I usually like to write an anecdote, analogy, or some stupid shit that makes me chuckle in the intro. That’s why I get paid the big bucks. But even my pea brain knows when to shut the F up and let the play and numbers do the talking. To pay homage in silence. Click the above video, turn up the sound, recline in the chair, and listen while you mental masturbate over the below stat box.
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 36 | 16 | 15 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 6/11 | 13/30 | 4/6 |
Luka has played 143 games and has messed around in 29 of them. That’s nuts. On the season, Luka is a top 25 player but has improved to top 15 production over the past six games. Through 11 games, Luka has a 37.6 usage rate, is jacking up 22 shots, draining 2.3 tres, scoring 28.3 points, grabbing 10.2 boards, dishing out 9.,4 dimes, stealing 1.1, and blocking 0.8 shots per game. He’s converting 46% of his shots. The bugaboos are the 4.4 turnovers and 73% shooting from the free-throw line. Please scroll up 10 lines and repeat the steps.
Now that’s out of the way, I have to be somewhat of a party pooper because the Mavs lost 101-117 to the Bulls.
Here’s what else I saw yesterday:
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Rona continues to make a mockery of the NBA season, as two more games were postponed: Cavs @ Wizards and 76ers @ Thunder. Appeasing the injury gods will be vital to flying flags at season’s end.
Julius Randle
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 12 | 4 | 3 | 0 | 3 | 2/5 | 7/14 | 4/5 |
Only played 31 minutes because the Celtics obviously had better things to do on Sunday than play a basketball game. Knicks 105. ceLtics 75. As awesome as Randle has been this season….22.9 points, 1.4 tres, 10.6 boards, 6.5 dimes, 50% field goal percentage, and 78% from the line….he’s still only a top 45 player on a per-game basis for fantasy. Why? 3.9 turnovers, 0.8 steals, and 0.2 blocks. A high turnover rate is good for the buffet but not for fantasy. Lack of D puts a frown regardless of gender.
RJ Barrett
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 19 | 11 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 2/4 | 5/11 | 7/8 |
On the season, Barrett is shooting 38% from the field, but over the past three games, he’s gone 45%, 58%, and 46%. Yippeee! Unfortunately, the prior four games, he shot 27%, 30%, 33%, and 28%. Barf. Barrett is chucking up 15 shots per game, scoring 16,8 points, grabbing 7.4 boards, and dishing out over three dimes per game. Like Randle, the D is lacking but at least he has done an excellent job of taking care of the ball: 1.9 turnovers this season and 2.2 in 56 games last year.
Obi Toppin
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 12 | 5 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 2/4 | 5/8 | 0 |
Since returning from injury, Toppin has played 1, 10, and 17 minutes. It was a blowout so not sure how much Obi will be hoppin in the future, more like fantasy floppin, especially since Thibs be blockin rookies from poppin.
Immanuel Quickley
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 17 | 0 | 8 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 2/4 | 7/12 | 1/1 |
In 21 minutes off the bench. Over the past three games, Quickley has played 21, 28, and 22 minutes but he’s garnered a usage rate of 31, 30, and 35 respectively. He can score, drain tres, dish out dimes, and contribute the D. All the ladies in NYC be swiping to the right, to the right, to the right. Let’s wait to see what happens when Alec Burks returns to the lineup before we go crowning his ass.
Kemba Walker
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 9 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 0 | 5 | 1/8 | 3/13 | 2/3 |
Made his season debut, started, played 20 minutes, and crapped his pants in the process. He did have a usage rate of 40, though.
Jaylen Brown
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 25 | 6 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 3/9 | 9/20 | 4/5 |
In 33 minutes. He prefers teammates who don’t crap their pants. “Jayson, where art though? I miss you, my BFF.” On the season, Brown is a top 20 player and will more than likely finish somewhere in the 40s.
Kristaps Porzingis
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 8 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0/7 | 9/19 | 2/2 |
Since making his season debut three games ago, Porzingis has played 21, 29, and 33 minutes. Like Drago training for his fight against Rocky, the treadmill is incrementally increased and the weights are added one by one until he’s ready to go full bore. It’s a process. Trust it.
Lauri Markkanen
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 29 | 10 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2/7 | 10/19 | 7/8 |
A season-high! There was a time when all hope seemed lost. What a foolish species we are. Markkanen is a dog, and I will take that to the grave with me. Now, from a fantasy perspective, he will provide points, tres, and boards, but the dimes and defensive stats will always probably be lacking.
Wendell Carter Jr.
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 12 | 7 | 1 | 5 | 1 | 2 | 1/1 | 3/7 | 5/8 |
This Carter Administration is no different than most: straight stealing with no remorse.
