Bledsoe has scored in single digits 25 times this season. He’s outside the top 200 on a per-game basis. There was a time when he was a perennial top 40 player. Life comes at us fast. On what was championship Sunday for many, Eric Bledsoe turned back the clock and produced his best performance of the season.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 4 11 2 0 1 3/9 8/17 5/10

Now, Zion Williamson and Brandon Ingram did not play in this one but whatever. A chip is a chip. If Bledsoe led any of you to a chip, you are obligated to buy a jersey of his. And you better wear that bad boy proudly. If anyone starts clowning you, just punch them in the face and say that your face Bledsoe that I could wear this jersey proudly around town.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

 

Trevor Ariza

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 4 1 3 1 0 2/7 8/13 1/1

Ariza has been a top 50 player over the last seven games. What a time to be alive! I still remember when Ariza was a young pup out of UCLA and the CeLtics punked him, which led to the acquisition of Ron Artest. Man, I feel old. *SMACK* You is old, Son. You is old.

Jimmy Butler

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
26 8 11 2 0 3 1/3 9/14 7/8

Butler hires himself to help around the house, which is just a fancy way of saying that he takes care of his shit. When it’s all said and done, I think Butler will be in my top five favorite players of all time.

Bam Adebayo

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 6 3 2 0 3 0 5/5 10/11

First, it was the free-throw shooting that kept his value down. He’s improved from 69% last year to 80% this season. Check. The last frontier to superstardom is the inclusion of tres to his game. I think it’s coming, and when it does……

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Duncan Robinson

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
22 3 1 1 0 1 6/10 7/13 2/2

Last season, Mr. Robinson produced 3.7 tres on 44% shooting from downtown. This season? 3.4 tres on 40%, despite playing two more minutes per game.

Jayson Tatum

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
29 5 6 1 2 3 2/6 11/16 5/6

Over the last six games, Tatum has averaged one block per game. If he puts that into his bag, not only would he need a bigger bag <make sure it conforms to TSA regulations, Jayson>, but then he’d be a 1/1/1 player and be a true fantasy superstar.

Robert Williams only played 11 minutes due to turf toe in the left foot. Boston went from parquet to turf? That’s tough. Tristan Thompson played 32 minutes and grabbed 12 boards while notching a steal and scoring two points. The Kardashians all jumped for joy as that means more relevancy. I’m so washed that I don’t even know if they are still a thing.

Evan Fournier

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
30 3 8 0 1 0 7/11 11/16 1/1

Jaylen Brown was out so Fournier stepped up with his best game as a CeLtic. It wasn’t enough, though.

Bleacher Report

Julius Randle

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
14 14 5 0 0 4 0/4 7/19 0

He’s human, but the Knicks still won, 106-100 over the Clippers! The number 4 is bad luck in Chinese culture so that explains the poor game. No need to send the numerology experts to investigate.

Reggie Bullock

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 4 3 2 1 1 5/12 8/17 3/3

Who needs Randle when you’ve got Sandra’s brother from another mother making it rain from downtown. He played 46 minutes! Why not just give him the full 48? Shiiieeeetttt. There’s halftime, between quarter breaks, tv timeouts. Over the last four games, Bullock has averaged 35.2 minutes, 15.8 points, three tres, and one steal. 46 minutes, people!

RJ Barrett

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
18 7 4 2 1 1 4/7 7/18 0

In 45 minutes! Calm down, Son. Calm down. “Hold me back! Someone hold me back!” I respect the strategy Thibs but if you gonna do something, go all in. None of this pussyfooting around.

Derrick Rose

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
25 6 8 1 0 4 2/3 11/17 1/1

Rose pulled out the entire arsenal and went guns a blazing. Welcome to the Jungle indeed. In 32 minutes, as he garnered a 31 usage rate. Top 60 player over the last seven games.

Kawhi Leonard

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
29 4 3 1 0 1 4/9 9/26 7/7

There have been only three games that Kawhi has shot under 40% from the field this season – 12/22 (38%) vs LAL, 1/3 (19%) vs PHX, and yesterday.

Willy Hernangomez

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
9 16 1 2 1 4 0 4/8 1/2

Got the start and played 22 minutes. #FreeWilly!

Watches JaxSON Hayes….

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
18 8 0 1 6 0 0 8/11 2/4

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Any way we can stitch the two together?

PJ Washington

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
14 12 2 1 1 2 2/6 6/16 0

Terry Rozier

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
43 5 4 1 0 3 7/11 16/26 4/4

Booo!!! Terry is about as scary as that hot, sexy girl dressed in the french maid costume on Halloween.

