Ugh, things are drying up faster than Tom Selleck’s avocado farm, that’s for sure!

Maybe it’s the shallower draft class…  Maybe it’s a really long list of aging vets…  Or maybe it’s just that all the guys I like could only fill up my top 65 of so…  But eesh, I really don’t want any of the guys ranked 65 and beyond, and rounding out the top 100 was like trying to sit through True Detective season 2.  Hah, still haven’t seen it, I’m just applying some groupthink there…  Here’s to hoping ESPN and Yahoo botch their pre-ranks and skew some nasty ADPs!  And just throwing it out there to astute re-draft commishes – ESPN and Yahoo’s initial ranks always look pretty poopy before a massive re-adjust closer to the season.  Maybe you can con your league to draft earlier and dominate the ill-informed, non-Razzball reading scrubbos… Here’s the Top 100 for the 2015-16 Fantasy Basketball Season:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Dude, you can’t make a title caps to make the pun work, or else it’s a stupid lazy joke!”  Well, ya know I’m pretty effin’ rusty out here catching back up with Summer Ball and this final batch of free agency moves!  I’m as old and as rusty as Deron Williams, who completed his buyout with the Nets, turned it into piles of gold he buried in his backyard, and will be eating Mulligan’s steak with Mark Cuban.  The rich stay rich, just with the richer!  Wait, did that make any sense?  While D-Will has just as much risk as an active Claymore mine sitting on your desk (and giving it a fourth grade girl), I think I might actually buy in a bit.  He’s in a steady decline, but when looking at his numbers last year, it’s easy to forget he came off the bench for a bit – and his bench numbers were horrific.  As a starter he was 14.3/3.6/7.1 with a steal per and only 2.4 TO.  And interestingly enough – nearly 33 minutes a game while staying [mostly] healthy!  Must be the new bacon and eggs diet.  He shot pretty horrible – sub 40% as a starter – but it was 39.6% vs. 32.3% as a sub.  Couldn’t figure out how to get it done off the pine!  Sounds like a merit badge the Pawnee Rangers would give out.  Moving to Dallas, he’s surrounded by SO MUCH better talent that he should have no problem falling into comparable numbers as his starting days in Brooklyn, maybe even with a few more dimes, a few less TO, and playing as the starter all year (if he stays glued together).  This is likely D-Will’s final chance to be on a winner, and after a very sub-par 14-15 I think he could be a draft day value.  Either that or he’ll be a hot spinning cone of meat!  Here’s what else has gone on in the past week of fantasy basketball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Man, there could not have been a more epic high or more epic low last night comparing our elite facial hair aficionados!  Well of course, #1 is Grey, he looks like the worst player at the Saturday afternoon Y pickup game, then goes for 40/15/15 every time!

The tanking Nugs got absolutely bludgeoned by The Beard last night, with James Harden going 50/10/4/1/0 on 12-27 FG (4-12 3PTM 22-25 FT).  Lay off the fouls, Denver!  Maybe they were like hippie Rastafarians just enamored with his majestic beard, “Oh I must rub your luscious hair, mon!”  Most surprising amongst the odd stats (like scoring 50 whilst shooting under 50%, on only 12 makes, etc.) is that Harden had never scored 50 before!  And Corey Brewer had!  Hah!

Then to the ugly.  Skipping the bad.  Anthony Davis tweaked his ankle in drills yesterday morning and wasn’t able to play.  That might cause some playoff losses this week!  All I can say is that I couldn’t get Brow in any leagues after my contrarian #1 overall rank, so he hath not scorned me!  Maybe burning all his owners late with this one will help him be a discount for me in 15-16.  So what is it, Brow or Beard first in next year’s drafts?!  With the ridiculous emergence of Rudy Gobert and Hassan Whiteside, kinda leaning getting one of those bigs later if given the choice and it’s tipping towards Harden.  7 dimes a game!  Plus scoring 50 every night!  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

H2H Playoffs are here!  But geez, the amount of DNPs for minor injuries and general soreness (General Soreness!) over the weekend was infuriating!  Unless they hit your oppo harder than you, then they were infatuating!  I certainly almost lost a playoff spot to the former…