Coby White
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 0 | 3 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0/2 | 0/5 | 0 |
Zach LaVine
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 10 | 0 | 10 | 3 | 0 | 2 | 0/5 | 1/8 | 8/8 |
A strange game indeed as the Bulls stomped the Mavs by 16 with their two key offensive cogs MIA.
Who did the damage?
Thaddeus Young
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 15 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 0/1 | 7/10 | 1/2 |
In 19 minutes. Since Markkanen returned to the lineup, Young has played 19 and 13 minutes. When Markkanen was out, he was playing low to mid 20s. Not really fantasy viable anymore but could be if you need some defensive stats.
Otto Porter Jr.
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 14 | 9 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 0/1 | 7/10 | 0/1 |
In 23 minutes. Porter’s minutes have been a little more consistent than Young’s, but around five minutes have been shaved off with the return of Markkanen. You Otto pray more if you’re hoping anything better than top 100 production.
Garrett Temple
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 21 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 2/4 | 9/15 | 1/2 |
It’s Sunday. Always go to Temple.
Jordan Clarkson
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 23 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 4/8 | 9/13 | 1/1 |
In 30 minutes off the bench. Over the past five games, Clarkson has played 30, 28, 28, 25, and 35 minutes. Joe Ingles has missed four of those five games. Guess which one he played? Clarkson is posting top 50 production by providing points, tres, boards, and some steals. He’s shooting 50% from the field. Regression is coming, especially when Ingles returns to the lineup.
Nikola Jokic
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 35 | 14 | 9 | 2 | 1 | 6 | 3/6 | 14/23 | 4/4 |
What a fucking Jokic!! He’s the number one player on the season, is averaging a trip-dub, and is leading the freaking NBA in assists.
Jamal Murray
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 30 | 5 | 4 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 4/11 | 11/27 | 4/5 |
It came out that Murray has been dealing with an elbow injury, but things looked all good last night. It’s been an up and down season, as he’s gone for at least 30 in three games, but has scored fewer than 20 in five games. He got overdrafted due to his Bubble performance and will likely end up as a top 75ish player.
Zion Williamson
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 31 | 6 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 13/15 | 5/5 |
At Destiny Factory in Heaven 777, a soul was inadvertently misplaced onto the wrong track. Zion was supposed to go into the football section of the factory but ended up in the basketball one. As Angel #4312545 levitated back to his cloud, he hoped that God would not notice the mistake.
Steven Adams
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 12 | 15 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 3/8 | 6/8 |
The 15 rebounds were a season-high. Did you know that Adams messed around earlier this season? Against the Thunder, he went for 10 points, 11 boards, and 10 dimes. I do not remember that, but that’s not saying much because I have no clue if I changed my underwear today. Bends down. Sniffs. I did not.
Eric Bledsoe
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 21 | 6 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 3/4 | 8/14 | 2/2 |
Got the start and played 30 minutes. The 21 points were a season-high. So were the 14 shot attempts. Keep in mind that the Kings are THE worst defensive team in the league. They are dead-last in defensive efficiency and have given up 128, 138, 132, 122, 125, 144, 124, and 137 points the past eight games.
Marvin Bagley III
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 26 | 10 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 2/6 | 11/19 | 2/2 |
That’s now back-to-back good games for Bagley. He’s now played 31 and 36 minutes the past two as well. Is it happening? Not sure. When I saw him the summer before his rookie year dominating grown men at the Drew, I thought he was Neo. Then early in his NBA career, he was just No. I’ll need to see more before I buy in but we know there is potential.
De’Aaron Fox
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 43 | 4 | 13 | 4 | 0 | 2 | 3/9 | 17/27 | 6/8 |
A career-high! Crazy like a Fox! Over the past four games, Fox has been a top 35 player. He was just inside the top 100 a week ago. Life comes at you fast.
Domantas Sabonis
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 19 | 14 | 6 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0/3 | 7/14 | 5/8 |
It doesn’t matter the time or place, but Sabonis is going to dub-dub every time he steps onto the court. 12 games up. 12 dub-dubs. For you inquiring minds, Kevin Love has the most consecutive dub-dubs at 53. The next closest? Kevin Garnett and John Stockton with 37.
Doug McDermott
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 23 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 5/7 | 9/12 | 0 |
Got the start and played 32 minutes. Dougie shoots. Dougie gets buckets. Dougie doesn’t play D. So, say goodbye to ougie.
The Pacers blew a tire in Los Angeles, 96-129.
Marcus Morris Sr.
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 7 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 4/7 | 7/11 | 2/3 |
In 27 minutes off the bench. Game was a blowout so got some extra run but he has this ceiling when he’s shooting well from the field.
Luke Kennard
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 5/8 | 7/12 | 1/1 |
In 21 minutes. Lou Williams did not play in this one, so Kennad looked to be the primary beneficiary. I thought Kennard would be more of a factor for the Clippers this season. I’m a stupid, stupid man.
