 | 6 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 2/3 | 12/21 | 7/8 |
In 28 minutes off the bench. I think future generations are not going to appreciate just how good Durant was. Sometimes I think many now already do it for silly reasons.
Blake Griffin
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 16 | 5 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 2/3 | 6/9 | 2/3 |
Make it stop!
Jayson Tatum
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 19 | 11 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 1/5 | 6/16 | 6/7 |
CeLtics got smoked, 104-125 by the Hornets. Tatum did his thing, though, but he didn’t bring his A game. Channing called Jayson to console him. “It’s like that time I forgot my lines for that movie. It happens, Jayson. Don’t worry. At least you won’t ever have to make C movies like me.”
Kemba Walker
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 6 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 3/9 | 7/17 | 3/5 |
Jaylen Brown
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 8 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 3 | 2/7 | 8/22 | 2/2 |
Jinx!
Marcus Smart
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 17 | 1 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 3/7 | 5/11 | 4/4 |
I’m screaming for help! Intervention, please!
PJ Washington
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 22 | 12 | 5 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 4/6 | 8/12 | 2/3 |
Citizens of the United States. Please turn in your $1 bills to your local bank on Monday. You will be issued crisp bills with PJs face replacing that of George.
Cody Martin
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 13 | 10 | 5 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 1/2 | 5/9 | 2/2 |
Started his second consecutive game and played 31 minutes. He received 24 minutes the game before and put up six points, three boards, and one steal. It was the first time scoring in double-figures since….Shit, that was the first time all season!
Terry Rozier
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 21 | 5 | 11 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 5/9 | 8/18 | 0 |
4th 20/10 game of the season, with all coming in the last month. When LaMelo Ball returns to action, the usage and productivity are going to dip. Nothing to be scared about because Scary Terry has been nothing but extraordinary and will continue to be exemplary.
Jarrett Allen
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 27 | 12 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 10/12 | 7/9 |
You go to Jarrett, you get bling.
Darius Garland
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 28 | 4 | 9 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 4/8 | 9/20 | 6/6 |
In 40 minutes. Top 30 player over the last three games!
Bradley Beal
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 33 | 6 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2/4 | 13/24 | 5/6 |
It’s usually Westbrook who leads the way, but Beal said….”Look at me. Hey! Look at me. I’m the captain tonight.”
Daniel Gafford
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 12 | 6 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 5/7 | 2/3 |
In 27 minutes off the bench. The playing time has been inconsistent, as he had received 15, 24, 16, 16, 26, 16, 18, and 17 in the prior eight games. When he’s on the court, though, the usage rate has been over 20 in four games and he’s blocked at least one shot in seven with two games with four. So, that’s three games with four blocks in each. Why is Alex Len still playing? I thought we lived in a meritocracy. HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Giannis Antetokounmpo
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 31 | 14 | 4 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 1/3 | 11/17 | 8/10 |
A straight G. An O G. G also plays D. Everyone wanna be a G. CGI because it doesn’t look real what he does. Definitely not P G.
Jrue Holiday
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 19 | 5 | 11 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0/1 | 8/11 | 3/5 |
Back in the day, people would be named due to profession or what they did. What a life the Holidays must’ve had. For a Holiday, Jrue definitely puts in a ton of work and gets busy.
John Collins
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 18 | 5 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1/3 | 7/12 | 3/4 |
Top 50 player on the season, which is disappointing considering he was drafted in the second or third round in most leagues. This Collins does not have the invisible touch.
Bogdan Bogdanovic
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 32 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 2 | 6/11 | 12/21 | 2/3 |
Top 15 player over the last 17 games. Who let the Bog out?! Woof. Woof woof. Who let the Bog out?! Woof. Woof woof.
Malcolm Brogdon
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 24 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 3/7 | 10/17 | 1/1 |
Aaaaaaaaalllmmmmmooooossstt messed around. Brogdon has only messed around one time in his career. Thought it would be way more. At least he’s not a virgin.
Edmond Sumner
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 21 | 7 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 0/3 | 7/13 | 7/8 |
In 37 minutes! Sumner heat. I know what you did last Sumner. Where are you sending your kids for Sumner camp? Sumner has started 12 of the last 13 games due to all the injuries. Has he been great? Niet but he’s contributed points, tres, boards, dimes, and steals while shooting a good percentage from the field. He has shown that he has a place in the league.
Justin Holiday
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 7 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 6/8 | 7/11 | 0 |
Another Holiday getting busy. I think a name change is in order. This is unacceptable.
Chuma Okeke
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 12 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2/5 | 5/12 | 0 |
In 30 minutes. The Holy Trinity.
Wendell Carter Jr.
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 10 | 13 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 1/1 | 4/10 | 1/2 |
Got the start but only played 21 minutes. This Carter Administration is an efficient one. I hope that future generations take heed.
Dwayne Bacon
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 5 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 1/3 | 6/15 | 7/8 |
I love sizzling Bacon. Enjoy these meals because usually, it consists of straight doo doo.
Mo Bamba
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 17 | 7 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 2/4 | 6/9 | 3/4 |
In 25 minutes off the bench. He’s played 25 and 28 minutes the last two games. It’s happening!!!…..I hope. Are the Magic going to go Twin Towers at some point?
Harrison Barnes
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 23 | 7 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 5/9 | 8/16 | 2/2 |
Mehrrison Barnes had a good game. I’ve been dogging him for what seems like forever so I have to give him his due. He’s a top 80 player on the season. Over the last eight seasons, he’s cracked the top 100 for fantasy only twice.
Tyrese Haliburton
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 24 | 3 | 8 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2/7 | 10/20 | 2/2 |
Played 37 minutes. With De’Aaron Fox out due to health protocols, Haliburton predictable struck oil and balled the F out.
Buddy Hield
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 25 | 6 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 6/8 | 9/13 | 1/1 |
He hucks. He chucks. He blows….Well, sometimes he just straight blows while other times he blows your mind with hyper-efficiency. Our Buddy is a good companion when that happens.
Draymond Green
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 8 | 14 | 13 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 0/1 | 4/6 | 0 |
Dray is the equivalent to the guy or girl who has a smoking hot body but lacks in the IQ department, which is ironic because Dray’s basketball IQ is off the charts. Ok, maybe bad analogy. How about Dray is the equivalent to the hot guy or girl who has only one eye?
Stephen Curry
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 37 | 7 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 7 | 7/14 | 11/21 | 8/11 |
There’s some hidden code in the above numbers. I’m sure of it.
Mychal Mulder
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 11 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3/6 | 4/8 | 0 |
Before the game, some of the Warriors coaching staff said to Mulder, Stay. In. Yo. Lane. This is why Mulder gets run because he follows instructions. If you don’t believe me and think it’s still a mystery why Mulder started and played 14 minutes, seek out Scully. She will open your mind.
Kelly Oubre Jr.
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 19 | 7 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1/7 | 8/17 | 2/2 |
Played 31 minutes off the bench. Oubre has come off the bench in each of the last four games. He’s still getting the minutes and the change is probably a good one because he can feast on second-unit usage and soak up Curry-less usage.
