I’m back y’all! It’s gonna be a stunted article, as the season started Tuesday, and I’m writing this on Thursday evening to submit, so please, just be happy for this small sample of what’s to come. Think of it as dessert before dinner. Then more… dessert?

Ok: I have been contacted by a few of you out there , already stressing about your squad (you know who you are, don’t look around the class!) It’s been a few games. Please try to “chill”, as the kids are saying these days. Adopt your Macaulay Culkin stance in the Michael Jackson video, as a baaad mutha…

First and foremost, I council patience. Don’t tinker too much with your squad in the first 3 days, nobody has any idea what’s what in the world of fantasy, too small a slice thus far.  But since I am contractually obligated to come up with something, consider the following as guys to consider, considering what I just asked you to consider:

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Ugh…

So any readers out there grow up in that emo scene or get into any of that stuff at the turn of the century?  I was all about the band Thursday’s CD Full Collapse, and man, listening back to it now is ridiculous!  Even in high school I could make fun of the music that was going on then, talking about how emo bands had a crier.  But Paris in Flames legit sounds like there’s some dude in the corner cry-yelling!  Hey, it beats the Slipnkot dude who’s one job is to bang the trashcan lid…

Where to start with the cryfest?  I think we gotta go with Russell Westbrook, and well, hold a seance for all Thunder fans right now.  Sustained a fracture in his hand last night, and will likely miss about a month.  We’ll know more by later today, but I think OKC should change their uniforms to the Bubble Boy outfits.  Look where that movie took Jake Gyllenhaall!  Kinda hard not to think about picking up Sebastian Telfair, but he’s still behind the Donald Sloan-types.  Shooting up with some medium-term value is Reggie Jackson if his ankle heals up.  I’d look to see if he was dropped in your league, as now he’s a dynamite hold until healthy, as long as it’s not another month for him as well… We still don’t really have a clear picture, so I think Telfair can make a couple starts.

Then the other biggie… My Panthers… I was actually at the game, and man, the amount of angst and frustration in the stands really could’ve been an emo wah-party.  Pop quiz, who had more TOs – Cam or the main Cav?!  Well, it was the main Cav, but we’ll start there and then get into everything else that went down last night in fantasy hoops:

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With the full 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Rankings now complete, let’s take a look at the final 50.  Sean Connery.  Kevin Costner.  Tons of Great Depression-esque costumes.  I’d imagine if you’re in a deep league and looking at the field below with your last pick or two, you’re feeling something like this:

It’s pretty hopeless, as in 12-teamers these are all likely guys you’re merely starring on your watch list post draft.  There’s some questionable talent, some questionable roles, maybe even someone that’ll give you The Grapes of Wrath, but some untapped upside!  Here’s my top 200 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):

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As we head into August, now is a perfect time to take a look back at the free agency period for the upcoming 2014-15 NBA season.

While there is one big name yet to sign (Eric Bledsoe), a few less-intriguing options still on the market (Michael Beasley, Andray Blatche, Kent Bazemore, Jordan Crawford), and another who’s unsure whether he’ll play or retire (Ray Allen), most of the fantasy basketball world knows where guys will be playing this season.  Of course, that still doesn’t include the possibility of Kevin Love finding a new home by the end of the summer, but that could be the subject of an entirely different article.

There is little doubt in anyone’s mind that Love will land in Cleveland, which will make them a huge force in the Eastern Conference — and in the entire NBA.

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Thursday night’s Draft was as exciting as advertised.  Some of the top prospects we’ve seen come around in a while found homes amongst the NBA’s 30 teams — yet, there were very few surprises, outside of maybe Aaron Gordon getting picked No. 4 overall by the Orlando Magic.

Those of us expecting some big trades to go down were also disappointed.  There was really only one trade that didn’t involve a straight swap of picks or previously picked players, and that was D-League phenom Pierre Jackson getting shipped from NOLA to Philly for Russ Smith.

The big trade news around the league came a few days prior to the Draft when the New York Knicks and the Dallas Mavericks announced a blockbuster deal that sent Tyson Chandler and Raymond Felton from the Big Apple to D-Town in exchange for Jose Calderon, Samuel Dalembert, Shane Larkin, Wayne Ellington and two second-round picks, which ended up being Cleanthony Early and Thanasis Antetokounmpo.

Now, how does this affect fantasy basketball owners going forward?

