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I was waiting for the Orlando game to end for hours, then realized the final score was 78-61. 61 points? You may have been duped into thinking this was a women’s basketball score, and though I think Britney Griner could drop a double nickel on these flunkies, these were men on the hardwood, allegedly. Not only do I enjoy watching cradle balls, I very much want her to give birth to my child one day. That’s all I have to say about that. I’ll mention E’Twaun Moore, who finished with 18 and 2,  as I’m legally obligated to mention a player from each team so there you go. If Nelson is out for any length of time or becomes more seriously injured down the road, I suppose Moore could put up bearable numbers. You guys ever imagined Rosie O’Donnell getting drilled by Ellen sporting a strap on? No? Well I have, and it gives me the exact same sickening feeling as when I glance at Orlando’s roster. Yuck……. Let’s move on to some less disturbing events from last night’s games.

Spencer Hawes - 21 points and 14 boards. Spence makes my list yet again, and my sources have informed me he’s celebrating the accomplishment with 4 Lebanese hookers. He’s no Greg Oden, but he still gets the task accomplished. A mix between ‘Big Country‘ and Ryan Anderson, Hawes is a revelation to the game of basketball and fantasy owners have an obligation to grab him off waivers or  trade for.

P.S. Please tell me you watched that heartfelt tribute to one of the greats, Bryant ‘Big Country’ Reeves. I miss you Big Country. I miss you more than you’ll ever know.

DeAndre Jordan- 7 points, 22 boards. How can you play 40 minutes and only take 4 shots? Adding on the fact that the Kia spokesman and CP3 didn’t play makes it even more befuddling. Jean shorts really are dead. Don’t give them to good will. Just burn them. Back to Jordan: Back to life. Back to reality. This young behemoth did more work on the glass than Joaquin Phoenix on a serious bender. Now, if he could just score a few more baskets as next time I won’t show such mercy……… AM I NOT MERCIFUL!!!!?!??!

Martell Webster- 21 points, 5 boards, 3 dimes. This Seattillite’s numbers have been catching my eye the past few weeks, but I was scared twas a fluke. Tis not. Maybe pick him up…….Or not. Either way, this brothers got soul, and I’m on the train. Come on and ride it.

Nate Robinson- 19 points, 5 rebounds, 9 assists, and 3 steals. Who the hell needs Derrick Rose?? What puzzles me on a nightly basis, is how no other team even wanted to give ‘Nasty Nate’ a job. In desperation, he was considering moving over to the NFL. I’d give my left nut to see this freak of nature locking down the slot in the league. Unfortunately for me, this kid belongs in the NBA. If no franchise offers Robinson a job to start next season, I may start a holdout of my own and refuse to write, until he’s back doing what he does best. Nobody would care? I’m a terrible writer? You hope my chicken dies? Yea, FU man. FU.

Roy Hibbert- 6 points, 9 boards, 1 block. The max contract man continues to disgrace himself on an almost nightly basis. This contract is making Greg Oden’s decision to take full nude shots in his mirror look like a smart idea. Not only is Oden’s wang referenced weekly in my posts, it’s referenced multiple times in my weekly posts. Double kudos to big Greg.

Vlacheslav Kravstov- This Pistons center looks to be a future star in this league. Wait, I thought that was Andre Drummond’s name translated to Russian. WHO THE F##K IS THIS GUY???? Joe Dumars sure does know how to build a winner.

Amar’e Stoudemire- 20 points and 3 boards. An afterthought no more, Stoudemire is playing with the intensity of a rabies crazed wombat, and stuffing more hole than ‘The Governator’ on a steroid and cialis cocktail. His field goal percentage is the stuff legends are made of. The Knicks could be a problem and Amar’e could make your fantasy team a problem in the fantasy playoffs. Real recognize real. Amar’e, have your people call my people. We’ll do lunch. Something classy like ‘The Olive Garden’ or ‘Red Lobster.’

Bismack Biyombo- 2 points, 9 boards. I take back anything positive I ever wrote about this Ru Paul clone. Feel free to drop in the gutter. Do you think Michael Jordan has looked in the rule book to see if a compensatory draft pick is awarded for the disappearance of foreign former first round draft pick? And could you blame him? He’s no Saleh, that’s for sure. Great movie by the way.

Mario Chalmers- 3 points and 2 assists. When you start on a team that includes 4 future hall of famers, Tehol expects more out of you. To not even be a serviceable fantasy point guard is outright flabbergasting.

Serge Ibaka- 12 points and 5 boards. The most underrated player in the NBA, no question. Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m Iblocka’s biggest fan. I fully expect him to go on a big time fantasy run to close the reason. Trade for him if you can. Of course, run the trades by me first as we wouldn’t want you to get swindled now would we? That was a rhetorical question, but I’m still going to answer it. No we don’t. Happy now? You hate me? Cool. Whatevs. Find me on Twitter, and we can hash this out.

