So ya know, sometimes it’s good to be late to the party.  Ya get to seem like you had a lot of more important shizz to do, if it’s lame it won’t matter as much if you dipset early…  If only that principle worked in fantasy analysis!

After a fantastic weekend, the buzz to go and grab Terrence Jones was like a hot party right in its peak.  “New York’s hottest new club is JELLY BONES!  Located on the Lower Upper Side, this random home invasion is the creation of legally drunk clothing designer Nick Nolte and Gabana. As you walk in, you’ll be handed a glass of champagne – or is it piss?”  With the Rockets hesitancy to stretch him out, adding Josh Smith back in the day, and the return of Dwight Howard at some point, I was like, “F that shizz, sounds like a lame sausage party!”  But Houston put TJones in the starting line-up last night, and he went straight Nolte for 15/15/0/1/2 making 6-9 FG.  He’s kinda looked like what the optimistic Kenneth Faried backers were hoping for!  Plus he can hit threes!  Now a must-own in all leagues, and I certainly would be dropping Manimal for him.  That said, when Dwight is back, it might not be as rockin’ as JELLY BONES at midnight.  It could be another month before Dwight is out there though, so TJones my Jelly Bones!  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy NBA action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, it finally happened. The New York Knicks shut down Carmelo Anthony for the season. The news isn’t surprising, especially after he went 6-20 in the All-Star Game on Sunday night. The East players tried their best to get Anthony the ball, but it was clear something was amiss with his jump shot.

On Thursday, Anthony had successful surgery to repair his patella tendon in his left knee. The initial recovery time is around 4-to-6 months, but more will be known about his timeline in the days after the surgery. He’s safe to drop in all redraft leagues.

As mentioned in previous injury posts, Tim Hardaway, Jr. and Langston Galloway become the primary beneficiaries on offense. Someone will have to take the shots that Anthony was accustomed to taking. When starting this season, Hardaway has averaged 14.6 ppg and 2.1 3PTM, while Galloway has averaged 11.6 ppg, 5.6 rpg, and 3.0 apg. Readily available on the waiver wire (22% for Hardaway and 24% for Galloway in Yahoo leagues), these guys can become useful pickups for the playoff run.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[We’ve got the Trade Deadline Podcast up!  Slim and I react to all this hooblah as this post continues to be updated – you can find the Pod the post below this one as well as that link.]

Razzball Nation!

The Trade Deadline is nigh, which is to say, soon.  Can I trade the start of this open with a different one…?  “Did you hear the one about how the Hawks got nothing for the broke ass of Josh Smith last trade deadline?!”  Imagine the Hawks with a lottery pick as well…  I guess as fortune-tellers, they knew they didn’t need anything for Smoove!

The 2015 NBA Trade Deadline will pass at 3:00 PM EST, and up until the closing moments, I’ll be updating this post as each trade moves across my virtual news desk.  Fantasy spins galore!  That’s the younger sister of Pussy Galore…  So be sure to constantly ping that refresh like Goldfinger on Kitco!  Here’s what’s gone down so far:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

From the depth of 90s video games, crossed with the beastly rancor of Joakim Noah (can you use rancor as an adjective?  is that even the right part of speech?!), it’s the Goromotaro!  An epic performance of 20/20 needed a name, but ever since Joakim pulled off a few back in the day, he hasn’t scored 20 points in like… a million years.  Hasn’t yet this year!  Shocking he’s scored double digits in only 2 of the past 19… But I digress…

The way things have looked the past month, Goromotaro might need a name or image change to feature Hassan Whiteside!  Dude is hitting the glass harder than Cheech at a bong-only party.  24/20/0/3/2 last night for his first career Goro.  Not that he hasn’t been close!  Had a 23/16 and a 16/24 in there.  Unreal!  There’s only been 23 20+ board games this year, and Whiteside is two of them and has only 8 starts!  Whiteside has the 7th Goro this year (the others belonging to Kenneth Faried, Zach Randolph, DeAndre Jordan, Andre Drummond, Pau Gasol and… you ready for this…?  Jason Thompson!), and as good as those guys are (well, minus Thompson), I’d put good money on Whiteside being the first with multiple.  He’s also 73% from the stripe his past 13 games!  Getting a little unreal out there, and the 4 TO last night were very fluky – especially one on an inbounding violation that was totally Norris Cole‘s fault.  Cole tried handing it back to Whiteside after he tossed it in during an odd, weird lack of awareness that cost the Heat the game!  I’m pretty sure it was a play ran to perfection from the Larry Drew playbook…  Here’s what else went down last night across the NBA:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hard to believe Steve Carell, half of The Ambiguosuly Gay Duo, is now an Oscar nominated actor in Foxcatcher.  That kind of ascension is bigger than a promotion from the D-League and turning into a fantasy superstar like the Hassanity!  I would say it’s about as miraculous as Brad Stevens finally getting some sense slapped into him…

