Author: Jay

Jay is a longtime Razzball everything who consumes an egregious amount of Makers Mark as a vehicle to gain wisdom and augment his natural glow. Living in the D.C. area, he also likes spending time visiting the local parks and feeding lettuce to any turtles he encounters, including Mitch McConnell.

Read some of Jay's 138 posts

Ja Morant Now Florida Man

by: Jay

I’ve heard Florida is where woke goes to die, which seems like a pretty fair assessment. I remember my dad living in the Tampa Bay area back in the day and generally napping all the time, so I have to assume America’s nursing home has only gotten more sleepy. And while this war on being awake continues, it’s always important to remember that America’s armpit is home to one of our country’s most sacred of figures: the Florida Man. I’d say any rational character would legitimately wonder how they got themselves into this poor state (Pun Achievement Unlocked), but then again, I am no Ja Morant. As the Grizzlies continue their underdog (and somewhat hated?) push into the playoffs (garnering their 41st win last night against the now 34-35 Mavs), Morant has kept himself in the headlines in the most audacious ways possible, from flashing a piece on IG, to a dumping of negative stories ranging from terrible parenting practices to wholesome strip club experiences. Range on and off the court, I say.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Playoffs Embiided

by: Jay

As I’m sure many of you have noticed, NBA play the last several weeks has been pretty fun to watch. I mean, unless you’re getting a gun pointed at you on IG Live, but the games themselves have been stellar. From the resurgent Knicks and Julius Randle in the clutch, to a game that went to triple-OT with a bajillion points (RIP Clippers) and the continued stat-padding (lol) by the Joker. Luka and Kyrie both scored 40 too, marking the end of the world as we know it. We even get the pleasure of witnessing the Celtics fall back to Earth… And this is all just scratching the surface, so the question is; can this product get any better? The Sixers answer is an overwhelming: YES.

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RIP Lakers, February 9th – February 27th

February 28, 2023 | 2022-23 Fantasy Basketball, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes |

by: Jay

We hardly knew ye. Not the performance spectacle that is Kanye, the Olde English ye, by the way. I know, it gets confusing sometimes. But yes, the Lakers, they’re dead, Jim. You know it’s true because I’ve used a Star Trek quote. But look, I could be wrong, after all, the injury LeBron James suffered in the win against the Mavs didn’t prevent him from finishing the game. However, Shams Charania tweeted late last night that there’s a fear in the front office that he’s likely to miss an extended period of time, putting a damper on this new iteration of the Lakers that seemed to be putting it together the last few weeks. And I could still be wrong!

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“Constitutionally Round”

February 14, 2023 | 2022-23 Fantasy Basketball, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 1 Comment

by: Jay

Look, I understand that like 70% of my lede’s this season have been Nets-centric, and I don’t even care about them. I’m a Clippers fan, I already hate myself enough to add another heart-breaking franchise. But to be fair, they’ve only been Nets-centric because any time Kyrie Irving opens his dumb mouth, it attracts all the hot takes. You think I’m gonna watch all these hot takes and not bring the hottest of takes as well? SEO baby. As reported yesterday, a role player for the Cavaliers gave some behind-the-scenes look at Irving’s flat Earth theory and its originations. The entire read is worth it, but here’s the money quote:

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Cam and Klay Sitting in a Tree…

February 7, 2023 | 2022-23 Fantasy Basketball, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 4 Comments

by: Jay

….Making all the threes! What, where did you think I was going with that? But yeah, reaching the 48-hour mark until the NBA trade deadline hits, many things are happening both on the court and off it. With the trade of Kyrie Irving to the Mavericks complete (don’t let it near the Jewish space lasers!) marking the end (or beginning?) of the Net’s introspective journey on finding out what happens when you let two idiots have their way with the franchise (three if you count Joe Tsai), one has to wonder what could top that? Will KD be next? (Doubtful, but of course I would never rule out a return to the Warriors just for the lols.)