Dirk Nowitzki- 10 points, 3 boards, and 3 assists. It’s looking more and more like Dallas is ready to throw the towel in on the season and offer DaaaaWight Howard everything his little(very very little) heart desires, in the offseason. If Cubes has to get a little jiggy with it and pay a little extra under the table, then so be it. Cubes, do what you do playa.

Wesley Matthews- 22 points and 5 assists. Portland has a nice starting five and Matthews is not often talked about, but he’s a solid player and these type of numbers are feasible for him on any given night. His agent tweeted me and asked why I never shouted  Wesley out on Razzball. There you go bud. Now that half-pound of Portland sticky-icky-icky better be at my doorstep in the next 3-5 business days or I’m going back and deleting this.

Alexey Shved- 8 points, 3 assists and a steal. Keep seeing this guy’s name mentioned. Not sure why.

Jason Thompson- 23 points and 10 boards. So this is why Thompson was a lottery pick a few years back eh? It’s always nice when you have a horrible team and you draft a power forward in the lottery, then hardly play him. Of course, I’m writing about T-Rob, the cunning young former Jayhawk. J-Thomp, Tehol’s got nothing but love for you baby, but you need to be a backup on a contender. We want to see Robinson. Keep up the good work though. Your fantasy owners are the only humans on earth that know you exist.

Alec Burks- 14 points, 3 boards and 4 assists. If Burks keeps this up, he may be one of the first athletes in line to tag the Kardashians little sisters when they come of age.

That’s it for this week, compadres. As always, your questions will be answered in a timely manor and you now have the ability to comment through Facebook, which is quite splendid if you ask me. I know you guys are sharing and tweeting all of our articles out of love for the site. RIGHT!?!? You don’t have facebook? You’re kidding right? You’re that guy or girl? It’s cool. I suppose I understand. I was forced to delete mine due to inappropriate photographs involving my chicken and I along with drug paraphernalia. You are not alone my friends. You are not alone. Peace and good tidings.

From Around The Web

  1. Zandy says:
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    Repost: I give Amir Johnson and Beasley for Mullens and Earl Clark? Thoughts?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zandy: beaz had been playing well as of late but I must admit I’m not sold on earl the pearl. Pretty even trade

      • Zandy says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Who are the best two players in the deal in your opinion? Amir and Mullens?

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Zandy: Clark has been playing like a monster. Like him and beas better at this point than amir and the big boys for raptors are coming back though barnani may be gone soon. If you feel it, pull the trigger. you have my support good sir

          • Zandy says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: So which two would you roster out of the following:
            Amir
            Earl Clark
            Beasley
            Mullens
            IT2
            Randy Foye
            Shawn Marion

            • Tehol Beddict

              Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Zandy: If you need a center, then go Mullens but I like earl clark and Beasley/amir

              • Zandy says:
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                @Tehol Beddict: Does your opinion change after looking at my roster? Positions dont really matter bc of UTIL spots. 10 Team Weekly H2H – 9 cat with Techs and breaks Rebs in O-rebs and D-rebs

                My team is
                PG: Conley Teague Rubio Wall
                SG/SF: Batum Turner Beasley
                PF: AK47 Horford MWP Amir
                C: Sanders MGasol Pekovic

                • Tehol Beddict says:
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                  @Zandy: no you good. I like beaz to finish year hot!

                  • Zandy says:
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                    @Tehol Beddict: So to be clear, I should go ahead and drop Amir for Clark?

                    • Tehol Beddict says:
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                      @Zandy: I’d say so bud.

                    • microwave donut says:
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                      @Zandy:

                      I dunno man, Amir Johnson 55% 13.4 pts, 9.5 rbs, 1.4 stl, 1.6 blk in the past month. Big Jonas is back, but Ed is gone. I’d expect his minutes to stay high. Not to step on the expert but I wouldn’t do that.

                    • Tehol Beddict says:
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                      @Zandy: earl Clark just led lakers in minutes and had another very solid game. U prob can’t go wrong either way. Donut doesn’t like it

  2. mike says:
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    ibaka for cousins?

    • mike says:
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      i mean should the seattle kings make that trade?

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @mike: the Seattle kings yes, the Seattle thunder, no

  3. Thrilla says:
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    Looking to pick up an extra game this for this week’s H2H matchup. 12 Team, Standard 5×5 league MINUS turnovers…

    Drop Jimmy Butler (2 games left) either of these three-game guys:

    T. Prince: PHO, @ATL, GS

    or

    L. ‘Born Ready’ Stephenson: ATL, @PHI, TOR

    Which one would you add for the extra game?

    Thanks man, good post.

    • Thrilla says:
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      @Thrilla: Whoops. Not a 5×5 league, that’s baseball. It’s just a 8 Category standard league…

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Thrilla: Oh man, that’s a tough call. I was gonna write about Stephenson as he has been impressive lately. go him for the upside bid dog.

