PPPPPAAAANNNNTTTHHHHEEERRRRSSSS!!!!! Aight, aight, this is fantasy hoops, we’ll just leave it at that.
On Friday morning, the Clippers shed one of their % drain players, giving the DNP-king [another] fresh start in Houston. And what does Josh Smith do in his debut?! Goes all J Smoove like you’d expect! Goes 1-10 FG, 0-2 FT, for some reason took 4 treys and missed them all (what did you expect after bricking the first 3, Smoove?!), but still gets a rainbow line for 2/5/6/2/3. Oh yeah, 2 TO in there too. Smoove did bounce back last night after almost single-handedly costing the Rox a W in his debut, going 16/3/2/2/2 yesterday afternoon for back-to-back rainbows. He apparently stole someone else’s talent ala Space Jam alien, because he shot 6-14 FG, 2-2 FT, and had only 1 TO. “Talkin’ bout the Dream Team, we’re the Mean Team!” Josh Smith is not a good 9-cat fantasy asset in any league, and even in 8-cat, he’s probably not ownable in 12ers for me. That mean enough?! But the real criminal aspect of the acquisition is of course their absolute hatred for Terrence Jones. HE’S getting the full Mean Girls treatment – they’re feeding him Swedish weight gaining bars, JB Bickerstaff made out with his boyfriend, they’re turning his best friends against him… That organization is an institutional bully – culminating in a whopping 10 minutes of action last night with Dwight Howard (kankle) still out. I didn’t understand the McHale firing, I don’t understand this trade, I don’t understand the Ty Lawson signing… They’re taking this off the rails faster than Lindsay Lohan’s Prius! Or, well, Lawson’s Prius… Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy hoops action, plus The 7 Ahead for Week 14:
Kemba Walker – Can’t stop the comeback king! 40/7/9/4/1 in a nuts game against the Magic bringing the Hornets back from 18 down in an OT W, then 26/6/5/1/1 against The Poppycockers. Shot only 7-25 in that one, but he’s really putting the banged up Hornets on his shoulders.
Spencer Hawes – 32 then 34 minutes over the weekend, with the Hornets big man depth more crippled than my REL team! 16/10/3/0/1 against the Magic, but shot only 1-7 against the Knicks for 2 Pts. The line still was usable though at 2/10/3/2/1 and he didn’t have a TO in either. It’s low end but I guess has utility, kinda like the man bun on the scale of men’s hairstyles.
P.J. Hairston – Why I officially brought “The Poppycockers” out of retirement! They let PJ score 20 on em! Career-high in scoring on a 20/10/1/2/0 line on 7-14 shooting. We’re getting word Michael Kidd-Gilchrist is ahead of schedule, and I think Jeremy Lamb stays in his similar role when back healthy. PJ might get knocked out of the rotation when MKG is back unless he builds off this fluke game.
Jeremy Lin – 26 Pts with 10-10 FT against his former Knicks. For The Poppycockers, seeing Lin in another uni made them go Linsane!
Elfrid Payton – Woooo, finally back off the Shelfird. Although it still gets a SKIIIIIILES! For really no reason… 21/6/10 and 11/9/10 lines over the weekend, but it was still peppered with an unfortunate Rondo-esque 6-10 FT and 7 TO. Victor Oladipo also got his, and man is he on a crazy 3PTM binge! 22 of his 53 3PTM this year have been in the last 5 games!
Aaron Gordon – Fouled out in 24 minutes against the Hornets in his first start. Cited “overexcitement”. I try to think about baseball or Slim’s beard when I get overexcited…
Nikola Mirotic – One of this season’s most up and down players gave us a nice microcosm of his season this weekend with a 5/5/0/2/1 line on 1-7 shooting with 3 TO @BOS then 17/6/1/1/0 with no TO on 5-9 shooting beating the Cavs. Cavaliers are cLUEless these days!
Kelly Olynyk – Had a nice run of double-digit scoring and decent lines in 6 straight, but ended last night with 5 fouls against the Sixers. He takes tanking personally, his grandpa is Rommel.