I guess our main stop on the DNP bandwagon would be the Atlanta Hawks and that darned Coach Butthole.  I imagine we’ll be using that nickname for Budenholzer a ton down the stretch!  The Hawks sat Jeff Teague, DeMarre Carroll and Paul Millsap (who had a nasty 23/9/3/3/3 rainbow Friday) last night, then had Kyle Korver break his nose and have to leave early on top of it.  Korver was already set for a DNP tonight, so there’s that, and Al Horford owners will have to start the week with a DNP-rest.  What a shizz-show!  Which kinda sounds like Szechuan.  Which makes me hungry…  About as hungry as Dennis Schroder looks when he gets starts, ripping apart the Lakers in a 24/3/10 line hitting 7-16 FG (1-5 3PTM 9-11 FT).  Even if you’re not a Teague owner, I think it’s impossible to leave the German on the wire.  It would just improve The Lives of Others!  And Coach Butthole has learned from Pop himself to sit everyone any chance he gets, with that line of thinking infecting the entire league this weekend.  It already feels like the last week of the season, doesn’t it?!  Maybe the playoffs need to start in week 10…  Sheesh…  Here’s what else went down on DNP Weekend in fantasy basketball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, one outta three of the letters in MCW is in efficient…  That makes sense seeing as he usually shoots 33%!

In his debut for the Bucks, Michael Carter-Williams looked solid against his former Sixers for 7/0/8/2/0 in only 17 and a half minutes.  All with only one TO!  Shot 3-5 from the field, did split his two FT, but a mad efficient game in his new colors.  Off the toe sprain, I’m not surprised his minutes were kept in check as the Bucks unsurprisingly took it to the Sixers.  Full tank!  Yesterday on the Podcast, Slim said even a great game wouldn’t have him change his MCW valuation too much, and he’s the logical one.  But I’m antsy and loved what I saw!  I don’t think he’s suddenly the top-50 guy I thought he’d be, but I think he’ll keep the %s in check with that decent MIL supporting cast, and he won’t make you want to kill yourself.  And if that isn’t a ringing endorsement, I don’t know what is…. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Basketball is back baby!  The NBA season returns from the All-Star Break tonight after four-and-a-half months off…  Maybe hyperbolic, but certainly feels that way!

And right as games start, we’ve got the NBA Trade Deadline passing this afternoon at 3:00 PM EST.  That was fast!  We’ve got a big day of trade analysis, with a live post that will go up around 1:00 PM-ish EST and get frequently updated to track all of the last-minute trades as they go down, then a slightly later podcast record time with our special edition Trade Deadline Razzball Basketball Podcast up sometime around 4:00-4:30 PM EST.  It’s all hoops all afternoon!

With these big changes about to ripple through the fantasy hoops landscape, the biggest news from over the break is probably the most anti-climatic – Carmelo Anthony has been officially shutdown.  “3P0 – Shut down all the garbage smashers on the detention level!”  “No! Shut them ALL down, hurry!”  Pretty apt to The Poppycockers shituation, amiright?!  We’ve known Melo was about to be Melba Toast sometime around the break, and now the swift gavel of realism has hit (huh? weird metaphor day!  I’m rusty OK?!).  Langston Galloway, who has probably been picked up in most leagues (and subsequently dropped in some after struggling) should likely be scooped up.  He’s not going to do anything too special, but his career-high in shots (19) was in a Melo-less game and should give you some low-TO guard stats.  Tim Hardaway Jr. also gets a bit of a boost, but he does absolutely nothing beyond score and trey.  Would be a nice, high-minute ThrAGNOF!  But those ain’t got no face…  So I’m not married to Timmy J at all even if he starts hot with Melo now gone.  Here’s what else has gone down since we left for the break:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Who doesn’t remember Remember the Titans?  “If you have to remind people what the joke in the title is from, it sucks JB!”  Thanks ghost of Grey!  I’ll work on improving the rest of the week if you can sneak in and Hollow Man me a mustache ride.

