“Dude, you can’t make a title caps to make the pun work, or else it’s a stupid lazy joke!” Well, ya know I’m pretty effin’ rusty out here catching back up with Summer Ball and this final batch of free agency moves! I’m as old and as rusty as Deron Williams, who completed his buyout with the Nets, turned it into piles of gold he buried in his backyard, and will be eating Mulligan’s steak with Mark Cuban. The rich stay rich, just with the richer! Wait, did that make any sense? While D-Will has just as much risk as an active Claymore mine sitting on your desk (and giving it a fourth grade girl), I think I might actually buy in a bit. He’s in a steady decline, but when looking at his numbers last year, it’s easy to forget he came off the bench for a bit – and his bench numbers were horrific. As a starter he was 14.3/3.6/7.1 with a steal per and only 2.4 TO. And interestingly enough – nearly 33 minutes a game while staying [mostly] healthy! Must be the new bacon and eggs diet. He shot pretty horrible – sub 40% as a starter – but it was 39.6% vs. 32.3% as a sub. Couldn’t figure out how to get it done off the pine! Sounds like a merit badge the Pawnee Rangers would give out. Moving to Dallas, he’s surrounded by SO MUCH better talent that he should have no problem falling into comparable numbers as his starting days in Brooklyn, maybe even with a few more dimes, a few less TO, and playing as the starter all year (if he stays glued together). This is likely D-Will’s final chance to be on a winner, and after a very sub-par 14-15 I think he could be a draft day value. Either that or he’ll be a hot spinning cone of meat! Here’s what else has gone on in the past week of fantasy basketball:
Jarrett Jack – Your new starter for the Nets. He was like, “Wahhhhhhhh, get rid of Deron I wanna start, I’m Jarrett Jack!” In the starting role last year, Jack was a decent enough 15.9/3.8/6.6 with 1.2 steals. But on the flip side, only 0.7 treys and 3.3 TO in those 27 starts. At least he shot 45.8%, better than Deron! “Wahhhhh, why is JB clownin’ my game!?”
Enes Kanter – Got a big offer from Portland which I didn’t think made much sense, but it got the Thunder to pay up and bring the horrible defender back to OKC. Double 4s, I just landed on Luxury Tax! Damn that friggin’ spot blew in Monopoly! Kanter was a monster in OKC, and by monster I mean an empty dubdub threat at 18.7/11.0. But no way he shoots 56.6% from the field again, and the 13.3 shots are surely going way down with the whole crew back healthy. A very “meh” option on draft day I’ll probably pass on.
DeAndre Jordan – Well, we all know what happened here. It’s not like the media covered it or anything! Stays with the Clips and will be the exact same. Borrrrrrrring. Except when he plays in Dallas. Man, that will have more drama than, well, anything to do with Tom Brady’s balls.
Zaza Pachulia – Signs with the Mavs to fill in for THAT TRAITOR! Sorry, I became a Mavs apologist right there for a second… While Dallas has absolutely nothing up front, I still think it’d be hard to see Zaza play 30 minutes a game. But he will bring a few out-of-position dimes and FT% while giving you no blocks. He’s not the worst roster filler out there!
Ty Lawson – Can’t lay off the sauce – maybe he’s working really hard in summer school to get a REAL degree and the pressure of studying got to him! That’s the nicest/meanest combo of an explanation I could come up with… The Nugs wanted to dump him all offseason, and now Lawson made that impossible. Denver has even contemplated straight cutting him. As in, management wants to cut him, ya know, with a butterfly knife. They’re all outdoorsmen I’m guessing! Unfortunately for one of the stars of Summer league (see below), it’s likely they hold Lawson and hope to raise his stock for a trade deadline deal.
Jameer Nelson – And to make things worse at point, Denver also re-signed Nelson for an absurd three more years. Isn’t he like, 50?! If Denver is forced to keep Lawson, this will be a backcourt more clogged than my toilet after Indian food.
Wilson Chandler – Re-signs with Nuggets at 4 years $46 mil, $2 MIL MORE THAN MONTA ELLIS! Maybe Monta’s deal was like, all guaranteed or something, I’m going to harp on this all offseason though… Anywho, Chandler landed in one of the best spots staying in Denver, since he’ll keep starting and get a boatload of shots. Especially if they end up trading Danilo Gallinari, which would make a small part of me die inside since he’s a primo-sleeper candidate for me.
Mo Williams – Meh. Re-signs with the Cavs, and will only have fantasy value, and tiny value at that, if Kyrie Irving gets hurt. I don’t think we see those Hornets games we saw a stretch of last year, not on a team with those usage fiends! That sounds like a technical term from Breaking Bad.
Iman Shumpert – 4 years $40 million to stay in CLE, which by my count, IS $4 MILLION LESS THAN MONTA ELLIS?! What the hell is going on in free agency?!
Gerald Green – One year $1.4 mil to play some backup minutes in Miami. We’ve seen some mad hot stretches from good game Green, including a big 13-14 from GG, but he needs the minutes. And hey, Dwyane Wade is right in front of him! Those fill-in streamer games are gonna be pretty usable, as long as you don’t mind a 1-13 night as the downside.
Brandan Wright – 3 years to play some backup for the Grizz. Marc Gasol has been pretty durable, but should he go down, Wright could be pretty interesting. His career per-36s are over 2 blocks and over 60% from the field.
Luis Scola – A one-year deal to get your Canadian martini all shooken up in the front court. Patrick Patterson is penciled in to start, but he’s a stretch 4 vs a banger that is Scola. Banger as in, on the court… Have you seen the dude?! I doubt he’s doing much bangin’!
