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H2H Playoffs are here!  But geez, the amount of DNPs for minor injuries and general soreness (General Soreness!) over the weekend was infuriating!  Unless they hit your oppo harder than you, then they were infatuating!  I certainly almost lost a playoff spot to the former…

I guess our main stop on the DNP bandwagon would be the Atlanta Hawks and that darned Coach Butthole.  I imagine we’ll be using that nickname for Budenholzer a ton down the stretch!  The Hawks sat Jeff Teague, DeMarre Carroll and Paul Millsap (who had a nasty 23/9/3/3/3 rainbow Friday) last night, then had Kyle Korver break his nose and have to leave early on top of it.  Korver was already set for a DNP tonight, so there’s that, and Al Horford owners will have to start the week with a DNP-rest.  What a shizz-show!  Which kinda sounds like Szechuan.  Which makes me hungry…  About as hungry as Dennis Schroder looks when he gets starts, ripping apart the Lakers in a 24/3/10 line hitting 7-16 FG (1-5 3PTM 9-11 FT).  Even if you’re not a Teague owner, I think it’s impossible to leave the German on the wire.  It would just improve The Lives of Others!  And Coach Butthole has learned from Pop himself to sit everyone any chance he gets, with that line of thinking infecting the entire league this weekend.  It already feels like the last week of the season, doesn’t it?!  Maybe the playoffs need to start in week 10…  Sheesh…  Here’s what else went down on DNP Weekend in fantasy basketball:

DeMarcus Cousins – Remember when this whole year I said the Kings are bound to blow some shizz up?  Well they haven’t yet, and even though they’re getting redonk stat lines from their studs like 39/24/1/2/1 from Boogie, they still lost to the Sixers Friday night!  That’s just epic Goro numbers from Cuz, and then Saturday night 30/6/5 in a loss by 16 (Rudy Gay sitting out with his problematic knee didn’t help).  Yikes.

Robert Covington – A little bumpy coming off the elbow bruise, but a monster 6-trey 24/2/2/3/1 line Friday.  Sucked to see him come off the bench again Saturday for 10 points with two treys (I mean – in favor of Jason mother F Richardson?!), but he’s still must-own in my book.

Jerami Grant – Was granted the start Saturday, and did his Jerami-ness.  3PTM (made 2), blocks (3) and terrible FT (0-4).  Hey, if those are two needs and a punt, then you’ve got a sitcom goin’!

Kemba Walker – Looking much better as he shook off some rust!  10/8/7 off the bench Friday, did only shoot 4-14, but great to see the dimes.

Bismack Biyombo – Picked up the start for a 10/10 dubdub with Al Jefferson and Cody Zeller ailing.  Big Al is a big Q for tonight, but that’s better than a big D or big O.  Zeller is definitely a big O, with the shoulder sprain not healing.  So deepers should still keep an eye on Biyombo even if Jefferson is back.

Evan Turner – Hah!  Puts on the bootstraps bootstraps Friday night dropping 30, but shoots only 1-7 Saturday in a 4/7/7 line.  I mean, I guess it’s good he’s doing something, and with Isaiah Thomas out again tonight, I think Turner is a must-play even though I know I’m well behind on that ship.

Phil Pressey – Shocker dimebag!  It’s where you put crushed up shock tarts (abbreviated – sharts) in a bag of weed…  Anyway, 10/4/10/2/1 against the Magic Friday, but ho hum 7/1/4/0/0 Saturday.  Still on the radar in deepers for a short-term stream if IT2/3 remains out.

Jonas Valanciunas – Missed Friday due to the birth of his child.  The Luminescent Lithuanian passing on the light to a new generation!  Let’s just hope this one is more consistent…

Gorgui Dieng – Choo choo!  The Dieng Train hath arrived!  21/14/3/2/3 against OKC Friday night, and Nikola Pekovic can take his sweet time coming back.  That is, if he wants to at all!  Slightly down 10/6/0/1/1 from Gorgui last night – especially in a great matchup for bigs against the Spurs – but we’ll take it.

Ricky Rubio – Ay dios mio!  Tweaked that problematic kankle Friday, was listed as probable and warmed up last night, but got held out at the last minute.  Hey Saunders, way to Flip your stance!

Zach LaVine – 9/4/7 filling in Friday night, then 18/6/6 as the starter yesterday.  Marred with 5 TO and no steals it wasn’t huge, plus he played in junky junk time at the end hitting all 3 of his treys late.  Hey, they all count!  Rubio owners may want to try and roster LaVine if they can as an insurance policy.

Justin Hamilton – Whoa, rainbow alert!  17/10/3/3/3 Friday, which garnered him a start last night for 9/10/6/1/0 and a trey.  True multi-cat big!  With Pek always hurt and Kevin Garnett always old, yeah there’s some 12er usability for me.

Enes Kanter – Was a monster in two starts over the weekend for 23/15 and 18/18 with 2 steals in each.  Hitting some extra cats for once!  Serge Ibaka sat both as one of the many causalities in this DNP Weekend with knee soreness, but doesn’t sound too serious.

Russell Westbrook – Boooo, only one tripdub over the weekend.  What a waste of a roster spot.  36/11/6 last night ain’t gonna cut it!

Justin Holiday – Man, whenever he gets a chance it seems like he’s cookin’, going 9-16 FG (5-7 3PTM) for 23 Pts in a spot start for the Warriors.  Kerr sat Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson Friday at Denver, but both came back Saturday to torch the Poppycockers.  Keeping his studs from that Rocky Mountain air!