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Can’t Spell Luck With Luka

January 31, 2023 | 2022-23 Fantasy Basketball, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 2 Comments

by: Jay

I mean, you can, but would it be allowed in modern English? Perhaps, perhaps not. Am I supposed to know English? But let’s go deeper, something your mother enjoys all the time. In this regard, one might ponder not just about your mother, but also the fact that you can’t spell “luck” with Luka because the dude is just pure talent and skill. Luck is the last thing he needs. And don’t look at me, I’m not a Luka Doncic fanboy either, I’ve honestly never seen so much basketball talent executed in the slowest way possible. Man moves like the most agile molasses I’ve ever seen and I swear it takes roughly 18 minutes to wind up his shot. And the constant chirping… sure, I understand he doesn’t get the same calls like Steph does, but 18 technical fouls per quarter can sometimes be exhausting to watch.

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You’ll Rui The Day

January 24, 2023 | 2022-23 Fantasy Basketball, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 3 Comments

by: Jay

While we normally focus on game performances in the lede, it’s open to any big news story that’s trending the day before. Plus, when a pun like this is available, you don’t ever hesitate grabbing that low hanging fruit. Literally every mission objective by any content creator, spoiler alert! Indeed, this also is what you call a double whammy, in that anything Los Angeles sports soothes that SEO soul… but enough about internet metrics and writer’s fruit. Let’s talk about the bromance between the Lakers and Wizards front office that started with the Russell Westbrook trade last season and then culminated into a Kendrick Nunn and three second-rounders for the enigmatic Rui Hachimura.

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LeMLK Day

January 17, 2023 | 2022-23 Fantasy Basketball, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes |

by: Jay

With a 48-point performance, why can’t LeBron James share in the festivities with the great Martin Luther King? I mean, there’s actually some real answers here, like, you know, I don’t think MLK would let China get in the way of social equality. And if we’re still being serious, this performance came against the worst team in the league. But therein lies the LeRub, if you will… Monday’s performance is yet another reminder of how bad the Lakers as a whole actually are. Check this fun stat out; over the last 16 games, LeGreat has a +143. In the minutes he’s sat on the bench, the Lakers have accumulated a -106. Yikes. Granted, I get the feeling that Lakers’ ownership would rather miss the play-in than pay the repeaters taxes, but Pelinka and others need to get him some more help. A healthy AD isn’t enough. And as much fun as it is laying into the Lakers, it’d be true shame (even with the bubble Chip) to waste LeAgeless in his year 38 when he can still dominate. Here’s what else I saw during last night’s games…

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The Joker Is Always Smiling

January 10, 2023 | 2022-23 Fantasy Basketball, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes |

by: Jay

Really, I think any famous “Joker” quote would work when describing Nikola Jokic. And we’re talking of course about Batman’s Joker, not some random funny dude. And of course, we are talking about NBA’s Nikola Jokic, not those really great tasting Swedish cough drops… or whatever. Well, maybe the movie line about cutting up someone’s poodles may not work, but still, after producing the most Jokic triple-double ever of 14/11/16 on 100/100/100 shooting splits, one must look out for those poodles. While yes, I also do tire a bit of how much he’s been in the MVP conversation the last half-decade (even winning some here and there), it’s probably because he puts up the most elite boring performances I have ever seen and we’re all better off for it, for sure. Fun fact, in 37 games so far this year, Jokic has only shot below 50% in one of them. Another fun fact! In just the 12 games he’s scored under 20 points, he’s averaged 11 rebounds and 12 assists with a +12.5. Can someone really sleepwalk to the Hall of Fame? I think we’re about to find out. Here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s short slate of games:

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More Like Donoman Mitchell, Am I Right?