Cody Zeller

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
17 8 1 1 1 2 0 6/9 5/7

Old Zeller came back home and it was happy times once more. Until he goes wandering off again.

Tim Hardaway Jr.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
25 2 3 0 0 0 7/11 9/13 0

Still shooting them hot dice I see. Yo, dealer! Press up all those Hardaways but put a quarter on the C.

Luke Doncic only played 22 minutes because he got ejected for a flagrant 2 foul. Maybe if he stopped trying to give reach arounds he’d still be in the game.

Dwight Powell

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
12 9 4 1 4 2 0 6/8 0

General Powell amassed his forces and blocked the advancing Cavaliers army.

Kevin Love

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
8 11 3 1 0 1 1/4 2/9 3/4

If this is what Love looks like, I’ll side with being lonely and single for the rest of my days.

Collin Sexton

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
24 3 7 0 0 2 3/5 8/19 5/7

Man, F Love and all that comes with it. Give me all the Sexton.

Karl-Anthony Towns

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
27 9 4 1 2 1 2/7 10/19 5/6

Me F’ing Ow! In only 20 minutes because the Magic are performing their greatest act: disappearing from games.

D’Angelo Russell

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
27 6 8 0 0 1 5/9 9/21 4/6

I’m sure not too many of you remember downloading porn pictures from AOL. It was brutal yet exhilarating at the same time. One pixel. One line at a time. It would take minutes for one picture to appear. Can you imagine? We are in the middle of the downloading process with Russell. We have an idea of what the picture looks like but there is still some uncertainty as to the outcome.

Ignas Brazdeikis

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 6 3 0 0 3 1/3 8/11 1/2

In 35 minutes! Over the last four games, he’s played 35, 24, 30, and 32 minutes. He’s attempted 11, 11, nine, and eight shots. Holy Brazdeikis! The tanking is so obvious but no Fs are given. It’s like looking at the hot girl’s chest when you were younger and just smirking when she caught you.

RJ Hampton

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 5 3 0 0 1 2/4 7/13 3/5

Over the last four games, Hampton has averaged 31.3 minutes, 13.3 shot attempts, and garnered a 22.1 usage rate. No sleeping allowed at this Hampton Inn. Only getting buckets.

Nikola Vucevic

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
29 16 2 0 1 0 1/8 14/27 0

What’s a brother gotta do to shoot some free throws around here? Prior to the game, the refs were huddled in the locker room watching highlights of the 80s Pistons. No wonder.

Zach LaVine

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
30 3 6 0 0 1 3/5 10/16 7/7

Since returning from an 11-game absence, LaVine has played 28, 33, and 36 minutes. Cue hot girl in Fast and the Furious swinging both arms down.

Saddiq Bey

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
20 7 1 0 0 1 5/10 6/17 3/4

Played 41 minutes. I’m Saddiq of seeing his per-game ranking at 151 for the season. Bey has been a top 60 player over the last eight games. I’m Saddiq of this shit, man!

Killian Hayes

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
21 7 8 0 0 7 3/6 9/17 0

Killian us softly with his play.

Darius Bazley

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
18 6 2 0 0 3 2/3 6/13 4/5

The usage rate has been 29 over the last four games and he’s been averaging 29.7 minutes. He’s outside the top 200 primarily due to the 38% from the field. If Scary Terry can do it, anyone can.

Moses Brown

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
12 9 0 2 3 0 0 3/4 6/7

Always delivers on the Lord’s Day.

Jaylen Hoard

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
16 5 1 2 0 0 0 6/8 4/5

It wasn’t a Hoard of rampaging horses, but Ghengis Khan would’ve been proud regardless.

Mo Harkless

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
18 5 3 1 0 0 3/6 5/12 5/6

Validating my selection of Harkless in my 2K dynasty league.

Delon Wright

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
15 7 5 1 0 3 3/6 6/10 0

Continues to ball the F out with De’Aaron Fox still out. It sounds like Fox should be returning soon but all is Wright in the meantime. That could change at a moment’s notice, though.

Anthony Davis

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
42 12 5 3 3 3 1/5 13/27 15/17

So that’s why I drafted Anthony Davis first in all the leagues that I had a top pick. I had forgotten. At least while I’m licking my wounds from this season, I can say, “If only…..”

Alex Caruso

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
17 3 8 3 0 3 1/3 6/11 4/8

  1. Kostas

    Kostas says:
    (link)

    Top 5 worthy pun in the title, excellent.

    • Son

      Son says:
      (link)

      Ha! Thank you, sir

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