We figured it would happen at some point, but the Marcus Smart reign as the Celtics starting PG appears to have begun.  Smart actually led the C’s in minutes with 37 in a 13/4/3/2/0 line.  It’s nothing too flashy, but with the role finally bequeathed unto Smart we can finally stop calling Stevens a queef.  Well, maybe not, because the Celtics coaching staff continues to mismanage Smart’s role, relegating him into a 3-point camping PG.  It’d be like trying to turn Robin Lopez into a good player!  Doesn’t make any good basketball logic…  Smart shot 3-9 last night, with 2-7 being treys.  A fantastic slasher at OK State, Stevens continually hammers this square peg into a round hole.  They had the same problem when they tried to make the R-rated version of the Lego movie!  Everything was not awesome…  If Smart is still available in your 12er, now is the time to go ahead and hop on board.  The FG% might not be awesome either, but I think he’ll fall into enough dimes and swipe enough to be usable.  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Woooo-ie!  When I think about why I’ve had such a bad past four weeks, it became easy to forget just how good Kawhi Leonard is!  My deep league REL squad (20 team, 340 players owned) couldn’t handle the loss and I went into a Nicolas Cage Leaving Las Vegas tailspin of drinkery.  But I’m back baby!  Unfortunately not with Elisabeth Shue though…

Hitting the glass harder than a Coloradoan at a dispensary, Kawhi gobbled down 15 boards in a 17/15/3/2/1 line hitting 6-13 FG, three treys and 2-2 FT.  All is right with the world!  No fear in that hand, and no other Spurs player had more than 5 boards.  Box out, Jamba Jus!  I’ve been a big Kawhi fan his whole career, and I’m still eagerly awaiting the day Pop decides he will finally run Kawhi for 35 MPG.  Hasn’t gotten to 31 in his three games back from the hand injury, and while the minutes are up this year, it’s still only 32 MPG on the season.  Give him the Jimmy Butler treatment!  And then we’re talking some no-brainer first round shizz.  Maybe the big workload will happen once the vets are gone and Pop will be forced to play his superstar, but maybe Pop likes playing his hockey line changes.  At least we can look back on Tim Duncan who was playing 39 MPG his first 6 seasons.  Let the stars play!  Either way, it’s just good to have Kawhi back.  Here’s what else went down on a short night of NBA action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The race to see who will be the biggest historical figure from NYC named Langston!

In his first career start, another D-League darling in Langston Galloway had a career-high 21 points in a 21/5/3/0/0 line hitting 8-14 FG and 3-6 from deep.  Probably the best stat from yesterday is that the Knicks are undefeated in Galloway starts.  Kid doesn’t know how to lose!  Starting a little bit out-of-position at the 2 guard, the Knicks seem intent on giving him minutes and seeing what they have.  He played 31 yesterday to Jose Calderon‘s 23 minutes of rock-bottom garbage and Shane Larkin only popped up for 15.  Definitely going Galloway over Larkin, I was on that side of the argument even last week, but is it crazy to roll the dice on Langston over terrible-aroni Calderoni?  I would probably take Galloway unless a desperate need for assists-upside.  Plus Calderon makes perfect sense as a trade candidate given the Knicks’ direction.  Notice how I said Knicks.  And not Poppycockers.  Because they won a game!  I’m giving our New York readers a day of respite…  Keep the losses coming, Knicks, I wanna keep doling out the Poppycockers joke the rest of the year!  Here’s what else has gone down since we last checked in on Friday in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After celebrating Ohio State’s National Championship on Monday, LeBron James returned to the Cleveland Cavaliers lineup on Tuesday. He picked up right where he left off, scoring 33 points, grabbing 7 rebounds, and dishing out 5 assists following a two-week break due to knee and back issues. The Cavaliers still lost the game, but fantasy owners won’t care about the Cavs’ record as long as James continues to put up lines like that.

