Tank city b##ch, tank tank city b##ch! And that word edited is “beach”, because when I go to the city beach I like to see tank tops!
Ummmm, last night happened. We’ve seen B units play big runs multiple times through the years, but I don’t know if there’s ever been a dichotomy of a team’s starters all being utterly unusable, and everyone on the second unit having fantasy-worthy games. The world is upside down! Then again, this is The Poppycockers we’re talking about, and they were down more points than the Dow Jones on Black Thursday. The biggest beneficiary was Langston Hughes, I mean, Langston Galloway, who in his second NBA game after a D-League promotion went 19/4/3/1/0 hitting 6-10 FG and 3-4 3PTM. Easy nickname bequeathed! Galloway is now “The Harlem Renaissance”. We gettin’ classy with these history references lately, yo! With Jose Calderon a steaming pile of hot garbage (0/4/4/0/0 on 0-5 FG and 2 TO in 21 minutes – been saying he’s untouchable for weeks!), there’s no reason for the tankers to wreck their ship and straight Exxon-Valdez and pollute the waters. “I can’t fly if my wings are melted off!”, Derek Fisher complained to Phil Jackson. “Suck it up!” Calderon is an easy asset to trade in real-life terms given a short contract shelf-life and the vet leadership (I’d hope) to be a backup. If desperate for points, treys and steals, I could even see nabbing Galloway as a spec 14er add. Plus you get style points like this! Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy action:
Travis Wear – Couldn’t even crack the UNC rotation on a terrible team when he played there back in the day, but then again maybe having all his classes taken for him threw him off… 9-16 FG (3-6 3PTM) 21/5/1/1/1 and the other big game from the Knicks B unit. Maybe he gets enough run to be deep league usable, but I just don’t think he’s an NBA caliber contributor.
Shane Larkin – The steals are near-elite! Another 4 last night in 30 minutes, giving him 4 in back-t0-back games and multi-steals in 5 of 6. It’s about all he’ll do for you, but Nicorette can help!
Cleanthony Early – Mr. Clean! Lowest run of the second unit, but put up 16/6/1/2/0 on 6-10 FG (1-1 3PTM 3-6 FT) in 25 impressive minutes, regardless of who it was against. Well, I take that back, if that was against the Saturday Y game it’d be pretty unimpressive.
Josh Smith – Hah! His name is a punchline. Even in a dream matchup where you would’ve expected him to play some great second unit minutes, goes 2/1/1/1/2 with 3 TO on 1-3 FG and 0-2 FT. Also got 5 fouls. “That Travis Wear is so fast, coach!”
Trevor Ariza – Just took some Knicks on the schedule to find his stroke! Finally! 6-10 FG, 4-6 3PTM, 2-2 FT for 18 points. What the doctor ordered, NYK on the slate.
Kemba Walker – Damn! One point away from 4-straight 30+ point games. 29/7/8/3/0 hitting 12 of 25 without committing a single TO. Shocking win for the Hornets, as they’re red hot winning their last four without Al Jefferson or Lance Stephenson. Take your time, fellas!
Marvin Williams – Got the start at PF and went 13/9/3/0/0 with three treys. Hey, PT is there and his per-36s always looked semi-useful! Just needs to play A TON.
Gerald Henderson – The bald wonder! 31/5/3/0/0 on 13-20 shooting, but no 3s and 5-7 FT. Not even ThrAGNOF! But hey, streamer worthy while this hot and even I picked him up in a league thinking ahead to streaming points for the weekend.
Jonas Valanciunas – I figured this would be an awful game. Hornets are playing so many stretch 4s and the Luminescent Lithuanian has troubles against the more athletic C types. Been Bismacked! 10/6/0/0/0 in only 22 minutes.
Kyle Lowry – Was brutal shooting the ball most of the game, ending up at 7-22 FG and 4-10 3PTM. Hit some treys late, but either way he was racking up a beaut for 24/7/7/0/1. This is a great sell-high game. DeMar DeRozan is a game or two out and will steal some usage.
Lou Williams – Sweet Lou was bitter! 4-15 FG missing all 7 treys. Still a decent 15/4/5 game with that nice, high-volume FT for 7-8, but it’s about to get even more bittery with DeRozan back. Deep league sell? Maybe, but it’s not like he’s a hot name on the trading block.
James Johnson – 4 blocks in 23 minutes, without the playing time to do much of anything else. Damn you Landry Fields and your ridiculous 10 starting minutes of nothingball! Seriously. Fields for 0s across the board except one foul. Imagine what Johnson could’ve done with 10 more minutes! A phrase I use regularly in the bedroom.
Luol Deng – Another yawn. 7/5/1/0/1. My fingers got bored just typing that statline.
Dywane Wade – Played 33 minutes. My fingers just got injured typing that statline! And Wade got hurt too, briefly going to the locker room between quarters but returned. Had an ankle re-taped, and ended up having a fairly useful, albeit for D-Wade a tad underwhelming 23/7/2 game on 7-18 FG 9-12 FT. Really hating how many minutes he’s logging, I’d try to cash out soon if I could.
Hassan Whiteside – The behemoth of blockage! 10/8 on 5-6 FG (mercifully avoiding the FT line) and 4 blocks in 19 minutes. Kinda Alex Len-esque. I’d still rather Len, but Whiteside is all the way up to past John Henson for me if you need a blocking-C totem pole. The Bucks signing Kenyon Martin is an ultimate “F U!” to Henson in Milwaukee… He must be a Cowboys fan and was pimpin’ Romo gear earlier this week…
Wesley Matthews – Iron Man! Nice work Blazers social media guys! I’d see that movie… Had a knee injury almost keep him out, but played through it for 18/2/5/1/1 on 6-10 FG (3-5 3PTM 3-4 FT). Doin’ it all!
Damian Lillard – Was a little cold from the field, but snuck in 2 blocks for ya. Nothing too interesting to talk about with the Blazers other than they beat a terrible Heat team. Rip city b##ch, rip rip city b##ch! Where the expletive is “birch”, I just really like those trees there in Portland! Who doesn’t love some trees there in Oregon, amiright?!
RETIRING THE GUESS THE KOBE STAT LINE! – That’s right, we are officially retiring the Guess the Kobe Stat Line. It kinda lost steam, Kobe had to sit some games, and unlike the Old Mamba, we’re going to hang up the sneaks before it gets really bad. Excellent suggestion, Bye Felicia! Kobe would do better in life with you as his agent… So one last game to try predict his stats – as well as a guess to his shots taken as a tiebreaker – and I’ll go 14 shots for 13/6/4 at home against the Magic. The final winner will be revealed Monday, so be sure and get your guesses in Razzball Nation!
Streamers/Cheap Daily League Picks:
Jarrett Jack (46% owned) – “Wahhhhhh, I’m Jarrett Jack! I’m so sad I’m not owned more!” Still out there in over half of Yahoo leagues, and should be a cheap daily play. When you think daily, your eyes immediately go to the Sixers. Ding ding ding!
Lavoy Allen (7% owned) – Lavoy, ya boy! Roy Hibbert is officially listed as questionable right now, but big man fall hard! I’d bet his ankle costs him a few more and Ian Mahinmi is probably a few more out as well with his plantar fascia. So many minutes for ya boy! Should have a nice outing against Bahston.
I hope everyone had a solid Week 11, and we’ll catch ya next Monday. Have a great weekend!