Jeremy Lin – Joins the Hornets to assume the Mo Williams role, but will do it with worse shooting and bad defense. Lin slam! Minus a lingering knee issue that cost him some games last year with that minor surgery, Kemba Walker has been pretty durable. I don’t think Lin is going to carve out much, with Nicolas Batum pretty durable as well and playing a lot of minutes at the 2.
Gerald Henderson – Had something called a “hip debridement”, which kinda sounds like a yuppy term for a bachelorette party. He should be fine to open the year – likely as the starting 2 in Portland – but not much I’m going after.
David Lee – Traded to the Celtics for Gerald Wallace, who I forgot was in the NBA. On the last few Podcasts, we talked about how messy it was up front in Boston, and that was BEFORE Lee turned into green! Unless there’s a slew of injuries, I don’t see much happening.
Perry Jones – Traded to the Celtics, just because they want their big man mix even messier.
Chase Budinger – Traded to the Pacers for Damjan Rudez. Rudez isn’t going to do much on the Wolves, but Budinger will compete for the starting SF role. Eesh, C.J. Miles and Budinger are like twins though! What’s the difference?! Then again, that report means that Paul George will START at the 4?! The Pacers are going to some mad small ball if that holds up!
Jordan Hill – I don’t think I’ve mentioned Hill going to the Pacers, but he’s the only real challenge for minutes for Myles Turner, who we’ll talk about all offseason I’m guessing. Hill has shown he can’t hold up to a 30 MPG role, so either way Turner is going to get some run.
Joel Embiid – Ugh. We figured this was coming, but it’s official he is having another foot surgery and is likely missing this season. I don’t even know the best advice in dynasty… Try to hold if you can if it’s 12 team or deeper? I dunno, if Jahlil Okafor plays well, Embiid might be a bench guy…
Kevin Garnett – We talked this on the last Pod, but while healthy, Garnett is expected to start and play close to 20 minutes a game, per sources. And ya know, I honestly do think he could get through 50-60 games at 15 minutes per, which just clusterf$#&s the Wolves big man situation like the Celtics. Even though there’s a lot more flashy upside guys – Karl-Anthony Towns is looking like a beast this Summer – I don’t think I’m going here for bigs either!
Andrea Bargnani – Signs with the Nets for two years at the vet minimum. Hmmm. I guess the Nets like to collect old guys. They’re the AARP of the NBA! Next step – try to trade and bring Kevin Garnett back. He’s likely going to play backup C to give them a different look when Brook Lopez is out. And if Brook’s clown foot acts up again, I could see Bargs being a little usable.
Tony Wroten – Whoa, expected to be ready for the start of the season! That’s a little surprising since he’s coming off an ACL, and while he relies on explosiveness and turning the ball over 8 times a game, there’s a shot he could start at PG. This should be an interesting development to follow over the next couple of months.
Pierre Jackson – Likely Wroten’s main competition (along with Isaiah Canaan), and P-Jax got a partially guaranteed 4-year deal. Whoa. He has missed a little summer action with a groin issue, but returned yesterday for a pretty boring 3-9 FG 9/5/2 missing all four treys. Meh, it’s summer league! Forget it, it’s Chinatown Jake!
Nemanja Bjelica – Eesh, this is going to be a tough one to remember how to spell, but since I have Antetokounmpo down I think I can do it! Flip praised the Euro-import, who could play backup wing right away. I don’t see much happening unless there’s injuries, but Kevin Martin has been a little brittle lately and I wouldn’t be surprised to see last year’s Euroleague MVP be a factor.
Moe Harkless – Traded to Portland for absolutely nothing (a protected second-round pick that has to be past pick 55). Aight, which Magic executive did he steal a girlfriend from?! That’s the G version of saying he might’ve pulled a 50 Cent/Rick Ross. And now Fiddy is bankrupt! Al-Farouq Aminu is a terrible scorer, so Harkless got a golden ticket of an opportunity to score some points. An interesting deep-league flyer.
Allen Crabbe – Apparently suffered a severe ankle injury yesterday in summer league, but X-rays were negative. He could also fit in for some SF minutes, so let’s hope this sprain doesn’t slow him down too much.
Marcus Smart – We’re going to have an all-Summer League week next week, but hitting on a few of the big performances so far, Smart has looked pretty good… Although he is off a 1-11 shooting display dropping his FG% to 32.8% in four games. Slim sounds like he’s gonna love Smart on draft day; I will be giving it the big ol’ ignore button.
Kyle Anderson – Looking great for the Spurs in summer action, averaging 17.7/6.3/2.2/1.7/1.0 in 28 minutes a game. Unfortunately he’s not going to play much in real life, but if opportunity strikes, he’d be a great fill-in for San Antone.
Emmanuel Mudiay – Has looked like the best rookie PG in summer ball, averaging 13.3/3.7/7.3 in 3 games. He’s been creating and dishing, which is a lot better praise than…
D’Angelo Russell – …who has looked lost. Why I gave this draft pick a D! D for D’Angelo! Through 4 games he’s 9.5/5.5/3.8 with a ridiculous 5.75 TO per game. It’s too early to make any blanket assumptions, but maybe Slim’s never-ending love for Jordan Clarkson will be enough to power him to start and D’Angelo off the bench! Or at least, have them play together and Clarkson get a lot more usage…
We’re going to talk all Summer League next week with another update and a new Podcast, then it’s time for rankings! I hope everyone is enjoying Summer, and have a good weekend Razzball Nation!