DeAndre Jordan – Serious question – can you get a running start on a free throw? Because I feel like DeAndre could get really close to dunking from the FT line – like a dunk contest dunk. Anyone thought of that?! 7-7 FG and his usual 6-12 FT Friday night.
Jabari Parker – Rainbow alert! The usual D-less (to be fair, has gotten steals lately) Jabari for 11/10/4/2/2 at Houston on Friday night. Then back to a boring 10/5/3/0/1 line with 2 TO Saturday night. At least some potential looks to be looming!
Hassan Whiteside – Had to use his AARP card to get treatment on his bum hip. Ugh, did I mention REL frustration yet?!?!
Chandler Parsons – Finally, he’s healthy! Going through a body transformation like Matthew Perry between Friends seasons… 26+ Pts in 3 straight, going 31/6/3/1/1 yesterday. I have a team with him and Curry. Oh. My. God.
Paul George – 5-15 FG for only 12 points against the Warriors and Slim was all like “Tollllllld you!” Then 34/4/1/0/2 Saturday and Slim was like “Fluuuuuuke!” Then PG13 said after the game he has some swelling in that leg he broke, and EVERYONE was like “NOOOOOOO!”
Myles Turner – To quote Barry Zuckerkorn, “I could kiss him right on the [bleep]!” Hey, I don’t know what word they bleeped! Went insane at Golden State, putting up a career-best 31 Pts on a 31/8/0/1/2 line on 12-17 shooting. Then 11/6/0/1/5 Saturday. But the under-the-jeans excitement, I mean under-the-radar excitement for me is he finally took his first two 3PTA. Sure he missed them both, but if he starts adding a trey a game like he’s more than capable, this is going to start looking crazzzzzzy good. Better late than never!
Stephen Curry – Just unfair.
James Harden – Triple-doubling all the time as well, and that’s the tandem I was up against in REL.
Draymond Green – Almost as unfair! Bounced back from those back-to-back duds off the DNP, going 22/11/2/4/0 against the Pacers Saturday night. Geez, Dray, take a few less shots and get those dimes closer to 7.3 like you’re averaging, ya bum!
Manu Ginobili – Whaaaaaaaa?! I expected a rainbow line from Manu just as much as his upcoming endorsement for Rogaine. 20/4/4/5/2, but then again it was against the Lakers. More like “The Fakers”!!!!!! Except, ya know, do that in the “your mom goes to college” voice.
Cavs FT shooting – So my REL team is in shambles, and I had to cling to FT% as being my only win this past week. I watched a little of Lue’s debut for the cLUEless Cavs, but not that much beyond the first stretch. Then I had a restless sleep, and flipped on ESPN Saturday night while I tried falling back asleep, and they re-aired the Cavs/Bulls game. Tristan Thompson was at the line, and they kept citing “1-11 at the FT line. Now 2-12!” And I was like, “Noooooooo, he didn’t do that bad did he?!?!?!” Luckily he was only 1-4 for a team that shot 9-22 as a whole. cLUEless I say! They need to get Alicia Silverstone to coach!
Tyson Chandler – SUNS WIN! SUNS WIN! DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN! Back-to-back 20 board games, going nuts for 13/27/5/1/2 in a shocking win against the Hawks. I actually picked him up before that Spurs game a few days ago for some REB streaming to end the week, and got 47 in two games! My rough start in the RCLs now have a lot of Tyson and Myles shares, #bigmanresurgence!
Alex Len – Starting next to Chandler mostly because they don’t have enough warm bodies in Phoenix right now, going 16/12/5 in that W. I’m definitely owning Tyson first, but Len could crack some 12er rosters if out there.
Archie Goodwin – Brandon Knight has a groin thing, and it’s super unnerving that he had to get a second opinion in LA. Those Californians, they know groins, that’s for sure! Apparently it was encouraging and he doesn’t need surgery, but Archie was Good in the Win that’s for sure! 24/1/4/2/2 with 2 treys on 7-17 FG. He’s a little bit of a tweener and not a natural PG leading to a few too many TO (4 in each of the past two), but he could be a solid add in the short-term if you need some scoring and FT volume (8 FTM in each of the last two as well).