Hard to believe Remember the Titans is so old.  Who woulda thought Will Patton’s annoying ass daughter would be getting torn apart by some monster Russian boxer.  “I must break you.”   And who woulda thought a guy who had bounced around the D league, played in China, barely played in 2011-12 the last time we saw him in the NBA, would break fantasy basketball waiver wires?!  Hassan Whiteside absolutely tore apart the Clippers Klitschko-style for 23/16/0/2/2 yesterday afternoon, in case you missed it and weren’t watching NBA.  Not like there was any other sport with important games on…  Mr. Whiteside hit 10-13 FG and 3-4 FT (although he’s not the best FT shooter), and most importantly started the second half over Chris Andersen.  Birdman had bid flu with a -17 +/- and Whiteside was brightside for +26.  No disparity there!  And somehow Slim’s Heat won.  I’d be very surprised if Whiteside doesn’t start tomorrow against the Lakers, and he’s leap-frogged a lot of the fringy big men.  Alex Len is so then!  Jordan Hill can take a chill pill!  Jusuf Nurkic can… Nope, he’s still Jamba Jus!  Love my smoothies…  But Hassan is likely a must-own in all leagues.  Hopefully you grabbed him yesterday or can this morning, so your bigs can tear apart your opponents Klitschko-style.  Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

…It’s time to dress up right, it’s time to get things started on the muppet show tonight! My man John Henson, is back shoving his hands up muppets’s butts! With 10 blocks in 2 games, Henson is doing his best Pepe the King Prawn impression, blocking balls all over the place. We all know that with Coach Kidd at the helm, the SS Deer is likely to run aground soon, and Henson could easily be a casualty, as he’s not really getting any shot at power forward. But he should be in the line up more, I think I can safely say. And that makes me think of who else I think should be in the line up more in the new year, but isn’t currently, I think. Hmm, that could be a theme. A New Year’s theme…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy New Year’s Eve, Razzball Nation!

May your champagne be stocked, your last night of horrific eating before a New Year’s resolution be gorged, and your lists of things to reflect on be lengthy.  Number one on my list right now is my groin is healthy!  Rough, rough injury for the Charlotte Hornets and fantasy owners’ front lines with Al Jefferson out at least the next month with an adductor strain.  Not that you need it, but Dr. JB is linking a little pic here [FAMILY FRIENDLY!].  Enough groin talk already!

When I heard Big Al was out for a month, I made the same face as Bill Walton’s Basketball-Reference picture…  Lots of shock waves across the Hornets, with Bismack Biyombo likely starting at the 5.  I don’t think he plays 30 minutes a night, but the boards-n-blocks upside puts him into the Rudy Gobert conversation.  Like Gobert, Biyombo won’t be winning a game of knokout anytime soon…  Shooting 44% from the FT line this season, and under 50% in his career.  A big winner here is Marvin Williams, who should be owned in 14ers and worth a bookmark for shallower.  Off 8/14/3/3/0 Monday night, the Hornets are going to move Cody Zeller into a lot of C minutes as the Hornets have no real front-line depth.  Williams hit a couple of treys in that game as well, and as with all Hornets, is in line for a few more shots with Big Al’s 16.3 FGA distributed to the masses.  For deep leaguers, don’t forget about Noah Vonleh who was sent to the D-League recently for a little seasoning.  He’s expected to be called back up momentarily, and as you’d assume with a team losing their best player, the Hornets are likely to fall even further in the Eastern standings.  Vonleh might get some experiential run as the season presses on to develop the 9th overall pick in this year’s loaded draft.  Here’s what else went down last night across the NBA:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We had the first big name get traded this year with Rajon Rondo getting dealt to the Mavs.  It’s a perfect “Shark Tank” deal for Mark Cuban.  It sends a message that the Mavs are going for it this year.  I don’t blame them since Dirk isn’t getting any younger.  I really like this deal for Dallas.  It brings stability to the PG position for Dallas and we seen in the past what Rondo can do with skilled talent surrounding him.  Dallas sure has that.  Plus, Rondo isn’t under contract next year. If it doesn’t work out in Dallas the Mavs aren’t on the hook for any money after this year.  I was surprised they got him so cheap.  Yeah, Dallas sent 3 players in the deal but it’s not like those players were really heavily involved in the rotation for the Mavs.  Also, rumors are the Celtics are already shopping Brandan Wright.  The only thing the Celtics really wanted was the two picks they got in the deal and the $12.9 million trade exception .  The Celtics now have eight first round picks in the next four years.  I’m also curious to see if what Jae Crowder can do if he gets some time.  I really liked his game at Marquette and never felt like he was given a great opportunity in Dallas.  Now the the player to keep your eye is first round pick Marcus Smart with Rodo out of town.  This kid can flat out score but the biggest hurdle is if he can stay healthy.  With all that said, how about we get on with this small 6 game slate: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?