D-Rose Unwilted

It just took prime time to rejuvenate Derrick Rose!  After an utterly atrocious outing against the Hornets on Tuesday – and three straight games of single-digit scoring – it certainly looked like the injuries had maybe made Rose a below-average PG…  I just edited out about 3 flower puns from this open, NO ONE IS READING FOR BOTANY OR WHATEVER THE WORD IS FOR FLOWER-STUFF!  Is it horticulture?  SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY!  That’s me yelling at myself.  And also venting some anger, because I wanted him to be poopy for one more week as I face him in REL, so of course he would have by far his best game of the season last night.  Rose looked pretty spry out there, shooting 12-25 for a nice popcorn 29/5/7 stat line.  But as always, his lines have thorny stems supporting the bloom (AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!), as he didn’t notch a trey or steal.  He’s got no treys and only two swipes though 6 games now.  Even Jarrett Jack is like, “is this really an NBA PG?!”  At the very least, Rose is keeping the TO in check and he looked pretty healthy last night.  I think he’s still hovering in that 80-100 range that he fell in ADP, but if anyone would buy last night’s game as he’s back to vintage Rose, you’re obviously selling.  I actually saw him dropped in an RCL, and I’m pending my waiver claim.  Of course I won’t get him at my #6 spot, and of course I could use PG depth.  I’ve luckily avoided Rose the past half-decade, but now my frustration with him is reaching Nate Robinson levels.  Waived like three days after being the opening night starter?!  Or maybe it’s a Pelicans issue, THE WORST RUN NBA FRANCHISE!  Aight, aight, I’ve taken my diazepam, I’m ready to mellow.  Thankfully NO didn’t play last night, or else I mighta needed to double my dosage…  Here’s what else went down yesterday in fantasy hoops action:

Kevin Durant – 33 points on 29 shots.  Hit three treys, and racked up another 2 blocks.  Now multi-blocks in 4 of the last 5 on top of the standard awesomeness.  I think they bone grafted his foot with Flubber.

Steven Adams – Left early with back soreness.  Slim literally texted me at around 4:00 PM yesterday saying his REL team was getting a lot of injuries, but manageable as long as they didn’t hit any of his bigs.  Of course he owns Adams, and I guess he didn’t knock on wood.  It’s unreal to think a guy making a bajillion dollars would need an injury to get into the starting lineup, but if Adams misses time, it’ll likely move Enes Kanter in the starting 5 or at least get starting minutes.

Serge Ibaka – Finally hit a 3!  Early in the game, he was stroking some deep jumpers harder than Pee Wee Herman in a movie theater.  While the 3s have gone down, we’re not seeing that boost to FG% like we hoped as he’s still a jump shooter, but 8-14 last night helped.

Russell Westbrook – You’re pretty good at basketball when a triple-double flirt is mundane.

Doug McDermott – Screw you, Hoiberg!  More like “Doi-berg”!  That’s the best I got, without dropping F bombs.  Ripped apart his rotations, giving McBuckets a start at the 3.  He had the most boring 9 points imaginable in 23 minutes with a team, ummm, team-non-leading(?) +/- of -14.  Team-low!  There we go.  He’s a low point of the team…

Tony Snell – I am a little snarky as an REL Snell owner, as he dropped to 11 minutes off the bench.  I still think he could surprise if given an offensive role, but it ain’t gonna happen on the Bulls.

Jimmy Butler – A 9-cat roto god!  26/4/2/1/2 on 8-20 FG (4-5 3PT 6-6 FT) with no TO.  Someone call PETA, we got a multi-cat-hitter!

Joakim Noah – Several commenters have asked about dropping Noah, and in 10ers I guess you kinda have to.  Got a little more run playing 26 minutes, but 4/7/4/0/1 is very blah.  At least he avoided the stripe!

Nikola Mirotic – The big reason why Noah got run.  16 minutes of:

He suddenly went from an epic sell-high to an epic buy-low.  A volatile stock.  Which almost sounds like vomitable stock.  Who hasn’t had breakfast yet?!