Shaun Livingston – Also picked up a spot start for 12/4/8.  As the Warriors continue these DNPs, you may certainly Livingston on the wild side!  Livingston on a prayer?  40 ta Livingston!

Randy Foye – Goes nuts for 20/3/8 and 4 treys against the GSW B unit, at the expense of Will Barton playing under 20 minutes and doing nothing.  Then last night, Foye got the DNP (For rest.  Yes, Denver resting guys too ughuhguhguhg) and Barton erupted for 25/9/3/3/1 and 3 treys in 47 2OT-aided minutes.  It’s a timeshare that’s going to be so hard to predict, but if you know early enough beforehand Foye is out, Barton is tough to not plug-n-play.

Wilson Chandler – Jammit!  DNP with knee soreness and I want to blame Brian Shaw, but that feels outdated…

Jusuf Nurkic – Jamba Jus!  At least our favorite smoothie purveyor is back to the drink makin’.  9 minutes of only 4/4 Friday, but got stretched back out last night for 6/8/0/1/0.  Maybe not in the must-own bucket, but after that surge of big men off the wire a couple months ago, I feel like the big men bottom-enders have been inconsistent.  I would be sure to own him in all my 12ers.

Markieff Morris – JB’s patience is paying off!  22/7/3/5/2 Friday trying to put the Brandon Knight-less Suns on his back.

Alex Len – Ewwwwww.  0/7/1/0/0 Friday and only one block in his last seven games!  That’s kinda an absurd stat… Dude averages 1.5 blocks in under 22 minutes!  And that’s even weighed down by this shortage!  Did tweak his ankle in that game, and sat last night.  Wouldn’t be shocked at a few more DNPs.  In his stead, Brandan Wright got a shocking 37 minutes of all dunks hitting 7-8 FG (well, I assume most were dunks) 18/11/1/1/0 with no TO.  Certainly worth a look in all leagues while Len is kankled.

Eric Bledsoe – Ya know, has been pretty good since Knight went down, but not quite the monster I had expected until a huge weekend.  21/3/6 with 7 TO Friday wasn’t great, but near tripdub 21/9/11/2/0 last night tearing up the Poppycockers.

George Hill – Hill was like, “what Rodney Stuckey is all the buzz right now?!  That dude I school in practice?!  Yeah, that’s done!”  30/5/8 against the Celtics, as Stuckey really struggled for 12/3/0/1/1 and 4 TO.  I still think Stuckey is a hold, but if anything in your H2H matchup needs addressing that R-Stuck can’t stick, I’m not hesitating pulling the trigger.

Tyler Ennis – Dimebag patrol!  7/4/11/2/0 getting a start against the Grizz Saturday night with Michael Carter-Williams out with a kankle.  Man, what an annoying weekend!  He tweaked it Wednesday, played through it Thursday but they sat him Saturday?!  DNP Weekend strikes again!  MCW said he’s hopeful to suit up tomorrow against the Pels, but I want a toilet made out of Paul Goldschmidt!

Mike Conley – This DNP is at least a little more acceptable since he tweaked his ankle pretty bad last week and sat again Saturday for Beno Udrih.  Sounds like he’s very questionable for tonight, so early-week streamers might wanna give Udrih a look.  Spoiler alert, more below!

Alexey Shved – Yeah, he’s must own.  Who saw that coming?!  I’ve always thought he was decent and a little underrated, but 14/4/5/3/1 Saturday and 18/4/3/2/0 last night with really no question marks to the PT right now.  Grab him where you can!  Except, well… yeah… don’t want a restraining order.

Nikola Mirotic – I mentioned before and I’ll mention again – he’s a big man James Harden (minus the dimes)!  Hits threes, scores a boatload and gets to the line at a great %.  Of course, he’s not in the same stratosphere in fantasy value, but he’s playing incredible.  27/4/1/2/1 off the bench last night with 2 treys and 9-9 FT.  Crunch time add of the year right now.

Blake Griffin – Speaking of Harden, what a game yesterday afternoon between HOU and LAC.  Awesome stuff, with Blake coming back from the elbow staph infection for 11/11/8/2/1 and made all 3 FT.  Did hurt with the 5 TO, but to return on DNP Weekend sure helped a lot of owners!

Anthony Davis – It’s just not even fair.  36/14/7/1/9, but it’s mad scary the Pels lost this game to the Nuggets (falling further out of any shot at a run) and the battered up Brow might get some DNPs himself down the road.  Scurry.

Elfrid Payton – Say what you want, but at least you can predict what he’ll do!  Tripdub flirt with good steals and horrific %s and TO.  It’s MCW, without the expectations!  20/5/9/1/1 Friday then 13/9/10/2/0 last night combining for 10 TO and an absolutely unreal 6-21 FT.  In one weekend!  Almost getting to Hack-a-Payton range!  But encouragingly, hit 3 treys over the weekend, after having only 4 on the year coming into it.

 

Streamers/Cheap Daily League Picks

Beno Udrih (1% owned) – I hope I didn’t spoil it too bad up above!  Oh wait, I outright said he was a good stream… Anyway, off 14/3/2 with a pair of treys Saturday night, I fully expect another spot start from Udrih for Conley’s kankle, and while Udrih doesn’t offer huge upside in any one cat, he should contribute with low TO.

Bismack Biyombo (2% owned) – Even if Big Al can suit up, it’s a nightmare matchup for Marvin Williams against Derrick Favors, so either way I think Bis starts.  They’ll need his length against those gargantuan Jazz bigs, so I think Bis gets a nice chunk of minutes.

 

I hope all of your teams made the playoffs in your H2H leagues, and we’ll be back tomorrow!