I may never forgive Corey Maggette for being just good enough that, when he plays 10 minutes and leaves the game with back spasms, I have to mention it. He knows how much I hate mentioning Bobcats! So here it is. Feast you’re eyes on the good news if you’re a Reggie Williams owner (or about seven clicks away from being one! Go! Go!) and bad news if you’re a Maggette owner. Corey Maggette might be the only fantasy-worthy player that can carry your team’s offense for a night and I’d still try to console you for having to own him. And this isn’t just idle fantasy basketball smack talk. Corey and me (besides being a classic after school special about boyhood chums experimenting with each other’s no-no zones) happen to go way back to Oak Park, Illinois, junior high basketball. We were playing on opposite teams. He was pretty awesome even at 12-years-old. But, I managed to steal the ball from him. Stole it right out from under him as he tried to go past me. I immediately threw an outlet pass, which was what I’m calling it now. Back then, I called it the “Holy shizz, I just stole the ball from Corey Maggette! Please, dear Lord, get this thing away from me before he realizes what I’ve done!” pass. I charged up the court not expecting to get the ball back, got it back anyway, went up for a layup only to have my shot blocked so hard by the future Duke star that the damn ball ricocheted off one gym wall, out the door, down the hall, turned the corner into room 105 and sat in one of the empty seats next to all the other kids serving detention. I’ve never liked Corey Maggette since. Drop him. Trade him. Rid yourself of any trace of him. (Or assume that back spasms are not usually a big deal and keep him benched for a game, maybe two, and pick up Williams (6/4/4, with 2 stl last night) in the meantime). So that’s that. Below are some fantasy basketball options I dislike significantly less than ol’ Corey Daze.
Bismack Biyombo – 12/7, with 4 blocks. This was easily the best Charlotte line from last night. I’m telling you this because I know you don’t already know. I know you don’t already know because there are three people on this planet who paid attention to last night’s game between Charlotte and N’Awlins and they were Byron Mullens‘ three dads.
Marco Belinelli – Blows. He scored 12 points from 3 threes and that, mes amis, was it. Let’s just agree that next year, no one talks to this guy.
Kris Humphries – 18 rebounds and a career-high 31 points in 42 minutes. It’s the second time in his last three he’s had at least 20/15. With D-Will and Broke Lopez both out, the Nets may legitimately now be Kris Humphries’ team. His two game losing streak team. /Jordan Farmar’s scoff
Shelden Williams – .692 /.866/10.3 pts/9 rbd/1.3 ast in his last three starts coming into Monday’s game. On Monday, he went 6/3/0, with three fouls because he could feel everyone watchin’ him and it gives him the willies. Sometimes I feel like somebody’s watching me and I realize it’s just Rockwell hoping I have a spare sandwich to offer him.
Ersan Ilyasova – 4/3, in 24 minutes. More like Ilyucksova. … Y’see what I did there?
Taj Gibson – 15/13 double-double, Taj’s second of the season. He also had a block. Time for another sweet-ass invisible blues guitar solo!
Joakim Noah – Returned and drop-kicked a 12/10 double-double to go along with his two steals, three blocks and quintet of dimes. Ten more dimes and you can buy yourself a donut.
Ben Gordon – 12/2/1 last night and he missed all three of his attempts from the arc. Sadly, this was an improvement over Gordon’s 9/2/2 average in six games this month. So that’s odd. Is that odd? I dunno. Is anything that goes on with the Pistons odd anymore?
Derrick Favors – Jefferson might miss the weekend games. Favors is a wise grab. I won’t force it. I’m just asking politely.
Wesley Johnson – 10 3ptm/10 stl/ 7 blk in his last seven games. Most of that didn’t happen last night, but still. I thought you should know. Don’t mention it. Seriously. He’s not very good and I’m 82 percent sure his last seven games are a blip. And when you think about it, as blips go, it’s kind of crappy.
Jared Dudley – Averaging 1.4 3ptm/19 pts/7.7 rbd/1 blk in March so far. This is what we hoped for all season, based on his last month of 2010-11. He’s early as compared to last year, or late as compared to our expectations from earlier this year. He’s just Jared. Love ‘im or leave ’em.
DeJuan Blair – Double-doubled for the sixth time this season (11/12, in 27 minutes). That’s twice in seven games. Settle down. He’s still chunky.
Manu Ginobili – Left in the third quarter. Eso no es bueno. Then again, this was the Wizards. He basically just cut practice a bit short last night.
JaVale McGee – 21/15, with a block. Just when I think JaVale can’t get any dumber, he does something like this … and does NOTHING to change my mind! He scored 10 points four games ago, 12 the game after that, 15 a game ago and 21 last night. Anyone who scored over 600 on their SATs know that this man is scoring 65 his next time out.
DeAndre Jordan – 6/13. Speaking of underperforming block machines: Hylandre Jordan! He had double-digit boards at the half, but still. He’s been underwhelming lately and his blocks have dried up in his last four (0.75 blk).
Mo Williams – Playing well. Scored 21 points whilst draining only one of eight three-point attempts. Did you like the addition of “whilst?” It’s classy.