Andrew Wiggins – Shot 5-18, so yeah, I would embed that GIF again, but you get the idea…  Hit a trey at least, and looks pretty good athletically, I just dunno…  Mitchell has gotta push the brakes a little bit on all these shots he’s getting.  Ugly game from the Wolves.

Gorgui Dieng – Finally gets some run (26 minutes), but it still wasn’t the droids you’re looking for.  10/6/0/2/1 is nice and all, but 3 TO.  I’m still fine leaving him on the wire in 10 and 12ers right now, I don’t see it getting any better than that.

Karl-Anthony Towns – Really, really chippy big man duel in this one.  Was pretty fun to watch!  Towns settled for a lot of fadeaways and finesse to Whiteside’s brute force.  I would’ve liked to see a little more aggression, I mean his nickname is the KAT Truck, but he settled too much.  3-13 FG, did get the 3 blocks to salvage a bad night, but only 22 minutes.  Whiteside’s agent is pitching a tent every time the Heat play right now…

Ricky Rubio – Really slowed down from that opener, but 24 minutes was low and he still got 3 steals.  If anyone feels like he’s falling apart, he’s got a little bit of that Mirotic-effect going on as well for a buy low offer.

Shabazz Muhammad – 14 Pts and looked solid, the Wolves just need to hurry up and Chapter 11 K-Mart to give Bazz an azzload of run!

Hassan Whiteside – WHAT IN THE HELL, 7 TO?!?!?!  You’re not Dwight Howard, OK?!  Otherwise was his usual awesomeness of 12/9/0/0/4 and hit both his freebies.

Dwyane Wade – Mmmmmmmmm:

Justise Winslow – A whopping 36 minutes for 7/3/2/1/1.  Per-36 it’s not that pretty, but hey, he can give you multi-cat for however long Gerald Green is out with whatever the hell is going on there.  I hope it wasn’t bath salts or something…

Al Jefferson – FG% is officially in the bank for Big Al owners!  Got the NBA Jam on fire for 15-18 FG 31/9/1/0/1.

Jeremy Lamb – Staying hot, and he like, “All you had to do was payyyyyy me!”  Actually, knowing the Hornets, they’ll end up giving him healthy DNPs and play someone they signed on a vet minimum off the scrap heap…  7-11 FG, but pretty empty 16/4/0/0/0.  Now 16-21 from the field the past two.  Somehow he and Al are cheating…  “Is that goal regulation size, or what?!”

Marvin Williams – This is getting silly.  17/12/2/0/1, and again leads the Hornets on the glass.  And again, Frank Kaminsky barely plays, going for 5 minutes and only logging a foul.  Such a dumb team.

Raymond Felton – Wellllll, the Mavs ARE starting Felton, so not EVERY NBA team is that much smarter…  Did nothing in his first 4-5 minutes except get a couple turnovers.  He mimics his game to strategy at the breakfast buffet.

Zaza Pachulia – Staying relevant, and spreading out his stats like a 9-topping supreme pizza.  14/10/2/2/1 on 4-6 FG (6-6 FT).  Felton is only playing better so he can log more minutes next to the Big Pizza.

Chandler Parsons – There’s easing in, then there’s the Parsons treatment…  Only played in the 2nd half for 2/1/0/1/0 on 1-5 shooting in 14 pretty awful minutes.  Untouchable in weekly, and he’s your bench player on full schedule days.  It’s annoying.

Dwight Powell – If Dirk gets a hangnail, Powell is must own everywhere.  KNOCK ON WOOD!  I learned my lesson from Slim…  14/9/1/1/1 with no TO in 23 minutes.  He looks great, obviously a huge value in dynasty, but I’m not rushing to add him in 12ers.

Gordon Hayward – Matchup wasn’t exactly “NBA worthy”, but went 20/3/3/1/0 against the Nugs, hitting 2-5 3PTM and no TO.  It’s been a little slow, but this was his best game and it’s a nice upswing.

