Look, I understand that like 70% of my lede’s this season have been Nets-centric, and I don’t even care about them. I’m a Clippers fan, I already hate myself enough to add another heart-breaking franchise. But to be fair, they’ve only been Nets-centric because any time Kyrie Irving opens his dumb mouth, it attracts all the hot takes. You think I’m gonna watch all these hot takes and not bring the hottest of takes as well? SEO baby. As reported yesterday, a role player for the Cavaliers gave some behind-the-scenes look at Irving’s flat Earth theory and its originations. The entire read is worth it, but here’s the money quote:
Jones had moved to Boston to live with him, and there was concern that the two were spending the dark Massachusetts winters isolated at home, bingeing YouTube. Someone who knew Irving at the time brought up the flat-Earth theory with him and Jones. “Alex is like, ‘I don’t know, man. We don’t know the Earth is round. Kyrie and I have been watching stuff,’” the source said. “Kyrie kept asking if we knew for sure that it was ‘constitutionally’ round.” The conclusion: “Oh, sh*t. They really believe that.”
Look, I don’t even want to tackle that there are two dudes named Alex Jones and Irving became friends with the wrong one and still ended up in the same place, but one has to wonder ultimately what’s next after this season for Kyrie. So far, the Mavs’ mission to try and appease Luka is in full force, a gamble that I personally wouldn’t take, but one I can’t necessarily hate… Sure, Irving is a ridiculous person by any metric, but the on-the-court metrics (when he’s there) are undeniable and let’s be fair, both are just as entertaining including last night’s 24 points in the fourth quarter in a loss against the Timberwolves. And it’s always good to know that a Mavs loss is essentially a win for those who know the Earth is round, so there is that. Here’s what else I saw during last night’s full slate of games:
Trae Young – 35 MIN, 7-18 FG, 2-7 3PT, 9-9 FT, 2 REB, 14 AST, 2 STL, 5 TO, -1, 25 PTS. This game had 13 double-digit scorers with a total of 282 points scored. Philosophical question: what even is defense?
LaMelo Ball – 41 MIN, 12-19 FG, 6-10 3PT, 6 REB, 15 AST, 4 TO, +5, 30 PTS. Had 30 points and 15 assists with 0 free throws. Has he perhaps tried impersonating Patrick Beverley?
Donovan Mitchell – 37 MIN, 16-26 FG, 6-13 3PT, 3-4 FT, 4 REB, 5 AST, 1 STL, 1 BLK, 2 TO, +17, 41 PTS. This is Mitchell’s sixth 40-point game of the season and seventh win in-a-row for the Cavs.
Tyrese Haliburton – 35 MIN, 12-24 FG, 3-8 3PT, 3-3 FT, 1 REB, 12 AST, 3 STL, 1 BLK, 1 TO, +1, 30 PTS. In case you weren’t aware just how bad things have gotten for the Pacers, this loss marks the 16th loss in their last 18 games.
Lauri Markkanen – 37 MIN, 10-20 FG, 2-9 3PT, 7-7 FT, 11 REB, 2 AST, 3 TO, +3, 29 PTS. Has a team ever been this bad at tanking? *Checks notes, Jazz are the only franchise to never lose 60 games in a season… okay, so yes, they are in fact bad at tanking.
Jalen McDaniels – 28 MIN, 3-4 FG, 1-1 3PT, 1-1 FT, 5 REB, 3 AST, +9, 8 PTS. The Sixers have a big, athletic wing coming off the bench with competent skills? I didn’t think that was allowed by Doc Rivers…
Nikola Jokic – 34 MIN, 12-14 FG, 3-3 FT, 12 REB, 8 AST, +5, 27 PTS. No turnovers either. I think he has to be the MVP frontrunner right now.
Ben Simmons – 13 MIN, 1-2 FG, 3 REB, 2 AST, 1 BLK, 2 TO, -4, 2 PTS. Hmmm, another two points from Ben. Has to be considered the most consistent player in the NBA right now.
Josh Hart – 28 MIN, 10-14 FG, 4-6 3PT, 3-4 FT, 4 REB, 2 AST, +25, 27 PTS. He can do that…?
Spencer Dinwiddie – 33 MIN, 8-21 FG, 3-10 3PT, 9-9 FT, 3 REB, 4 AST, 1 STL, 2 TO, -4, 28 PTS. Yes, that’s 21 attempts, the second most on the Nets was 10 from Cam Johnson. This can’t be the answer.
Brandon Ingram – 32 MIN, 14-24 FG, 3-5 3PT, 3-3 FT, 4 REB, 1 AST, 6 TO, -11, 34 PTS. Yup, that’s 34 points in 32 minutes, such a shame we don’t get to see him and Zion playing together for a while.
Luka Doncic – 36 MIN, 10-20 FG, 2-7 3PT, 11-15 FT, 12 REB, 6 AST, 1 STL, 4 TO, -12, 33 PTS. Mavs are now 0-2 when Luka plays with Kyrie, more than enough evidence to trade Luka, am I right?
Mike Conley – 32 MIN, 4-8 FG, 3-6 3PT, 1-2 FT, 3 REB, 9 AST, 1 STL, 2 TO, +6, 12 PTS. I think he’s made a big difference by maximizing Gobert on offense. It’ll be interesting to see what happens when KAT returns seeing as how the first iteration was a bit sloppy and crowded.
JaMychal Green – 16 MIN, 5-5 FG, 4-4 3PT, 1 REB, 5 AST, 2 STL, 1 TO, -7, 14 PTS. The third Splash Brother everyone expected.
Draymond Green – 24 MIN, 2-3 FG, 6 AST, 2 STL, 2 TO, +3, 4 PTS. Draymond spent most of his time boxing out Porziņģis, so the weird statline with zero rebounds can be directly tied to the fact that KP is like a foot taller.
Damian Lillard – 34 MIN, 13-23 FG, 8-14 3PT, 6-7 FT, 6 REB, 5 AST, 1 BLK, 3 TO, +11, 40 PTS. Dame will be dominating the Lakers until he’s 70. (His +/- is by far the highest against the Lakers, +225 in 35 games!)
Dennis Schroder – 30 MIN, 1-7 FG, 0-2 3PT, 2 REB, 6 AST, 2 TO, -6, 2 PTS. Who will the Lakers’ scapegoat be now that Russ is gone?
Jay is a longtime Razzball everything who consumes an egregious amount of Makers Mark as a vehicle to gain wisdom and augment his natural glow. Living in the D.C. area, he also likes spending time visiting the local parks and feeding lettuce to any turtles he encounters, including Mitch McConnell.
