This year’s fourth overall pick, Tristan Thompson, has some growin’ to do. He’s going to need to learn to distribute the ball at least a little better. In five games, he’s amassed two dimes. Two dimes in 10 days. That’s less than my great grandfather made selling a day’s worth of newspapers. Ah, the 1900s. So many outdoor toilets! Admittedly, I’ve now forgotten what we were talking about. Thompson! Got it. It’s games like Tuesday’s that show how capable he is of doing damage. In just over 24 minutes, he was the Cavs’ third-best scorer with 16 points. He also added nine boards (five offensive, which was three more than the entire Bobcats’ starting roster had), two blocks and no turnovers. He’s still super rough, but he’s averaging over two blocks a game and doing it quite efficiently. Give this rookie your time, then give him your minutes if you’re pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down. Now put it back down. It’s there for a reason. And don’t pick up any of the rest of these players. Unless you want your fantasy team to improve, that is.
Josh Howard – Left the game early with a left quad injury. In other news, water is wet.
Devin Harris – … Then Harris left the game with a left calf injury. Grab Earl Watson for as long as Harris is out (or Alec Burks, for as long as Watson is owned) and then draft a letter to Utah’s training staff asking them to stop massaging just the right sides of all the Jazz players.
Wes Matthews – Started the season solid enough, averaging 15 pts/5 rbd/ 1 ast, with 1.4 stl and 1.8 3ptm, but he’s taking too many off-balance shots and long twos and shooting .431 on the season.
Boris Diaw – 5/2/3 in 23 minutes on Sunday to go along with 0/5/2, in 18 minutes last night. More like BOOris DiAARGH! You didn’t really think he’d average nearly a triple-double all season, did you?
Byron Mullens – 14/4, with 2 blks in 18 minutes. I wouldn’t own him. It’s not like fantasy rewards owners who can piece together the most random hot streaks from unknown players. … What’s that? That’s very much whom fantasy basketball rewards? Well, still. Not this fella.
Kemba Walker – Played 11 minutes through the first three quarters, missed all five of his shots. Played an extra two minutes in the fourth and went 1-for-1. Progress! Just kidding. This rookie is certainly not making progress.
Bismack Biyombo – 8/5, 2 blk in 21 minutes. Dude could use a few more mpgs and the Bobcats could stand to follow the Buzz Lightyear-inspired gameplan: “to fit-in-em-pee-gees … and Biyombo!”
Mike Conley – Returned. Say goodbye to Pargo
Richard Hamilton – Sat out his second game with a groin injury. Hamilton dressed for last night’s game and Ronnie Brewer has produced about as much as an adult man with a 13-year-old’s name possibly could be expected to. Stand pat. Rip will be back soon.
Isaiah Thomas – 15/5/3 in garbage minutes, which makes sense seeing as how garbage minutes are otherwise defined as “minutes in which Isaiah Thomas can be found on the floor.”
Jimmer Fredette – 17/3/1, with a quartet of threes. See Thomas’ blurb about 1/8 of an inch above, but scrape off some of the snark. This is Jimmer. Respect.
DeMarcus Cousins – Showed up to the gym before the rest of the team left the hotel. Came off the bench and ended with 4/8, with a block. I can see this situation gradually dying down and Cousins returning to the starting lineup, but probably not for at least a few more games. Remember last season when DMC started the first five games of the season, then came of the bench or the next 12, returned to the starting five for nine games, came of the bench for three more, and then basically started for the rest of the season? Yeah. There’s a precedent.
Chase Budinger – Sank four treys on his way to 14 points. He’s averaging 15.5 and 3.5 3ptm in his last two. Just in time for me to have announced him dead. Now Budinger is dead to me twice.
Courtney Lee – Hurt his Achilles and was hauled off the court. He was a deep league stash only, so it doesn’t really matter for anyone except Terrence Williams, who stands to gain from the scraps not taken by Lee.
Andrew Bogut – Missed the game for personal reasons. Drew Gooden stepped in for personnel reasons. Considering Gooden went 24/12 in 36 minutes, monitor how many more games Bogutron will miss and stream accordingly.
Stephen Jackson – Caught a case of the “can’tshoots” and went 5-for-17 from the floor and only 1-for-7 from the arc. Eesch, it just doesn’t get much worse than that … /takes a sip of water
Brandon Jennings – … /Watches as Jennings shoots 4-of-19 and misses all seven of his three-point attempts, then swallows the sip of water because spitting it out in surprise is a child’s comedy convention.
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