Durant may miss a couple games after snapping his balsa wood ankles. I’m not sure what the big worry is here with his ankles, this stuff happens to Derek Fisher, like, twice a game. That joke was lifted directly from “Tosh.0,” but I’m tired and I didn’t want to make another joke about James Harden‘s greasy beard. Anyway, if Durant is out, Harden ought to be in, even in the shallowest leagues. Yes, even a 10-team league. Yes, even an eight-team league. No, probably not in a six team league. Why do you need fantasy assistance in a league with only 60 players? Just talk it over with your friends. Unless you’re in a six-team league because you haven’t got many friends and five strangers are all you could lure into your “Pretty Co-Eds” ESPN public league. I’ve been there, bro. At least you don’t have to continue the charade of being a redhead named Jenna all season just so the other five guys in the league would really think it was a co-ed league and stick around, only to catch on right before the playoffs started because you aggressively tried to trade for Joakim Noah and a hot girl would never try to trade for such an ugly man. So your playoffs were filled with you and five abandoned teams. On the plus side, you won your league. So whatever. Pick up Harden. He was 13/3/2 in 27 minutes last month as a reserve. He can be a 19/5/3 guy taking some of the Velvet Hoop’s minutes.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy basketball last night:
George Hill – 22/5/5, in 33 minutes. Aaaaand there it is! Optimistic: He would have compiled more stats if the Spurs hadn’t been whomping the Cavs. Pessimistic: He wouldn’t have compiled the stats he did had they been playing any other team other than the Cavs.
Gary Neal – In his last six games he’s scored 16, 11, 16, 19, 14, 14. He’s also had a dozen threes in that time. I’ve been thinking about my doorbell. When ya gonna ring it? RING-DONG! Oh, weird. I was just thinking about my doorbell. Hello? Who’s there? Cheap threes and solid scoring. Why come in. Fix yourself a juice!
Samardo Samuels – 23/10 in 34 minutes. All of that was a season high. He’s got the minutes. It’s the talent I find questionable. Does Samardo Samuels really strike you as a 23/10 guy? That’s Blake Griffin territory. You tellin’ me he’s going to give Griffin-like value through mid-April? Does he even strike you as a 17/8 guy?
Kirk Hinrich – Moved to the starting lineup and played 31 minutes in this third game with the team. Did a helluva job for the Bulls, just like always.
Ekpe Udoh – Started for the first time all season in place of Biedrins. He ended with 6/2, with triple blocks. Meh. He’s like Thabeet last year. Yes, he can blocks shots, but the damage he’ll do to the rest of your categories isn’t worth it. This start had more to do with disrespecting the Wiz, than displaying the youngster’s talent.
Rashard Lewis – No ‘Shard last night. What’s that? He played five minutes and went 0-for-2? I stand by my initial statement.
Nick Young - Sank 31 last night, moved to 19th among scorers in the last month (21.2 ppg). Show me a guy claiming he saw this coming back in October and I’ll show you a gall-durned liar-face.
Anthony Randolph – I told you yesterday that a) Wes Johnson‘s minutes were slowly going to decline, b) Anthony Randolph’s minutes were slowly going to increase, c) both player’s values were going to meet closer to the middle, d) I’m always right about everything, e) I’ll have no fewer than five comments asking about Ant Rand today, and h) where did f and g go?
Greg Monroe - At this point, he’d be fourth on my list of Rookie of the Year candidates. Eat it, Landry Fields.
Mo Williams - Double-doubles (14/11) for just the 11th time this season. Actually, 11 seems about seven too high. Anyway, get him in your lineup or he’ll begin questioning why you don’t love him more.
DeAndre Jordan – Yeah, I’ll see your 21/9, with a block, Chris Kaman and raise you an 8/16, with three blocks. Yea-uh, boy-ee! /Kaman looks around confused. Then Jordan looks around confused. Neither know who won the hand. Then Jamario Moon asks what the two of them are doing. They commence ignoring Jamario Moon.
Eric Gordon – Returned to score 20 points, block a shot, steal a pass and that’s about it. Rich man’s DeMar DeRozan played more like poor man’s Eric Gordon. Still, you’re glad to have him. Oh, before I forget: drop Randy Foye!
Toney Douglas – 24/4/5 in Chauncey Billups‘ place. Felton, Billups, now … Douglas. Must be the spot, not the player.
Chris Paul - Shot 2-for-7 from everywhere. His 10 assists are starting to feel like a taunt. Deeper leagues should pick up Jarrett Jack, who’s seen a slight uptick in production during Paul’s slide.
DeMarcus Cousins – Tied his career-high 28 points and double-doubled for the 16th time. Slump: BUSTED. To celebrate, he put on suspenders after the game and went to a restaurant pretending to be Jason Thompson.
Marcus Thornton – Is he hot? Yes. Has he scored at least 14 points in all four games as a member of the Kings? Yes. Is he averaging 23.3 in his last three? Yes. Is he … what was my point? Oh yeah, pick him up now because he’s shooting .517 for Sacramento and that won’t last.
Channing Frye – Left the game with an eye contusion. Which, when you consider how Frye came out the last time he faced Garnett, isn’t all that bad. And speaking of nuts shots, Cagey dropped a season-high 28 points all over Phoenix.
Troy Murphy – 1/2 in 14 minutes. [sarcasm] Whoa, doctor! Watch out. He’s already begun replacing Semih Erden in the hearts of Bostonions everywhere! [/sarcasm] Also, pretty sure Bostonians cease being Bostonians once they leave Boston. Or Bostonia, if you’re a fan of “Portlandia.”