Danilo Gallinari – The best song by Alice in Chains dropped 30 on the Pistons, hit 13-16 FT, and only had one TO. I don’t normally do this, but here’s a nice comment chain based on my Gallinari rank (and some crazy Danny Green love!) way early in the off-season. I was trying to find a comment that yelled at me “Gallinari will be your downfall” but couldn’t find it, so I guess that one will have to do…
Nikola Jokic – Look what happens when you give him minutes, MALONE! Just an absolutely stellar rainbow, going 17/5/3/2/3 shooting 7-11 FG (1-1 3PTM 2-2 FT) against the Pistons. And the icing on the cake? No TO. And the cherry on top? I just called out all his sick highlights last Friday.
Emmanuel Mudiay – Showing promise! After going 5 for his last 17 at the stripe (!!!!!) his last 3 games, 5-6 FT against the Nugs in an 18/4/4/1/1 line. Still the TO reared their ugly head (4), but you’re gonna get it in the rear somewhere with Mudiay’s stats…
DeMarcus Cousins – Kinda surprised 48 Pts is a career-high! 48/13/2/1/0 on a whopping 17-29 FG and 13-20 FT. Boogie’s FT% has actually taken a hit this year down to 74% – it’s not awful, but it’s over 10 FTA/game of meh. A little painful on his value, and I’m only nitpicking a little since it was harder than I thought to say I’d stick with Kevin Durant over him in a dynasty.
Willie Cauley-Stein – Off back to back dubdubs, came short on Saturday but still a nice 6/12/2/2/1 line. He’s pretty much Steven Adams just with more consistent REB and minutes. 12er worthy if you need steals from an out-of-position source for sure.
Dennis Schroder – The TO are a little out of control (17 past 4 games), but scoring and diming a lot more consistently than Jeff Teague, that’s for sure! Mannnn, I still gotta think Teague can get outta this funk, but it’s a tough pill to swallow right now. I think Mike Scott might have a pill that can help with that…
Trevor Ariza – HE’S ON FIRE! 11-15 FG including 6-9 3PTM for a season high 29 points. Only 1-4 FT though?! Can you take your FT from the 3PT line?! I’m just helping with FT solutions left and right today!
Robert Covington – Playing like a ball hog out there – and deservedly so. Seemed to take a trey every single touch on the perimeter, going 25/8/1/1/0 on 6-13 3PTM shooting. The TO and FG% will be rough, but Lord Covington is a staple on the Round Table.
Shane Larkin – The potential is still there! Rainbow for 9/3/4/4/2 with nary a TO on 4-7 shooting last night. Donald Sloan was very meh in 27 starting minutes. I honestly might rather own Larkin right now, but the fact I don’t feel great about it keeps both out of must-ownership in shallower leagues.
Brook Lopez – Bounced back from a tough one to lead the Nets to a surprise win last night on a 31/10/2/0/3 line. Really helped that OKC was without Steven Adams. Brolo is healthy and playing well – trade value couldn’t be much higher for Brooklyn, Gus Ayonin’! Speaking of, Ayon is apparently playin’ pretty well for Real Madrid, go get em Gus!
‘The 7 Ahead
- 5-game week: n/a
- 4-game weeks: ATL, BOS, CHA, CLE, DAL, DEN, DET, GSW, HOU, LAC, LAL, MIA, MIN, NY, ORL, PHO, SAC, WAS
- 2-game week: n/a
- Weekly League Streamers (by Y! ownership percent/games this week): Jeremy Lin (44%/4), Jeremy Lamb (16%/4), Spencer Hawes (4%/4), Archie Goodwin (6%/4)
- Stream days: n/a
Overall Thoughts: Borrrrrrrrring! 18 teams with 4-game weeks, and the other 12 on 3ers. So with fairly equal parity, you’re playing your regulars with maybe the 3 vs. 4 game week a tiebreaker on your mid-range guys for weekly. But for daily moves leagues, awwwwwwwesome! No “stream days” this week as I’ve called them, with each night having at least 6 game.