  4. Pavel says:
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    My team has been on a downswing the last couple of weeks. this is 16-teams, deep, h2h, very competitive (I’m still 2nd seed but ever-so-slightly).
    My Squad:
    Pg: Dragic, Lowry, Barbosa
    Sg: Wade, Harden, Foye
    Sf: Batum, Turkoglu, Harkless
    PF: Nowitzki, Seraphin
    C: Garnet, Perkins, Bynum

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Pavel: ohhhhhhh, i like this team Pavel. If Bynum returns with anything whatsoever you could win a title with this team. Also obviously need Dirk to bounce back but Calderon getting tossed is huge for Lowry. Seraphin and Trukoglu are trash but maybe they improve. anyone available on waivers?

      • Pavel says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: it’s really dry. Jrich, Markieff Morris, Jamaal Tinsley. Basically guys that have injuries or are 3% or less owned are available.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Pavel: hmmm I suppose Morris has a bit of upside but I feel you. Very very dry. 70 year old woman dry

  5. Mopo says:
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    Who gets the better end of a Bosh for Josh swap.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mopo: I like to think of myself as a Josh SMith guy. more rebounds more everything almost

  6. Jayrock says:
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    NO mention of Mullens?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jayrock: doesn’t look like it huh?

      • Jayrock says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Sure doesn’t. Seems like an oversight.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Jayrock: only a conquerer bothers to honor a fallen foe

  7. skizzy says:
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    who do u think will be best in the long run? lance stephenson, devin harris, or jason thompson?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @skizzy: a tough call as granger coming back. Probably Thompson but they may trade him also. Stephenson or Thompson. Depends on what u need

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: if u need assists obviously harris

  8. Nick says:
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    8 Team H2H Yahoo League

    I’m looking to drop one of my guards for a big to get better rebounds and blocks and wondering if it’s worth dropping Kevin Martin or JR Smith for somebody below…

    Shawn Marion
    Spencer Hawes
    Amir Johnson
    Robin Lopez
    Emeka Okafor
    Kevin Love
    Andrew Bynum
    Chris Kaman

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nick: are those ur two worst guys? Tough to give them up but I understand. Love will be best when he returns but that’s not close. Maybe try Bynum as he could be back Rihjt after break. But if you want right now Rihjt now u gotta go okafor or hawes

      • Nick says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: This is how my roster currently looks …

        Monta Ellis
        Brandon Jennings
        JR Smith
        LeBron James
        DeMarcus Cousins
        Rudy Gay
        Nikola Pekovic
        Larry Sanders
        Kemba Walker
        Kevin Martin
        Damian Lillard
        OJ Mayo
        Greivis Vasquez

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Nick: nice lovin the squad. U can safely drop Martin in my opinion

  9. Zandy says:
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    So…. Bayless or Beasley ROS? haha Bayless looked unreal tonight

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zandy: he sure did! MY GOD! While the beez put up shrimp dick numbers hahaha. Damn man grab bayless if you want. They both gonna be a little hit or miss.

  10. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey whats up man!!! Hey I’m so pissed I dropped robinson for Splitter but whatever.. Hey I ended up dropping Favors and picked up Speights.. Do you think he’s good or do you think I should drop one of them? If so for who? Is Randy Foye still doing his thing? Or hook me up with another name if you think Ishould drop one of them please..

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: FRANKIE!!! Splitter will be fine. Yes, I like speihhts very much, as I said to keep watch on him after trade. Good eye playboy! FOye had good game. I’m not huge fan. Who’s available?

  11. Frank Lynch says:
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    Also I got 11 guys going tonight so I gotta drop 1… I got Griffen and Reddick which are game time decision. If they don’t say anything by later, which one should I bench?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: drop one as in cut???? And griffin as in Blake griffin??????

  12. Frank Lynch says:
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    Randy Foye is ona roll actually it looks like

  13. Frank Lynch says:
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    uh no sorry I meant who should I bench??? lol Like which one do you think will be out for def?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: griffin is out Tonihjt for sho

  14. Frank Lynch says:
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    Also,, After what trade???

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: speihhts was traded from grizzzzz to Cleveland more playing time now

  15. Frank Lynch says:
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    Do you want me to lay off the questions, ause I’m not trying to annoyy u and sometimes I feel like I’m going overboard cause sometimes I don’t understand someof your answers.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: not at all big dog! Just gives me more comments in my posts haha. Ill try to be more clear here on out. Thanks for reading man!

  16. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yo your blog was good man!!! I just don’t like how you downed my man Hibbert.. LOL.. Na he hasn’t been playing good but last night he put up 18p/14reb/5blocks… How u like them apples!!! LOL

  17. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey I’m trying to get rid of someone cause I got 2 players on the same team 3 times so it fucks me on wed n friday’s cause I’ll have 11 guys playing.. To get peoples attention I put up Ty Lawson for another good guard.What u think??

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