Rudy Gobert – Meeeehhhhhh, I was expecting more here.  God awful C depth in Denver, 8/16 with 3 blocks is nice, but 2-8 from the field and 4-10 FT.  He had been avoiding the FT volume up until last night, but it looks like he’s still gonna struggle at the stripe.

Derrick Favors – Gave it his all to play though the flu, but couldn’t make it that long, exiting after 15 minutes.  Trevor Booker got some extended run with a nice 13/9/3/1/1 game on 6-9 FG (1-1 3PTM), but Favors should be able to get a little healthier before the next Jazz game tomorrow.  Just needs to get a little cold syrup in him, just don’t drink the whole bottle like Gerald Green!

Alec Burks – Slim’s vote in the Jazz team-management meeting finally got acknowledged, and Raul Neto played only 13 minutes of nothing-ball.  Opened up Burks to play a lot of run as pure PG, and he ended up with a 12/3/8/1/0 line on 5-12 shooting.  Only 1-1 FT which is a nice part of his game on most nights, but you gotta love the dimes and [hopeful] emerging role as a PG contributor.  A big reason we loved him!

J.J. Hickson – 8/7, but yikes, 0-4 FT and 4 TO.  We need to get that Jamba Jus open for business!

Will Barton – One of the steadiest bench players this season.  20 minutes of 12/4/1/1/1 with no TO and 6-6 FT.  Double figures every game, at least a steal every game, exactly 4 rebounds in 4 of 5 games…  His consistency is crazy looking at his game log!  Nice glue guy for the deepers.

Marc Gasol – Came in with a stiff neck, and left with a stiff line.  15/5/3/0/2 is nice and all, but 4-13 FG and 7-10 FT aren’t your usual Marcy Marcness.  But twas nice to see him out there, gotta love his durability.  So much for the Brandan Wright streamers…

Tony Allen – You’re garbage.  I stream you for steals against the friggin’ 12-year-olds who are playing for the Blazers right now, and you don’t log a single one?!?!?!

Jeff Green – Remember when I ranked him 40th or something in 13-14?!  I dunno if he’s in the top-40 in a Grizzlies-only league…

Mike Conley – Remember when I got grilled for not ranking Conley higher?  7/2/3/0/0 on a garbage 2-8 shooting with 2 TO.  31 minutes of a lot of standing around.  He’s just not the same player, shooting a low-volume of shots, and his 3PTM dropped to 1.0 and STL under 1.0.  Grizzlies getting blown out by the Blazers is making them look really, really shaky – 3-3 record with wins over Pacers (aight), Nets (ew) and Kings (eeewwwww) and bludgeoning losses to the Cavs, Warriors, and Blazers.  I wonder if they might blow this up.  Conley is on the last year of a deal…  Gus Ayonin’!

Al-Farouq Aminu – I know, I know, I probably should’ve ranked him higher, but 11/10/5/1/0 with sub-50% shooting and 2-4 FT isn’t exactly a monster game.  The D stats haven’t been great with only 1 block the past 4, FT% is not great, TO are too high…  Nice he’s hitting 3s, but I dunno, still looking a little rough around the edges.

C.J. McCollum – 7-18 shooting last night, as I yell “BRICK” every time he puts one up just to try and be right.  Got 5 dimes early then none in the second half, as he started hitting shots after starting 1-7 from the field.  That’s actually pretty encouraging to see.

Meyers Leonard – Was doubtful until a few hours before tip, then probable!  Said he heard a pop in his ankle on Wednesday, turns out it was only some pop rocks he left in his sock.  14/5/2/0/0 with a trey on 5-7 shooting in a nice game for a guy with candy in his socks.

Damian Lillard – The Blazers have won 3 in a row, and the last two in blowouts over the Jazz and Grizzlies.  If the Blazers make the playoffs, Lillard is the MVP.  I don’t care how good Stephen Curry is looking…

I hope everyone had an awesome week 2, and I’ll catch ya Monday morning with notes from the weekend and The 7 Ahead!  Have a nice weekend, Razzball Nation!