I mention Hornets matchups several times in the day-by-day breakdown, so they’re a key source of streaming for me this week. They go on a West Coast trip going @SAC, @UTA (meh), @POR then @LAL. Hornets are on MWFSun as well, so no b2bs for the gimpy guy (Lamb – hoping this toe thing is healed up by tonight) or the old guy (Hawes). Cody Zeller is out at least another week with his sprained shoulder, so Hawes has some minutes assured his way. Finally we have Archie – who I don’t fully believe in – but even if Knight can get back, PHO gets an @PHI to exploit, plus @CLE and @DAL in probable blowout losses. I could see using him on several weekly teams. One additional thought – look at the Spurs schedule this week! @GSW, HOU then @CLE. Stiff test! After a two-game week playing bottom feeders, I think their vets have a strong bounceback.
Monday: 9 games kick off the week, with HOU the only team coming in on a b2b. Dwight Howard is already banged up, so no need to worry too much on any other Rocket. MIA, ORL, SAC and WAS head into b2bs, so keep an eye on your vets or banged up guys there. If Hassan Whiteside can be back (PLLLLLEEEAAASSEEE!!!) I doubt he plays in both. DEN gives up a lot of pace, so I could see streaming some of your Hawks reserves, especially the Schrodes as I like him as a weekly play. The Kings give up the most points per game this year, so I would also look at your available Hornets in daily.
Tuesday: Wow, an 8-game Tuesday is certainly above average. DAL, LAC, OKC, PHI and PHO head into b2bs, so it’s a busy early week slate, that’s for sure! Definitely worried about the Mavs vets, as they get rested more than newborns. DAL also plays 3 games in 4 nights, so they’re certainly resting up at some point in there. Oh lord, PHO plays @PHI. Stream-fest for your Suns! But what an awful game… [email protected] should at least be a little better, but there’s those league-leading points allowed Kings again – if any usable Blazers are available, I’d give them a look.
Wednesday: Seems like the scheduling fairies lightened up Wednesday to sprinkle their scheduling dust on the other nights this week – only 8 games on the normally full humpday. ATL and DEN are your only b2bs, but I can’t imagine anyone is rested for the Hawks in two tough games. Even if Jusuf Nurkic is back by that point, I highly doubt he would play both. [email protected] I could see being a blowout, maybe you throw in Cameron Payne in some deeper leagues, and [email protected] is a travesty. Might give some of the Cavs reserves a look there, maybe a Matthew Dellavedova sighting!
Thursday: The lightest slate of the week, Thursday will feature 6 contests with LAL, MIL, and NY your b2bs teams. No Kobe Bryant for one of em! At the least! CHI goes at those Lakers, so maybe we get a dose of Bobby Portis against a weak interior team. [email protected] should be a solid game, but man the Hawks are losing some baddddd games and off a b2b.
Friday: 9-game Friday, with BKN, CLE, DET & HOU on b2bs. The Dwight Howard watch is back! It’s like Panda watch, except less entertaining. [email protected] and [email protected] have some streaming potential to me, might go so far as saying I would give Derrick Williams a look for cheap scoring.
Saturday: Turning to the weekend, only one team gets a b2b, and it’s your league-best Warriors in a very stream-appealing slate. They go @PHI and @NY, so the Warriors reserves are reallllly appealing. Andre Iguodala, Shaun Livingston, Festus Ezeli, Leandro Barbosa… All could be useful in limited moves weeks for the 2-game weekend. Overall, there’s only 7 games on Saturday, so you’ll need to be streaming by the weekend in most leagues either way. [email protected] should be a fast-paced game, and I’m also interested in [email protected] if anyone worthwhile is available.
Sunday: In the first NBA Sunday with no NFL action, we wrap up on a 7-game slate. Before making your stream moves, be sure to factor in ATL, CHI, DAL and ORL head into b2bs – a lot of vets on those first three teams. [email protected] should be a nice one for Hornets role players/reserves, and I like [email protected] for some bad-real-life game, good-fantasy game numbers.
I hope everyone had a better weekend than my REL, and sorry for whining about it so much! As is life, the stories we tell are narcissistic… I think Confucius said that! Have a good week, Razzball Nation!