Oh man. Am I sorry if anyone had to watch Battle: Los Angeles last night. I hated that movie and actually would rather have watched that again than the atrocity in Staples. Reggie Miller was having so much fun dogging that game. I was saying that it was like watching an All-Star game at the office, then either Miller or Kerr then said the same thing! Followed by, “well, except all the All-Stars are on one team!” Lakers burn! El Burro, I hope you’re around, because I’d love a rant from this game from a true Lakers fan. Sure there have been worse NBA blowouts, but man, that was straight up Cornell going on the road to Wichita State. Even that would be a lot better to watch! I’m not taking much to heart fantasy-wise in the 48-point romp of blue/red over yellow/purple, but my main takeaway was that Kendall Marshall still got a 7/4/7 line in 24 minutes and Jordan Farmar was awful in his 21 minutes. I’m a big Farmar hater, and think Marshall is actually a little underrated right now. Marshall as we all know was playing well in big minutes earlier in the year, and I think can get back to the 30ish range. And even if he falls short of that, the dimebags will afloweth like a Denver dispensary. Cash cow business for the Girl Scout cookie industry as well! Probably should’ve had a few Girl Scouts paroling the Staples Center last night. ”Eat your pities away, Lakers fans!” ”A peanut butter delight won’t disappoint you at all!” Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’ve seen it time and again in this year of NBA action, which has looked more like an episode of “E.R.” wrapped inside a scene from “Grey’s Anatomy” inside Nurse Jackie’s scrubs than it has the FAN-tastic exhibition of athletic excellence constructed by now-ex-commish David Stern.
The injury domino effect has wreaked havoc everywhere in real life, wrecking players’ seasons, sending some teams into tank mode while helping other teams tank.
In the fantasy world, the impact of these boo-boos has been equally killer for some owners and the big ones don’t even need to be listed. You all know ‘em.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Man, that title seems all sorts of wrong… But what is right is Nikola Vucevic returned to action last night For a solid 16/10 dub-dub in only 20 minutes. Efficiency! Shot 6-12, 4-4 from the stripe and added a few steals. Very encouraging return for a guy people were dismissing since he had no timetable from the concussion. Concussions can really jack ya up, but hopefully you stayed true on your course to the playoffs and have a dynamic top-20ish big man. Of course the Magic now have lost value in other places, with Big Baby going 5/4/4 in 32 minutes, Arron Afflalo looking like the scrub I’ve said he was all year (still think his 20+ PPG is one of the most preposterous stats this year) and Tobias Harris temporarily moving to the bench. Although T Dawg isn’t Walking Dead (going 9/11/3/1/1 in 37 minutes), he shot like a stiff going 2-8. Afflalo is still a sell as soon as you can, Davis a drop, and hope you bought low on Vuc while there was a window open. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last night was a doozy. Flummoxing. I actually had to look up flummoxing to be sure it worked. And it does! But there are numerous things that aren’t working for the Kings, mainly Rudy Gay‘s Achilles and DeMarcus Cousins‘ ankle. Gay actually wasn’t “Leon” down in pain like DeMarcus after DMC fully rolled his ankle, but neither sounds like any sort of fun. With Cousins, the diagnosis is a “moderate sprain” and I gotta say, a big near 300-pounder putting all his weight on an ankle the turns 90 degrees the wrong way doesn’t sound moderate. Moderate maybe in the sense that the dude in 127 hours only had to “moderately” scratch his arm to get free! I’d expect at least a few weeks. But, “I’m not a doctor, I’m a pool man!” Then there’s Gay’s Achilles which you could see in his face he was in bad pain and exited pretty quick, albeit under his own power. We all saw Kobe Bryant limp off under his own power with the torn Achilles, so this one is definitely a hold-your-breath injury. The obvious immediate add in most formats is Derrick Williams, who I kinda disregarded when he was acquired, but now is in a “you-better-be-able-to-score-a-lot-because-we’ll-need-it” starting role. Solid 22/11/1 with three treys last night in 40 minutes of duty. Just added him in one league for the ice cold Terrence Ross for example. Ross is like, “hey don’t blame me, it’s this effin’ weather!” Yes – I narrate my fantasy teams. Someday soon I hope to put on a finger puppet show. Here’s what else I saw last night in a wild evening of fantasy action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Bulls are a lot like the Tanner children. Whatever the hell the name of the youngest the Olsen Twins played is Derrick Rose – all sorts of famous but now all sorts of a mess. The middle one is Kirk Hinrich. Because as soon as he’s not on the Bulls anymore, he’s gonna become so irrelevant that even Tom Thibodeau will forget who he was the next season. Which leaves us with D.J. who is obviously – D.J. Augustin. I mean, Bob Saget should’ve just stopped at the first kid! Well I guess there’s still upside with the youngest one. This metaphor is tanking JB! I feel as if you readers are starting profanity-laced rants thus far. Just like Bob Saget’s stand-up “act”! Hey-oh! So Hinrich got hurt yet again last night, doing something to his hammy. It’s almost as if you can predict injuries! Part of my gravitation to D.J. was not only how well he was fitting with the team, but how brittle Captain Kirk is. I would make a Star Trek parallel, but it’s TNG or nothing, son! Besides, the TV show metaphors are a strong 0/1 this morning… Augustin is in line for huge run and in 37 minutes last night went 27/4/4 with 5 threes. I expect pretty high-teen scoring and 6-8 dimes a night with a couple of treys while Hinrich is out, then maintaining the starting role when Hinrich is back with minimal dropoff. More-or-less a must own in all leagues, and I’ve been Bull[hah!]ish on him all along. Hopefully you’ve scooped him up and held on to him. Here’s what else I saw in fantasy hoops on a busy day of MLK action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
No no no, that’s not some sort of euphemism for not flushing… Victor Oladipo had a unreal game last night, almost giving the Magic enough to beat the Bulls in tres overtime. I watched this game and was making all sorts of Oladipo highlights slashing to the rim. Ended up with a 35/4/8/3/1 line shooting 15-24 with a trey. Career-high alert! And it wasn’t due to the minutes (58), he only scored 2 in the 3 OTs I believe. Did boost his dimes by a few though… A guy I was extremely steadfast about holding onto and buying low is paying out your quarterly dividends. Well, it would be more like bi-weekly dividends, but if a stock did that I want in! The 8 TOs last night was a bugaboo, but just part of VO’s game. He’s going to continue to get these big minutes and touches for the duration. Pumped to see him finish out his rookie of the year campaign. Here’s what else I saw in a busy night of NBA hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Man… It just hasn’t been the best few years for Kris Humphries… The divorce. The loss of a starting job. Traded as a dump to Boston. But he’s actually been a pretty decent fantasy player lately, including getting a surprise starting nod last night, fairly under-the-radar. Unfortunately, none-a-dat-matters when watching last night’s game! Man, talk about lucking out with the games I got this week, as I had Yahoo highlights for the Celtics at Clippers, and the now-infamous “Welcome to my Poster” dunk. Just dirty from Blake Griffin. If you didn’t see where I cut the highlight, right after Ralph Lawler says “over, and over, and over…” it cuts back to Humphries who gives the easiest to lip read F bomb you could imagine. Hilarious! I lost my cookies all over the office. I shoulda put “And-one” on the highlight too, but my face melted. Getting back to fantasy, Blake can have his own poster this year, producing at a great rate and a great pick even for the unknowledgable NBA fan in your league who reached for him for the highlights. As I mentioned a month or so back, Griffin has been really good this year capped off with a 29/6/8/2/0/highlight of the year line last night. He showed us why fantasy hoops is underrated in the fantasy community. It beats football by actually requiring skill and not small-sample luck, and gives us the best highlights to shove it in the face of baseball. ”Oh look, I had Ryan Howard on my team and he actually hit a homer, look at this moon shot!” ”Pssshhhh, I had Blake in today and look at him murder Kris Humphries!” (full disclaimer I love fantasy baseball). Enjoy the ride if you nabbed Blake. Here’s what else happened last night in the NBA:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve got a great idea for a horror movie. This giant dude with a disheveled