January 3, 2023 | 2022-23 Fantasy Basketball, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes |

by: Jay

Not that there was anything else much to talk about with the normal slate of games, but even on a night with a full schedule of matchups, Donovan Mitchell’s career-high 71 points in a comeback win against the Bulls would have probably taken the lede no matter what. Unless of course someone with the name that rhymes with Buka Fonkitch did something like his normal self. But enough about Harry Potter characters, Mitchell just didn’t create a loathing from Chicago fans. Nope. His 71/8/11 night also created so much self-loathing in Minnesota and Utah that they actually might raise up, the dozen or so of them, and actually, well, I don’t know what they’d do to be honest. I guess throw bad midwestern accents and Mormons at the rest of the world. I’m sure that’s a metaphor for something. Regardless, while Mitchell will have some hype follow him, don’t forget that, while a good basketball player, he’s still just a scorer. A scorer that the T-Wolves should have traded for instead and a scorer that the Jazz should have built around, sure. But for now, the Cavaliers have the spotlight in Cleveland, and whatever takes away from the eternal dumpster fire (now with added gasoline for obvious reason) from the Browns, well, something-something goose-goose and the gander. My homies in the Midwest know what’s up. Maybe? Here’s what else I saw during last night’s games…

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A Brooklyn State of Mind

December 27, 2022 | 2022-23 Fantasy Basketball, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 1 Comment

by: Jay

So after last night’s win over a strong Cavaliers team, I’d confidently say now that the Nets are around the Bucks and Celtics tier and a real contender… which means Kevin Durant (36 MIN, 10-18 FG, 5-8 3PT, 7-8 FT, 9 REB, 5 AST, 4 TO, +10, 32 PTS.) is a legit MVP candidate as well. That being said though, Nets fans can be a tad bit ridiculous. Seeing a lot non-ironic content throwing Steve Nash under the bus and sneakily laying shade on “distractions” no longer affecting the team and all the hate the team has been receiving over these “distractions”. My homies in Brooklyn, y’all ridiculous. Isn’t Steve Nash the type of player-soft coach that KD and Kyrie wanted and forced on the team? Then you have KD’s fragility from being rightly called a bus rider… and of course the anti-semetic and anti-vaccine stuff from Kyrie, as if that wasn’t the most egregious out of all of this… so yeah, Nets are a great team and are playing well and have triumphed over some adversity. And yes, Kyrie Irving is playing well too! (40 MIN, 11-19 FG, 7-11 3PT, 3-4 FT, 4 REB, 5 AST, 3 TO, +16, 32 PTS. Finished 7-out-of-11 from beyond the arc. Happy Hanukkah to him! But it was their own adversity that they so eagerly created by being emotional and/or hateful idiots, so do they really deserve a cookie? No. I want the cookies. It’s the holiday season and I’m in the camp that says Jews don’t have space lasers, so yeah, that deserves cookies I think. Here’s what else I saw during last night’s short slate of games:

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Dreaming of a Raptors Wonderland

December 20, 2022 | 2022-23 Fantasy Basketball, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes |

by: Jay

Or at least the front offices of the Association are. I just want the regular Winter Wonderland. You know, the one that comes with snow? Now, I know the weather, I see the report, and a large swath of the country is due to be beat down by climate change at the end of the week, but not I. Nope, just rain. And more rain. I lived in Seattle folks, why am I here with the rain? But who cares, because we have the Raptors (Rapture? harhar) to talk about and it’s not looking good. Toronto has now lost six in a row and nine of their last 11. Of course, the reactionaries are ready to tear this team down and reset, especially since one of those losses was against the Magic (Apologies Orlando). There are theories out there that the Raptors should go the opposite direction and shed assets for a star to line up with Pascal Siakam and Scottie Barnes, but I’m not sure what assets they have. While I personally think its too early to have such thoughts, even after coming off a loss where aforementioned Siakam went HAM against the Sixers with 38 points, 15 rebounds, 5 assists in 47 minutes. Then again, can you imagine the Mavericks with Siakam? Scary. Almost as scary as Siakam and Fred VanVleet having a good game together! Here’s what else I saw during last night’s slate of games:

Please, blog, may I have some more?