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“Whoa JB, two straight titles with ‘Triple Double’ in em.  You get an F for creativity, ya wank!”  Well, I have an F for you troll commenter!  Hard not to talk about trip dubs, especially when you have only two games and with under ten seconds left the dude hurts himself again.  Monster line from Blake Griffin in the loss to the Mavs, putting up 25/10/11/1/1 on 9-23 shooting, with 7-7 FT.  After missing a game with back spasms, Blake was able to suit up and was no worse for the wear.  For 47:51 that is.  Well, except maybe getting posterized by Brandan Wright.  Bias alert!  TNT didn’t show A SINGLE replay of that dunk.  Say whaaaa?!  Anyway, with under 10 seconds left, Blake took an inbounds pass and rolled his ankle on the court with no contact.  They were down six anyway!  Reminds me of Rob Gronkowski on the special teams and breaking his arm on a PAT up like 30 points.  Eh, maybe not the best comparison, but the game was over!  He said his back is ok and his ankle is fine, he’s just clumsy.  “Clumsy Clara!”  We’ll get more updates throughout the day, but if he has some swelling in that ankle or his back is still jacked when he gets up this morning, we might get a DNP.  Which spells terror for title bids coming into the final weekend for standard leagues.  Spells apocalypse.  Which ironically I found hard to spell for the longest while… The horror.  The horror…  Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:

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Hmmmm, ok, who did you pick in you office “who scores 40 points tonight” pool?  I bet the Vegas odds were… a million to one on Nick Young.  “So you’re saying there’s a chance!”  Too bad Nick Young sucks in fantasy.  You actually have to go back 15 games to find him putting up a 5 in any counting stat other than treys.  The ThrAGNOF fairy strikes again!  Dude went a preposterous 15-26 (6-13 3PTM 4-5 FT) 40/4/1/2/0 and only had one turnover last night.  The Blazers should be ashamed.  I’m pretty sure this game never actually happened, and it was some sort of elaborate April Fool’s joke.  Swaggy P shockingly led the Lakers in minutes off the bench, and with his shoot first, ask questions later attitude, Mike D’Anotni’s rape stache kept curling upwards in facial hair glee.  By the end of the game (and yes, another Lakers loss), D’Anotni’s mustache looked like Rollie Fingers.  Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:

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Fantasy basketball gurus started drooling around the All-Star break: The Atlanta Hawks have a schedule that’s favorable to the fantasy basketball playoffs! Mark your calendars! Set the alarms on your smart phone device thingys!

That’s right, fantasy ballers in search of boards and blocks, this means guys like Pero Antic, Elton Brand, Mike Scott and Mike Muscala will have four games in each of the next two weeks! And they are probably sitting on your waiver wire right now! And that means … uh, hello? Where’d everyone go?

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If Samuel Dalembert was drafted in your league this year, I’m guessing it was late. He was taken 12th in one of my leagues, and in the Razzball Dynasty League he was taken with the 176th pick for $6.

If Gorgui Dieng was drafted in your league this year, I’m guessing it was by a Louisville alum or a native of Senegal. He wasn’t taken in any of my leagues, including the Razzball Dynasty League.

Yet if you had Sammy D. or Dieng on your roster this week, you did very well in your playoff matchup. And if you had both, I’d be willing to wager you won.

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Perhaps the funniest catch phrase I made up with my buddies while watching the NBA through college -“Wahhhhhh I’m Jarrett Jack!” – can be used in so many instances.  It’s like Brian Dennehy’s speech about how versatile the F-Bomb is when he played Bobby Knight in an ESPN movie.  Whomever greenlit that idea, airing a movie with constant F-Bombs on ESPN2, is probably fired.  He’s like, “Don’t fire me!  Wahhhhhhhhh!  Wahhhhhhhhhhh, I’m Jarrett Jack!”  I use this phrase because every time I seem to watch him, he looks so so sad.  And just look at the cover screen grab for the Yahoo recap from the game last night!  So after Kyrie Irving flexed his guns too hard, Jack had three starts of very uninspiring ball.  Mike Brown sat him down and said he needed more from him.  The veteran responded, “Wahhhhhhhhh I’m Jarrett Jack!”   Then last night rolled around with the Knicks rolling out Raymond Felton to play defense.  Seriously, it’s like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with the blueberry chick.  The only difference is Felton actually ate the meals and didn’t chew the LSD-laced gum!  After a minute or two, Felton was winded, and went “Wahhhhhhhh, I have to guard Jarrett Jack!”  Jack lit up the terrible Knicks D for 31/5/10 with a trey and a side of whoopass.  Finally kicking it into gear as the starter, Jack has a four-gamer cooking up for week two of the playoffs, with my eye eagerly on Wednesday at the awful Pistons.  It doesn’t really matter who he’s playing, pretty much a must own.  Of course, in all my leagues where I’m still alive, he was already snatched up.  “Wahhhhhhhhh, I’m Jarrett Jack!”  Here’s what else I caught over the weekend in NBA action:

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