afro walks into various fast-food franchises and just stomps on everyone and gives them sub-90 sanitation grades. We’ll call it, “Andrew Bynum: Franchise Killer!” Dum, domp, dumb! Aka, the sounds Bynum makes when he talks. Oh man, Cleveland hasn’t been this happy since the Cavs beat LeBron and the Heat a couple years ago in Cleveland. And all this does for Bynum is get him moved to another team so he can be waived for a salary dump. I wish I dumped salary! No not celery! Anyway, the Bulls shipped off Luol Deng in their own celery dump (too many Chicago dogs) to Cleveland, while receiving some draft picks in full rebuild mode. Hey, if they don’t make the playoffs then no one has to berate Derrick Rose about his knee! What was Rose thinking saying he might try to come back… I’ve never been a big Deng fan, perils of being in tar heel country, and moving to a team with a lot of shooters (Kyrie Irving) and ball hogs (Kyrie Irving), I think Deng’s fantasy value takes a hit. Sure Deng still played well with a healthy Rose, but it’s just not a situation where I see Deng being as solid a fantasy guy with C.J. Miles and Dion Waiters also shoot first guys on the wing. And you can kiss the 7 boards a game goodbye with Tristan Thompson and Anderson Varejao pullin’ em down. I wouldn’t panic and give Deng away, but that’s just my take. Here’s what else I saw from last night in fantasy basketball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
PGs depth suddenly overfloweth from the wire, with a lot of guys on their choppers… chopping(?) their way onto fantasy squads. Listen, I would make some sort of better parallel with that show, but I haven’t gotten to it yet. Takes a lot of effort to plow through a show! I friggin’ had to stop the new Arrested Development in season 4. Yikes. And speaking of arrested development, the Clips sure got a buster when Chris Paul went down with a separated shoulder Friday night, and through a series of updates will be out “up to six weeks.” The trainer asked Paul if he was filing for divorce with his shoulder, but nah, just separated. Huge blow to the Clippers, but it was a “rush to your nearest internet device” moment for fantasy owners to add Darren Collison. On Friday night, in JB’s RCL 2 I missed out, then when deciding who to drop for him in RCL 1, I missed him by about 10 seconds. Thank’s a lot Your Mom Says Hi! A Hill ‘O Beans bout to be refried! Yeah, terrible smack talk, I know… If you’re not checking out the comments every night, all sorts of updates get fantasy spins throughout the evening, like El Burro breaking the news while watching his Clips’ title hopes get separated. I like Collison a lot, and unless you singularly need assists, I like him over the other big breakout PG from the weekend. I think he gives you 16/3/6/2 a game until Paul is done with marriage counseling. The 35 minutes he’ll play a night should make those numbers pretty realistic. Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in hoops action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back from Thanksgiving! After a week of indulgent eating, I’m back with an extra 20 lbs of writing weight. Those drumsticks went right into my index fingers. So I didn’t learn the typical QWERTY typing method, sue me! I taught myself how to type in “Olsen Twins Turn 18 Countdown” chat rooms when I was in middle school… Fantasy hoops had a ton go down through the Turkey Day holiday, although Omer Asik wasn’t traded to the Magic for Hedo Turkoglu. Now that would’ve been a Turkey Day! Of all the things that went down, I am positively giddy for the run Patrick Beverley is about to give us with Jeremy Lin set to miss two weeks with a knee strain. Thanks in part to Slim’s water torture, I’m a big Beverley believer for some real mulit-cat upside. Early returns started slow, with PBev going 7/2/2/2/0 the game Lin got hurt during the first quarter, then only 5/4/1/0/0 in 24 minutes on the Friday night. But on Saturday against the Spurs, 11/6/5/3/1 no turnovers and three treys. ”Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Thanks Maury Ballstein. Even though PBev isn’t a focal point of the offense, I buy the peripheral stats, and a must-have addition to your own “Balls Models” squads. Steals, boards a-plenty, with some dimes and out-of-position blocks will floweth like a river. Or Slim’s water torture device. You said you weren’t into S&M! This is my fantasy update writing of shame… Here’s what else I saw since we last checked in:Please, blog, may I have some more?