James looked healthy and explosive, especially on these dunks. He wasn’t on a minutes restriction, as he saw 37 minutes of court time. James’ return pushes Mike Miller back to the bench, but he wasn’t providing much in starter’s minutes anyways.

While Miller moved back to the bench, J.R. Smith put up 29 points in his third start for the Cavs, after scoring 4 and 27 points in his two previous starts. It’s clear that Smith can still score in bunches on any given night, but expect the inconsistency to continue, as he is the fourth option on offense. There are just not enough shots to go around when you’re starting alongside Kevin Love, Kyrie Irving, and LeBron James.

Now that J.R. Smith is teammates with Shawn Marion, perhaps Smith will stop trying to untie Marion’s shoes.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After a tough groin injury, we really weren’t sure how long DeMar DeRozan would be Frozen.  “Let it go!  Let it go!  Blah dee, blah dee, blah…”  Trying to reach out to our younger readers.

DD is back and immediately entices with immense cleavage!  Younger readers, alienated.  DeRozan returned after missing a month and a half/21 games for a very solid 20/4/4/1/1 game hitting 9-14 FG.  It was against the soon to be relegated Sixers, so there’s that, but this is mighty encouraging.  In a game where Toronto didn’t need him at all, he started, got 29 minutes, and looks healthy for the stretch run.  Toronto letting the DD out!  I bet chicks aren’t letting the DD out this time of year in Canada, sheesh it’s cold in NC!  Lots of ripples with DeRozan back out there.  The biggest is it looks like James Johnson can go in several leagues, as sad an epitaph as it is…  Played only 15 minutes for 5/2/2/0/0.  Some of that was probably matchup based since the Sixers backup depth is in guards (and Amir Johnson played well), but it’s a swift death.  Terrence Ross also played only 18 minutes as the starter and scored 2 Pts without doing anything else.  Ross is barely 16-teamer worthy now, as one of the deepest lineups in the NBA is healthy top to bottom.  The Raptors bench could probably contend for a playoff spot in the East.  Well they’d have to replace Tyler Hansbrough.  I think one of those inflatable flailing arms things has more ball skills than Psycho T…  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Totally off the wagon!  My sobriety is over.  On my bender this weekend, I ate a roasted chicken off the bone for dinner, lost my voice yelling trying to talk to Germans, tried to order steak at a carnival stand, and woke up the next day hating life.   Well, that was actually my time at Oktoberfest, but more or less the same thing!

We all know how much I love Kentavious Caldwell-Pope.  He’s probably my most talked about fantasy player since last season that hasn’t fully broken into 100%-owned fantasy relevance.  And of course, after a slow start and swearing him off – with me finally admitting to my KCP obsession – he turns it back around culminating in another fantastic line against OKC for 19/3/5/1/0 shooting 6-12 FG (1-5 3PTM 6-7 FT).  Did have 3 TO, but one was a very questionable charge on a nasty layup in transition.  I think Kevin Durant took it – MVP call!  In the finale last year, KCP went 30/6/0/2/1 on 11-19 shooting with 5 treys against OKC.  Slim – how many times have I brought up that game now?!  I worked Yahoo highlights on that one when my company did them last year, so harkening to the memories of that 30-burger is like reliving your ultimate drug trip.  “The trees were melting into the sky!”  So of course seeing him rip apart OKC once again has my teeth grinding more than a cokehead stranded in Antarctica.

KCP’s got steals in 9 of 10 games now, his TO rate is fantastic (3 was a season high yesterday – averaging 1.0 TO a game before last night), but I’m recently liking how much more he’s getting involved inside the perimeter.  Through the first 15 games, 47.4% of KCP’s shots were 3s, but through the last six, 35 of his 80 shots were treys taking it down to 43.8%.  And in that time his USG% (estimate of the percentage of team plays used by a player while he was on the floor) – something I don’t look at too, too often – jumped from 18% those first 15 games, to 20.3% not including yesterday.  I watched a lot of last night’s game, and he was more involved in the O than any other Pistons game I’ve seen all year – and due to my addiction, it’s been a lot.  While it was yet another loss, they still gave OKC a run for their money – given the Thunder studs are still shaking off some rust.  So I’m back to being a KCP addict!  Let’s hope this doesn’t start impacting my work and ruining my relationships…  I won’t go rehab again!  Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?