I think I can, I think I can, I think I can! Winning a fantasy hoops season is like the little engine that could, with tough decisions along the way and navigating a billion injuries. But hell, if your railroad tracks get demolished, there’s not much you can do (cough, stupid REL injuries, cough…). Unless ya know, you’re Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom and have some nice Mario Kart music fueling your escape…
Trust me, I’ve never run a marathon – mostly because I don’t want to have to pay for one of those dumb 26.2 bumper stickers – but I ended up cutting Myles Turner as a desperation stream in a cutthroat 5-4 playoff win last week in one of my RCLs. It feels like I sold out to sprint past 1st place during mile 24! Now I’ve lost control of my bowels, my muscles are spasming out of control, and I’m probably sputtering into not completing the race. Fortunately in the JB vs. Slim RCL I had the luxury of the bye and held strong. Strong and steady wins the race (as does 1st round byes…)! Turner went nuts for 24/16/1/0/3 on 11-17 FG last night, in a hell of a way to celebrate his 20th birthday. Dude can play pro ball like this, vote, drive, and CAN’T celebrate with a beer?! It was a strong way to break through that nebulous rookie wall, even though he’d been pretty solid lately anyway. And with a possible DNP from your main Pacer, another big game could be coming to close out your week in the semis. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops action:
Paul George – Left after 20 minutes due to a lower leg contusion. Any time you hear “Paul George” and “leg”, your heart sinks. Luckily it sounds like he’s questionable for tomorrow, and he’s hoping to play all 82 games this year. Paul George – man of steel! Although that’s a little truer than I wanted that to be…
C.J. Miles – I almost threw him in that “Myles” themed open, but he’s been so garbage up until yesterday since bouncing back from his calf issue. 19/3/1 with 3 treys last night, and would make for a nice ThrAGNOF stream if there’s no PG13 tomorrow.
Alexis Ajinca – Oh dear god, did you see the Pelicans starting line-up last night?!?!?! Brace yourselves! Toney Douglas, Alonzo Gee, Dante Cunningham, Ajinca, and Omer Asik. Buzz’s girlfriend – WOOF! I think even the cobbled-together Grizz line-ups lately have been better than that! I’d like to thank Jrue Holiday for sitting with a toe blister. Encapsulates how my 30-Pt challenge has gone this season… 22/9/2/1/0 for Ajinca shooting 10-20 with a nice little nugget of 5 TO buried in there. But if you need some risky scoring/boarding, he could be a stream.
Omer Asik – Literally nothing usable except 15 REB, with a nice 0-2 FT to make it even uglier. I’m actually holding him in my RCL matchup with Slim since REB is gonna be a bitter fight, but that’s the only scenario I see using him.
LeBron James – 30/6/5 but didn’t score in the 4th quarter, his body language was bad, and the Cavs lost to the Nets. I dunno what’s worse for Cleveland – this Cavs mess or the fact they just signed RG3! Very weird LeBron didn’t try to take over after shooting 13-16 FG with Kevin Love 5-14 and Kyrie Irving an abysmal 6-22. Good luck figuring out that video game dream team you want, traitor! (thoughts of all Cleveland fans)
Shane Larkin – Pretty solid in his re-insertion in the starting line-up, going 16/3/7 on 7-10 shooting with a trey. With the Nets having 5 games next week, if you’re cruising in your playoff matchup and he’s available, nab him!
Sergey Karasev – Your other new starter for the Nets succumbed to the Bermuda Triangle that is Brooklyn’s starting SG position, as I tried to explain to Slim on the Pod. Slim doesn’t believe in superstition! 3/4/2/0/0 with a TO on 1-5 shooting. Believe, Slim, BELIEVE! YOU WATCH X-FILES!
Derrick Rose – I shoulda gone for a kiss from the Rose for 30 Pts! 30/2/3/2/0 with only 1 TO on 13-23 shooting. One of his better lines on the season. And of all the injuries across the NBA to suffer through, D-Rose is healthy right now?! It was all for naught in a loss to the Knicks – no Pau Gasol (another injury!) didn’t help – as the Bulls try to claw their way to the playoffs.
Kristaps Porzingis – Held up strong on the back-to-back, going 19/10/0/0/3 with a pair of treys. Who isn’t gonna want a big helping of Goose in next year’s drafts?!
Kevin Durant – Tripdub and rainbow line flirt (20/8/9/2/1) with a pair of treys in a uber-efficient 7-11 shooting. Putting the health issues distantly in the rear view mirror!
Serge Ibaka – Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiinda bouncing back, going 10/3/2/3/1 with 2 treys, but we need more beef. WHERE’S THE BEEF!? Only one block?! Needs to change his name to Serge Iyawna. My name is Iyawna. Iyawna Humpsalot.
Dion Waiters – Back-to-back 17 Pt games, but they play the Spurs next. He ain’t gettin’ looks in that one!
Nazr Mohammed – WHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?!?!? He’s still playing?! To quote one of my favorite silly metal songs, “are you serious?! WHAT THE F%$*!”
Gordon Hayward – Laid a Dudley Doowrong. 6/2/5/0/0 with 3 TO in only 22:32 as the Jazz pulled the plug on this game pretty early.
Trey Burke – With every other Ute abysmal, why not have Trey Burke be your garbage time savior?! 17 Pts in some utterly meaningless basketball.
J.J. Redick – 0.6 second left and game-winner! Beat the Blaze on a tough fadeaway, with the strength given to him by the Lorde tattoo on his arm.
Ed Davis – The Yahoo box score has him as the top Blazers performer going 12/8/0/2/2. Ouch. Yet Portland was still in the game!
Damian Lillard – 4-16 FG certainly wasn’t the line The Omen owners were looking for in a 3-game week. How about some facilitating when the shot ain’t falling, Dame?!
I hope everyone is killing it so far through their semi-final matchups, and aren’t in 5-4/4-5/4-4 slugfests like in my 3 playoff matchups right now. I CAN’T HANDLE GAMES THIS CLOSE! I hope everyone has a great weekend, and we’ll see you on Monday morning for the finals week!
