NBA TV will now take you live to the 2030 NBA Hall of Fame induction ceremony, where legendary Miami Heat center Hassan Whiteside is taking the podium …
“Thank you friends, family, Crockett, Tubbs, members of the Miami Sound Machine not named Gloria Estefan, and all of you who came out today. And what an honor it is for me as a basketball player to have the all-time great and fellow Hall of Famer Chris Bosh presenting me here tonight. I kind of wish we hadn’t drank a whole case of Bosh’s “Make It – Take It” Dogfish Head beer last night, but dang that’s some good stuff! In all seriousness though Chris, I love you like a father, like a big daddy praying mantis. You’re the best.
I’ve been a King, a Bighorn, a Viper, a Blue Whale, a Monkey King and a Grizzly… I’ve been Energy, Heat and part of a Skyforce and a Thundering Herd. I’m proud of every organization I’ve played for. No I’m not. But still those are some pretty wacked names eh? A lot more exciting than “Warriors, Lakers, Bucks,” amIright?
When I started thinking about what I would say on this momentous occasion, I sifted through the many memories … playing with Bosh and Dwayne Wade … escaping Sacramento, aka DeMarcus Cousins’ Crazy Town Express, averaging a double-double in my breakthrough 2014-2015 campaign … making ten straight all-star games starting in 2015-2016. Winning the 2020 NBA title with my homeboy Jahlil Okafor – shout-out Jah! And thank you Sam Hinkie, you moron! Your 10-year rebuilding program in Philadelphia really worked wonders for Miami and every other team that poached your frustrated young players.
Actually, thinking back to that ’15-’16 season, that was really the start of it all for me. I remember how fantasy ballers doubted me. Maybe it was because I had been a late second-round pick of the Kings in 2010, then ended up in the D-League, Lebanon, China, Lebanon, China and the D-League again. Then after busting out of nowhere to put up 11.8 ppg, 10.9 rpg and 2.6 bpg in 48 games in 2014-2015, I had kind of a meh preseason the next year, kind of slipped in fantasy drafts and didn’t really have a great first two games of the season. The whole fantasy world freaked and I was sold low by dumb owners everywhere!
Please, blog, may I have some more?